Dark Elf:Volume1 Chapter2

Status: Incomplete

7/14 parts completed

   

Chapter 2: Right and Left, Nothing but Crises

Part 1

So smooth. So soft.

“Ik ki ki! Vefk iq adoguoqw ftoiweto bae ito!!”

Little Girl, the dark elf in the sheer white dress, was riding Klaus Knockburn, bouncing up and down in delight. The pure gold flower decoration in her hair and the green gem around her neck seemed awfully dangerous on such a small child. Not to mention her short skirt. Now that was dangerous!

Then again, he was currently using his camouflage magic to transform into a male deer.

(Th-this isn’t right. How did this even happen!?)

The sun had fully set.

Since the camouflage magic was the only card in his deck, Klaus needed to be prepared to use it. That meant acquiring the magic derivative found in Ghost Turnips and Witch Pumpkins, but that was easier said than done. First of all, the Witch Pumpkin was not an option. Their skin and stems were thick as a shield and a metal knife was not enough to break through. And while he had forcibly eaten part of a Ghost Turnip’s flowers before, not all of them had flowers growing from them. He had no idea where to find one like that in this vast forest and he lacked the physical or mental fortitude to walk through the bushes and search for something that might not even be there.

That meant he needed an indirect supply, such as an animal that normally ate Ghost Turnips or Witch Pumpkins.

But that was also easier said than done. He actually had a chance there, but he did not know how to catch a living animal or fish out in the wild. He would occasionally spot shapes through the gaps in the trees or the surface of a river, but they ran away before he could eat them. And the teasing glimpses only made it more painful.

He was going to die at this rate.

He had less than a full stem left. Once it reached 0, he would suffer from symptoms similar to dehydration.

So he went for a high risk, high return last resort. He could not seem to capture them for whatever reason, but he could catch glimpses of them. And if he could observe them, this was always an option.

He could turn into an animal using Camouflize.

And if he camouflaged himself as a calm herbivore, he could lure in a carnivore.

He wanted an animal with Witch Pumpkin or Ghost Turnip inside it. A carnivore might not seem like the best option there, but they would be eating the herbivores. That meant they were very likely to have indirectly ingested what he wanted.

He could not survive by running randomly around the forest.

He had to focus on the ecosystem. What effect would the hard, unmoving Witch Pumpkins and Ghost Turnips have on the forest as a whole? Focus on that and he had a chance.

Of course, this meant he was forcibly camouflaging himself while already low on stem. If he screwed this up and failed to catch anything, he would definitely suffer from the dehydration-like symptoms. It was a risky gamble.

He was prepared to fight for his life. Pushed to the limit, he concluded that fighting an animal was far better than just rolling over waiting for death.

But now he was trembling in deer form.

(Little Girl? Why did I have to run across her now!?)

What about her mother? It was dark now, so shouldn’t she be back at their village? Several questions spun through his mind, but at least she didn’t look injured.

And in an unexpected move, Little Girl walked 5cm in front of him and hesitantly placed something like meatballs on the mossy ground.

He scarfed it down.

Maybe they were for pets and maybe they were for livestock, but they were meatballs without a hint of saltiness. They may have been deadly bait normally placed on the ground to draw out prey, but he didn’t care. Two golf ball-sized hunks of meat were not enough to fill his belly, but it had been so long since he had proper food cooked(???) by someone. He nearly burst into tears despite being a deer.

(Yes, yessss!! The headache is going away. I’m recovering. This is meat. Cooked meat. And it has the magic derivative. Cooking is the bessssst!)

The meatballs gave him two stems’ worth. Had the meat come from an animal that ate Ghost Turnips or Witch Pumpkins, or had the vegetable or stem been ground up and included in the meatballs? Only now did he start to question the entire idea of a deer eating meat, but Little Girl didn’t seem to question it.

“Bov, wkoto’v i jaag dab. Bae pevw kixo dooq hipuvkog, bae raat wkuqj.”

He felt something soft on the top of his head.

Smiling Little Girl had placed her small hand on his head and patted him. She may have placed the meatballs on the ground just to get him to lower his head enough for that. It had been soooo long since he had experienced such kindness. I’m really gonna cry, dammit.

That much was fine. He was even willing to call it a success.

But what good were a puny human’s predictions out in the wilderness?

“Kp. Bae irroit vwtaqj oqaejk wa verratw pb youjkw. Aqnb aqo yib wa huqg aew!”

(Gwah!?)

She hopped right onto his back. With no thought to the whole skirt situation. He felt her weight and the touch of a small butt with nothing but underwear between it and his back. He nearly spat the meatballs from his deer mouth, but she didn’t seem to care. The oddly cheerful and very soft skirt girl was still talking.

“Ik ki ki! U kig wkaejkw katvo-tuguqj yiv i rivwupo hat wko kepiqv aew aq wkout aroq rniuqv, dew u qoxot mqoy kay wtaednovapo katvov faeng do. Wkoto uv inyibv pato wa noitq oxoq iw pb ijo. Ja, ja!!”

Her smile was too innocent. He was only human, so he had repeatedly attempted to get back at his rotten teacher by transforming into a beetle or butterfly and sneak in while she was bathing or changing, but she had spotted him every single time and beaten him half to death with a slipper. Thanks to that, he had written off his camouflage magic as fairly useless, but how wrong he had been. Were the dark elves just too pure to suspect a thing!? His deer form trembled. Unlike with that black-hearted and rotten teacher, he just felt bad with this girl.

In fact…

(Ow, ow, ow!? M-my hips. A deer just isn’t strong enough. If she was going to ride me, I should have gone with a horse! Then I could jokingly say she rode me cowgirl style!!)

Just like with salt and fat, people sought out inappropriate laughter when they were worn out. And this deer was honestly relieved while innocent Little Girl tightened her legs around him and enjoyed the rodeo ride. He was glad her smile was back. He still had to stop the resurrection of the legendary Brashgain from the 10km remains, but it felt wrong to blame such a small girl just because she was a dark elf too.

Even if he might have to fight against her mother.

Worse, her mother might have already lost her life to Professor Dissection and the knights’ barbaric attack.

How long could he realistically remain on this girl’s side?

(…)

He was glad his deer face could not form detailed expressions.

And then…

“Ykiw ito bae gauqj wkoto?”

A dreadfully low voice reached his ears.

He hesitantly looked back to find a second dark elf. It was Slender in the white-bleached leather vest and blue tight skirt of a hunter. My wife, did you sense my mental call and come running!? No, now was not the time for rejoicing.

She had a terrifyingly icy look in her eyes and she had her large bow at the ready.

(Oh.)

He reviewed his situation here. Little Girl was wholly ignorant, but Slender had seen him dispel his camouflage magic before. And a hunter might be able to tell his behavior apart from an actual deer. So what would this look like to her? Wouldn’t he look like a gentleman of the highest caliber who spotted a young girl in the middle of the woods and opted to trick her into climbing onto his back in a small dress so he could enjoy having her spread her legs and rub her smooth softness against him through her underwear?

“Akk!? Ykiw kiv bae inn doqw aew ah vkiro, jutn? Yoto bae karuqj wa tugo kup waa?”

(Wait, Little Girl! Don’t start bouncing up and down even harder when your friend shows up!! Ahh, i-it’s not what it looks like, Slender. I was on the verge of dying from magic derivative deficiency, so this was my only option! Oh, goddess, she’s so warm!!)

“Kprk!!”

Slender shouted something and then he heard something sharply whizzing through the air.

Then he heard a loud slapping sound.

Pain exploded in his butt like someone had rubbed mustard paste into a wound. Hallucinated lights really did dance before his eyes. It took him a few seconds to realize what had happened to him.

(A-agh. D-did she remove the bowstring and whip me with it!? But wait! Didn’t that bow have something like a fang on the end!?)

“Ykb!? Pevw bae!? Inyibv pimo wkuqjv va iymyitg!?”

When he did not immediately let Little Girl down, his future wife kept shouting at and whipping him.

Slender proved to him she had the makings of a dominatrix, but Little Girl was still on his back. If he ran off now, he would be a very tasty kidnapper. He couldn’t do that. He had eaten a bug to survive, but he couldn’t do that!! Little Girl was working her small hips atop him for some very high-level rodeoing, but the male deer had to put up with the pain and crouch down to let her down. But Little Girl pouted her lips to complain. She lowered her center of gravity and started pressing her far-too-defenseless crotch against him even more.

“Ykiw’v wkuv, wirruqj aew intoigb? Dew u yiv huqguqj wkuv vratw wa do seuwo oqwotwiuquqj. Vwib vwtaqj! Wko heq kiv aqnb levw dojeq!!”

(Stop tilting your tiny head and get off of me!! Before I learn to like being whipped by my wife!!)

Little Girl was rocking her tiny body back and forth to enjoy herself some more and showing no sign of getting down on her own, so the trembling deer had to crawl out from below her. He somehow managed to escape the fearsome tunnel created by her two legs and rubbing crotch. No deer in the history of the world had ever moved like that, but he couldn’t worry about that right now. He had to escape before the pain in his whipped ass became something other than pain and he found he could no longer get off without his hunter of a wife whipping him in the great outdoors. If he was going to develop a fetish like that, he didn’t want Little Girl to be watching.

And now it’s time to get out of here!!

“Jow navw, bae geppb!! Ga bae ga wkuv yuwk iqbaqo yka juxov bae wko fkiqfo? Ykb gaq’w bae ja fkivo ihwot i gao’v ivv, bae rotxotw!?”

He was pretty sure Slender directed some strong words his way as he left.

And he was even more sure she had not been complimenting him for his hard work.

Part 2

It was difficult to think while suffering from pain, hunger, or thirst. Just like your body’s reflexes took priority over logical thinking when touching a hot kettle. Only the detectives in stage plays could get by on last-second flashes of insight. The logic would only catch up to you after it was too late.

Klaus the Deer ran through the forest while looking for traps until it grew dark. Only after coming to a stop and looking back did he realize something important.

(She used her bow like a whip, but she never did launch an arrow at me.)

Nor did she use any Archdragon Magic.

He pondered that for a bit, but there was no point in staying a deer. He might be able to trick the other dark elves searching for him, but he also didn’t want to be hunted down as tonight’s dinner.

He dispelled Camouflize with the usual white steam.

He had two Witch Pumpkin stems’ worth left. But that only applied to the bioconcentrated magic derivative, so he was still hungry. Since he had eaten some, his stomach was begging for food even more intensely than if it were entirely empty. But Little Girl would be more heavily guarded now and he doubted that would work on the other dark elves. Slender had noticed something was off about his deer form, so the others might as well.

And with anyone other than Slender, they would shoot him with a hunting arrow or even blast him with Archdragon Magic.

…That’s too risky a gamble.

He could not expect to subsist off of food given to him by others. His only option was to secure some magic derivative, acquire food, and search out the dark elf village on his own.

This was no longer as simple as borrowing some tools to bring his future wife back home with him.

The dark elves were attempting to resurrect the 10km dragon Brashgain.

He had to stop that, but he had too little to work with. Food, a place to sleep, and other survival concerns were an issue, but his lack of information was even more of a problem. He lacked a map of the Forest of No Return and he didn’t know where the dark elf village was. How the dragon would be resurrected from his bones, what kind of magical materials were needed, the details of the ceremony, and the amount of time remaining were all unknown. That rotten teacher hadn’t explained anything for him. But he would rather she stayed dead than return from the depths of hell to explain it all for him now.

…I need help.

His thoughts turned in the natural direction.

Little Girl was so innocent she would probably help him if he asked, but he couldn’t share any secrets with her for the same reason. There was too great a risk of her telling the adult dark elves any secrets he told her. And without giving any thought to the consequences. Then he was dead for sure.

That just left Slender.

She was old enough to know what she was doing, but she had still chosen to save a human like Klaus. If she was willing to save one human boy, surely she would want to stop the destruction of the entire species. He also wanted to prove to her that he had not been preying on a little girl deep in the woods. He had to shatter that idea before it could set in too deeply!!

He could not speak her language. He did not know her culture, customs, rules, or taboos.

He still didn’t know why they had tried to burn him alive for seeing her bathing. Did the dark elves just value purity that highly, or had that bath been part of the ceremony to resurrect Brashgain? Could she be a dark elf princess needed for the ceremony so no one was to interrupt her while she purified herself? Oh, no. These fantasies are getting me a little too excited. And all those furious dark elves seem a lot cuter when I think of them as shrine maidens or maids trying to protect their one and only princess.

…I have nothing to support that idea, though. There’s too much I still don’t know about the dark elf world.

But…

“All I really have to do is win my future wife’s heart, right? And who needs a flask of aphrodisiac to do that?”

Part 3

He needed to perform some research and then act on that research.

He stuck his note-taking stick below his belt and finally started walking. He was afraid of missing the signs for traps and forks in the path when it was this dark out, but it was less of an issue than he had thought. He had always needed a light back in the royal capital, but once his eyes adjusted, he could make out the outlines of everything with just the starlight.

…But I can’t get started without knowing where Slender is.

Given how they had last parted, he doubted they would get any closer if he approached her now. His pessimistic side was shouting questions at him. How long would he have to wait before she cooled her head? And even if she did, how could he be so sure his proposal would be accepted? He was short on time. This forest was notoriously easy to get lost in, so he would never find her if he started searching at random. He needed to go back on the offensive while he had still seen her recently. Unless he wanted to break down in tears later on.

He wanted to see her as soon as possible specifically because she was angry. The longer she was left with that misunderstanding, the harder it would be to convince her of the truth.

…I love you, Slender, but not because I’m into younger girls. Please understand that nuance, my wife!!

So he ended up searching for his own footsteps in the forest.

“Dammit, is this them? No, I’m not looking for boot prints. I was Camouflized as a deer at the time. Ugh, and I’m hungry too. So these hoofprints are what I’m looking for. Man, I really shouldn’t have started thinking about meat.”

This felt as useless as gathering back up his own spit, but it was necessary. If he could find his trail, he could follow it back the way he came and return to where Slender and Little Girl were.

He walked slowly and carefully through the dark forest, surrounded by chirping bugs. After a while, he recognized his surroundings. This was near where Little Girl had attacked him earlier. But the place was already deserted, so she and Slender must have gone elsewhere.

Still, he would have overlooked the location altogether if he hadn’t been observing his surroundings so carefully. The hunter girl had even collected the remnants of the meatballs from the ground.

…Does that mean I’ll have a hard time tracking Slender by her footprints?

No, it was too soon to give up hope. He changed what he was focused on and viewed the grass and ground once more.

“There we go.”

Slender was a fully-trained hunter, but he did see a few smaller footprints. Those had to be Little Girl’s. Slender intentionally covered her tracks, but that girl still left a trail.

…Little Girl again? I’m basically stalking her now, aren’t I?

That was concerning, but he was in no position to worry about it now. Surely his future wife would understand. He still wasn’t sure why Little Girl was out this late, but he wanted to believe Slender would be looking after her – and thus he could find her by following Little Girl’s tracks.

That was when he heard a dry cracking sound through the chirping of the bugs. He never would have noticed it in the noisy royal capital, so he was amazed at how much his time out in the wild had changed him.

He ducked down, gulped, and narrowed his eyes to peer into the darkness.

“Kooob, jutnnn!”

He heard an elongated voice. He did not know what it was saying, but it sounded quite young. He also recognized it as Little Girl’s voice. He was getting even worse if he could recognize her by her voice now.

And she did not seem to have noticed him.

She seemed less accustomed to moving through the forest than Klaus. It made him anxious just to watch her. He was looking for Slender and didn’t really need to observe Little Girl so closely, but she was the only one leaving any hints for him at the moment.

…And if I follow her, I might be able to find Slender.

The dark elves had been out and about during the day, so they were not nocturnal. They may have worked on shifts. But that still left Little Girl’s presence here a mystery. Why was she out during the night shift? Did dark elf culture not include the concept of a bedtime for children?

Klaus watched his footing and avoided breathing through his mouth even on this difficult route. He mimicked the path she took and eventually heard another voice.

Bingo.

Another dark elf spoke from beyond some low bushes. He could not see her yet, but it was the kind of gentle female voice they never seemed to use with a human like him.

…Bingo, but I don’t think that’s Slender. Am I in trouble if it’s another dark elf?

He was briefly afraid, but…

“Pitb, u ip toigb.”

“Ak, ito bae? Yonn gaqo, Punoqi. Qay, kay idaew yo inn diwko wajowkot.”

Klaus was surprised to find how relieved he was.

The voice from beyond the bushes was the dark elf who had appeared to be Little Girl’s mother back at the burning site. She must have escaped Professor Dissection and the knights. Slender must have been helping Little Girl escape because those two had gotten separated in the confusion.

…So she wasn’t playing with a deer in the forest to distract herself from the pain.

He reflected on that fact.

He had to be careful not to make any noise, so he couldn’t say any of it out loud.

…She can still enjoy herself. That’s one thing I managed to protect. It may have been one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever had, but I was the one who drove off the knights with my camouflage magic.

If they spotted him, they would take him right back to be burned at the stake. And they had wiped out the knights with their Archdragon Magic, so he was being awfully carefree with them this close. But he was glad he still had enough of a heart left to be warmed by this scene of a mother and daughter reunited.

Of course, this was all his own self-righteousness speaking and they would still attack him if they found him. He had seen more than enough of the dark elves’ Archdragon Magic. He had deserved it, but Professor Dissection had been obliterated by that magic along with the terrain around him. The fates of Page Loinbelt and Sir Rainbook were still unknown, but death did not discriminate. Klaus would be just as dead as anyone if he let his guard down.

And with all of that in mind, Klaus Knockburn slowly approached the bushes without straightening back up. He couldn’t do anything without information, not even survive.

…I need to get closer.

He was afraid, but he had to do it. He prayed to the goddess. He still hadn’t seen Slender. She was more reasonable than the other dark elves (not that he could understand anything she said), so he had to find her and get her help if he was going to find any way to stop Brashgain’s resurrection.

He was pretty sure it took him a full three minutes to approach just one meter. Then again, his internal clock had completely broken a while back, so who knows really. Bushes made for an uneven wall, so he was afraid he would be spotted through one of the gaps. But he managed to get close. Please let Slender be there too, he prayed while taking up position directly behind the low bushes. He could not stick his head above them, so he would have to look between the thin branches of the hip-height bushes. And he gulped.

…What if they’re looking back at me from the other side and our eyes meet at close range?

He shook his head to dispel that horrifying idea. He couldn’t chicken out now. If he gave up his search for Slender, he had no path forward.

He held his breath and leaned his face in close.

His next clue had to be found between those branches.

What he saw first was lots of brown skin.

Little Girl was cheerfully raising her arms while half-naked Mother removed her clo-

“!?”

Klaus jumped and reflexively looked away from the mother and daughter.

But he found more brown skin there.

…Kyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!? Sl-Sl-Sl-Slender!!

He thought his heart was going to stop.

Why?

Why was he seeing so much brown skin in the great outdoors with no walls or doors to hide them!? She had her hands on her white leather vest and she was opening it wide right out in the open!!

“Wkiqmv hat ijtoouqj wa jeitg pb pawkot iqg po numo wkuv, Fkitnawwo.”

“Gaq’w yattb idaew uw. U kig wa rtorito hat pb qujkw keqw iqbyib.”

Mother seemed to be smiling and speaking to Slender from the direction he was intentionally not looking. He had to fight the instinct to look in the direction of her voice when he heard it. As a cool beauty, Slender replied while coldly not looking in the woman’s direction, but one of her long ears was twitching. She was apparently using it to join in the conversation.

And at the same time…

“Ikk, wkuv uv qufo.”

…Ah!!

Even more of Slender’s brown skin was shining in the moonlight. She had finally removed both the white vest and the inner garment covering her chest. Slender though she was, she did have some curves there. Wait, were you using the vest’s strap to push them up, my wife? But even if they were small, they were more valuable than diamonds of the same size. Their jiggliness was revealed before his eyes. They were definitely small, but they weren’t nonexistent.

…So what happens now!? I thought a dark elf had to marry any guy who took away her clothing and equipment and thus left her defenseless (and naked). But now I’ve seen all three of them naked.

Klaus started to sweat profusely.

The human mind had a tendency to work overtime at the least useful times. In other words, it tended to spin its wheels.

…Does that mean, um, polygamy? Is that a thing in their culture? And the two I’m trying not to look at seem to be mother and daughter, so am I actually going to end up married to Slender + a dark elf mother and child!? This is…this is getting out of hand!!

What if Slender and Little Girl were sisters? His life experiences were nowhere near enough to prepare him for this. How was he supposed to handle a family structure that convoluted?

…No!! Th-the other two aren’t naked. I have seen more of the mama’s skin than I’m comfortable with, but she’s not naked. So I’m still safe! I’m dedicated to Slender! I don’t need anyone else!!

Also, hadn’t the previous time suggested the actual reward for seeing a dark elf naked was being burned alive? A shadow fell over his face. That would be a problem. Are they going to burn me to death thrice to cover all of three of them!?

If so, he was not in for a good time. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he carelessly shook the bush’s leaves. If he was spotted here, it would shatter his future wife’s love for him. But he doubted he could escape unnoticed if he tried to run away now, so he had to stay here and survive.

Still, this situation only introduced more questions. The dancers he had seen before hadn’t been naked, but their revealing outfits had suggested the dark elves viewed bare skin as sacred. So was this some kind of religious ritual? But that idea died when he heard some splashing water.

…Water? Wait…

Come to think of it, wasn’t the smell of vegetation awfully strong here? And everything was damp. They were next to a river. His adorable future wife had removed her clothing on the rocky riverbank and folded it up at her feet.

…And I doubt she’s skin diving for fish.

His continued observations showed the water only came up to Slender’s knees.

Which meant…

“She’s bathing?”

“?”

Slender looked up with her distinctive long ears twitching, so he clapped his hands over his mouth. It took all his willpower to avoid taking a reflexive step back. His heart rang loud in his ears. He had screwed up, but making an audible footstep would only make it worse. He would only confirm her suspicions.

He could find a better time to send his future wife a love letter or present.

…How did she notice me!? What did I do wrong!?

He held his breath and remained entirely motionless while battling his own doubts. Slender stared toward the bush for a while with no clothing covering her soft skin. She even crouched down to keep her bow within reach. The look on her face was deadly serious, but that pose meant he could see everything!!

Then some more skin moved into view. It was gentle Mother with her droopy ears. He hoped like hell she was a sensible person and he discovered she had plastered some white leaves over the wet brown skin of her very large breasts. That appeared to be the dark elf version of a bathing suit. That meant she was covered up, but only in the most technical of senses.

Little Girl also had the white leaves plastered to her much flatter body as well as some kind of vine around her hips, but she was crawling through the shallow stream like a dog and tilting her head, which made her bathing suit was just as inadequate.

“Uv vapowkuqj wko piwwot, jutn?”

“Uw’v qawkuqj.”

Finally, Slender ever so slowly pulled her hand away from the bow lying on the riverbank. She still seemed curious about the bushes, but Little Girl pulled on her hand to guide her into the river with Mother.

…So she wasn’t certain? If she was, I bet she would have been bow-whipping this bush.

Klaus relaxed his stiff back a little. Even that scared him so much he thought it was taking years off his lifespan. Mother was washing Little Girl’s back with some soap bubbles while the daughter kicked her feet excitedly, but he was more focused on Slender who was sitting on a large rock by the water and wrapping a vine around her hand.

Yes, there were bubbles. Those white leaves appeared to be from a type of soapbark, so they produced white bubbles when rubbed. Slender rubbed one against the vine around her hand and then washed her upper arm. To wash her own back, she undid the loop, held it in both hands, and rubbed it up and down.

…I see. That’s clever.

Klaus was impressed. Impressed by their technology and culture, not by the way the white bubbles slowly dripped down her curves when she poured water over herself from a leaf rolled into the shape of a cup!! And there were plenty more perfectly legitimate observations to be made!!

…Jutn. Twice now, Little Girl seemed to refer to Slender that way.

He was also curious about the beginnings of their sentences. Words indicating people, such as “you”, were more likely to appear there.

If he had time, it might be useful to analyze the dark elf language bit by bit. Even if he couldn’t learn to speak it fluently, it would mean a lot to pick up a word here and there.

Or so it seemed, but was that really correct? He was gradually losing confidence. Oh…oh, wow! Slender is doing calisthenics while she bathes. She has to be really flexible to do the splits and then bend backwards like that. Ooh, and look at her chest jiggling. …No, no, stop. Don’t let your future wife’s devilish body distract you!! You need to stay focused…but so jiggly…

Once he did manage to focus, a shadow fell over his face.

…H-how can I ever escape from these bushes and then get to know Slender better!? I-I don’t see how I can escape being cooked more thoroughly than a pizza!!

The dark elves had a custom of bathing. The forest appeared to have a disinfecting plant they could use as soap. And they had vines and light stones to scrub their bodies with.

…Is that all? That’s not much research to go off of. Hmm, if she only uses natural materials, maybe I could gift her a bath product from the royal capital. No, I can’t. First, I don’t have anything from the city. And second, gifting a girl a bath product would just come off as creepy. If I want to get to know her better, it has to be something inoffensive, so stop thinking about her in the nude. Dammit, and now I’m really craving pizza. I wonder if a dark elf would have ever had one cooked in a proper pizza oven.

But then Klaus noticed something.

He continued to observe Slender while she thoroughly washed herself in the clear stream.

Unlike Little Girl and Mother, she had been carrying a bow with her. Since she had stripped down to bathe, she must not have been there as a bodyguard. But she had been invited out here by that mother and child under the assumption that she would need her bow. That meant she had the bow with her for a reason. Or at least, the bow’s presence would not get in the way of whatever they were doing.

He was getting sidetracked, but it was possible none of his direct observations here were going to get him any closer to Slender.

…Could it be?

Part 4

He had barely escaped with his life.

He had not been in a magic shootout and he had not dodged an explosion by diving and rolling along the ground. He had simply left the bushes as silently as possible and walked back the way he had come through the dark forest. But he was still afraid of encountering a dark elf. Any of them other than Slender would get him burned at the stake, so the forest stroll seemed to take years off of his life.

But there was still hope in his face.

“It’s the smell.”

As long as he knew where his future wife went during her daily routine, he could meet her again. Hopefully.

“The smell of my hair and clothes! The forest animals are avoiding me because they can smell the artificial scents on me!!”

He recalled that naked body shining in the moonlight. Slender had been washing herself so carefully because she had to fool the animals’ noses.

She could wash her scent off.

Finding a river was easy enough. Instead of investigating the flora or the terrain, he only had to walk downstream of where Slender and the others were. As long as he didn’t encounter them along the way, that is. He relied on the information he had gained from the experts. He had to wash everything anyway, so he kept his clothes on and let himself fall into the river.

He thought his heart had stopped.

“Bwah!! Cold…cold!?”

He hopped back up in a hurry and crawled out of the river before he died. He was trembling as much as a newborn fawn while he gave the river a look of utter disbelief.

…But the dark elves were smiling so happily. Was it this cold when I first ran into Slender too? I’d go numb after just a few minutes in water this frigid!

Were dark elves just that much tougher than humans? He felt irrationally angry about it, but then something else occurred to him. If the forest animals could avoid him by detecting the faint artificial scents on him, then why had Slender been unsure if he was there even when she was so suspicious of those bushes?

“Wait. You’re kidding, right?”

He didn’t know if he was correct. Hell, he didn’t even know if he could detect the scent after spending so long living in the city. But he still made a guess.

…Could there be a hot spring there? Did they dig into the riverbank to guide the hot water into the cold river to create an area of water that’s just right?

He glanced through the text carved into his stick and something else came back to him. He hadn’t observed the other two closely enough, but he did not remember seeing any goose bumps on his future wife’s smooth skin. And if there was a faint sulfur scent there, it would explain how the hunter had overlooked his presence behind the bushes.

Anyway.

What would he do now? The dark elves had a specific part of the river set aside for bathing and the hot water would only be found there. And they knew where all such points were.

He would have to make do with the nightmarishly cold river.

Otherwise he would starve to death without encountering any of the forest animals.

And if he could capture some food, he would have more options for using Camouflize in the forest. He could even give some food to Slender as a gift.

This was not the royal capital. He had learned the hard way how wondrous food and other supplies could look in this deep forest. Every skewer of meat and every piece of parchment had to be handmade. The two small meatballs he had eaten and the prospect of more food to come only made him hungrier.

“Dammit.”

He shivered as he glanced back over at the dark river.

He took a step toward it. How would he ever obtain a gift for her if he didn’t work for it himself?

“Goddess dammit! This is a test of my love, isn’t it!? Well, just you wait, my future wife!!”

Part 5

Klaus had no mirror, so he had no idea what color his lips were.

“…”

He also lacked the energy to scream. He was soaked with icy water from head to toe and all his human warmth had been sapped away. His joints were as stiff as an unoiled doll, but he had done what needed doing. Just to be safe, he took some dirt and animal fur from the ground and sprinkled it over his head.

The effect was dramatic.

He saw some small lights and initially assumed they were fireflies, but they were not. A pair of yellow lights hovered in the darkness. They were the eyes of a nocturnal animal reflecting the moonlight.

“Eek!”

This caught him by surprise. It was so much closer than he had expected. He gulped, turned away from the mystery animal – it could have been a boar or a lion for all he knew – and walked deeper into the forest. It was only about 10 meters away.

…I’m living in the same world as them. If I learn to be silent, I can get within reach.

Now he was searching for signs other than the dark elf ones. It was a difficult task in the dark, but he found some pawprints and some stiff fur caught on the bark of a tree. He tried to leave as little trace as possible, but walking through the deep forest without stepping on any leaves or grass was simply not possible. The best he could do was take his time placing his weight on them and be careful not to make any noise. He traveled through the dark forest connecting the dots between each animal sign he found.

…There one is.

It was hard to tell in the darkness, but he thought it was a deer.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in filling his belly with meat. Steak, cutlets, a roast – anything would do at this point. And this was an herbivore. That meant it would have eaten Ghost Turnips and Witch Pumpkin stems and still have the magic derivative in its body. There was a good chance he would indirectly get some of that for himself.

…Is this the one I observed before getting some meatballs from Little Girl?

He was less than 10 meters away. Wild animals gave off more pressure than he had imagined when there was no fence separating them from him. He knew intellectually that deer were docile herbivores. This wasn’t an 800kg moose, so he didn’t have to worry about being kicked to death by back legs as powerful as a horse’s. This had to be better than trying to fight a bear or a tiger. He hoped.

…But can I do this? Like really do it?

He wondered that while ducking behind a large Witch Pumpkin. He did not have the hunting bows or spears the dark elves had. Not to mention their Archdragon Magic. Thrown out into the forest without any kind of weapon, a human was weaker than a wild dog. What would actually happen if it they ended up in a close-quarters fight? Any animal larger than a dog was terrifying in that context.

Still crouched, he unclasped his wet cloak. He collected an orange-sized stone from the ground and wrapped it in the cloak. He tied off the round part like he was making a simple ghost doll and he grabbed the ghost’s skirt(?).

He now had a makeshift morning star. The hefty weight in his hands reminded him that this was not like what happened with the Palmtop Mouse or the beetle. This time, he would be attacking a defenseless deer. And this was the kind of animal that could put a smile on Little Girl’s face. He had to shake those thoughts out of his head.

He had to think of this as an opportunity.

He could not survive with a passive attitude. He could not gain meat or fur if he did not make the attempt. Slender would never want to get to know or work with someone who couldn’t even protect himself.

The thought of killing the dark elves disgusted him, so could he really kill this deer and fill his stomach with it?

A self-deprecating smile formed on his lips. Would he never get to know them better if he still wasn’t sure where to draw that line? He slinked over toward the dark shape in the woods. He moved slowly and silently.

The deer raised its head.

But he was already within 3m of it, so he took a large step and raised his blunt weapon just a step away from it.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”

Part 6

He felt the first blow land. Hard.

One of its horns broke off and a warm liquid spurted from the animal’s head, but that was not enough to kill it. The struggling deer shook its head wildly. It was nothing more than luck that kept Klaus’s windpipe from being torn open. If the other horn hadn’t caught on a low bush, it would have scored a clean hit.

Then he swung down his blunt weapon again. He was fully focused. He couldn’t believe his weary body had this much strength left in it.

“Pant, pant!!”

How many times had he hit it now? He swung one last blow down on the animal that was now too weak to stand on its own. He waited until its convulsing legs came to a stop. He had won. But he was afraid it might suddenly get back up again.

That must have been a painful death. A real hunter would have been horrified by his handiwork.

“Yeah…this isn’t going to make a good gift for a girl.”

Klaus covered his face with his hands after looking down at the smashed head.

He was primarily after Slender, but he decided he should consider what Little Girl would think as well. He recalled how delighted she had been when she innocently climbed on top of him with a smile. He could never let her see a deer looking like this.

…But what if you couldn’t tell anymore? Like if I made jerky out of it? Oh, but there are no factories in the forest, so the dark elves must make everything themselves. Would homecooked food even seem special to them?

His admirable thoughts were interrupted by the growling of his stomach. Maybe because he was thinking about food.

It was finally time to get cooking. No one could blame him for eating a little of it himself. Eating some meat would stave off the hunger for tonight. And if he indirectly ingested some magic derivative, he would have more uses of his camouflage magic stocked up. This was no longer a passive fight of running away, hiding, and surviving. His next step was going on the offensive.

If he had the time, he also wanted to meet with and get to know his future wife better.

With any luck she might even tell him where their village was.

She had seen through his camouflage using her hunter knowledge, but if she told him what exactly had been wrong, he could fix it. That would give him the means of sneaking into their strictly-guarded ceremony. He could not let the dark elves resurrect the 10km dragon that would bring doom to humanity. He was scared, but with his rotten teacher and the knights gone, he was the only one left. They could never have their wedding unless he resolved all of these many concerns.

Just one person’s help would make so much difference, so his first job was to reach a point where he could calmly think things through. He needed a flexible mind to figure out how to set his future wife’s heart aflutter.

The deer was collapsed on its side with a broken horn and a smashed head.

“Time to eat,” said Klaus. “I can get to work after I’ve had some food.”

But he couldn’t just chow down on this freshly-killed meat. Setting aside all issues related to the magic derivative, he would gag and retch it back up.

…So I need to cook it. U-ughh. The work never ends.

He briefly recalled the scene of his future wife bathing. He could easily cook the meat by throwing it into the nearly-boiling water at the source of the hot spring. But he might not be able to find it anymore and the odds were good the dark elves kept an eye on those bathing spots.

He would have to start a fire on his own.

Camouflize was his only magic, so he could not shoot fire from his hand.

So he considered the simplest method he knew of: hold a stick between his hands like he was praying and spin it enough to start a fire with the friction. But that wouldn’t work. He could imagine the tragic result easily enough before even trying it. That was an expert technique. He might be able to do it through brute force if he Camouflized into a large bear or something, but he did not see any big animals around. Not that he wanted to see one. Which meant…

“I’m glad I killed it,” he said, rubbing his hand along the unmoving deer’s belly.

He was checking its rough fur. He rubbed his hand back and forth a few times to be sure, like he was cleaning a window with a rag.

Bluish-white light flashed in the darkness.

“Static electricity.”

Most people saw it as a nuisance that only caused a bit of pain when touching a doorknob or a sweater in the winter, but some at the royal capital’s school were trying to bottle it up and use it. They claimed they would remake the magical world into an electrical world if they succeeded, but he couldn’t tell how serious they were about it.

Anyway.

“This I can do. I don’t need any special tools or skills to start a fire!”

He took a look around and gathered up some dried leaves and cotton-like plants in the moonlight. The static electricity itself was small, but he could create as much as he wanted by rubbing the deer’s fur. As long as he could get a small fire started…

“H-huh?”

It didn’t work how he had hoped. The static was there and it was contacting the leaves and cotton. Fluffy and dry things had a greater surface area and thus burned more intensely, so he had thought something like cotton would be best. None of that was wrong. His information was correct, but he still did not receive the results he had expected. The fire would not start.

…Of course it won’t. I’ve never heard of someone bursting into flames because they were having fun making their hair stand on end.

Fallen leaves and cotton were not good enough fuel. But he doubted he could find tallow or a flammable gas this deep in the forest. He could get tallow by rendering the deer’s fat, but that would require a fire.

…Is there anything else that burns – that burns more? Hold on, wait. I’ve seen something like that already…

He thought, took a look at his note-taking stick, and then looked up.

He had completely forgotten.

“The torches. The dark elves were using torches when they tried to burn me alive!”

Part 7

Traditional torches burned pine resin instead of tallow. A long-lasting light could be produced by taking a stick or piece of wood filled with plenty of flammable pine resin, covering it with dried grass or stems, and tying it all together with a thin string. Klaus was pretty sure he had seen candles made by wrapping dried leaves around pine resin shaped into a stick.

He did not have to search long to find a sticky fluid on the hard tree bark that was not ordinary sap. He tentatively concluded that he wanted the sticky stuff that the bugs stayed away from.

…Damn. I could take all of this with me if I had an empty bottle.

There was no use worrying over it. He scraped the heavy stuff away with the large, hard leaf he took from a bush and scooped it up. The unique and powerful smell suggested he needed to be careful how he handled it. He definitely didn’t want to get any on his clothing. He would never be able to shake pursuit then.

He returned to where he had left the dead deer. Luckily, no animals had stolen his prize in the meantime. He scraped its belly fur again to create static electricity and held the pine resin close.

“Whoa!!”

He shouted more from the blinding light than from the heat. It was a small flame, no larger than a candle, but it was too much for his eyes after growing accustomed to the dark night. The surprise hit him first, soon followed by fear of the dark elves noticing, but he was not about to give up the fire he had worked so hard to acquire.

The danger never arrived. No dark elves showed themselves and the forest remained quiet.

He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Heh heh. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!”

This time, he could finally escape the hunger. And once he had plenty of magic derivative, he could use as much camouflage magic as he liked. This forest was ruled by the dark elves who would capture and roast anyone they found here, but he had outdone them. He had proven they weren’t the only ones who could survive here.

At long last, some hot food would be his.

Thanks to the cold dip in the river earlier, that thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

But then something occurred to him.

He had no knife.

How was he supposed to get the fresh meat out of the dead deer covered in thick skin?

“…”

He stared blankly for the few seconds it took him to realize – no, to accept – that he had gotten the order wrong.

He had no knife. Nor could he get one. He grabbed at the unmoving deer’s solid fur with his empty hand and tugged, but its skin showed no sign of tearing. It felt as sturdy as pulling on the carpet.

He had fire, so could he burn away the troublesome skin? He thought about it, but could not imagine it ever working. It would not catch fire that easily and the whole thing would just get burnt if it did.

Then what could he do? Had he hit a dead end after so much work?

How many different processes were needed to create a metal blade strong enough to skin a dead animal? Could he not expect any real food until he had done that? And could he not obtain a single stem’s worth of magic derivative? Even though he had the fire needed to cook the meat and the dead animal too!?

His head tilted backwards in despair.

The starry sky above seemed to be pressing down on him. He connected those countless dots to create a grand constellation in his head. It was the goddess. And the goddess had a message for him: Nope. Incorrect☆ Return to square one and try again from the beginning, okay?

“Are…”

He set his burning pine resin on the ground.

He took a deep breath and reached a conclusion in his mind.

“Are you kidding me, you stupid deerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr○☆△□♂♀!!!???”

He pulled the morning star rock out of his cloak and gripped it in his hand.

Skin the animal? Prepare it with a knife? Who was he, Mr. Fancy-Pants? He took aim at the deer’s belly over and over. The head was already smashed up by repeated blows, so he could do the same to another part of its body. The skin split open and the fat and muscles were crushed until they spilled out. He smeared the minced chunks onto a nearby stick and held that into the fire. Once the pink had turned grayish, just like the stir-fried mincemeat in a royal capital kitchen, he stuffed the end of the stick in his mouth.

“Urp!?”

…Ew.

It only tasted like blood. He had to stick out his tongue and remove the rough fur stuck to it. If you were served this in the royal capital, it wouldn’t even qualify as an amusing punishment for losing a bet – it would seem a lot more like severe abuse. He could not recommend this to animal-loving Little Girl or even to Slender.

But he could still eat it. As long as he had something that wouldn’t give him food poisoning, he had to eat it. He repeatedly crushed the deer corpse, smeared the mincemeat onto the stick, and cooked it. He could eat it. He forced back the tears to swallow it. And he repeated the process.

“Wait, no! This is my note-taking stick!”

He panicked when he realized his mistake, but the tears on his cheeks were not from pain.

Even this awful food gave him sustenance.

He was hit by a sudden drowsiness, just like when he had finished a nice big meal. The taste of meat and the fresh magic derivatives were overwhelming him. And all he really had was fur, skin, and crushed meat smeared on the end of a stick. He realized his values had declined drastically from when he had lived in the royal capital being tormented by his rotten teacher and that knight girl. It scared him. He hated to admit it, but these tears did not come from fear or sorrow.

He was definitely going about this all wrong. He knew that all too well. You were supposed to skin the animal, cut its gut open, remove the organs, and remove the blood. Before cooking it, you were meant to wash it, season it with salt and pepper, cover up the smell with spices, chop it into more conveniently sized pieces, melt some butter in the hot frying pan, and then slowly lower the meat inside. Oh, and you couldn’t forget to remove the moisture first since the oil would be sent flying.

“But…so what?” he slowly spat out.

He could feel all of his blood vessels expanding. Something was being circulated around his body – maybe the physical nutrients and maybe the magic derivative. It was going to take a while before he actually digested the food, but he had still regained enough strength to complain.

“Survival isn’t about looking all cool and clever. Ugh…yeah, that’s right. I killed this thing and ate it. I smashed it to pieces and it looks pretty damn ugly, but that’s how these things work. You’re always killing something, chewing it to pieces, and swallowing it whenever you fill your stomach. Ugh, bleh.”

He could not keep eating like this forever. As he continued swinging the heavy stone down on the deer, he started to taste a strange bitterness in the meat. He checked and found the grass and leaves on its fur was getting smashed in with everything else. He couldn’t keep doing this. It smelled too much like medicine for comfort. It might even be poisonous.

If he could properly prepare the meat, he could make jerky that would last several days. If he could smoke it, he might have even made it into a present for Slender. Instead, it had provided just the one meal and only one Witch Pumpkin stem’s worth of magic derivative. The rest would go to waste. He normally would have felt dizzy from that kind of loss.

But he instead felt like he had outsmarted some unseen foe.

He felt like crying, raging, and puking, but not even he knew why.

Klaus Knockburn had avoided death for tonight. He had acquired food and survived. None of it had anything to do with Slender. He had been wandering and struggling all alone, but he had succeeded in the end.

Part 14

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