Bottleneck Prologue

Prologue - Mourning Flowers

When I received the news of my brother’s death, I was already mourning the loss of someone else I loved.

Suwa Nozomi had died two years prior, here at Tojinbo, having fallen from one of the cliffs. It was, thankfully, an instantaneous death. Despite the passage of time, I have yet to find the exact spot where Nozomi perished. Today, I returned to Tojinbo, with only a few days left until the anniversary of her passing, hoping at least to offer flowers. Yet, it seems I must depart immediately, thanks to my brother. Even in death, he finds ways to torment me.

The voice of my mother on the other end of the cell phone also sounded displeased.

“We’re holding a night vigil today, so come back early. It doesn't seem right if you're absent, even for someone like you.”

She didn’t seem shocked. He had already been in a coma for a long time, and there was no hope for him to recover. I think it was quite a pity. My mother pretended to sigh and then continued speaking.

“I won't be there until the evening; don’t do anything shameful.”

I thought of reassuring her by telling her not to worry, as I would surely be grieving, but I didn’t say it out loud. Speaking thoughtlessly would be like us cutting each other with a cold knife. Instead, I asked a practical question about what to wear. Since I didn’t go to the mortuary when Suwa Nozomi died, attending a night vigil and funeral is a first for me.

“Are you stupid? A school uniform is good enough.”

After my mother uttered those words, she hung up.

She had every right to be upset. Today my mother was supposed to see an ‘old friend’. So, with his death, my brother not only interrupted my mourning, but also my mother’s secret affair. My father also said he was on a ‘1-day business trip’ today. My brother really should be kicked to death by a horse for extensively disrupting my parent’s secret affairs. In reality, my brother’s actual cause of death was him falling off his motorcycle. But it’s been so long since he fell that we couldn’t receive any insurance money. He really was a guy who had terrible timing.

I should hurry. My mother knows I’m out, but she doesn’t know I went to Tojinbo after transferring trains and buses on the Hokuriku Line. It’s noon right now. So, there is still time until the evening as my mother mentioned, but I need to return as soon as possible. ……. If I don't get home first, change into my school uniform, and start grieving, my mother will go mad again.

While my brother’s accident was his own fault, Suwa Nozomi’s accident was purely bad luck. When she fell off the cliff two years ago, people around her murmured that it was a suicide. “Nozomi might’ve done that.” “No, I knew she would.” “Nozomi had already made up her mind by then. If I had tried to stop her then…….” But if you ask me, that is a ridiculous conclusion. While there were some things about her that seemed pesimistic, it’s unlikely she was suicidal. The police eventually ruled her death as an accident. And it probably was.

Her death occurred during the winter months; she was visiting Tojinbo with her naive cousin.

I moved away from the seaside cliffs and entered a walking path. Pillar-like rocks towered, and on the desolate cliffs where the waves of the East Sea rolled in, there wasn't even a fence to prevent falling. So, only those wishing for death would approach the edge of the cliff. Still, as the path meandered through the pine forest, fences had been placed in various spots, especially in narrow paths, particularly dangerous areas, or steep slopes.

Since a while ago, the heavy sound of the waves breaking has been incessantly echoing through my empty stomach, making my stomach churn. Even though I was wearing a windbreaker over my hoodie, my body was freezing due to the north wind blowing from the sea without anything to block it. It seemed I was the only one wanting to view the cliffs on such a cold day.

The pine trees began to thin out and I emerged into a small clearing. Here, a fence was built in front of the cliff, but it was a simple one, consisting of only short stakes connected by a thick chain.

I didn’t know exactly where Nozomi had fallen. But after a quick survey of the area, I found an area that seemed right. Among the worn-out stakes and rusty chains that had rusted in the sea breeze, there were some that looked worn but relatively new. The chain, which was about knee height, did not look very reliable.

Despite it being the dead of winter, there were wildflowers blooming on the way here. I was clutching them as if I were going to tear them off and crush them. Stopping in front of the fence, I looked down at the bottom of the cliff. I could see large waves breaking against the rocks right below.

I stared at the squashed flower in my hand, looking up to the sky, I cast my gaze to the horizon. Although it was said to be clear weather today, the sky is covered with thick clouds, and it looks like it might pour down at any moment. It’s always this way. The skies in the Hokuriku region are always moody and gray. Suwa Nozomi really hated this gloominess.

I thought of Nozomi. She certainly didn’t kill herself. By that time, there was nothing left that could hurt her. If there was anything that could kill her, it would have been a knife dream. Nozomi and I used to talk about all sorts of things, including knife dreams. As far as I was concerned, Nozomi was a pitiable person. But that was something beyond her control. It seems like I was also considered a pitiable person in Nozomi’s eyes, but that too was beyond my control. After she died, I grieved for her. However, two years have passed, and now I stand on this cliff, with flowers in my hand, somehow envying Nozomi. An involuntary bitter smile appeared on my face at such a mundane sentiment.

Okay, let’s go. This time, I must mourn my brother.

I threw the white flower off the cliff. But then, a gust of sea breeze blew, and the small flower was swept back and gently fell at my feet. The wind is really strong here.

Nozomi’s accident, we were told, was caused by these gale winds. Bending down to pick up the flower, I leaned over the cliff's edge to look down and stretched out my arm, opening my hand. The white flower, while dancing grandly, eventually fell onto the rocky ground. After watching it until the end, I turned away. Looking up at the sky, the weak sun was almost entirely absorbed by the thick clouds.

Then, suddenly, a muffled voice carried by the winds reached me from somewhere.

(Come here, Sagano.)

…… At that moment.

Whether it was the consequence of not taking care of my health, a strong dizziness overwhelmed me. Blood drained from my body and I lost my sense of equilibrium, as if heaven and earth had turned upside down. Without realizing, I took two or three steps backwards, and in an instant, I felt as if I was floating in the air.

I had fallen.

It was strange. It must have taken less than a second, but I was thinking two things: Nozomi would have fallen like this, and that I absolutely refuse to follow my brother’s footsteps by also dying today.

Part 1 Chapter 1

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