Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko:Mini Stories 01

The Youthful Boy and His Sweet, Pleasant Companions (1)

Note: This is a mini-story that was posted on the author’s blog (no longer existent) to commemorate the release of the final anime episode of Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko.

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“G I V E M E C H O C O L A T E”

The day began as it always did, with the tiny figure in a spacesuit burrowing into the living room kotatsu as if it were the most natural thing in the world, demanding chocolate. For the record, someone wrapped in a futon was sitting directly across from her.

How utterly unpeaceful.

“T H I S I S A R E Q U E S T F R O M S P A C E.”

With her usual way of speaking that sounded like it would strain her throat, Hoshimiya Yashiro thrust both her hands forward. Chocolate? Ah, right, because today was Valentine’s Day. I mean, of course I knew that, but why on earth was I the one who had to give some to her?

“I heard today was the day one receives chocolate. Now, hand it over.”

She held out her hands, chanting, “Give me chocolate.” I wondered who had whispered such things into her ear; the content seemed to have been mixed up with Halloween. For the time being, I ignored her demand and settled into an empty spot in the kotatsu.

To my right was a sumaki, and to my left was a pseudo-alien. If Meme-san arrived directly in front of me, it would have been a perfect set. What was that even about?

Just then, Meme-san lunged straight out from inside the kotatsu and landed on my lap. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

I recoiled, slamming my back against the wall. That startled me! It genuinely startled me!

My heart was pounding so violently that I couldn’t find the words. Meanwhile, Meme-san just remained there, sprawled out face down.

“Meme-tan is a kitty-cat, so she’ll crawl under the kotatsu.”

She babbled this nonsense in a flirtatious voice. Immediately afterwards, she stroked her cheek and lamented, “Ah, my skin feels so dry.”

Then don’t do that. Just how long had she been lying in wait?

“Hiss!”

She bristled her hair and threatened me. I decided to stop thinking too deeply about how she was even managing to bristle her hair. The only things this woman couldn’t do was to stay still and behave her age. If anything, I had realised lately that she was more inhuman than her daughter.

“Mako-kyuuun, good mooorning.”

She scrambled across the floor toward me with a heavy, thumping sound, like a crocodile. Her greeting and her actions were completely mismatched. I dragged the forty-year-old (who would turn forty-one this year) along as she lunged at me to climb on top and resettled myself into the kotatsu. From now on, I decided I would lift the futon and check inside before getting in.

More than ten months had passed since I first met this person, and I still found myself unable to predict her actions.

“Please try to settle down a little, like your daughter.”

The other one stood motionless. She wasn’t moving at all, and one would think she had fallen asleep, but she finally responded.

“Mofu.”

It was the usual Smakin. However, now that winter had arrived and the temperature had dropped so low, I couldn’t help but think every time I watched her that she looked quite cosy tucked away like that. Perhaps she was feeling too warm, as she poked just her face out from underneath. The person inside was, of course, my cousin, Erio. Her hair colour was like a snowy landscape illuminated by light.

“Cousin, good late morning.”

“Huh? It’s not like I overslept.”

There was still plenty of time before school. If anything, I had woken up quite early, out of nervousness.

After all, it was the 14th of February. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that it fell on a weekday.

“If you wake up later than me, then it is a good late morning.”

She came toward me looking triumphant. Lately, she had been trying to compete with me in all sorts of ways, and her proud expressions were becoming more frequent.

“Yes, yes, good girl, good girl.”

I gave Erio some half-hearted praise and stroked her head. “Mm, that’s right, that’s right,” Erio murmured, sounding quite pleased with herself. Perhaps her greatest virtue was her ability to accept praise without any resistance.

Though, she seemed almost too honest, which made me a little worried. She might end up being deceived by a bad person (Meme-san).

“Give me.”

Meanwhile, on my left, the demands continued. What a shame; if she were the other gender, she would easily receive some.

“You’ll give me some.”

Yashiro’s prompting hand shifted toward Erio. While burying her face in the futon, Erio shook her head vigorously in refusal.

“N-No.”

“Eri-chan gives some to her mother. And every year, too!”

Meme-san barged in. At the same time, she forced her way into the kotatsu from my side. It was cramped.

“I wonder if I’ll get some this year, too?”

“Hmm.”

Erio nodded immediately to that.

“Yay! Eri-tan, let’s get married in about two years!”

“Gyuu.”

Erio buried herself in Meme-san’s chest as she hugged her. I hated how specific that timeline was.

“It appears you are the only one left.”

The focus shifted back to me. Honestly, what was her guardian (that person wearing a yukata?) even doing? Furthermore, upon looking closely at Yashiro, there was a faint brownish smudge on her lip. I suspected she had received some from the yukata-wearing person and had come all this way because she liked the taste. What a thing to do.

“Cousin.”

“Hm?”

Erio turned her face toward me over Meme-san’s shoulder. Her two innocent eyes locked onto mine.

“Do you want some chocolate too, Cousin?”

“…Guh.”

What a difficult question to answer. It would have been awkward to greedily shout, “I want some!” and it would have been equally awkward to act tough by saying, “Not really.” Moreover, the fact that she asked while other people were present made her airheadedness feel particularly malicious.

“Awn, Erio-taaan wants some chocolate. And she wants it from Meme-tan, toooo.”

Meme-san said while still hugging Erio, wiggling her body from side to side.

“Please do not make things up!”

Meme-san let out a low, chortling laugh. Wow, that kind of laugh really suited her.

“Well then, shall we have breakfast? Alright, follow me, you two!”

Cutting the conversation short, Meme-san headed toward the kitchen. For some reason, she even went out of her way to provoke us.

“W-whoa.”

When told to follow, Erio obediently chased after her. Her enthusiasm was a bit subtle, perhaps because she was feeling embarrassed. Well… I suppose it was fine that things ended on such an ambiguous note. It was a difficult situation, to be sure.

Since I found the idea of raising both arms and running to be too much effort, I slowly crawled out from the kotatsu.

And then.

“Yay!”

Why on earth are you running toward the kitchen too, Yashiro?

“Choco choco!”

“…………”

“How far are you going to buy some?”

“Ugh, fine, I get it, I get it.”

I never imagined she would follow me even after I stepped outside. If we went out onto the school route like this and were seen by others, strange rumours would surely start spreading again. Left with no choice, I bought a chocolate cake at a nearby café and handed it to her. I was impressed that they were already open so early in the morning and had cake ready, though perhaps that was just today’s special circumstance.

The moment she received it, Yashiro tossed off her helmet and began eating in the parking lot outside.

“Are you satisfied now, little lady?”

“S W E E T.”

“…Well, I’m glad to hear it.”

Why did I have to end up buying chocolate on a day like this? Ugh, it was so cold. Still, she ate it with such relish. I wondered how she could happily keep stuffing her face after having just eaten breakfast.

Even after finishing the cake itself, she licked the chocolate that had stuck to the silver foil. Once she had licked it clean, she tucked it away somewhere inside her spacesuit.

“One isn’t nearly enough.”

“Listen here…”

“And so, I shall set off in search of the next chocolate. F A R E W E L L!”

She finished by pulling her helmet back down and giving me a greeting. She then ran off somewhere with a strange, flat-footed gait, thrusting both arms forward. I wondered who she planned to beg for the next one. She didn’t seem to have anyone in mind, though.

“Oh, she’s back.”

Yashiro came running back. She was still using that same weird running style. It was somewhat frightening.

After returning to stand before me, she placed her hands on her hips and stood there with an air of self-importance. Even so, she was still small.

“I forgot. I shall bestow my gratitude on you.”

I had plenty of things I wanted to say, like telling her not to forget and questioning why she chose such a way of wording it.

However, since it was rare for her to thank me at all, I decided to just accept it at face value.

“Well, thank you. It was worth treating you.”

Though, the only time she ever thanked me was regarding food. Like those summer tomatoes.

“From now on, you can be more friendly and just call me by my name.”

“Just go home already.”

I chased her away. She disappeared once and for all, using that same strange running style of hers.

“Oh dear.”

I never imagined that I would be the one handing out chocolate this year. Last year, I was at an all-boys school, so you can imagine how it went. The last time I had received chocolate was in my second year of middle school… I think.

Setting the past aside.

I wondered if this was really a good way to start… Fine, let’s just pretend it hasn’t started yet.

And just now, my seventeenth Valentine’s Day had begun.

Now, things were about to get exciting.

“Transfer student, could you spare me a moment?”

“Oh?”

The moment I arrived at the school bicycle parking lot, Maekawa-san called out to me. Even for those who biked to school, it was surprisingly rare to run into each other like this in the morning. It was likely a matter of the distance between our homes and the school.

And so, I encountered that rare person. Moreover, on a day like this, she asked me to follow her for a moment.

It would have been strange if I hadn’t felt a surge of anticipation.

“I’ll go wherever you want.”

“Well, we won’t be going anywhere too far. But let’s avoid the gymnasium area.”

For some reason, she specified only that one spot, and Maekawa-san began to walk, her breath visible in white puffs. Her nose and ears were red, as if she had been waiting for a long time. I had arrived at school much later than usual because Yashiro had been pestering me, so I felt somewhat bad. Also, though she was trying to hide it, she was holding something in her hand.

It was already underway. I silently clapped my hands together, thinking, “This is good, this is good.”

I walked toward the back of the school building, following Maekawa-san. Maekawa-san was tall. Naturally, her legs were long, too. Because of that, she seemed to have more visible bare skin than other girls. A lot more. However, as I stared intently at her lower body from behind, I realised I must have looked like a creep.

“Aren’t your legs cold?”

“Ha ha ha, you ask the strangest things. Of course they’re cold.”

She laughed at me. She was right, though. Feeling embarrassed, I walked in silence.

As we reached the back of the school building, Maekawa-san stopped, as if to avoid being seen by others. If my companion hadn’t been Maekawa-san, it would have felt like being summoned by a delinquent from the days of yore.

I turned to face Maekawa-san. Since she was a full head taller than me, my chin naturally tilted upward.

“So, uh…”

“Well, I think you probably know why. I just wanted to give you this.”

“Ohhh!”

Maekawa-san held out a small box she had been hiding.

I accepted it, practically lunging for it in my excitement, but Maekawa-san spoke up in a flustered tone.

“Ah, it doesn’t contain chocolate.”

“Huh, really?”

Then what was this? The date was far too different from my birthday for it to be a birthday present.

“You’ll see once you open it… Actually, could you open it right here?”

She toyed with her bangs, her eyes darting to the side. She sounded as if she were harbouring some sort of anxiety.

I wondered if it was something far beyond chocolate, like a ring. I was joking, of course, but Maekawa-san was quite gallant. I had heard she was popular with the girls. Though I found it hard to understand why she wasn’t quite as popular with the boys. Tilting my head in confusion, I opened the box.

Inside was a yellow manju. Pieces of diced sweet potato protruded from it like little bumps.

“Oniman? I see.”

Since there were two inside, I took one out of the box. As I rested it in my palm, the sweet scent of potato wafted up.

“Yeah. Ah, look. It’s Valentine’s Day, but I’ve never made chocolate before. I thought that if I was going to give something, it should be something I was confident in. Are you dissatisfied after all?”

“Hmm…”

It was wonderful.

“The idea of making it yourself is great!”

“I-Is that so? Well, I don’t exactly think Touwa is capable of making chocolate, though.”

“Erio? Yeah, no way. I think Meme-san could probably do it, though.”

But Meme-tan’s homemade chocolates were, well… To be honest, it felt fishy.

“Anyway, could you try the taste? I think it should suit your palate, transfer student.”

She laughed, but her eyes tended to look downward. I wondered if that was what was bothering her, as she seemed restless. In that case, I should eat it quickly to put her at ease.

“If we didn’t have school, I’d want to dress up as a dried sardine and give it to you.”

I felt truly grateful that it was a weekday. While offering thanks to the date and the day of the week, I stuffed my mouth with the oniman.

“…Uum, un, muu.”

“W-what’s that? Is groaning while you eat a habit of yours?”

“No, I was just trying to express the taste vividly, but I couldn’t think of another way.”

“Vividly?”

“Like in a cooking manga.”

Even though I frequently read the ones I borrowed from Meme-san, it was difficult to apply it spontaneously.

“Eating normally is just fine. I won’t understand you if you try to make it complicated.”

“It’s delicious. Extremely delicious.”

It was a childish impression. I felt a little embarrassed after saying it, but when I saw Maekawa-san smiling and saying, “I’m glad about this,” I felt relieved that I had conveyed the right sentiment. I finished one immediately and took another out of the box. If I fed this to Yashiro, she might start demanding oniman next time.

“Of course, I won’t give her one.”

Maekawa-san seemed puzzled by that out-of-context mutter. I waved my hand and brushed it off, saying, “It’s nothing.”

“As long as you enjoy it, I’m relieved. I thought you might laugh at me.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s kind of strange, isn’t it? Getting oniman instead of chocolate.”

Well, it was a little strange. But perhaps that was exactly what made Maekawa-san so charming.

“It’s fine. It’s delicious. I’d like to eat that kind of thing every day.”

“E-ev-ery… d… ay?”

“I have a sweet tooth. People even make fun of me because I can only drink sweet coffee… Wait, what’s wrong?”

“Hic!”

Maekawa-san had started hiccuping. To make matters worse, she looked quite flustered. Her body jolted with each little hic, hic.

Even if she covered her mouth, it probably wasn’t going to stop. I wanted to offer her something to drink, but unfortunately, I had nothing on me.

“Should I go buy you a drink?”

“N-no. *Hic*. I’m fine.”

She was thumping her solar plexus, but I wondered if she was really going to be alright.

I paused my eating to watch over her. Whether it was because she was struggling to breathe, her face grew even redder. Maekawa-san wasn’t as pale as Erio, but since her skin was quite fair, the flush seemed to stand out vividly.

I found myself idly moved by it, thinking to myself how beautiful she was.

Eventually, Maekawa-san’s breathing settled, but for some reason, she glared at me with half-closed, judging eyes.

“Transfer student, you’re, you might just fall straight into hell.”

“Eh? Where did that even come from?”

It was far too terrifying. For what reason was I sentenced to hell?

“What a sinful person you are.”

“I don’t recall doing anything that bad.”

Just drinking alcohol. But it was a one-time thing, and Maekawa-san had been drinking right along with me.

Though I felt a sense of bewilderment, I finished eating the second oniman.

“Thank you for the meal.”

“Mm, you’re welcome. I’ll take the box back.”

Maekawa-san was such a kind person, smiling warmly at a man (destined) to fall into hell.

“I see, every day, huh?… Yeah, yeah.”

“Humm?”

Maekawa-san nodded to herself as if convincing herself of something. Well, it would have been tacky to interrupt her monologue.

Once that part was over, a cold breeze suddenly began to creep in around my feet and neck. Once I started noticing it, it wasn’t just cold but freezing. I wondered how I had been fine just a moment ago.

“Well, we should probably head back to the classroom soon.”

“Actually, ah, no, by the way…”

“Yes?”

“B-by the way, the other day, I saw a woman wearing a yukata at the station. She was wearing purple, and, well, I feel like I might have seen her before, or maybe not. Since the girl next to her was in a tracksuit, she really stood out. I wondered if she felt cold, wearing something like that in the middle of winter…”

“Heh.”

It bothered me, in a subtle way, that she had said “by the way” twice.

“Ah, this doesn’t pick your interest? Ah, right, of course she must have been cold, since it’s winter. Anyway, let’s end this topic. Err, the next interesting, unusual story is…”

“No, it’s not that I’m uninterested, but… Well, whatever.”

Maekawa-san’s reaction was somehow cute, so even though it was a bit chilly, I decided to just observe quietly.

Incidentally, the fact that I ended up eating oniman once every three days after this was a different story altogether.

To be continued in (2).