Horizon:Volume 10B Chapter 49

Chapter 49: Accepters at Rock Bottom

We got through to him

Which is why we are waiting

Which is why we trust him

Point Allocation (And Then)

●

“Are you bothered by what Adele said?”

Mitotsudaira asked her king this as he sat on Remorse Way.

It was true her king had remained almost entirely silent since the conversation with Adele.

That was unusual.

For the past two weeks, they had impertinently decided not to guide her king and to stay with him until he could find his own words. That was the point of the study hut and Asama had always said the same thing before they studied.

“If anything occurs to you, just tell me. I’m always willing to listen.”

The rest of them felt the same way. Whether he found a question or an answer, they were the ones he should share it with, so they chose to stay by his side and trust him. They trusted they wouldn’t see a repeat of a decade ago. But…

…Adele seems to have been too strong a medicine for him.

Adele had likely been voicing what Musashi as a whole wanted right now.

They didn’t want him to say what they should do and how to do it. They wanted him to say what he wanted to do.

Figuring out how to do it was their job.

This acted as a push toward what her king had already been trying to accept, but…

“So hey.”

Still seated, her king spoke up slowly. He turned toward Mitotsudaira and the others who sat down with him.

“I think it’s alright if I worry you, okay? You moved in with me and we promised to support each other, so it’s okay if I rely on you and depend on you. So there’s something I wanted to talk about.”

Here it comes, thought Mitotsudaira. Her king wanted to ask something of her. The time had finally come.

And her king continued. He started off with something other than the main topic.

“I can’t believe it. Adele always seems to live for running with those dogs and now she’s turned into a farmer! And she loves leftovers! So finding out I’m worrying someone like her is a real downer.”

“In what way is it a downer, Toori-sama?”

“Well, it makes me wonder what I’m even doing. But,” he continued. “I thought I was doing the right thing in my own dumb way.”

●

Mitotsudaira nearly said “I know”, but she swallowed the words.

Her king knew she knew, which was why he had said it.

He knew that, but that didn’t make him feel any better, which was why he had to say this.

“I mean, you all know what happened in the past. I had my remorse and I got over it, but I still wasn’t sure of myself and I decided I could try going to the surface and redoing things from there. I ended up staying on the Musashi, but that’s cause I met Horizon again and the Battle of Mikawa happened.”

A breath.

“I said what I wanted to say and did what I wanted to do. All of you supported me and helped me out. And I made so many allies and…friends? But I’ve come to understand something.”

That was…

“I’m not doing the right thing for this world we live in. I mean,” he continued. “People die and are lost all the time and accepting that’s the smart thing to do. Most people’s dreams don’t come true and accepting that’s the wise thing to do. That’s what it means to do the right thing and to grow up.”

But…

“That’s wrong, right? Why do we have to make excuses for accepting things we don’t like?”

Her king waved his hands from his seated position.

“I’ve been thinking in my own dumb way. I was relieved to see you were waiting for me, so I thought about all sorts of things and had a thought: I’m not right, but I’m not wrong either,” said her king. “Accepting loss and giving up might be the right thing to do, but I don’t want to. I don’t care who says it’s right, what reasoning they use to prove it, or who else agrees with it – I’m still gonna say I don’t like it. Cause I don’t like it. That’s all there is to it. …I’m not right. But I’m not wrong. It’s not wrong to say I don’t like things I don’t like.

“I will become a king who can make everyone’s dreams come true. I want to smile with all of you and stay that way forever. Once I was aware of that, I made it my policy, and made it happen. Then all of you followed me and made it work and then more people accepted it.”

But…

“The people who come after me are saying not being wrong isn’t enough.”

●

“I might think not being wrong is good enough, but it wasn’t in their reality. Nothing I say or shout can save their past. And that past is our future.”

But…

“When I thought that wasn’t true and we could still make it happen…we lost the Musashi.”

Hey.

“I thought I wasn’t wrong, but maybe I was. I thought I wasn’t wrong all this time, but maybe I was. I led you all this way thinking I wasn’t wrong, but maybe I was. I believed I wasn’t wrong even if we did lose some people, but maybe I was.”

Was I?

“If I was wrong, I thought it would change everything about the ten or so years that began with losing Horizon here. I thought it would mean everything about me after losing Horizon and starting here, everything about all of you, and the way you all showed up for me had been a mistake, unnecessary, a lie. It would mean I never should have done any of it at all.”

So…

“So I quickly tried to change, but I’m too dumb to do that.”

I can’t change.

“So I thought it was over for me. I had even worried someone like Adele, so what kind of king could I ever be? So…”

He felt like he could finally produce the question he had been searching for inside himself.

“What…do you think I should do? Was I wrong? Should I have just watched when someone was about to be lost?”

“Toori-sama. That you are seeking our advice is an improvement over your past self and it means we were right to stay by your side. But…”

“Eh?”

He turned around to receive a straight right to the face.

●

…Now she’s done it!

Mitotsudaira watched as her king rotated backwards thrice and the right arm grabbed his collar to stop him and then dragged him back. Horizon sighed at the king who had instantly become something like a rag.

“Toori-sama.”

“…Yeah?”

The arms propped him up and…

“Oh,” he said. “Wait a second, my nose is bleeding! Ohhhh, thank goodness you didn’t break my nose!”

Horizon looked to the others and raised a hand, so Asama, averting her gaze, sent healing spells to sign frames on the back of his neck and on his forehead. That just left the problem of Kimi lying on the ground struggling not to laugh. Didn’t you do something similar with spice before?

But Mitotsudaira understood how her king felt.

Powerless.

She had felt the same thing when Horizon was lost and so had he.

And she could tell her king was now caught by a different kind of powerlessness.

The helplessness of being unable to do anything for that which was lost.

A self-denying powerlessness that suspected he had been fundamentally mistaken.

And more than just feeling it toward that one moment, person, and incident, he felt it about the entire past, everyone he knew, and every incident. And if he couldn’t change himself, then he would feel that way about the future too.

Just how much sorrow would be inspired by a suspicion that you should give up on everything you had done? But…

“I’m glad I have all of you with me. It’s helped me out so much.”

“My king, it is good you did not try to accept all of your sorrow yourself. That alone tells me something like the spice incident from a decade ago will not happen now.”

They had changed. Horizon spoke based on a mutual understanding of that fact.

“Toori-sama, I am glad you chose to rely on me. Even if you fall to the point of giving up on everything, we will not give up on you and we will stick with you. In that case, what to do with you will be our decision, which should have its advantages.”

Mitotsudaira didn’t overlook the gulp from Asama’s throat.

“Um, Tomo?”

“What? That came from you, Mito.”

It scared her that she couldn’t deny the possibility.

“But,” said Horizon. “We have already arrived at a decision. Whatever you might do, those of us here will not leave your side, nor will we think of you as a nuisance.”

“Then what will you think of me as?”

“The wind or the dirt.”

“The wind or dirt?”

“I am saying we will accept the circumstances provided by whatever you might choose.”

But…

“You don’t want that, do you? It would make things awkward for you as well. So I will not stop you anymore. Let it all out just this once, Toori-sama.”

●

Asama saw him turn her way. He raised his right hand a little.

“Hey, Asama, I scare easy, so I’ve gotta ask: do you have something ready?”

“Um, yes. I have for a while. In fact, I put together a countermeasure even before the Battle of Mikawa and I more recently worked with Sakuya to come up with something of a plan, but whenever I tried to tell you about it, you would say something like ‘later, okay?’ ”

“Wow… Sorry about that, but if I had listened, I might have relaxed and put this off even longer.”

“Why does this boy never listen to Asama-sama? I, on the other hand, always listen. Because she often has good information on deals. Incidentally, Mitotsudaira-sama is a good source of food information and Kimi-sama is full of trivia.”

“D-didn’t you just say you weren’t going to stop me?”

“Because I am true to my feelings. Yes. I am never wrong and always right.”

“Ahhhh, why couldn’t I have that kind of iron will!?”

Asama moved in to calm them down.

Then he sighed and scratched his head.

“Okay, I’m counting on you. …This is better than suppressing it here and rebounding far worse later on.”

After Asama said he could count on her, Horizon stood up.

“Toori-sama, there is a lot I would like to say, but as our parallel discussions are growing stale, I will just come out and say it this time.”

Horizon started wiggling.

“I still remember what you once said: ‘If you aren’t sad, it means you’re happy.’ ”

“I-I did not wiggle around like that! I didn’t!”

Now it was Mitotsudaira’s turn to calm them down. But what were they to do about Kimi who was laughing so hard she was struggling to breathe?

Horizon must have accepted his complaint because she cleared her throat and tried again.

“I still remember what you once said: ‘If you aren’t sad, it means you’re happy.’ ”

But…

“Before that, I told you something else: ‘sorrow alone is painful enough.’ ”

But…

“As our shared horizon, Toori-sama, I now say this: ‘The ability to feel sorrow is a happy thing.’ ”

“Yeah.”

He formed a smile. Tears fell from the corners of his eyes.

…Oh.

We trusted, waited, listened, and here it is, thought Asama.

Horizon reached a hand toward him where he sat.

“Cry, Toori-sama. Cry and feel a healthy amount of sorrow, Toori-sama. We will accept your tears here and now.”

He spoke in response.

“Then I’ll go join you, Horizon.”

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