Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume3 Chapter7 1
Autumn Love. Part 1.[edit]
As time passed, Shiori meant more and more to me.
September, where the shadow of summer had not yet fully receded.
I had trouble adapting to the peaceful day-by-days, despite the fact that it hadn't changed since before the break. This campus, which provided me glittered, warm days all through summer, suddenly felt suffocating. Because we were in different grades, our time together was limited, no matter how close to each other we were. Whenever I became free, I wanted to see Shiori. I began thinking about Shiori all through class, too.
Naturally, I began wishing I could melt into Shiori, to be absorbed into her.
What is this feeling?
What lies in wait at the end of this path, as I want more and more for someone else?
I couldn't understand what was different about this feeling from a heterosexual relationship.
I loved Shiori's mind. The body was simply a vessel, an accessory, something to encase the valuable good.
But I became confused.
I want to be with Shiori.
I don't want to let go of Shiori.
I want to become one with Shiori.
What is this feeling?
I read through tons of romance stories. Maybe there would be someone that understood how I felt, and could explain how I felt. But in the end, it simply made me despise books.
Even the most masterful of stories were simply textbooks about events that had occurred to the author.
I read stories about homosexual love, but my answer was still never to be found.
Then I began reading books about biology, and about reproduction.
In the end, all I thought was that, maybe, the traffic light inside me had broken. If heterosexual love is born out of the desire to produce children, then how about our relationship, where it was impossible to take half of our genes and produce a child? Why are we so drawn to each other? I didn't know.
Even the moon seemed to be bearing down on me. I never thought about not being a girl, but I began seriously questioning why gender exists.
I seriously, seriously envied the hermaphrodite worms.
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