Talk:Bungaku Shoujo:Volume1 Epilogue
"Dasai wrote many wonderful stories; you can’t die until you read them all."
--"Dasai wrote many wonderful stories; you can’t die until you've read them all.
"but my tears wouldn’t stopp coming out."
--"but my tears wouldn’t stop coming out."
"my expression must have resembled a monkey in the zoo, or like a new born baby, both look appallingly silly!"
--"my expression must have resembled a monkey in the zoo, or like a new-born baby, both of which look appallingly silly!
"But instead I reached out my own hand and held the hands of those two people. "
--"But instead, I reached out my own hand and held the hands of those two people."
"Then I got stiffly scolded for playing around."
--"Then, I got stiffly scolded for playing around."
"The rumours about me almost immediately spread throughout my school."
--"Rumours about me spread almost instantly throughout my school."
"Thanks to that I became infamous overnight."
--"Thanks, to that I became infamous overnight."
"No matter whether it’s school or society, this rule will probably hold."
--"It doesn't matter whether it's school, or society - this rule will probably still hold true."
"It is hard for a man to change."
--"It's hard for people to change."
"From now on I will still wear a clown mask and live by lying to the world."
--It says "From now on..." even though she's already been wearing a mask?
"But I don’t feel ashamed about it anymore."
--"However, I'm no longer ashamed of it."
"I too think that we should put some distance between us."
--"I too, think that we should put some distance between us."
"In the future, if someone can see through my clown mask, I plan on puffing up my chest, and answering with laughter- ‘Yes, you are totally correct. You have sharp eyes!’"
--"In the future, if someone sees through my clown mask I plan on puffing up my chest, and answering with laughter- ‘Yes, you are totally correct. You have sharp eyes!’"
"Another week has passed since we saved Takeda-san on the roof top."
--"Another week has passed since we saved Takeda-san on the rooftop."
"“Oh yeah, Konoha-senpai mentioned about used to be a girl?” "
--"“Oh yeah, Konoha-senpai mentioned about how [he/you] used to be a girl?”"
"“On the roof you said you used to be a mysterious bishoujo."
--"“On the roof, you said you used to be a mysterious bishoujo."
"I am very curious, what’s that?”
--"I am very curious, what did she mean?”
"It’s possible this is a real expression of Takeda-san that she never showed others before. "
--"It’s possible this is a real expression of Takeda-san's that she never showed others before. "
"“Eheh, I will treat them as my treasure.” "
--"“Eheh, I will treat them as my treasures.” "
"The thing that was brushing against is not a cat tail; it’s one of the braids of Tooko-senpai. "
"The thing that was brushing against my neck was not a cat tail; it was one of Tooko-senpai's braids. "
"I don’t know when but Tooko-senpai had come back from the library"
--"I don’t know when, but Tooko-senpai had come back from the library"
"She looked at the book with a lost in thought expression."
--"She looked at the book with a "lost in thought" expression."
"Even when I grabbed her braids she didn’t even notice."
---"Even when I grabbed her braids, she didn’t even notice."
"Our distance was so close that if I leaned backward just a bit I could kiss her. "
--""Our distance was so close that if I leaned backward just a bit, I could kiss her. "
"Now that she was in this trance state, anything I say would be ignored. "
--"Now that she was in this trance-like state, anything I say would be ignored. "
"The ears of the bungaku shoujo cannot hear any words anymore. "
--"The ears of the bungaku shoujo cannot hear words anymore. "
"As I savor the violet sweet scent of Tooko-senpai, as I feel her bodily warmth, as I let her soft braids brush against my neck, together in this room, dyed by the sunset, we read Takeda-san’s report together. "
--"As I savored Tooko-senpai's violet sweet scent, as I felt her body warmth, as I let her soft braids brush against my neck, in this room dyed by the sunset, we read TAkeda-san's report together."
"When the faint golden sunset turned into crimson red, we finally finished reading. "
--"When the faint golden sunset turned crimson red, we finally finished reading. "
"Then she realized that my face was red and my body was frozen stiff, she quickly backed away from me. "
--"Then she realized my face was red and my body was frozen stiff, and quickly backed away from me. "
"By reflex she jerked backward. "
--"She reflexively jerked backwards."
"“Then, here it is for you to enjoy, milady.” "
--“Then here it is for you to enjoy, milady.”
"Her fair skin, uniform, and her braids, they were all shaded with a lonesome sunset color. "
--"Her fair skin, her uniform, her braids, they were all shaded with a lonesome sunset color. "
"Wouldn’t it be great if she could be somewhere laughing as well. "
-- Is this a question?
"Even if we can never meet again, as long as she, under this sunset sky, can smile somewhere… "
--"Even if we can never meet again, as long as she, under this sunset-lit sky, can smile somewhere… "
"I laid open the binded genkoo yoshi and started writing. "
--"I laid open the bound genkoo yoshi and started writing. "
"I too continued on writing on the draft paper. "
-- Is he calling his short story a draft, or is that another name for genkoo yoshi?
"Would there be the day, when I would hold a pen again for a novel?"
--"Will there be a day when I will once again hold a pen for a novel?"
"What would I write about- Right now I do not know. "
--"What would I write about... Right now, I don't know. "
There are a number of times where Konoha is thinking to himself, and the tense changes out of nowhere. Should it be in present, or past tense?
Also, and this is just a minor thing, but people do not normally speak so formally. By formally, I'm talking about the lack of contractions. They're not wrong, but it sounds a lot more relaxed if "I will" was turned into "I'll" or "I am" into "I'm".
--Corti 03:09, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
(Come yell at me if I messed up.)
