Talk:Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume2 Chapter3

Editors' Notes

"Haruhi had Asahina-san and Nagato stood three meters apart facing each other" ... Wouldn't it be "Haruhi had Asahina-san and Nagato stand three meters apart facing each other", as "stood" could really only work if haruhi wasn't telling them (or guiding them) to be a set distance apart?

Yup, you're right. I'll change it. -SlashZero 00:05, 30 June 2006 (PDT)

I then turned my sight towards Nagato, who was sucking her soda hardly with her straw. - This seems a bit alkward, but I dont know how to change it [Ano Reader] 8:25pm EST 09, July 2006

Hmm, I don't know. I think "sucking" would be a bit strong of a word for this, but given how fast Yuki eats in Lone Island... other than that, I think it sounds fine. -SlashZero 11:32, 12 July 2006 (PDT)

"who was sucking her soda rapidly through her straw" - I changed it to that, it was the use of hardly that was throwing me off, I know what was meant, but to me "hardly" conotates: By a very little; almost not/never. Is this a good change or am I just nitpicking? I would like to help by doing what I can, but sometime I look at the details a litte too much. [Ano Reader] 4:34pm EST 12, July 2006

"Rapidly" doesn't quite have the same meaning though. You're looking for "strongly", or a synonym thereof. Myself, I would write it as: "who was sucking her soda through her straw by force", or perhaps even "who was powerfully sucking her soda through her straw" 203.217.22.128 21:53, 13 July 2006 (PDT)

"But, this was a pretty monotonic battle scene." - I don't know what the original word was in the source material, but I believe the word "monotonous" might convey the sense slightly better than monotonic (which is a much more unusual word and generally has to do with actual sounds).

Koizumi smiled gently like a con man and handed a box of tissues over to Asahina-san.(^p)"Hasn't Suzumiya-san planned to do that since the beginning?""[<--Typo](^p)"Of course I have," Haruhi said.Jc100 00:29, 19 October 2007 (PDT)

What does he say?

"It's not even nine yet,"

I frowned and said. I looked aside and saw Nagato's porcelain statue-like expression and Koizumi's relaxed smile.

He doesn't say "I looked aside..."

To make sense, I changed this to:

I frowned and said

"It's not even nine yet."

Alternatively, You could say

"It's not even nine yet,"

I said and frowned. Though this makes it sound like he frowned after speaking.

I prefer the former. Change it you don't.

JBV^_^