Talk:No Game No Life:Volume 1 Chapter 2
Some suggestions for edit:
Part 1
1. Should have added in 'as expected of the lineage of royalty'.
-> Question, is Sora the one who thought of this line? If so, maybe we can add , thought Sora. at the end of the sentence. Or we can also close it in parenthesis to show that it's a thought by Sora:
(As expected of the lineage of royalty)
2. Shiro muttered in a low voice, having said till here, she found it hard to hesitate.
I'm confused by what is having said till here is referring to and who is it referring to. From what I can understand, Shiro felt it hard to continue to complain about taking a bath after Sora told her that "Your brother loves a beautiful Shiro.", so I think having said till here is referring to Shiro.
Muttered Shiro in a low voice. She found it hard to complain more after hearing Sora say that.
3. —But it will be fine either way.
From what I can understand, this is referring to the fact the Shiro will now obey Sora's instruction to her about taking a bath, thus Sora doesn't have any problems anymore. The situation will in the bath will now become fine/peaceful.
—Now the bath will become peaceful.
4. No, they had attracted unpleasant emotions due their intimate relationship as siblings, but this fact was ignored.
With conjunction to my edit in #2,
Or so it should've been. It's because the siblings' intimate relationship had attracted unpleasant emotions from someone, but this fact was ignored.
I added from someone in order to make it clearer that those unpleasant emotions were from Steph.
5. Compared to that, there was something even more concerning that they had.
With conjunction to #3,
However, there was something even more concerning than that.
that here is referring to the unpleasant emotions.
6. Why am I washing a fully naked Shiro's hair, while Sora is wearing clothes and standing on the opposite side.
It's kind of weird that the narration suddenly changed from a 3rd POV to 1st POV (Steph's POV). The fully naked Shiro's hair should be changed because it is Shiro who is fully naked and not her hair. If this is a thought by Steph then,
(Why am I washing the hair of a nude Shiro while a clothed Sora is standing on the opposite side).
on the opposite side can also be changed to over there since it sounds more appropriate if this line is a thought of Steph.
7. "The, does it even matter to me!?"'
If Steph is stuttering her, then:
Do-does it even matter to me?
8. "Just like after my bath, my little brother would rise up, or the mist block is too insufficient to block off my little sister, then that wouldn't be M18, but issued ban."
Is the my little brother here referring to Sora's "that"? If so then quotation marks should be added to it. What does M18 mean? Is it Mature18 which is similar to R18? If so then maybe this description should be added to the footnotes to make it clearer.
9. Didn't quite understand.
Are you trying to mean that Steph didn't understand what Sora had just said because Sora had used foreign words like [Mist Block], M18, and issued ban? If so then,
Steph didn't understand what Sora had just said.
10. But most importantly, Sora had no reason to peek over.
However, this was the limit of understanding that Steph has, which couldn't be helped.
What were set in the bathroom were two mobile phones and laptops.
And Steph didn't know that the two tiny holes were cameras.
Are there two mobile phones and laptops? Or are there two items, a mobile phone and a laptop? Or are there two mobile phones and two laptops? Arranging and editing it a bit:
But more importantly, Sora didn't even need to peek.
What were set in the bathroom were two mobile phones and laptops.
Unbeknownst to Steph, the two tiny holes were actually cameras.
It couldn't be helped since this was the limit of Steph's knowledge.
11. — After that, Shiro would confirm the screen, if there weren't any problems, they would start watching.
Is that referring to bathing? If so then,
— After bathing, Shiro would first check the video and, if there weren't any problems, would watch it together with Sora.
Part 2
1. —It appears that, it was exactly what Sora had mentioned earlier, with Shiro's white hair being combed.
Is this a thought by Steph? If so then parenthesis should be added and a bit of editing to make it sound like someone thinking:
(It seems Sora was right about what he said regarding combing Shiro's white hair...)
2. "It would be fine if you remain in this state, but this is really a throwaway."
I think throwaway is a too powerful word to express "what a waste". My take on this:
"If would fine if you remain in this state forever. Really, it's such a waste."
or
"If only you'd remain like this forever. Really, it's such a waste."
