Editing The Zashiki Warashi of Intellectual Village:Volume5 Side B (section)

===Part 2 (Jinnai Shinobu — Day 10/03 20:30 - 20:40)===

“………………………………………………………………………………………What the…hell is this?” I muttered while staring at my cellphone’s small screen.

What I had read was so insane that I may have briefly passed out at points.

It had all started as I tried to kill some time waiting in the lobby of the island’s floating airport in the hopes of my lost baggage showing up.

I had used Singer Song Liar.

It was one of the many free net services flooding the market and it was best described as “strange songwriting software”.

If you entered lyrics and music, it would automatically create a story to go along with it. It had an easy mode that allowed you to paste in countless pre-recorded samples and gave you help with what to write next using something similar to a predictive search. That allowed users to casually create a song in as little as ten minutes. (Of course, I’d heard all the songs made with easy mode sounded a lot alike.)

I didn’t know exactly how the story creation worked, but it apparently took the genre (classic, jazz, techno, rock, etc.), the type of melody (ballad, blues, pop, etc.), commonly-used phrases, the rhythm, and the terms and names used in the lyrics to arrange hundreds of thousands of phrases to form the best story. Or something like that.

It had gotten famous when the big message boards started asking why they would let people use such a convenient and high-level service for free and then I had heard it got pretty overloaded during the weekends and late night.

Since I was bored, I had spent about twenty minutes making a song just to try it out, but…

“Wait, wait, wait. That is a lot of text.”

According to the message boards, the shorter ones were only a few pages long and the longer ones were a full thirty-page short story, but it looked like I had a full novel.

And then there was the content.

“Wow.”

''This says the Japanese archipelago was entirely sealed off, I became a world-famous robot scientist to take Japan back, I made a contract with the Succubus and made full use of her, I made a contract with a Seven Deadly Sins class demon to power up an unmanned robot – oh, wow – I one-shotted Hishigami Mai, I was some sexy mad scientist, I fulfilled my promise with the Zashiki Warashi a decade later while wearing a spacesuit, “Once it’s all over, let’s begin it all anew…Yukari. (Trying to sound classy)” Oh, wow. Using her name? What!? Was she my wife or something? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

“Why do I feel like I was just presented with some embarrassing old notebook I don’t remember writing!? I didn’t do anything, so why am I stuck here writhing in embarrassment!? Besides, my name was the only one in the lyrics, so where did all the rest of this come from? It’s strange but really embarrassing!! I’m curious, but I want nothing to do with this!!”

''N-not to mention that it said I took on a legit con artist in a casino, that I survived a direct hit from a car bomb, that we tried to rescue the kidnapped Zashiki Warashi on our own, and that we dragged twenty-four corpses into one spot! That should have been enough to think this was unrealistic! I never knew how scary it was that machines have no sense of shame! I’m not my uncle, the living police drama who dreamed of being a police officer and actually got into Investigation Department 1, and I’m not Hishigami Mai, who can singlehandedly fight a war and head home with a smile! What is this? If the song I made without really thinking produced this, then is my mind still filled with embarrassing teenage delusions!? That’s depressing! And why the hell would you omit the part where I misused the Succubus’s power to make out with Madoka!? That’s the most important part! I can’t believe this! This damn digital program doesn’t get it at all! You stupid, stupid, stupid thing!!!!!

“…I want to die.”

It made sense that my mind had gone blank and that I had lost track of time. It was only once I muttered those four words that I noticed a soft sensation leaning against my upper arm.

My right temple itched. It was true I had been holding the Zashiki Warashi in my arms in Singer Song Liar, so I looked over.

It was Hafuri.

The young leader of the brutal and villainous organization named Hyakki Yakou was sleeping there in a kimono.

[[Image:Zashiki_v05_239.png|thumb]]

“H-…”

My throat immediately went dry and I screamed before my brain could catch up.

“Hyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!???”

I impulsively tried to escape, but this time I felt something heavy resting on my opposite shoulder.

''What is it now? A Konaki-Jijii?''I thought as I looked over.

“Y-you’re kidding.”

It was Hishigami Mai.

The assassin in a tank top and hot pants was sleeping with her head on my shoulder.

No, a closer look showed her eyes were ever-so-slightly opened like thin blades.

“What’s wrong with you? Don’t wake the young lady when she’s so sleeping so comfortably.”

''She’s awake!?

''Does that mean I can’t sneak away!?

''Being with my parents is a negative, but I still hoped to meet a bunch of girls on this casino island and make some wonderful memories. But does this that dream has been destroyed before I even leave the airport!?

A small canine Youkai was rubbing his head against Hishigami Mai’s boots. I remembered it was a Sunekosuri.

“I can understand reacting that way to Mai-san, but isn’t it rude to include kind Hafuri-sama in that?”

“It’s not her I’m afraid of. It’s all the people around her!!”

She must have been a little tired from the trip because the girl with a bob cut showed no sign of waking despite all my shouting.

“A-anyway, I’m waiting for my lost suitcase. The Zashiki Warashi was with me, so do you know where she got off to?”

“As soon as she caught sight of Hafuri-sama and Mai-san, she left as quickly as she could.”

“…”

''Of course she did.

My right temple itched. In Singer Song Liar, she had shielded me from bombs and bullets and gone on a rampage like a murder machine, but reality was a different story.

“Why are you all here?”

“Wait until the young lady has gotten some rest.”

“To be honest, I have to pee so bad I’m about to wet myself! If you make me wait here any longer, it’s going to end badly for everyone involved!!”

“We’re here for you.” Hishigami Mai rubbed her own face. “A special Package using an Amanojaku has been constructed on Goldmine Island. People like us normally don’t head out to deal with some criminals trying to make a little money, but this Amanojaku Package is pretty bad. They want it dealt with quickly even if they have to pay a steeeeeep price for it.”

“An Amanojaku?”

“Right. We don’t know the details of the Package, but we can see its effects popping up here and there. How should I explain it? People’s actions are supposed to be based on ideas inside them, but we’ve noticed ''a lot of people'' such as corporate bigshots and national bureaucrats doing weird things that completely ignore those ideas. It’s like they’re being pulled by a magnet and the higher ups of our world don’t like the looks of it. They want someone – anyone – to take care of it and fast.”

I remembered that the Amanojaku was said to be a mischievous Youkai or one that answers any question with the opposite answer. There were apparently a number of theories saying it was originally an oni or a god. If you checked through the stories, it would sometimes capture people, eat them, skin them, wear the skin, and pretend to be them. That put it squarely in the “deadly” category.

“Um, I’m not going to be seen as an accomplice because you told me that, am I?”

“Either way, this is never going to be public knowledge.”

“That just scares me more!!”

I turned to the Sunekosuri, hoping for help, but the canine Youkai was focused on rubbing up against the woman’s boots.

''You stupid perverted dog! You’re completely useless!!

“Wait, so what does that have to do with me!? If you underworld people are going to fight to the death, do it somewhere away from me!!”

“''We need to know what you created.''”

''Uh, oh!!!

“I-I-I-I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You can’t fool me. I know you’re hooked on Singer Song Liar. Didn’t you know it’s made to steal your personal information?”

''C’moooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!! You mean I can’t ignore this? And how did that thing turn into all this!?

“We still haven’t located the core of the Package, but we can guess it brings a manmade world into reality. They probably polished up the ‘answering with a lie’ trait and remade it into ‘turning a lie into the answer’.”

“…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………”

''No, no.

''Wait. No, no, no, no!?

''Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What would that mean? Will that embarrassingly delusional automatically-created story actually happen!? The poker game against a con artist, the car bombing, the kidnapping, the slaughter of the villains, the Zashiki Warashi’s rampage, the theft of the country, and the elimination of Japan will all come true!? No, wait! Just remembering it is making my temple itch like hell!!!!!

“Why? Why was I of all people dragged into this Amanojaku Package!?”

“Who knows. I said we haven’t located the core, remember? More importantly, let me see that phone you’ve been so focused on. What it says will let us know how to deal with what’s coming.”

“…………………………………………………………………………..Do I have to tell you?”

“What? Is it some adolescent wet dream?”

I covered my face in a hand and confessed.

“In a way, it’s worse.”