Toaru Majutsu no Index:White Day SS
Status: Incomplete
50% completed (estimated)
A Certain March Gift Exchange
Note: This is a non-canon parody SS written by Kamachi Kazuma around the time of Volume 11 of the main series.
March 14.
With final exams complete, there was not much more to do than wait for spring break while wondering how the class change would turn out. Tokyo’s distinctive dry cold sky did not feel like spring yet, but it would transform into the warm flower viewing season after another two weeks.
At school, it was currently lunchtime.
Kamijou Touma stared out the window and muttered to himself.
“It’s been so long…”
He did not mention what exactly had been so long. A possible hint was the fact that he had first run into the girl named Index on July 20.
In the intervening time, Kamijou’s right arm had been torn off, Mikoto had wandered through the boundary between life and death, Himegami had tried wearing perfume but no one had noticed, and plenty of other things had happened. However, detailing all of that would likely fill up an entire bookshelf, so it will be omitted here.
For now, the story will remain on March 14.
As Kamijou turned from the window to the back of the classroom, he saw a simple message board with several different notifications attached. A cheap calendar was included there and it had March 14 circled in red magic marker with a note saying “Prepare yourselves, boys!!”
It was White Day.
Every girl in Japan had thrown chocolate at the boys a month before and now they were forcibly reclaiming that debt with interest. If one attempted to recreate White Day in the financial world, one would likely run afoul of the law. Incidentally, all of the boys in this school were stupidly obsessed with the chocolate itself, so they were happy to be struck by the chocolate whether it came from the girl’s true feelings or sense of obligation.
While discussing the origin of White Day’s name, Kamijou had said, “It must come from a fairy tale image of being pure white”, Tsuchimikado had insisted, “Nyah, the holiday didn’t exist originally, so it came from white nothingness”, and Aogami Pierce had jokingly announced “Ah ha! White’s gotta refer to that stuff that comes from a guy’s you-know-what!” The entire class had thrown their chairs at Aogami Pierce and he was currently in the hospital.
As Kamijou recalled that incident, one of the girls in his class approached him.
It was Fukiyose Seiri.
That strong-willed girl’s black hair was parted by brushing it behind her ears which exposed her forehead. Other points of interest were her large breasts and habit of purchasing mail order goods. She was skilled at controlling people and she had consistently worked on the committees for each consecutive Daihaseisai and Ichihanaransai. She preferred taking on multiple jobs for short periods of time, so she had little interest in being a class representative or student council officer. She had said there was little for her to improve there.
That forceful girl held her right hand out toward Kamijou.
“Do your duty.”
“Um… That sounds like you’re asking me to fight at Sekigahara or something.”
“You aren’t going to return the favor? After I went to so much effort to fulfill my obligation?”
“Uh…”
“Aren’t you at least a little thankful? Chocolate made by a girl has **** inside!!”
“At least state that part clearly!! That could be anything from love to bugs!” shouted Kamijou. “Also, I don’t recall getting any obligatory chocolate from you. No, wait. That was the day that…that happened and then… Ahh!?”
Kamijou jumped as he received a sudden divine revelation.
Meanwhile, Fukiyose stared at him with a skeptical look.
“Please don’t tell me you thought that chocolate meant something. If so, I apologize. It may hurt, but let me put an end to that delusion. I’m sorry.”
Her tone of apology seemed to say “Don’t get carried away.”
“Don’t give me that pitying look. That isn’t what I meant.” Kamijou scratched at his head. “Sorry, but I don’t remember anything about February 14.”
Late at night on the day before Valentine’s Day (or possibly past the date change at midnight), Kamijou had shouted “There’s no way I’ll get anything this year!” and started chugging alcohol in desperation. As a result, his memories of the entire day were missing.
If he was asked to return the favor, he would, but he needed to know that he had received something and how valuable it had been before he could begin to calculate what would be an appropriate return gift.
However…
“I-I can’t believe you…”
Betraying his expectations, Fukiyose Seiri received such a shock that she took a step backwards.
“You’re claiming you don’t remember after everything that happened!?”
“Waaah!?”
As Fukiyose’s breath spilled from her mouth like magma, Kamijou fell from his seat.
“Wait, Fukiyose-san!! Why are you getting so carried away today!?”
Fukiyose did not respond to Kamijou’s honest question.
She trembled and said something else.
“You can forget about me, but you need to apologize to Himegami-san!!” she shouted while hugging the Japanese-style black-haired girl named Himegami Aisa who stood next to her. “She endured so much embarrassment to go that far for the likes of you, so how dare you say you don’t remember!? You truly are an enemy of women everywhere. Everyone would be better off if you died here and now!!”
“Eh? What?” Kamijou’s eyes opened wide. “ ‘To go that far’? What did Himegami do?”
“It’s fine. I had a feeling this would happen even if I tried that hard.”
“No, what did you do!? And why are you blushing!? Please transfer those memories into my brain!!”
But despite Kamijou’s shout, the Telepath-related espers in the class slipped out for fear of getting dragged into it. With these commotions, it was important to know how to stay safe. They were only fun as long as one remained in the audience.
And…
“K-Kamijou-chan?” said a trembling, childlike voice.
It came from the 135 cm teacher named Tsukuyomi Komoe who was standing in the classroom entrance.
“What do you mean you don’t remember what happened on February 14? After…after I used my body like that!?”
“Bh!” spat out Kamijou. “That can’t be right! When did Valentine’s become such an athletic holiday!?”
“And it wasn’t easy washing all of that out of my hair!!”
“I think the Valentine’s you’re talking about is from a different culture than the one I know! I don’t think Japan’s candy makers would approve of splattering anything in your hair!!”
Kamijou trembled in fear as he shouted, but Komoe-sensei was not listening. She began to cry and ran out of the classroom.
He blankly watched her leave, but he knew leaving her like this would cause problems later. He decided to leave Himegami behind and dashed into the hallway.
But as soon as he left the classroom, he ran across a woman he knew.
It was Yomikawa Aiho, a large-breasted PE teacher in a green tracksuit.
“Well… I overheard that conversation, but is it true you don’t remember Valentine’s?”
“Uuh… W-was I injected with your obligation power as well?” asked Kamijou while sounding somehow like Komoe-sensei.
The large-breasted woman before his eyes let out a breath and averted her gaze a bit.
“…Obligation, hm?”
“Wait! Why do you look so disappointed!?”
“I was just realizing all those ribbons I spent so long preparing ended up going to waste…”
Before Kamijou could ask “Ribbons!?”, the PE teacher disappeared unsteadily down the hallway.
Komoe-sensei, Himegami Aisa, and Yomikawa Aiho.
“Argh! Which one should I start with!?” shouted Kamijou while tearing at his head with both hands.
“Why not begin with me?”
“Kanzaki-san!? How long have you been in Japan? And why are you coming in through the window!?”
Without giving the boy a chance to shout out, Kanzaki Kaori suddenly appeared through the window with her long black ponytail shaking, grabbed him by the collar, and jumped back out of the school building. Using the ridiculous physical abilities of one of the world’s fewer than twenty Saints, she gently counteracted the impact of landing.
They were now behind the school building.
It was the stereotypical place to ask someone to meet you.
Kanzaki grinned as she looked at his face.
“Now, I hear you have completely forgotten the events of February 14.”
“How did information on my Valentine’s Day get outside of Academy City!? And why are you speaking so politely while reaching for your sword!?”
“You have to ask!? A-after asking me to do all that, how can you say you do not remember!! Covering my skin with that hot, sticky chocolate was even more uncomfortable than I thought it would be!!”
“From what I’ve heard, Valentine’s Day belongs to you on the magic side! I don’t know if that Valentine person is a man or a woman, but are they really spreading such ridiculous teachings within the Christian Church!?”
“I didn’t want to do that!!”
“You’re crying!? Are you saying I asked you!?”
Kamijou was truly confused and Kanzaki clicked Shichiten Shichitou within its scabbard.
“Do you truly not remember? Maybe I should try shock therapy with a powerful impact.”
“Why are you asking yourself instead of me!?”
Even if this was a gag, she was a Saint. It was possible she had not calculated out how much damage her tsukkomi would do to a normal person.
And so Kamijou tried to run away as fast as he could.
However…
“Wait just a second!!”
Misaka Mikoto fired a Railgun their way.
As the arcade coin flew at three times the speed of sound, Kanzaki caught it with her sword’s scabbard. However, it had more destructive power than she had expected, so she shouted “Gh, I failed to stop something so trivial!?” and was blasted through the school’s wall. It scared Kamijou how he expected her to walk unscathed out of the dust floating up into the air.
But for the moment, he cautiously turned around.
A girl from Tokiwadai Middle School stood triumphantly there and she gathered strength in her gut to shout at him.
“I thought I told you I was looking forward to White Day!!”
“Wah!” Kamijou’s shoulders drooped. “This has been the most orthodox one, but it’s still the worst one.”
“Don’t call me the worst!” snapped back Mikoto.
She seemed to have completely forgotten that she had blasted Kanzaki through a wall.
She then prepared to fire a new coin.
“Hold it right there!!”
Someone struck the back of Mikoto’s head and knocked her to the ground. It was her mother, Misaka Misuzu. She looked like a college student and she was a casual mother who did not particularly care what people said about her age.
“Does the chocolate I gave you still count?”
She tossed a bomb his way with a smile.
As Mikoto lay face down on the ground, she clenched her fingers in the dirt.
“I see. So the theme this time was a mother-daughter set.”
“D-don’t look at me! Kamijou-san really doesn’t remember!!”
Kamijou shook his head back and forth.
“Wait a moment, says Misaka as she adds on another attack.”
Misaka Imouto appeared from behind Misuzu, kicking the woman to the ground. Without even glancing down at the originals writhing at her feet, Misaka Imouto stared at Kamijou with eyes showing an unreadable emotion.
“What happened to you saying you liked Misaka #10032 as an individual rather than as just another Serial Number? asks Misaka as she reminds you what happened on February 14.”
“Waaah! Did I really say that while I was drunk!?”
As Kamijou shouted out yet again, Mikoto spoke in a low voice from the bottom of the pile.
“You’re fine with two sisters or with a mother and daughter?”
“Who is that girl anyway?” asked Misuzu while tilting her head from above her daughter.
“Misaka will appear last to end the gag! shouts Misaka as Misaka charges in!!”
A girl of about ten appeared behind Misaka Imouto and tackled the girl. Misaka Imouto collapsed on top of the Misaka family and Mikoto looked in pain at the bottom.
Kamijou was terrified that he might have done something to this small girl known as Last Order.
“So which daughter will you go with first? asks Misaka as Misaka feels absolutely ecstatic.”
“Bh!? How did you arrive at that conclusion!? No matter what happens in the meantime, situations like this have to be narrowed down to one in the end, Minimum Misaka-san!!”
“Oh, c’mon. Even you know this situation has developed well past the point where that standard method will work, says Misaka as Misaka makes sure you understand. Which. Will. You. Choose? asks Misaka as Misaka waves her index finger back and forth.”
“Do you have no idea what morality is!?”
Kamijou thought his head would burst, but Misaka Imouto decided to help him out.
“She does not share her memories, but it seems Serial Number 20001 has some unique ideas on the value of ‘experience’ among those of the Misaka family, explains Misaka as she earns points by being kind and thorough.”
“I-I see. So her situation is unique. I’m kind of surprised.”
“By the way, Misaka will never stray from her Kamijou devotion, so that sort of deception does not apply to her, announces Misaka to ensure there are no misunderstandings.”
“I’m glad, but that’s a serious thing to throw at me all of a sudden!!”
Kamijou received a direct attack that used no tricks. He had been completely drunk on February 14. He would normally doubt someone that drunk could get around to such a wide area, but he shuddered as he wondered how active he had been on that day.
Afterwards, Orsola, Sherry, and some others who did not belong in Academy City climbed over the city’s outer walls, Kazakiri Hyouka sent an email despite him never giving her his address, an archangel going by the name Misha Kreutzev threw a letter at him in the form of a prophetic slate, and plenty of other types of confusion occurred.
He was surrounded by a storm of “You don’t remember Valentine’s Day?” and “What happened to White Day?”
Gathering all of their comments together seemed to suggest that, while Kamijou was drunk on February 14, he had travelled around the world, resolved incidents that had put the fates of nations on the line, and saved girls’ lives left and right. It was hard to believe, but it had to be the case if they were all insisting it was.
“…I can’t stand any of this.”
Exhausted, Kamijou veered off of his usual course home from school and entered an underground mall.
If he had received chocolate from them, he had to provide a gift in return.
The underground mall was made to connect the basements of department stores and a lot of the stores had put together White Day specials. However, such gifts were meant to be prepared before the day in question, so only the leftovers remained.
“White Day, hm? What should I give in return?”
In Japan, chocolate was standard for Valentine’s Day, but there was no specific standard for White Day. Everyone was different, so choosing poorly could lead to plenty of materialistic troubles beginning with “I put so much effort into my chocolate and this is what you give me in return!?”
Kamijou looked around at the different stores.
“What should I choose?”
“It looks like that’s my cue.”
Kamijou’s shoulders jumped at the sudden voice. He smelled sweet perfume and turned around to find a priest with his long hair dyed red.
It was Stiyl Magnus.
Kamijou’s expression made it seem all strength had left his legs.
“Don’t tell me you gave me chocolate, too…”
“If you continue that disturbing train of thought, I will burn you to death.” Stiyl looked extremely displeased. “You are so terribly ignorant, that I have come to help you.”
“Eh? You’re going to help me?”
Kamijou looked skeptical and Stiyl chewed on the filter of the cigarette in his mouth.
“I do not actually want to do this, but I have no choice. Every single Anglican nun won’t shut up about White Day and won’t do any work. Are you trying to take over Necessarius from within? Could you stop transforming our wholesome sect into some kind of sex cult? Even our Archbishop is blushing, dammit. I really need to think about finding a new job.”
His flat tone of voice made Kamijou shudder.
Stiyl spat out his half-chewed cigarette.
“I will explain. Any complaints?”
“None at all!!”
Kamijou vigorously shook his head.
“Valentine’s Day was originally a lone holiday. White Day did not exist. A divine event for creating couples which existed before Christianity was combined with the various legends of two saints both known as St. Valentine. This created the meaning of ‘two people coming together’ and it further transformed into a ritual for a man and woman becoming lovers via the exchange of greeting cards.”
“Meaning?”
“Valentine’s Day alone was enough. Gifts were given and gifts were returned.”
If Valentine’s was a ritual of “exchanging”, there was no need to “return” a second time on White Day. That would be redundant.
Stiyl pulled a new cigarette from a crumpled box.
“Valentine’s is a ritual that begins when a girl gives a card to a boy.”
Just by waving the cigarette, it lit and he breathed out some smoke.
He did not care at all about the world’s smoking etiquette.
“But that was deemed unfair. The girls had to gather their courage to begin the ritual, but the boys only had to receive. In fact, they could simply ignore it in some cases. This must have put a lot of pressure on the girls. It probably angered them to see the boys cheerfully waiting for it. That is why they wanted some form of reward. The verbal thanks they received on February 14 was not enough for the courage they had gathered. To refer to it in a ritualistic fashion, they demanded absolute compensation worthy of the action they had taken.”
“Saying it like that makes it sound like a shady demon summoning.”
“Does it? If you look through the history of magic, there are several methods of gaining the affection of a specific person. If you look at it as a means of controlling emotions, romance and magic are very closely related.” Stiyl sounded almost bored. “To use the science side’s words, I suppose it would be an action and a reaction. If a positive action is taken, an equal negative action must be received. That’s one of the very basics of the magic side.”
(Huh? He used the science side’s words but ended up with one of the very basics of the magic side? Are the two fields actually very similar?)
Kamijou’s jumbled thoughts approached some troublesome ideas, but he decided to ignore it because he needed to focus on White Day.
“The relationship between Valentine’s Day and White Day can be said to be based on the laws of a ‘gift exchange’. It is more an issue of anthropology than magic, though. If Valentine’s Day is viewed as a north pole, White Day is the south pole. Only Valentine’s existed originally, so it was off balance. White Day was naturally created to bring it into harmony. Are you with me so far? It means White Day was created to satisfy the girls’ complaints,” concluded Stiyl.
“Why do you have to make it so complicated? I just have to give something in return for what I was given, right?”
Kamijou’s honest response caused Stiyl to grimace.
“Why is it on March 14,” he said.
“What?”
“Valentine’s Day is on February 14 because that is the day St. Valentine became a martyr. However, White Day has no origin. It just suddenly appeared.”
Stiyl spoke with a quiet expression, but Kamijou tilted his head.
“February 14 comes from St. Valentine, so doesn’t March 14 have something to do with him as well?”
“There are legends surrounding the date. Ones related to St. Valentine even. However…”
“However?”
“What does that matter?”
Stiyl’s sudden comment made no sense.
He gently breathed out some cigarette smoke before continuing.
“As I said, St. Valentine came about because the legends of multiple saints were brought together. Simply put, there really were saints named St. Valentine, but their miracles had nothing to do with fulfilling romances. They were said to have healed illnesses.”
“Eh? Then what are Valentine’s Day and White Day?”
“They have nothing to do with those saints. Various rumors fleshed out the legends of St. Valentine and he eventually became known as the lovers’ saint. The church later officially recognized all this, so it doesn’t really matter if it’s all jumbled together.”
“Hm? Then what is March 14?”
“That is the question. Even if the date is based on the legends of St. Valentine, that is only after playing a game of telephone with the reality of St. Valentine. There naturally will be unclear parts of the story.”
The cigarette in the corner of Stiyl’s mouth waggled up and down as he spoke.
According to him, the name White Day was exclusive to Japan. However, the tradition of “returning the favor” on March 14 existed under other names overseas.
So why did it have to be March 14?
Stiyl summarized the important points.
“The event was created from girls’ complaints, but why did it end up on March 14? Who decided it would be? What rules led to that date? This is one of the world’s mysteries that theology has yet to solve, so why does everyone continue following the tradition of White Day without giving it any thought?”
“Huh?”
Kamijou tilted his head.
Why was that? His previous heartwarming mood had changed to an ominous feeling that brought a suspenseful sweat to his palms.
Stiyl continued speaking.
“This exchange of romantic feelings has spread to a worldwide level. You may think I am being ridiculous, but this plays a large role in the history of mankind. White Day did not originally exist and March 14 brought about a change on the spiritual level. In other words…”
“Y-you can’t mean…”
“Yes. A key to solving the mysteries of Christianity’s theological structure might be hidden here!”
Stiyl’s announcement was accompanied by the loud sound effect of an impact.
“I didn’t want to take the conversation in that direction,” complained Kamijou as he held his head in his hands.
However, Stiyl continued speaking loudly.
“And this year, you did all sorts of things on Valentine’s Day!”
“You’re saying I did those things!? I didn’t just get dragged into them!?”
“If you had not, that cool and composed Kanzaki would never have been brought close to tears from embarrassment while preparing a bathtub filled with chocolate and waiting for you in nothing but a towel.”
“Why the hell is it March!? I want to go back to February!!”
Kamijou stomped his feet in frustration, but he could not return to that bygone season. That misfortunate boy gave up and decided to live in the moment.
“Now that Valentine’s Day has changed, it is only natural for its partner holiday of White Day to change as well. My mission is to eliminate that change while also elucidating the secret laws of Christianity hidden behind the two holidays!!”
“What kind of nonsensical conclusion is that!?”
“I must solve this mystery!!”
“Dammit, he’s not listening!!”
Now that he had his justification, Stiyl was truly in his element. Whether he kicked, punched, or chased him around with his flame sword, he could claim it was all necessary to investigate the source of the problem, Kamijou Touma. For someone who had built up so much resentment, nothing could have been better.
As Stiyl Magnus gave off a negative aura that showed a disaster could occur if he got carried away, the students in the underground mall began moving away from him.
But then…
“Ahh!? It’s that priest from back then!!”
Komoe-sensei’s voice filled the underground mall so suddenly it seemed she had teleported there. The flame priest jumped like a child caught while up to no good.
The tiny female teacher looked up at him with much-too-pure sparkling eyes.
“You should have told me you would be here! You too, Kamijou-chan. You need to tell your teacher this kind of thing. What brings you here today, Mr. Priest? How long will you be staying? I never managed to thank you properly, so I am motivated to do that now!!”
The aura of human goodness emanating from Komoe-sensei’s body caused Stiyl to flinch. The teacher had likely wanted to check with Kamijou about some things concerning the Valentine’s commotion, but she seemed to be prioritizing Stiyl at the moment. It was very teacher-like.
Seeing that, Kamijou dug in his ear with his little finger and gave a disinterested expression.
“Um… Stiyl-kun here was putting together some theories related to Valentine’s Day and White Day, so he came to punch me-...”
Before Kamijou could finish, Stiyl jabbed his cigarette into his side from an angle Komoe-sensei could not see.
Without even glancing toward Kamijou who was writhing in pain, Stiyl turned his back on them with such force that his clothes whooshed through the air.
“I will be leaving!!”
“Ehh!? P-please wait!!”
The two of them quickly ran off. At first glance, it looked like a child pursuing an adult, but it was actually the exact opposite.
“So what did I do on February 14? And what is the secret of Valentine’s Day and White Day?”
Kamijou spoke his honest questions, but the exposition characters from the magic side and science side had already left.
