Editing Talk:Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume1 Chapter7

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== References & Translators Notes ==

=== Absolute Zero ===
from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absolute_zero
<cite>
:Absolute zero is a fundamental lower bound on the temperature of any macroscopic system. It is a temperature of 0 K, −273.15°C, or −459.67°F. It is unachievable in practice but it exists as a limit for real physical phenomena, and it was inferred by extrapolation from kinetic theory, and from other considerations in theoretical physics.
</cite>

--[[User:The naming game|The naming game]] 19:00, 4 May 2006 (PDT)

== Editors' Notes ==

=== Classroom scene - Where Haruhi is asking Kyon about Mikuru's next costume ===
I feel that the 2rd last sentence of that section:
:While fanning her with my book, she yelled, "I'm so bored!"

Is a bit ambiguous - Is Kyon fanning her with his book, or did Haruhi fan herself with Kyon's book? Kyon refusing to fan her a few lines earlier seems add to the confusion.

---

Well... I don't feel it is ambiguous at all (if she were fanning herself, it would be worded "while fanning herself with my book...")
--Proto

Well, Kyon did say he refused, but probably decided to fan Haruhi anyway seeing how depressed she is.

--Kinny Riddle


---

Here's Kinny's translation from Chinese:

<cite>
:"You look like an idiot."

:Haruhi scolded. Hey, weren't you the one changing the subject? But I guess I really did look like an idiot, so I didn't argue with her. While fanning her with my book, she yelled,

:"I'm so bored!"

:She drooped downwards like a cartoon character. 
</cite>

The whole passage, in the original Japanese, is:

<cite>
:「マヌケ面」
:と決めつけた。お前が話を振ったんだろうが。多分その通りだろうから抗議するつもりはないが。セーラー服の胸元から教科書で風を送り込みながら、

:「ほんと、退屈」

:ハルヒは口を見事なへの字にした。　まるでマンガのキャラクターみたいな。
</cite>

Which reads as follow in ''romaji'':

<cite>
:''"manukedzura"''

:''to kimetsuketa. omae ga hanashi o futtandarou ka. tabun sono toori darou kara kougi suru tsumori wa nai ga. seiraafuku no munamoto kara kyoukasho de kaze o okurikominagara,''

:''"honto, taikutsu"''

:''Haruhi wa kuchi o migoto na heno-ji ni shita. maru de manga no kyarakutaa mitai na.''
</cite>

I make this out as:

<cite>
:"You look like an idiot."

:Haruhi decided. Hey, weren't you the one changing the subject? But I guess she was right, so there was no point arguing with her. While fanning the breast of her school uniform with a textbook,

:"I'm so bored!"

:Haruhi's mouth was perfectly like a ''heno-ji''. She looked like a cartoon character.
</cite>

So what's a ''heno-ji'', I hear you ask...? It's a children's drawing, full name へのへのもへじ (''henohenomoheji'') made with those hiragana characters, to form a figure of a human face. Have a look at [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henohenomoheji this Wikipedia page], which shows how it's made.

I've edited the text to reflect this.

--[[User:Freak Of Nature|Freak Of Nature]] 08:02, 5 May 2006 (PDT)

=== Chapter 7: "Points I'd like to raise" ===

I finished my first read-through of the completed Chapter 7 and there're numerous points I'd like to raise (whilst I edit some of them):

* Haruhi decided. Hey, weren't you the one changing the subject? But I guess she was right, so there was no point arguing with her. '''While fanning the breast of her school uniform with a textbook,'''

w.r.t. (with respect to) the text above in bold, I'm not too sure whether I agree with the sentence or that it simply sounds odd. The fact that Haruhi has her uniform on seems to be a redundant point (unless explicitly mentioned in the novel). Thus, it could be simplified and made more concise by using this instead:
''"While fanning the upper half of her body with a textbook,"''

* Haruhi's mouth was perfectly like a '''heno-ji'''. She looked like a cartoon character. 


Please attach a translation note for the term '''heno-ji'''.

* We were frozen by an icy, '''minus 273 degree Celsius''' voice. Haruhi, wearing her PE uniform and carrying her bag, had a scary expression as though she had just witnessed her dad assaulting an innocent girl.


Unless "minus 273 degree Celsius" is explicitly mentioned, I think the original translation of "absolute zero" should be used and a translation note attached (just swap the link). The sentence would flow better with words alone rather than adding in scienific specifics.

* "Just kidding! Right now this sealed state is probably only temporary, but very soon it'll become similar to the world you know. Yet this world will be completely different to the world we're from. As of right now, this world could be considered as the real world, while the original reality ought to be considered a '''Sealed Dimension'''.
* After running quite a distance from the school buildings, we turned and looked upwards, and discovered how huge the giant was. The giant inside the '''Sealed Dimension''' Koizumi brought me in was just as huge as this, almost as tall as a building.
* As I answered Haruhi I thought at the same time, remembering what Koizumi told me when he brought me into that '''Sealed Dimension''', if we let these '''"Deities"''' continue their rampage, then after the destruction, the '''Sealed Dimension''' will replace the real world, meaning this grey world will replace the world we came from, and then......


Inconsistencies noted in bold. I'll make the changes.

* What will the world become?

While this sentence is perfectly fine, I think a substitute of "What will become of our world?"  is more explicit as it highlights the fact that Kyon is referring to the "original world" and it's potential replacement by the Sealed Reality.

* According to what Koizumi just told me, Haruhi seems to be creating a brand new world. By then would the Asahina and Nagato I know be in this new world? Or will it be a surreal world where these '''"Deities"''' walk around freely, and aliens, time travellers and espers become commonplace?
* I couldn't tell how large this '''Sealed Dimension''' was, and I didn't know if this dimension would expand and become another reality. At this moment, my mind was full of uncertainties. If at this instant, an old drunkard sitting beside me in a train said to me, "Let me tell you something, but don't tell anyone! I'm actually an alien." I would have believed him right away. Because my mysterious event experience level has now tripled compared to a month ago.
* I sat '''waerily''' on the floor and grabbed my head thinking. If this were all a dream, why did it feel so real? The sweaty right hand, and the warmth left on the lips......


Inconsistencies and mild grammar issues. I shall attempt to rectify them.

* The sun ''continues'' to release its heat from its endless nuclear fusion. Mr Sunshine, I beg of you, can't you occasionally take a break? I'm going to fry to death!


Mild grammar issue. Substitute of "The sun ''continued'' to release its heat from its endless nuclear fusion."

* "That's why I couldn't sleep all night. I had wanted to take leave, ''but my attendance rate wouldn't be enough''."


Mild grammar issue: I shall change the part above in italics with "but my attendance rate wouldn't be high enough if I did."

--[[User:Da~Mike|Da~Mike]] 20:40, 6 May 2006 (GMT)

=== Nagato's Computer Chat ===

* "I'm counting everything on you"

The text uses 賭ける, so I'm changing that to I'm betting everything on you.

--[[User:Eleutheria|Eleutheria]] 12:27, 6 May 2006 (PDT)