Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter6 (section)

===Part 1===

He’s different from Orba who continually moves around.
*I wanted to change to "continuously", but it's not necessarily wrong as is.
:*I find continually more appropriate in this context.

And as the time approached the evening juncture that held the deciding match, the emperor himself made his appearance, as to personally hand over the golden helmet to the victor. 
*Suggested revision for the first part: And as the evening juncture that held the deciding match approached, ...
:*CaM
*Also, should it be "so as to personally ..."?  I'm not to sure on that.
:*I believe both work, but to be on the safe side, CaM.

The sounds of the gladiators and their clashing weapons below suddenly came to a dead silence, and conversely, the enthusiasm of the crowd knew no end as their roars resounded like a tidal wave.
*Rather than "knew no end", I suggest "rose to new heights" because I think it pairs better as an active action to "came to a dead silence." Of course, that change implies the enthusiasm changed after the two stopped, where as the original wording would be more likely to imply it was the same before and after the stop.
:*Hmm...you do make a good point on the contrast. The raws indicate that their enthusiasm showed no signs of quieting down(this may be attributed to an increase in volume as well but that's going a bit far into assumptions). A more subtle change(not sure if it does much) is to change 'knew' to 'saw', a slightly more active verb? Nope...that's just probably sophistry on my part, it probably doesn't change anything. 
::*Knew/saw (or even "rose to"/saw in my suggestion) are about the same in terms of the mismatch, maybe a tiny bit better as an active verb.  For me, the mismatch comes from "came to a dead silence" indicating a change and "(knew/saw) '''no end'''" implying an unchanged continuation.  If that unchanged continuation is the intended meaning, then I guess you just have to sacrifice the contrast-mismatch (actually, I think "saw no end" is slightly better at implying a continuation, and "knew no end" is perhaps a little more ambiguous.  Though maybe that's my imagination.)  "Knew no bounds" might be another alternative doesn't imply a continuation as much, but it still doesn't match quite as well since it's still not very active.
:::*Alright. I'll consult with Dohma on this. I might alternatively change 'conversely' to 'on the other hand' to fix this problem.

Her hands wrapped in prayer, Vileena exclaimed a breath of relief.
*exclaimed to exhaled (or "let out"/released)?
:*Errr...how'd that get in there. CaM.

“The emperor said it. No one can go against that. You’d best ready yourself.”
*Minor style suggestion (move on if you don't like it any better): "It's the emperor's order/word. No one..."
:*Moving on!

I swear to have Gil Mephius’ head.
*"take Gil Mephius’ head" seems to fit a little better, but it also might make it imply more personal direct action than intended.
:*It's a bit vague here, but based on wording in the raw, 'have' is better in my opinion.

How he dreamed countlessly of cutting off the necks of those nobles with the swing of his sword by his own hands.
*Suggested revision: How he dreamed continually of swinging his sword to cut of the heads of those nobles with his own hand.
:*Errr, continually and countlessly are quite different in nuance. Changed to "How he dreamed countlessly of swinging his sword to cut off the heads of those nobles with his own hand."

Orba said while nodding
*Minor suggestion, but I thought "with a nod" would flow a little better (unless the change from plural to singular is significant).
:*Changed to "Orba said with a nod in a voice to seemed like it belonged to another person."

To make matters worse, Orba was covered in wounds. Even the battle just now took what little of all his remaining strength.
*At the end, there are two expressions mixed together ("what little strength he had" and "all of his remaining strength").  I assume only one of those was intended?  Also, I think another transition might work better than "even". I'll put down a revision with those two, not that it's the only one that would work:
::- To make matters worse, Orba was covered in wounds, and the battle just now had taken what little strength he had left.
::*Err, yea, though they still look to mean the same to me. I'll change to yours since it's better.

However, the actions of his feint were unable to perturb Pashir.
*I thought it might read cleaner as "However, his faint was unable..."
:*CaM. 

Therefore, he founded on circling his opponents and luring them in.
*Rather than "he founded on", I suggest "he relied/depended on" or "his strategy was founded on".
:*Going with the latter.

And when the enemy was pulled into his space, he would deliver a strike aimed at their vitals.
*I thought there might have been something more fitting than "pulled into his space."  What I came up with was "pulled into his reach," but there is a little bit of difference there.  "Pulled into his territory" might be another alternative, but it might just be me that thinks that's a little different.
:*Hmm, I think reach is fine here. CaM.