Difference between revisions of "Talk:Tsukumodo:Volume 1 Statue"

From Baka-Tsuki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(questionable lines)
Line 41: Line 41:
 
'''I was not the only one who wanted to live together with Juan-sama, but he always rejected.'''
 
'''I was not the only one who wanted to live together with Juan-sama, but he always rejected.'''
   
(declined everyone else)
+
(rejected everyone else)
   
 
'''Each morning I polished it with a towel wetted in cold winter water.'''
 
'''Each morning I polished it with a towel wetted in cold winter water.'''

Revision as of 15:01, 6 May 2012

Do you intentionally use formal or archaic speech? Like "please be not stained with my blood" and "dwelling"...

Why are there alot of (brackets)? I kinda feel it would be better without them...

i didn't change the following lines:

From time to time the villagers could get their hands on some little medicine in exchange for a bed and a breakfast, but by far not enough to suffice for everyone.

(on a little medicine. Or by "little" you mean medicine for minor illnesses? in which case i'd use some other word instead of

little.)

No doubt too deep for me, but it was some kind of automaton clock by all appearances.

(too complicated/complex)

These thoughts crossed my mind, while the dog kept removing itself from the pot step by step, revealing more of the head-like root.

(moving away from)

"Ah. Mandrake it was."

(it was mandrake)

Wasn't there some tale or legend where dogs got used to pull up some kind of plant?

(pull out)

"Heck, that's no alarmer anymore,

(alarm clock. i didn't find alarmer in the dictionary...)

Within the rising temperature, I heard the sound of wood splitting.

(As the temperture was rising, I heard the sound of wood splitting.)

Please be not stained with my blood.

(don't be)

I was not the only one who wanted to live together with Juan-sama, but he always rejected.

(rejected everyone else)

Each morning I polished it with a towel wetted in cold winter water.

(soaked?)

One reason was of course my attitude, but it was much more because my hands were already numb and their skin as hard as stone.

(but it was mostly because)

I was comfortable the way it was.

(with the way it was)

Only at these times, I wished that I'd had still feeling in them.

(i'd still had)

He cherished the statue and never failed to perform his office.

(sounds kinda formal...)

--Idiffer 05:19, 6 May 2012 (CDT)