Difference between revisions of "Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Chapter4"
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
m (cleanup) |
|||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
Splendid work! - Tasear |
Splendid work! - Tasear |
||
| + | Cleaned this page up a bit; removed resolved issues. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 06:51, 31 May 2013 (CDT) |
||
<hr /> |
<hr /> |
||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | Just for reference: for edits like these, do you still want me to post in here to notify you, or just go ahead on my own? "Despite the council having become a more nominal existence due to strengthening the Imperial household’s authority", it should be "Despite the council having become a more nominal existence due to the strengthening of the Imperial household's authority." - [[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]] |
||
| − | * No, these kinds of edits are fine by me. Basically if a sentence or word isn't necessarily wrong, but seems 'off' in English, or if you simply don't understand what a sentence is trying to say, post it here (or notify me however you like) so that I can review it with the original Japanese. Grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, conjugation, or me 'skipping' certain words like 'the' or 'a' are my fault, and you can edit them without consulting me first. Besides, I'll notice these edits anyway because I've got these pages on my watchlist, and if I don't agree I'll change it back (I'll try to explain why though). --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 06:39, 15 May 2013 (CDT) |
||
| − | |||
| − | About "Just because he was bought by a noble, it does the repayment of favour about the last battle, it was as good as to come make an offer to myself." I suggest changing it to "Just because he was bought by a noble, he should repay my favor with this last battle, I had suggested to myself." It seems closer to what is said in the raw,「いくら貴族に買われたからと言って、恩返しに最後の一戦くらいはやります、と自分から申し出てきてもいいくらいだ。」, as far as I understand it. --[[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]] |
||
| − | * I had made a mental note about it myself, it was too much of a direct translations, but I forgot about it. Also didn't quite understand that last clause at first. Changed it. |
||
| − | |||
| − | And "Let’s consider how to raise the pairings in some way,", in this context, shouldn't (盛り上がるような組み合わせ) be taken to mean "Form rousing or exciting pairings"? As it is, it doesn't make much sense. --[[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]] |
||
| − | * You're right. Changed to "Let's consider making some exciting pairings." |
||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | <hr /> |
||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | "Being tasked as a body double was fine, but he couldn’t talk unless Fedom whispered it to him like ventriloquism." A couple issues with this sentence; "it" should be replaced with either "words" or something like that, or just removed, since there is no proper antecedent for it. Also, there should be a comma before "like ventriloquism, as it represents another thought separate from the part before. So, it should read "Being tasked as a body double was fine, but he couldn’t talk unless Fedom whispered words to him, like ventriloquism." --[[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]] |
||
| − | * Changed |
||
| − | |||
| − | "These nobles had snatched away his brother to become a soldier." Probably add "force him to" before "become". --[[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]] |
||
| − | * I was actually looking for a word similar to commandeer, but I'm not so sure it can be used on people (I know you can commandeer cars and stuff, but not to sure about people). A more literal translation is: "These nobles had snatched/taken away his brother (in order) to be a soldier." It never really says they forced him to become a soldier. Changed 'become' into 'be' though. |
||
| − | |||
| − | Here's a bunch of suggestions. |
||
| − | |||
| − | In "...but nobody else but one of those a Mephian nobles" should be changed to "...but none other than one of those Mephian nobles". |
||
| − | * Changed it. |
||
| − | |||
| − | In "...it might be they knew something about his brother Roan’s whereabouts", perhaps change it to "...they might know something about his brother Roan's whereabouts", as though the current sentence is correct, the context places more emphasis on the soldiers. |
||
| − | * Changed it. |
||
In "What… a lie?" A suggest would be to change it to "What...is a lie?", since in the raw it says （何が、嘘、だ). |
In "What… a lie?" A suggest would be to change it to "What...is a lie?", since in the raw it says （何が、嘘、だ). |
||
| − | * I find Orba's entire comment puzzling, because he knows he's lying, so what is he surprised about |
+ | * I find Orba's entire comment puzzling, because he knows he's lying, so what is he surprised about? I assume he's surprised about the fact she accused him for a liar. So I translated into something like : "What? A lie?". Your translation is indeed closer to the original, but it makes me wonder what Orba means by it. |
* I think what Orba means is that he is surprised by Vileena calling him out on lying, since they were unfamiliar, and also of high rank, and probably shouldn't be using casual language. |
* I think what Orba means is that he is surprised by Vileena calling him out on lying, since they were unfamiliar, and also of high rank, and probably shouldn't be using casual language. |
||
| − | |||
| − | In "Although the movements of the gladiators were somewhat awkward, perhaps it was because of the more subdued environment up until the end of the first round, namely, until the loser was turned into a sprawled corpse on the ground.", "although" should be removed, as it isn't a subordinating clause. Also, in the raw, 「慣れない環境のせいか、剣闘士たちの動きはどことなくぎこちなかったものの、それも最初の一戦目が終わるまで、すなわち敗者が屍となって大地に横たわるときまでだった。」 , the unfamiliarity of the environment is also mentioned. |
||
| − | * I assume the unfamiliarity of the environment is due to the subdued/formal nature of the ceremony. But that's actually just what I make of it so I'll use 'unfamiliar'. The second clause ''is'' dependent on the first though, due to the か at the end of the first clause, but I'll change the sentence a bit to make it flow better. End result: |
||
| − | :: "The movements of the gladiators were somewhat awkward, but perhaps it was because of the unfamiliar environment up until the end of the first round..." |
||
| − | |||
| − | "In Garbera and Ende, with restrictions on slave companies expressly going for the entertainment industry, there wasn’t an opportunity to see a gladiator fight." "Going for" is used incorrectly, as it implies that the slave companies will (in the future) go into the entertainment industry; rather, it should be replaced with "in". |
||
| − | * Changed into "slave companies active in the entertainment industry" |
||
"During that staggering time, a dense cloud of dust swelled up on the other side of the arena." "Staggering time" sounds really awkward here; I know that in the raw it says よろめいたその間, so I'm not sure what suggestions that I can make other than that it sounds awkward. |
"During that staggering time, a dense cloud of dust swelled up on the other side of the arena." "Staggering time" sounds really awkward here; I know that in the raw it says よろめいたその間, so I'm not sure what suggestions that I can make other than that it sounds awkward. |
||
| Line 49: | Line 15: | ||
* 狙いの外した can also mean he missed the mark, so I'm not quite sure if he took a shot and missed or if he stopped aiming, so I translated it literally. |
* 狙いの外した can also mean he missed the mark, so I'm not quite sure if he took a shot and missed or if he stopped aiming, so I translated it literally. |
||
*I see. It's good then, since I'm not really sure what is being said there as well. |
*I see. It's good then, since I'm not really sure what is being said there as well. |
||
| + | |||
| + | <hr /> |
||
Sorry about that mountain of suggestions! Really nice translation as normal, keep up the great work! Also, my bad on the changing the "wilfully" part (both the first and the second time), didn't know that the British English had a different version, and don't know what happened the second time (I think I had the page open before you edited it, and didn't save until afterwards). --[[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]]. |
Sorry about that mountain of suggestions! Really nice translation as normal, keep up the great work! Also, my bad on the changing the "wilfully" part (both the first and the second time), didn't know that the British English had a different version, and don't know what happened the second time (I think I had the page open before you edited it, and didn't save until afterwards). --[[User:Kiydon|Kiydon]]. |
||
Revision as of 13:51, 31 May 2013
Splendid work! - Tasear
Cleaned this page up a bit; removed resolved issues. --Dohma (talk) 06:51, 31 May 2013 (CDT)
In "What… a lie?" A suggest would be to change it to "What...is a lie?", since in the raw it says （何が、嘘、だ).
- I find Orba's entire comment puzzling, because he knows he's lying, so what is he surprised about? I assume he's surprised about the fact she accused him for a liar. So I translated into something like : "What? A lie?". Your translation is indeed closer to the original, but it makes me wonder what Orba means by it.
- I think what Orba means is that he is surprised by Vileena calling him out on lying, since they were unfamiliar, and also of high rank, and probably shouldn't be using casual language.
"During that staggering time, a dense cloud of dust swelled up on the other side of the arena." "Staggering time" sounds really awkward here; I know that in the raw it says よろめいたその間, so I'm not sure what suggestions that I can make other than that it sounds awkward.
- From what I get it's supposed to either mean: "during that lapse in time" or "during the time (where he was) staggering" due to the tremors, I translated it a bit more literally because I can't quite figure out which one it's supposed to be.
”The moment he removed his aim”, about this part, 狙いの外したその瞬間, its rather hard to translate. Perhaps the soldier stopped aiming at the dragon?
- 狙いの外した can also mean he missed the mark, so I'm not quite sure if he took a shot and missed or if he stopped aiming, so I translated it literally.
- I see. It's good then, since I'm not really sure what is being said there as well.
Sorry about that mountain of suggestions! Really nice translation as normal, keep up the great work! Also, my bad on the changing the "wilfully" part (both the first and the second time), didn't know that the British English had a different version, and don't know what happened the second time (I think I had the page open before you edited it, and didn't save until afterwards). --Kiydon.
