Difference between revisions of "Talk:Toradora!:Volume4 Chapter3"
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
(I think I put brackets because I was considering rewriting that part. The two lines are sort of connected but I can't seem to transfer it well into English unless I break up the sentence,) |
|||
| (2 intermediate revisions by one other user not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
| − | "In an acrobatic display of leaping and latching onto one of Ryuuji’s arms, Taiga had landed a crab scissors move somewhere between his waist and thigh with her bare feet and climbed onto him." |
||
| − | |||
| − | I realize that you're trying to connect 'acrobatic display' with the actions of leaping and latching, but it comes off as an awkward sentence. Suggestion: |
||
| − | |||
| − | In an acrobatic display, Taiga leaped up and latched onto one of Ryuuji’s arms, landing a crab-scissors move somewhere between his waist and thigh with her bare feet while climbing onto him. |
||
| − | |||
| − | --[[User:Akirasav|Akirasav]] 14:20, 9 October 2008 (PDT) |
||
| − | |||
| − | One thing I would change is the tense, as in "had leaped", because I'm pretty sure the line before it was Ryuuji's reaction simultaneous to the event while this line is a description immediately after the fact. |
||
| − | |||
| − | I was trying to connect 'acrobatic' to the rest of the sentence since the the whole thing is supposed to be 'an acrobatic feat'. 'Performed an acrobatic feat' or something like that was actually the main predicate, but I shifted it hoping it would sound better. In any case, I don't really have a problem with what you have written. |
||
| − | |||
| − | I think I misread some parts, so I'll go ahead and put in this sentence while I'm checking. |
||
| − | |||
| − | [[User:Trabius|Trabius]] 12:30, 10 October 2008 (PDT) |
||
