Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume8 Chapter9

Autumn Bonds

Part 1

After that, Shimako decided to come and help out.

But that didn't mean that she actively joined in the rambling chats over tea that were our everyday activities.

She wasn't the type to get ahead of herself. Yoshino-chan or Sachiko would call on her when we really needed help and she would respond. You could say she drew a clean distinction between the two activities. At any rate, her approach to the Yamayurikai was clearly different to that of a bouton or their petit soeur.

June.

With May over, and so too the Maria ceremony and new student welcoming ceremony, the Yamayurikai didn't have any public events scheduled and had entered into a relatively quiet period where we started preparing for the sports carnival and school festival in autumn.

"So given that, why are you dragging Shimako in?"

I jabbed at Youko one day. For the first time in a while, it was just the two of us having lunch in the Rose Mansion.

"No real reason."

Youko smoothly sidestepped the question.

"She's nobody's petit soeur, so you shouldn't be bringing her in during the planning stage."

Shimako was an assistant we inevitably turned to when short of hands – that was the expedient Youko used to bring her in to the Rose Mansion.

"But given our current situation, we'll have to get her to help out with the school festival. So the sooner we get her involved the better, right? Ahh, right. We'll need help with the Hanadera Academy cultural festival too. My petit soeur's such a troublesome girl, she tells me she doesn't want to have anything to do with an event at a boys' school. Shimako-chan's help is going to become more and more important."

"…"

What Youko said was true. Although I had a sneaking suspicion it was a justification she'd made up after the fact.

"But besides that, Sei, don't you want to improve the "current situation?""

The current situation. The phrase she used to point out that while I was the white Rose, I did not have a petit soeur. People who did not fulfill all their responsibilities did not have the right to find fault with others. Indeed, if I did have a petit soeur, then there would be no need to ask Shimako.

"You know, Youko, your personality really has taken a turn for the worse."

"What choice do I have, given how rebellious my friend is acting?"

Youko really did have a sharp tongue. Despite her good manners, she was caustic towards me. Maybe we were alike in that only our surface appearance was good.

Looking at it that way, Sachiko was also very much a wolf in sheep's clothing. Rei was almost idiotically honest, so her surface and her inside were the same, but Yoshino-chan, hmm, she looked like a bit of a lion at home and a mouse abroad.

Shimako was – . I had a think about it, but didn't really know. It didn't feel like I'd ever caught a glimpse of what lay beneath her surface.

"That girl does that a lot."

Youko said, looking out the window.

"That girl?"

I asked, then looked out the window to where Youko pointed. It was Shimako. She was walking across the courtyard carrying a stack of printouts, probably either committee work or because she was on duty today.

"I did think about her becoming your petit soeur. But that aside, letting her go would be such a waste."

"How so?"

"You haven't considered her as a Rose? Losing her would be a great loss to the Yamayurikai."

A loss to the Yamayurikai. I smiled bitterly. So sorry to bother you. Youko was even worried about what was going to happen after she'd graduated.

"Even though you've given up on making her my petit soeur?"

"I wouldn't say I've given up – "

Shimako disappeared into the school building and Youko shut the window and turned to face me.

"But there are other ways."

"Other ways, huh."

At that time, I thought she was going to try and persuade Shimako to run in the election in February of next year. I had no petit soeur. The annual student council elections usually took the form of a vote of confidence in the boutons, but if the current situation continued then the campaign for the post of Rosa Gigantea could turn into a fierce contest.

If that happened, what would Shimako do? I felt pity for her, if she was forced to fight like that.

(Pity?)

A strange emotion. I was worried about Shimako.

(Right.)

Certainly, I felt concern for Shimako. Or, to put it another way, I was charmed by her – but it didn't feel like it should be bundled up that neatly.

At the very least, the feelings I had for Shimako were completely different to the overwhelming emotions I'd felt towards Shiori.

As an example, they did share many common features. They were both devout Catholics, with long hair, as well as being neat and beautiful. But that wasn't what had charmed me.

I wanted the entirety of Shiori, and to give myself entirely to her. Our relationship ended when it became obvious that that wish couldn't come true. Shiori was the first to realize it. So, for us to keep living, we had to separate.

Thinking about it now, Shiori was my angel. It was fundamentally impossible that a human like me could tie her to the ground.

In that regard, Shimako was a human.

I watched Shimako from a short distance away.

That alone was enough.

Before I knew it, it had even become comforting.

Part 2

Shimako.

Being addressed in that manner was incredibly comforting to me.

Not Shimako-san or Shimako-chan. Just plain Shimako.

With the exception of my fellow first-year Yoshino-san, everyone in the Rose Mansion called me "Shimako." I felt like a part of the group every time they called me that, even if it was only temporary.

Rosa Gigantea was the first to call me "Shimako."

It started with Rosa Chinensis taking a jab at her, saying, "Not using an honorific, even though she's not your petit soeur?" to which Rosa Gigantea had gloomily responded with, "Well, everyone should call her that." Sachiko-sama faithfully followed that directive and eventually they all settled on addressing me that way.

In every group, there were generally rules that governed how the members addressed each other. If everyone just did whatever they wanted, it would be chaos.

Take Yoshino-san as an example. She was called "Yoshino-chan" by girls in higher grades and "Yoshino-san" by students in the same grade as her. Her onee-sama, Rei-sama, was the only one that called her "Yoshino."

As an example, if "-san" or "-chan" were attached to my name, then I would probably always be seen as an interloper. By calling me Shimako, I could obediently accept their affection as though I was everyone's petit soeur. Even though I had no specific onee-sama.

I liked my time in the Rose Mansion.

I liked each and every one of the "Rose families" that formed the Yamayurikai executive.

Consequently, I'd occasionally forget my position and find myself blending in with the group. Because there was such a gentle, comforting atmosphere.

My impression of Rosa Gigantea changed depending on the situation. She was sometimes mysterious, sometimes scary, sometimes glib and sometimes tender. But through all this, she remained consistently conscious of me.

Whenever I was doing something, I'd look over my shoulder and feel relieved that Rosa Gigantea was there. Even when she wasn't looking at me, or when she was looking at me in a foul mood. No matter when.

I wonder why I found it calming.

It was, figuratively speaking, as though we were kindred spirits, and I could feel relaxed simply because she was there. Rosa Gigantea gave me the peace of mind that came from knowing I wasn't alone.

In early summer, I saw Rosa Gigantea in the courtyard after school.

She was merrily watching a cat eat the dry pet food she had given it.

"Do you like cats?"

I quietly asked her from behind.

It took a lot of courage for me to call out to Rosa Gigantea, but I felt compelled to.

"Yeah, I do. I like most animals."

"Even snakes and worms?"

"I suppose."

Rosa Gigantea scratched the cat's head with her index finger. The cat purred happily.

"As long as we respect the others' territory, we should be able to coexist."

"Coexist?"

"Yep."

The cat looked too old to be called a kitten, but it didn't look like it was fully grown either. It was a blackish tabby with patches of fur missing in various places showing scars that were still healing.

"Even the crows that attacked her would have had their reasons. Maybe they had hungry children of their own."

Neither was in the wrong, they were just two different species trying to live. Rosa Gigantea mumbled that that was all it was.

"It may just be selfishness, but I don't want to witness any more suffering than I have to. I'm not trying to gloss over it, I know full well that killing and dying are a fixture of this world."

I wondered whether Rosa Gigantea counted humans as one of the animal species that she liked. Occasionally, when she sleepily looked out the window at the row of green trees, I got the sense she was longing to be in a place as far away from any humans as possible.

I had the feeling that Rosa Gigantea would reject me simply because I was a human.

"What are you going to do with this cat?"

The cat looked like it would be skittish, but when I reached out my hand it didn't run away, letting me pat it.

"Nothing much."

Then Rosa Gigantea smiled and made a bad joke about how she couldn't sell its skin to a shamisen maker because of the wounds.

"But, you're feeding it, right?"

"I shouldn't feed it?"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't, but … "

I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know, but I couldn't say nothing to Rosa Gigantea.

"If it gets used to being fed, it won't survive on its own."

"I see."

"And what about summer break? Or the cold winter vacation? You're not going to stay here for the ten or twenty years that this cat will live for, right?"

Was I projecting myself onto the cat? Tears started to fall as I imagined the cat as the faithful dog Hachiko, continuing to wait for Rosa Gigantea long after she'd graduated.

"Won't your momentary kindness in saving it just be more cruel in the long run?"

No. Even I didn't think it would have been better if it had been eaten by the crows.

"As the wounds accumulate."

Rosa Gigantea smiled fondly. I turned my head and rubbed beneath my eyes with the back of my hand so she wouldn't see my tears.

"I suppose. Maybe it was cruel of me, like you said. But she's still just a child. Her wounds have finally healed now. So I think my occasional indulgence of her with an afternoon snack is something that can be overlooked. It's not something I do all the time."

Because the cat would someday reach an age where it could hunt for itself. When that happened, was she intending to coolly let it go?

But was that really okay? The cat will surely remember the warmth of Rosa Gigantea's hand for the rest of its life. It would never be able to forget the taste of the dry, crackly, biscuit-like pet food.

"Meeting and parting are a matched set. Sooner or later, the time to part will come. But to avoid relationships because you're afraid of that is a bit desolate, don't you think? … For me, Shimako."

Rosa Gigantea braced her right cuff with her left hand.

"I'm grateful to my graduated onee-sama. She gave me all the love she had. There's no way I could resent her for leaving while I stayed. One way or the other, I can still keep on living at this school without her."

I caught a glimpse of what looked like a rosary near the cuff of her summer uniform.

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