Mushi:Vol1 Ch4
The Fourth Night : Loneliness ← Kodoku → Insect Poison
As the season had long changed into winter, the air that remained in the corridors in the school seemed to be particularly cold deep at night, and even the hazy scene that seemed to float in the darkness gave off a feeling of piercing chill. People meant exactly this place when they talk about an ordinary school that’s rarely praised and rarely criticized – Kannonsakazaki Private High School. However, this ordinary scene was currently exposing something incongruously strange. The moonlight that shone in through the window made the corridor glisten with light as if it was a mirror, and a few human figures were wobbling along the bright corridor.
There were about ten teenagers. Since they were all wearing the uniforms of Kannonsakazaki High School, they should be the school’s students! There were boys and girls with similar unfocused expressions on their faces, stumbling along as if they were the risen dead. Their faces were full of gloom, apparently having lost their human conscience.
Their leader was the only person who was dressed oddly among these students in uniform. With a long purple robe, holding a large crystal ball in his hands, those eyes that still sparkled with residue light in the darkness were red.
He was indeed the mysterious fortune teller who gave the Dream World Beast to Sakaki Guryuu, tried to kill Usagawa Rinne, and survived after Guriko’s attack. He did not wear his hood. The expressionless youth’s face was exposed in the night school.
This macabre team, led by the fortune teller, marched forward. Soon they arrived at the third floor and stopped in front of the sealed classroom that no one usually approached. Although so many people were gathered together, there was not a single word of conversation. The surroundings were enveloped in a frightening quietness. The fortune teller broke the silence and said: “… I see, it was indeed something very vicious!”
No one answered his words. The fortune teller gave a look, urging forward a boy amongst these students with a particularly thick build. A rough and large axe was held in the boy’s hands. In order to forbid people from entering, the door of the sealed classroom had wooden panels nailed on it. The boy lifted the axe and chopped downwards chaotically, destroying the door. The sound of him hacking away, as if intending to break the others’ eardrums, echoed in the silent school for a long time.
‘Clack’, the wooden panel made a mighty noise, and the door was completely smashed. Age-old thick dust filled up the air, but the fortune teller did not mind it at all. He spoke to the students behind him: “hurry, the door’s open, get inside –”
Without a word the students, with faces filled with dead blank expressions, obeyed the fortune teller’s words and walked into the empty abandoned classroom.
There was a strange rumor concerning this sealed classroom. Reputedly, all the students who broke into this abandoned classroom for fun had strangely disappeared – it seemed to be true according to the fortune teller; ‘something bad’ was indeed within this classroom. That is an existence that should never be in this world, an existence called a monster. Here, there is an existence that is the same as the fortune teller.
“… Come, I’m here to bring offerings. This is prepared particularly for you. Please enjoy yourself. As for having their souls already sucked away – please forgive me, as the best way to successfully control humans is to suck away the soul and make them into zombies! You’re not the kind to eat souls anyways, Legion Bandanna, demonic beast of blood and flesh –”
The fortune teller spoke to the darkness that formed whirlpools in the class room. Upon close inspection, the students standing dazedly in the classroom were devored by the darkness one by one, and their figures thus disappeared. Looks like it was truly very hungry. Human actions were truly cruel, locking it up here and not even giving it food. In the pitch dark classroom, Legion Bandanna’s hunger and hatred were raised to the ultimate level.
With a satisfied expression on his face, the fortune teller looked almost as if he was appreciating the demonic beast that was savoring the students as he devored them.
Ever since when, someone was standing behind him.
“… What are you doing?”
“Oh dear.”
The fortune teller turned his head. A red-haired woman, about twenty years old, was standing there.
It’s a Mushi. It probably discovered that something odd was happening in the school and came to ascertain the situation.
The fortune teller waved a hand and spoke to the Mushi, which had the appearance of a woman: “What’s wrong? Do you need to come to this school for something?”
“Don’t play dumb, I’m asking what you are doing.”
The Mushi was unmoved, and nor did the expression on its face change.
“What’s your intention in feeding the carnivorous beast? You should know the danger in this, right? If it’s just a pointless game, then you must be disciplined as ‘Mushi’ –”
Just then, the expression on the Mushi’s face froze.
“You –”
Discovered it yet?
“Who? Who are you? Not ‘Mushi’ – not one of us.”
‘Shuuu’ – the fortune teller moved with a lightening speed that human eyes wouldn’t be able to see; it was a speed that Mushi, whose physical abilities are not any higher than humans, can never have. The crystal ball immediately dropped on the ground, making a large sound.
The Mushi opened its red eyes wide in shock.
“Wha –”
“I can’t be hindered here!”
The sound came from behind the Mushi.
“– For ‘my’ purpose.”
Then, with his vicious teeth, the fortune teller bit deeply into the slender neck of the Mushi. The Mushi gave out dying shrieks, waved its hands chaotically, but it was useless no matter how it struggled –
The Mushi soon disintegrated into the air.
“… Ah, don’t worry about it!”
The fortune teller spoke into the pitch dark classroom with a gloomy voice.
“Keep on enjoying your food till you’re full.”
Then, ‘psst’, he laughed. A very evil, purely evil laugh.
The scene was changing. She’s always felt that before – before she met Sakaki Guryuu, the town had always felt so old and without charisma just like now. Was it going to back to it was before? Usagawa Rinne sighed, then wiped away the tears that trickled down without her noticing.
The time was seven fifty, almost eight o’clock. Having just finished with her work at the fastfood outlet, Rinne was currently riding her bicycle that was creaking with weird sounds since she hasn’t used it for many years. All forms of keeping herself warm were useless in the winter city after sunset. Rinne curved up her body, enduring the chilling air that seemed to almost erode her body. Apparently she still had residue feelings of ‘pain’ concerning temperature. According to Guriko, it looks like it’ll take a long time for those feelings to disappear.
However, it was said the heartache won’t disappear.
“What… should I do?”
She muttered as if she was speaking about someone else. What should I do? She had always regarded herself as some special existence before she met Guryuu. This speciality wasn’t meant in a good way, but in a bad way, as a blemished work, a failure, a malfunctioning thing, a piece of crap – however, only after meeting Guryuu did she realize she was definitely not some special existence. There is no such thing as a special existence in a good or bad way. Everyone breathes, eats, sleeps, and lives as such. It is humanity itself that used poverty, personality, social states, and thoughts to classify humanity. When she was fifteen, she followed the distinctions that humans made on a whim, thinking that she was a special existence, thinking that she was not worthy, useless even alive, and thus wanted death. Only when she met Guryuu did she understand how to enjoy an ordinary life, and feel that she isn’t special, just an ordinary human.
However – she was no longer an ordinary human. How can someone who has an eternal life be ordinary? She hasn’t eaten anything, but can still move and speak; does such a creature count as human? How can it, how can it be!
“Sensei…”
Thinking of Sakaki, thinking of the existence of her beloved.
Humans will definitely one day part once they meet. Even if they do nothing, one day separation will arrive in the form of ‘death’. Although Rinne could understand such things, she’s never thought about it before. They won’t be in a teacher-and-student relationship once she graduates from high school; they’d become a ordinary couple, and will one day marry… and be together forever, just having such uncertain sweet dreams, not thinking about the separation that will arrive one day at last, just live as such. However… now she has to think of this; she has to think how she, who won’t even be granted death, part with Sakaki. One day Sakaki will die, but she can not die. Therefore, she must decide herself the time to part. Rinne’s tears fell splattering to the ground.
“No…”
No, no, no, Rinne murmured. The bicycle crossed the shopping street, galloping on the uneven ground. The moonlight shone down silently, the grass waved with a rustle, but Rinne was in mood to enjoy them.
“How can this be, how can this me…”
It was rare for Rinne to speak such pessimistic words.
She suddenly wanted to see Sakaki very much.
I used to want a teddy bear very much, Rinne said. What’s a teddy bear? Guriko asked without looking at Rinne. Her sight was focused on the television in front of her, where soft little Kirby was jumping cutely. After yesterday’s ‘Obake no Q-Tarō’, Guriko was challenging action games again today. She was probably getting used to it, and the way her hand used the controller were far more dexterous.
Rinne still couldn’t decide her future after listening to Guriko talking about the truth yesterday. There were many choices. Staying beside Sakaki until he dies and travel with Guriko after he dies; she can also chose not go with Guriko and pass her soul to Mushi; or, as their relation isn’t yet very intimate and the separation won’t hurt too deeply, she many even leave Sakaki’s side tomorrow. However, although she can easily think up these choices, in reality she couldn’t choose as Rinne loves Sakaki very much.
He’s Rinne’s lifesaver, an object of admiration, her most important person in the world.
“This thing, Teddy Bear…”
Rinne spoke of the past. She felt she wanted to talk about it. Although Guriko didn’t reply, it seemed she was listening attentively and would ask as soon as she has questions.
“It’s a toy, a bear toy! Because it’s made in a very abstract way, maybe it doesn’t look like a bear anymore – I used to want it very much. As to why I wanted it, I can’t remember the reason anymore.”
“That’s how everyone was like when they were young!”
Guriko, clad in pajamas, controlled Kirby as she said words that made others feel the weight of years.
“A child’s world is actually very small. Even if it’s something that is boring and infinitesimal for adults, children would feel that it’s such a large existence that can’t be ignored, right?”
“That’s right!”
Rinne smiled and lay across the prepared bed. The warm table had long ago been pushed to the corner of the room, and the preparation before sleep was already complete.
“It’s probably just like that. But my dad – I didn’t have a mum. He didn’t understand my thoughts, and told me off, very harshly: ‘don’t ask for such things’. Since I couldn’t understand it, I kept throwing fits. That was probably… the beginning.”
The time was half past eight at night. Guriko had been playing video games from when she came back from school till now. If she was told: “you’re gonna hurt your eyes!’, she’d reply: ‘It’ll get well on its own.” That is indeed true!
“After that, it was just all downhill. As I grew up, my personality also became very distorted. I became a person without interests, always feeling that the entire world doesn’t knowledge me, and no one’s listening to me. I became entangled in this paranoia and began to be afraid, and began to distance myself from others…”
Based to what Rinne was currently like, it’s very hard to imagine this. However, Rinne really did have such a time. Back then she hated others, hated herself, and hated the world.
Even hating life.
“There was no place for me in school, and I couldn’t get any solace at home, Plus, there was nothing I liked or was interested in; I just kept accumulating stress. Stress is very scary, Guriko; it’s definitely a monster. The monster named stress continued to erode my heart, gnaw away at that beautiful heart, and then I became someone hateful.
Since I didn’t have the courage to be rebellious, I could only lock myself in my room and resist passively. Although it’s boring to stay in the room, it wasn’t painful either, so I kept staying locked in the room. Dad couldn’t understand me. He whether swore angrily ‘you piece of crap’ while beating me, or said ‘get to school!’ while kicking me.”
Like so, Rinne completely snapped.
She knew there’s nothing good left even if she keeps living.
Then finish it, she thought.
“Had I not met Sakaki-sensei, I should probably be dead already. It was at the seaside, the winter seaside, when there was absolutely no one around. I was walking on the empty wave cutters, thinking of where I would kill myself. I wanted to die, wanted to commit suicide. Now that I think about it, it’s really scary, but back then I really did snap!”
Or it could be said that she was mad. Rinne gave a small smile. On the television screen, Kirby fell into a hole and died. Play again! But there are no such chances in life.
“… I jumped in, trying to drown myself. I walked to the cliff and jumped, aiming for the deep waters. I didn’t hope to be saved, and didn’t think that anyone would save me. The sea water was so cold, it’s enough to kill. I remember it very vividly. But all I felt then was that it was so cold.”
“Death is not a warm thing!” Rinne said.
“That’s obvious!” Guriko said coldly.
“But some people feel that it’s a warm and happy thing. Those crazy ones who think death is even happier than living.”
“I know.”
Guriko said evenly. Confusion emerged on Rinne’s face.
“I tried to die a few times too; I still want to die now. There’s nothing important for me, and I don’t know what I’m living for; I long for the concept of death very much.”
The reborn Kirby was walking forward in high spirits.
Guriko smiled unconsciously.
“So I’m a bit jealous of you. You have something important, using that important existence – Sakaki Guryuu, as your stable pillar, and living on with happiness. I’m jealous, and I miss it. It is the beautiful feeling that I left behind a long long time ago. That’s reasonable, because for the person that’s me right now –”
Guriko suddenly had a lost expression.
“– there isn’t anything important.”
Even so, why did Guriko stay alive? Rinne tried to think. The reason Guriko was alive was probably due to the face she ‘can’t die’, not that she ‘wanted to live’, right? This thought is just too pessimistic. This girl, in order to protect those who received the Apple from the threats of Mushi, and also to revenge her family on Mushi, lived based on the feels of duty, destiny, and hatred. But I feel that she is very tough, and very gentle. Guriko didn’t escape death, and she had fought alone to prevent her own misfortunes from occurring again.
“Guriko.”
“What?”
“Guriko, I –”
Rinne spoke from the depths of her heart: “– can’t I be the ‘most important’ person in Guriko’s heart?”
“Hmm…”
Guriko gave Rinne a look. It was the look of a kitten picked up from the street, wanting to be coquettish but weary at the same time. It was an expression that wanted to rely on someone but fearful at the same time, mixed in with some clumsiness.
“I don’t know…”
Guriko’s gaze returned to the television.
“I like you. I haven’t met anyone I like for a long time, but I have been separated from this kind of feelings for a long while, therefore… I don’t know if I’m able to feel that you’re ‘important’. I can no longer distinguish whether this is the normal feeling that I had a thousand years ago.”
The girl who had died a long, looong time ago stared into nothingness and said: “I’ll tell you when I’ve come to a conclusion, Rinne. Thanks for your kind words.”
Tilting her head, Guriko still smiled clumsily.
For just a little bit, an expression showed on Rinne’s face as if she wanted to cry, but she quickly got back to the original topic.
“Back to our previous topic, hmm… where were we?”
“Where you jumped into the sea.”
Guriko replied as she fought the boss at the same time.
Rinne nodded.
“Yes, I jumped into the sea to seek death. As to why I chose the sea, it’s because it was close… also, it would trouble a lot of people if I commit suicide on the railway.”
“You thought of others even back then! That’s really like you right now… hoho.”
Rarely, Guriko smiled. Rinne’s eyes were looking at somewhere far away.
“Sensei saved me there.”
“Why would Sakaki be there?”
“Aye?”
Rinne’s eyes widened.
Then Rinne tilted her head as if thinking about something.
“– Hmm, huh, speaking off, why indeed? No one swims in the sea during winter, so why would Sensei be there? Although I don’t know, I think Sensei must be beside the sea due to some business. Then he saw me jumping, and saved me.”
“Sakaki was probably there to kill himself too.”
“That’s impossible!”
Rinne burst out laughing due to Guriko’s words. It’d be impossible even if it’s a joke.
“Anyways, Sensei saved me at the risk of his life, and then resuscitated me, who was hovering near death – Ahh, Guriko, why are you allowing me to say this!”
”Pa’, Rinne suddenly knocked on Guriko’s head.
Shocked, Guriko looked at Rinne.
Rinne looked very embarrassed.
“… And then, Sensei told me off, saying I shouldn’t kill myself, then – Ahaha, what do you think Sensei, drenched from head to toe, said to me? He said: ‘I fell in love with you at first sight. Please marry me.’ My brain froze, because I suddenly felt like Cinderella, with someone as handsome as Sensei suddenly… to me…”
Rinne became red to the ears all of a sudden, while Guriko opened her eyes wide in shock. She probably didn’t know why Rinne was blushing; perhaps, even Rinne herself didn’t know the reason!
“It was – the same time last year, or a bit later. At the end, I found the hope to keep living because I met Sakaki-sensei, and so I gave up trying to kill myself and decide to study at Kannonsakazaki High School. I didn’t know that Sensei would chase after me as a teacher…”
“That guy’s activity is pretty messy itself.”
“But I was really happy! I liked Sensei even back then. Even now, I still feel that meeting Sensei in the sea was like a dream…”
With a dreamy, euphoric expression, Rinne said softly with a hand on her chest.
It was truly – miraculous. Perhaps it could be called destiny!
Meeting Sakaki Guryuu, who changed Usagawa Rinne’s life.
At the same time it was also the beginning of this worst situation that Usagawa Rinne was now facing.
As she easily went past level by level, Guriko said to Rinne with an innocent voice: “… Rinne, could it be that you ate it at that time?”
“Mm, I ate the Apple.”
Rinne answered quietly. Of course, this isn’t the apple that you’d buy from the shops.
That is the forbidden fruit that would give a human immortality, the Apple that is growing on the tree at entrance of the next world, where only some chosen people can arrive there. No one knows what conditions were used to choose those humans who can arrive at the tree. The only thing certain was that those who ate the Apple would never be able to die, and would forever be targeted by the Mushi as long as they’re alive.
“I think Usagawa Rinne once died in that stretch of sea. Resurrecting due to having eaten the Apple, and then receiving hope from Sakaki-sensei; these gave me a true rebirth, and I am still alive today.”
“Mmm…”
Guriko listened to Rinne with a gentle expression.
Guriko had lived with her for almost a month already, Rinne thought. In this short time, this girl had become more human-like. She didn’t appear to notice it herself, but she smiled more often, and her expressions were much more softened.
Would I be able to more or less heal Guriko’s heart like Sakaki did to mine? Rinne smiled inwardly. The reason that Rinne wanted to save Guriko without a particular reason was perhaps that Rinne projected the self that didn’t have anything important in the world and wanted to die onto Guriko! However, it could be said that it had nothing to do with it, and Rinne simply liked Guriko’s personality. She knew that although Guriko was rude and find it hard to understand others’ emotions, she wasn’t a bad person. If that’s the case, then it’d be too pitiful for such a person to endure pain. Therefore, Rinne sincerely wanted to help her.
“... Sakaki… Guryuu…?”
Guriko’s hands didn’t stop, and she said while she kept playing the video game: “Is that guy really so charismatic?”
“Mmm, very.”
Rinne replied immediately. Guriko still said with a serious face: “I’d think so, since he’s the person whom you like.”
Such delightful words.
“I’m beginning to want to think about getting along well with that guy too, and it seems you don’t like me to argue with that guy, so I’ll back down. But that guy still seems to be guarded towards me even now – probably we can’t be good friends!”
“Mm, that’s good, Guriko.”
Rinne was honestly glad. It would be great if Guriko and Sakaki can get along peacefully. That’d just be amazing! Therefore, Rinne suggested with a smiling face: “Should the three of us go somewhere together sometime next week? It’d make us know each other better. I don’t know if Sensei would have the time, but the end-of-semester exams finish next week, and I won’t be working either.”
“I don’t mind… but it’d only make things boring if you bring me along!”
“No it won’t!”
Rinne laughed, and Guriko also smiled as she turned her face around –
“Huh –”
Suddenly, Guriko’s face became full of loathing.
”… This…”
All of Guriko’s movements have ceased. She only stared at the ceiling of the room.
”What’s wrong, Guriko?” Rinne asked, surprised. On the screen, Kirby was already dead.
”… What is this, what is this scent. Not – a beast, what is this?”
”Guriko…”
”Could it be ‘Mushi’? No – it’s such a strong power; Rinne!”
The sharp yell startled Rinne.
With a serious face, Guriko said:” I’ll go and check out the situation outside. You stay in this room, and don’t open the door no matter who comes. Turn off the lights and try not to make a sound until I come back.”
”Guriko…”
”Wait until I’m back. I’ve got a bad feeling –”
Guriko kicked open the door and sprang into the night town.
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