Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume31 Chapter16 4

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What's with that umbrella.

I was in the center of my studio apartment, drinking warm milk and looking at it.

That evening I'd suddenly received a phone call from my girlfriend Ritsuko, so I flew out of work at the usual time and raced to our appointed meeting place – a cafe at the train station. When I entered, Ritsuko started the conversation with, "Goodbye."

"Huh?"

I was only five minutes later than our agreed upon 6pm. To break up with your boyfriend of two and a half years because of that seemed a bit harsh. When I left the office I'd noticed that it was raining, but I'd endured a soaking as I ran there rather than returning for an umbrella. I considered voicing this complaint, but the reason for her "Goodbye" was obviously unrelated to my tardiness.

"I thought I'd go back to my parent's place."

On the seat beside her was a suitcase, much too large for a short trip. A blue umbrella was hooked over the back of the chair.

"What."

I was a bit relieved. When the waitress came around to take my order, I asked for a blended coffee, then consciously relaxed my posture.

Going back to her parent's place wasn't something Ritsuko did often, but she did do it on occasion. Like for the O-Bon festival, or for New Year's. We were currently in the middle of the rainy season, so about halfway between those two events, but Ritsuko's father had suffered an illness about six months prior and she was probably looking to go home more often.

But in that case, rather than, "Goodbye," she should have said, "I'm heading out, I'll be back." In that case, I could have cheerfully said, "Take care." I would even have helped her carry her heavy suitcase at least as far as the main Tokyo train station.

However.

"This isn't, "I'm heading out." This is "Goodbye.""

Ritsuko said slowly and precisely, as though admonishing a child who had been insensitive to others emotions.

"I think I've taken care of everything I need to do, and I'm moving out of Tokyo and back to my parent's place in Fukushima."

"Huh?"

"My father's not well, and my mother can't take care of the land on her own. Even though it's such a small field."

"…"

Ritsuko had said it was a small field, but I'd never been to her parent's place so I had no sense of whether that was true or not. My parent's home was in Kanagawa, in a low-density residential area; my father was a civil servant and my mother a housewife.

"I handed in my letter of resignation to my boss last week, and I've emptied my apartment."

Hold on a minute, I held up my hands to stop her. How could she decide something so important without talking to me about it.

"You've moved out then."

I was silenced.

"Cause you've been so busy lately, You-chan."

"I suppose."

I'd been busy with new-hire training, and so on. I hadn't even been to Ritsuko's apartment in the last two months either. But we talked on the phone every couple of days. If she was thinking of returning to her home town, she should have been able to find the ten seconds or so needed to mention it.

"Talking about it wouldn't have achieved anything."

Ritsuko put the straw to her mouth and drank from her iced milk-tea, which was considerably diluted by the melted ice. I wrapped my hands around my coffee, which had just arrived, and stared at the black liquid inside.

"Well, maybe that's true, but still."

If Ritsuko had decided to return to her parent's home, then I had no right to stop her. Back when we were at university, I was elevated from the position of 'junior' to that of 'boyfriend,' but I was neither her 'husband' nor 'fiance.'

But even so, I was unwilling to give in. Even if Ritsuko returned to her home-town, it's not as though long-distance relationships were unheard of. She didn't have to come to the conclusion that this was 'Goodbye.'

"It would only postpone the question. A long-distance relationship is fine, but how long would that go on for?"

The phrase, "Until marriage," floated through my mind.

"I'm going to take over my parent's farm in Fukushima. Since you've only just started your job in Tokyo, we won't get to spend any time together."

How many times had I said, "I suppose," as I sipped on the coffee. Everything Ritsuko had said was correct, and I was unable to refute her.

And yet I loved her. I still wanted to be with her. But if I said that, then she would ask, "So what do you want to do?" and I had no answer to that.

If Ritsuko were a man and I were a woman, then Ritsuko could have said, "Come with me." And I probably would have answered, "I'll follow you." I don't know.

"So because of all that, goodbye."

Ritsuko stood up. She must have done a quick calculation on the bullet train's departure time and realized she had to go. When she reached for the bill that had been left on the table, I said, "I'll get it." My gesture hadn't been intended as a farewell gift, but that's probably how it came across.

"Thanks. In return, you can take this umbrella."

Ritsuko handed me the umbrella which had been hooked over the back of the chair beside her.

"It doesn't look like you brought an umbrella with you, You-chan. And I can get to Tokyo station without getting wet. Who knows what the weather's doing in Fukushima."

"How should I get the umbrella back to you?"

No matter what, I wanted to remain connected to Ritsuko. I wanted to see her once more, using the umbrella as an excuse. I wanted to stay in touch with her. That's what I was thinking. I believed that if Ritsuko felt the same, that she'd let me return the umbrella to her.

However.

"You don't have to return it."

Ritsuko said.

"Huh?"

"I found it, near the trash, as I was heading out."

Ritsuko explained that she'd inadvertently packed her umbrella in with the rest of her luggage. She'd spotted the blue umbrella just as she was thinking about buying a plastic umbrella from a convenience store. Yesterday had been the collection day for non-burnable trash, but since it hadn't been properly put in the bin, it hadn't been collected. When she'd opened it, she'd seen that it was coming apart a bit, but not to the point that it was unusable. She'd picked it up and brought it here, thinking it would be fine to throw it away once she reached her parent's place.

"When you're done with it, just throw it out on non-burnable trash day."

As I received the umbrella, I thought, "And with that, my last bond to Ritsuko is cut." I sat, facing the blue umbrella and drinking my coffee in the cafe that no longer contained her. When the cup was empty, I took the umbrella and returned to the apartment where I lived alone.

What's with that umbrella.

My final memento of Ritsuko was a tattered umbrella. It was so funny I started to cry.

I opened the blue umbrella, and drank my warm milk.

The blue umbrella was still wet. So that I wouldn't be, it had shielded me from the rain.

Had it been thrown out on trash day, last week? That seemed kind of sad.

Ritsuko wouldn't be gone until the umbrella she gave me was gone. Naturally, I was acutely aware that the umbrella was not Ritsuko. But, somehow, it seemed like a friend to ease me through the pain of a broken heart.

"Right. Fukuzawa Yumi."

I gently stroked the umbrella. Fukuzawa Yumi was the umbrella's name. I hadn't given it that name. It was written on the handle. So I decided to call it Fukuzawa Yumi. It also had Lillian's Girls Academy written there, but calling my friend Lillian seemed a bit embarrassing.

With a name, it stirred even more emotion in me. I pulled on the fabric that had come loose from the frame. It wasn't massively torn. It was just that the thread that kept the fabric attached to the frame had been severed.

"Hold on a minute."

I fetched the lunchbox that served as a sewing kit and opened the lid. It looked like I'd be able to stitch it up with what was in there. I was always better at reattaching buttons than Ritsuko.

"Don't have that though."

The thread I had on hand was white, black, red, pink, and a gray one that I'd bought when a button came off the suit I'd been wearing to job interviews.

"Black and red are out."

I considered what would go better with the umbrella, white or pink, and decided on pink. White would have been less conspicuous, but pink was cuter.

"What should I do?"

As I performed the operation that was closer to attaching a snap fastener than a button, I talked to Fukuzawa Yumi.

"I really love Ritsuko. When she said she'd go out with me, I felt so happy I could die. When I told her this, she said, "You can't die. Let's eat some good food together." She cooked a stir-fry with vegetables that her dad had grown. It was sooo good. Ritsuko wasn't that great a cook – I make a better curry or yaki udon – but her stir-fried vegetables were really spectacular. I wonder if it was her dad's vegetables that made it that good."

After tying a knot and then cutting the thread, I put the needle back into the pincushion and idly looked up at the heavens.

"I guess now, it's her growing those vegetables."

For some reason, I really wanted to eat that. Ritsuko's stir-fry, made with vegetables grown at Ritsuko's parent's farm.

Outside, the rain fell.

The sound of rain was the sound of stir-fry.

The day after I'd been dumped was a Saturday, so thankfully I didn't have to go in to work. I stayed up all night talking to the umbrella and seeking its counsel, and when the sun rose in the east I jumped into bed. When I opened my eyes it was after 3pm, and, as expected, I was hungry. So I went to the convenience store and bought yaki soba, cup ramen and a bread roll with cheese kneaded into the dough.

It was sunny, for the first time in quite a while, but I still took Fukuzawa Yumi with me. Even while I was shopping, I didn't let go of it, carrying it over my arm. I was aware that I was using it as a safety blanket. I had nothing else to cling to. Even if it was just a single umbrella, it was better than nothing.

When I got home, I heated the yaki soba in the microwave oven and ate it.

At eight in the evening, I added hot water to the cup ramen and ate that.

I didn't turn on the TV, or the radio, or the computer.

Most of my time was spent solely thinking about Ritsuko.

Occasionally, I'd check my telephone. I stayed inside my apartment the entire time, but Ritsuko could have called while I was in the toilet, and I'd switch the answering machine off then back on, to check it was working. Of course, I was constantly checking my cell phone too.

Fukuzawa Yumi didn't say anything to me.

It'd silently stare at me, waiting until I found an answer.

When the morning came, I shaved for the first time in two days. After shaving, I felt a bit better. Thinking that it would make me feel even better again, I had a shower. Since that made me feel much better, I waited until I'd stopped sweating and put on a suit. And since I'd put on my suit, I thought I might as well head out.

After washing down the bread roll I bought yesterday with some tomato juice from the refrigerator, I headed out, taking only the blue umbrella, my wallet and a handkerchief. After buying a ticket for the bullet train from the nearest train station, I set out for Tokyo station. I had to take the bullet train, since I bought a ticket to Fukushima.

Like that, we were steadily drawn back together.

By the time I arrived in Fukushima station, it was almost three in the afternoon. I'd come to Fukushima thinking that it would cheer me up. If I'd stopped to think about what I was going to do when I arrived, then I know I never would have set out.

But now that I'd stepped off the train and was standing on the platform, I thought about what to do.

Ritsuko was somewhere on this soil. Just thinking about that was enough to make my chest swell. Obviously, I had the option of being satisfied with that and returning to Tokyo. But I didn't feel like settling for that.

I just wanted to hear her voice.

Even if she said, "Go home, I don't want to see you." At the very least, I thought I should phone her.

After I realized that I'd forgotten my cell phone, I searched for a public phone. I found one next to a shop, fed in some coins and punched in her number. Stupidly, I'd initially dialed the number for Ritsuko's apartment, so, naturally, no-one answered.

I forced myself to calm down. After I'd calmed down a bit, I remembered Ritsuko's cell phone number. I hung the umbrella over the side of a rubbish bin beside me, and pressed the buttons once more. One by one, carefully. Maybe she'd canceled her cell phone contract too. In that case, I'd have to call directory assistance and rely on Ritsuko's surname and address to get that number. After I'd thought of that option, I pressed the final button. After a few seconds of silence, I heard the call being made.

Ring ring, ring ring.

I thought it sounded a bit loud, and rather than coming from the left ear where I was holding the handset, the sound was being picked up by my right ear. The phone of some stranger walking through the station corridor must have coincidentally gone off. I sealed my right ear closed with a finger, and focused on the left ear. It too, had the unmistakeable sound of a call being made.

"… Hello."

The call connected. The voice was Ritsuko's.

"Who is it?"

Since I wasn't calling from home or from my mobile, Ritsuko wouldn't have known who it was. Her voice was clearly on guard.

"It's me."

"You-chan!? What's the matter?"

"Huh?"

I couldn't believe my ears. Why? Because I could hear Ritsuko's voice through my sealed right ear. On that note, what had happened to the ringing phone from earlier? In a daze, I surveyed the area around me.

"Hello, You-chan. What's wrong?"

This time I heard it through my left ear.

No way. No way – .

"Ritsuko, stop moving. No, go back down the corridor you were on."

I hung up the phone. Then I started running in the direction I'd heard that ring-tone coming from earlier.

There I saw Ritsuko walking in my direction, looking incredulous.

"Ritsuko."

I ran towards her, like I was meeting a relative I hadn't seen in twenty or fifty years.

"You-chan!"

When Ritsuko saw me, she started running too. In the middle of the train station hallway, we embraced each other tightly.

"What are you doing here?"

"My father kicked me out, telling me to talk things over with you properly. It was unfaithful of me to unilaterally declare our relationship over. I thought so too. I really regretted hurting your feelings. But I couldn't say, "Come back to the farm with me.""

"I know. I know. Don't cry."

I knew. That must have been why I went to Fukushima that day. I hugged Ritsuko tightly as she was soaked by those tears.

It wasn't the time to be worrying about what might happen in the future.

Whatever it took to stay connected to her, that's what I'd do.

For the time being that meant a long-distance relationship, but if we started talking about marriage then I was fine with moving to Fukushima and being her husband.

I'm not that tough a person, so I probably wouldn't be very good at farm work. In that case, I'd be a house-husband, and support Ritsuko.

At that point in time, my head was about to burst with all the thoughts swirling around inside, and I completely forgot about the blue umbrella.

But, even now, I still remember the name 'Fukuzawa Yumi' from time to time.

If I were to say this to Ritsuko, she'd say I was being too hasty, but if we have a daughter I've decided to name her 'Yumi.'