Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Chapter4
Splendid work! - Tasear
Cleaned this page up a bit; removed resolved issues. --Dohma (talk) 06:51, 31 May 2013 (CDT)
In "What… a lie?" A suggest would be to change it to "What...is a lie?", since in the raw it says （何が、嘘、だ).
- I find Orba's entire comment puzzling, because he knows he's lying, so what is he surprised about? I assume he's surprised about the fact she accused him for a liar. So I translated into something like : "What? A lie?". Your translation is indeed closer to the original, but it makes me wonder what Orba means by it.
- I think what Orba means is that he is surprised by Vileena calling him out on lying, since they were unfamiliar, and also of high rank, and probably shouldn't be using casual language.
"During that staggering time, a dense cloud of dust swelled up on the other side of the arena." "Staggering time" sounds really awkward here; I know that in the raw it says よろめいたその間, so I'm not sure what suggestions that I can make other than that it sounds awkward.
- From what I get it's supposed to either mean: "during that lapse in time" or "during the time (where he was) staggering" due to the tremors, I translated it a bit more literally because I can't quite figure out which one it's supposed to be.
”The moment he removed his aim”, about this part, 狙いの外したその瞬間, its rather hard to translate. Perhaps the soldier stopped aiming at the dragon?
- 狙いの外した can also mean he missed the mark, so I'm not quite sure if he took a shot and missed or if he stopped aiming, so I translated it literally.
- I see. It's good then, since I'm not really sure what is being said there as well.
Sorry about that mountain of suggestions! Really nice translation as normal, keep up the great work! Also, my bad on the changing the "wilfully" part (both the first and the second time), didn't know that the British English had a different version, and don't know what happened the second time (I think I had the page open before you edited it, and didn't save until afterwards). --Kiydon.
