Ore, Twintail ni Narimasu:Volume 2 Chapter 2
Chapter 2 Perverts on Campus
Aika often visits Souji’s room before going to school each day.
Growing up under the regime of her Martial Artist grandfather, Aika was never allowed to sleep in as a child.
Souji, however, as a fellow student of Aika’s grandfather, was awful at getting up in the morning.
He was known to sleep through fairly loud attempts to wake him up.
As such, it was Aika’s duty as his childhood friend to make sure he got to school on time.
After standing in front of her full-length mirror and carefully tying her twintails with blue ribbons, Aika nodded.
She set about on her ‘morning call’ the same as always, jumping the narrow gap between her and Souji’s bedroom windows.
If he didn’t wake up it’d be a ‘morning knuckle’ waiting for him instead, although recently the ‘call’ itself has sufficed.
“Huh?”
Souji’s bed was empty, Aika felt the blood drain from her face.
“Don’t tell me… Twoearle?”
Aika quickly deemed Twoearle the culprit.
Intently going after Souji’s virginity, she was a force to be reckoned with.
Repelling her advances in itself isn’t too bad, but her recovery ability and persistence were tremendous.
Recently every night had turned into a prolonged struggle on multiple fronts. They often went by with Souji being none the wiser.
Since Twoearle would aim for when Aika was asleep and try to get in bed with Souji, Aika had started sleeping shallowly so she could guard against these attacks.
Sleeping like this while still maintaining her habit of getting up early took a tremendous amount of willpower.
It looked like this morning Twoearle might’ve gotten a head start though.
“Oh god, don’t tell me she’s taken him down to the base”
After descending the stairs in a fluster, Aika found Souji in the bathroom.
Without noticing a slightly relieved Aika, Souji continued to stroke his Twintails as if he were in a shampoo commercial.
“…twintails?” this was a scene Aika couldn’t let continue.
Although Souji was in the bathroom, he had the appearance of the young girl the world worshipped as an idol, TailRed.
Aika stayed still a few moments, processing what was in front of her.
Was Souji planning to take of his clothes and have a shower while being transformed into TailRed?
Wash every corner of his body and study the differences between male and female anatomy to get a head-start on health classes?
Wearing the expression of a detective who'd just secured photographic evidence of a cheating spouse, Aika's face glowed a hot red and she took a deep breath to calm herself.
However, the scene never progressed how Aika was dreading.
Souji just continued to smile dumbly at his twintails' reflection in the mirror.
Aika drew her hand in front of her chest. Not because of the intense satisfaction she could see in Souji's smile, but so she could transform into TailBlue.
"Hmm, everything's looking okay!"
"Everything's not okay! You need to get your head checked!"
Hoping to render capital punishment on the twintails bewitching Souji, Aika charged in swinging her arm like a hammer.
However, they deftly flicked out of the path of her attack. It was almost as if they had eyes of their own.
Even flicking them around, Souji moved in such a way that there was no risk of them getting tangled up, either.
"Stop, Aika. Violence against twintails isn't okay!"
"...what!?"
Aika, who wasn't expecting Souji to dodge her attack, stumbled forward
"Did you know I was there the whole time!?"
"Uh, sorry, I don't know what you're talking about Aika. My Twintails obviously told my a threat was incoming"
TailRed spouted some up-in-space nonsense as if it were common-sense. Souji's twintail-sickness was evolving even faster than Aika thought.
"My face and body are one thing, but if you come at my twintails I'll defend them at all cost"
"Usually that'd be the other way around..."
Aika reversed her transformation and placed her hand on her forehead.
"You weren't in your room when I woke you up so I was really worried and... you pervert! I can't believe you! Dressing like a girl on your own accord and grinning at the sight of your twintails in the mirror...
It's already too late for you, isn't it!"
"This isn't 'dressing like a girl'. Also, I wasn't grinning at my twintails, I was using them to cultivate my willpower!
On days I wake up early I thought looking at my twintails like this wasn't a bad idea. For me and you, Aika, twintails are our source of strength,"
He wasn't wrong, but to Aika their source of power wasn't necessarily their twintails by themselves.
They say the early bird captures the worm, but Aika wasn't feeling the least bit satisfied with this morning's early start.
"How do I know you weren't planning to try taking off your TailGear after transforming and get in the bath? I can't put it past you, Souji!"
"Uh, no. If I was going to take a bath I'd turn back to a guy first,"
As Souji calmly defended himself against Aika's ridiculous allegations, Aika widened her eyes in shock and felt her body stiffen.
"Are we running low on time? Sorry Aika, could you wait for me in the living room? I'll be ready in a minute"
"Oh god..."
As Souji undid his transformation and left the bathroom, Aika saw a glimpse of Souji's longing expressing as he held one of his twintails one last time for the morning.
"He he he..." "Ahh!"
Aika was shocked to see Twoearle rush into the bathroom as soon as Souji vacated it. How long had she been watching them?
"Why don't I guess what's on your mind? Souji-sama's no longer touching your hair as often as he used to, and you're starting to get desperate, aren't you?"
"Who're you calling desperate!"
Aika struggled to keep her embarrassment from showing on her face. Souji used to often absentmindedly twirl the ends of Aika's twintails, but he'd been doing it less recently.
"No Aika, you have to admit it. Your body's just aching for Souji-sama's fingers!"
"Stop making everything sound lewd, you pervert!"
"Pervergarhh!"
Twoearle was able to start her day strong, with a morning knuckle and a brisk near-death experience.
"I can't believe this, even taking your bashfulness into account, this horrible treatment! I'm just telling you the truth, you know?"
"What do you mean 'bashful'??"
"You think people can be in the same room as you and not notice? When Souji-sama fondles your hair you look like you're in heat!"
"No, that's wrong. I just get ticklish sometimes..."
Aika's voice was uncharacteristically soft, which only served to spur Twoearle on.
"Souji-sama is already able to achieve his daily intake of twintails by himself, I guess you could call it a form of masturb-"
"You're responsible for this, you turned Souji into a woman! Don't twist this to being about me!"
Aika butted in, managing to cut off Twoearle's sentence just in time.
"That's why I'm being responsible and trying to make Souji-sama a man. Night after night after night after night Aika-san keeps interrupting us! Admiral Miharu has started to lose faith in me!"
"I've been in sleep deprivation ever since you arrived here!"
Shadows were indeed starting to appear under Aika's eyes.
"Aika-san, listen to me for a minute. Souji-sama is at a very sensitive age for a boy. At this rate we'll start to see impacts on his development"
"He's already looking pretty impacted to me"
"Now, I do agree with you there. Putting aside turning into TailRed and everything, Souji has far too little interest in the female body!"
Aika visibly shivered.
"Now say any healthy teenage boy suddenly found himself in a girls body, what would he do?"
"Don't go asking me!"
"Don't kid yourself, Aika-san, you know the answer"
"Ughh.."
Aika, aware she knew less about these things than she let on, didn't argue back.
"It's his body. Anything he did would be forgiven! He wouldn't cause anyone any grief! He could let out his libido without his conscience troubling him!"
Twoearle's eyes were starting to appear bloodshot.
"First you'd look, then you'd touch, then you'd stroke... You'd adventure a bit and see how a bra looked in the mirror. You'd take it off again, maybe you'd just take everything offffffffffffffffffgaaah!"
Aika grabbed Twoearle's hands, whose fingers were wriggling seductively to accompany her onslaught. She then proceed to fold all ten fingers violently upward like origami paper.
"Even being a teenaged boy, there's no way in hell he's get turned on by an undeveloped body like that"
"Exactly!"
Twoearle surged towards Aika, seemingly untroubled by the state of her fingers.
"Even though he's attained a female body, he's cursed with one he can't fool around with. Now where does he direct that pent-up curiosity? And that's where I come in"
Twoearle proudly slapped her hand against her chest, returning Aika's intense glare with a smirk.
"It's completely fine for him to get curious as a result of his transformation into TailRed! To want a more sploogy female body to see, to touch!"
"Wait..."
Twoearle again pushed towards Aika, fondling her own chest. Her eyes had lost their focus and were glazing over, and her hair had turned into a bird's nest.
"And then he reaches the one and only answer. 'Oh that's right, Twoearle has some boobs doesn't she'! And at that point we're supposed to enter the two-hour *science of the female body* special, but why have I been waiting a whole month to have Souji-sama's test tube inside m..."
"Huh? I think I might've fainted, I can't remember anything... Owch!"
Twoearle shakily stood up, a raised lump bulging on the side of her forehead.
"You've been missing out on sleep, haven't you? We just found you taking a nap on the floor,"
"Oh, right. It feels like I got karate-chopped so hard my cranial bones separated. I guess my sleep-deprivation gave me a migraine..."
Twoearle was lying on the floor in the bathroom nestled in flowers, silent, her eyes closed.
It must have just been the impression the scene had left, but it really seemed like a bed of flowers had bloomed in the bathroom.
With dignified beauty even as they scatter; although she'd been battered to a pulp by a barbarian who couldn't be bothered debating her, she still hadn't lost her dignity and grace.
The silver-haired Japanese maiden, Twoearle, unwavering in the face of mortal peril. She had truly manifested that symbol of Japanese beauty, Yamato Nadeshiko.
"Today I finally get to transfer into school with you guys! Lets get some good energy going, Woo!"
"All I'm feeling is anguish"
Twoearle and Aika's moods were in stark contrast.
"Twoearle, what's with the neck brace and all the casts you've got on?"
"Oh don't mind me at all, they'll be off in five minutes anyway"
How much of a zealous realist would you have to be to hear something like that without batting an eyelid?
The three had already walked to school together several times, so by now we were used to Twoearle wearing a lab coat over our schools uniform. Nevertheless, Twoearle was ecstatic at the thought of finally making her debut at Yougetsu High School.
Sandwiching a weekend in after her first day would reduce the impact of her arrival on campus, so her first day had to be on a Monday.
"Twoearle, I'm begging you, please don't come out with anything that's not part of the background we agreed on for you. You know I couldn't Ad-Lib if my life depended on it"
"Oh, don't worry, I'll behave! hehehefufufu..."
Twoearle's smile was a little too fishy to believe, but we had no choice but to trust her.
I went over Twoearle's background again in my head; She was a relative from overseas that was staying at my place temporarily. I wasn't sure we should reveal our living arrangement, but Twoearle emphasised that this fact was of utmost importance to her.
In any case, it was important to agree on something so that it wouldn't come back to bite us later. The possibility that Twoearle would cause some kind of trouble was of course at the back of our minds, but at Yougetsu people seemed to be able to cope with that stuff pretty well, so unless she does something particularly catastrophic we should be fine.
"I'm more worried about this, honestly..."
The bracelet on my right arm gleamed in the morning sun as I held it up in front of me.
"You didn't find any issues with the Imagine Chaff, did you Twoearle?"
"Sadly, no. This is just based on the simulation I ran taking into account Erina-san's off the chart twintails attribute, but it didn't result in any interference with the Imagine Chaff at all."
Then why on earth would Erina be able to see my bracelet? Thinking of the properties of Imagine Chaff, there was only one other possibility that came to mind...
Just like when I could see Aika the first time she transformed into TailBlue.
"There's no way..."
I shook my head. I'll worry about that another time. Our first priority is making sure Twoearle's first day in class goes by without incident.
By the way, probably via some kind of underhanded tactics, Twoearle had been placed in the same class as me and Aika.
"Today we have a new student joining our class..."
Our class teacher's wary voice ebbed over us in morning homeroom, and my body stiffened as the classroom door started to open. Why do I have to be this nervous? My throat's so dry it feels like sandpaper!
I looked across the room at Aika and made eye contact.
(Listen Aika, no matter what you do, no fighting. Violence in front of everyone in the class is out of the question.)
Aika received my message and nodded vigorously.
(Got it, Souji! As soon as Twoearle starts to act up I'll stop her as fast as I can, and I'll use force if I have to!)
One of the perks of having a friend as close as Aika is this almost supernatural degree of information we can exchange just by making eye-contact. Looks like Aika got the message.
Twoearle entered the classroom, her silver hair gently fluttered as she walked, shining as it caught the light. Astonished gasps could be heard from male and female classmates.
It'd be easy to forget Twoearle's otherworldly beauty if we didn't occasionally come across scenes like this. Twoearle's pale skin matched the colour of the chalk she used to spell her name on the blackboard: Mitsuka Twoearle.
Twoearle finished writing, stood next to her name and smiled.
"Mitsuka!?"
Everyone's gaze immediately turned to me. A tide of hushed voices filled the classroom. I would've panicked if I hadn't been the center of scenes far more distressing than this many times before as TailRed.
"Good.... this ith... just what I wanthed... to shee"
What's wrong, Twoearle! There's already drool leaking from the corner of your mouth! Go back to that face from thirty seconds ago!
"Twoearle-san is~~ Mitsuka-kun's relative~~ she's moved here from overseas and now~~ she lives with Mitsuka-kun..."
Sensei warily wrapped up Twoearle's introduction. Twoearle, shocked, cut her short.
"W wait a second! I was going to say me and Souji have the same last name because we live together and rile everyone up even more, and then gradually invite more and more misunderstandings and then masterfully and climactically reveal the truth!? What's with that boring explanation!"
"Well~~ we actually have another person to introduce today~~ I couldn't really spare you any more time,"
Sensei didn't seem too bothered about she'd derailed Twoearle's script.
"What?!"
Twoearle was shocked by the direction the scene was now taking. As if synchronizing with Twoearle and Sensei's conversation, the classroom door opened again, and a woman strode in.
Clad in a maid uniform like the one we'd seen her in two days before.
"I'm Sakuragawa Mikoto, I'll be your Phys. ed. teacher from today."
"Ooh, it's good to have you!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
The class was dead silent.
"Ah, Sensei?"
A female classmate timidly raised her hand, but our teacher, with an expression like an obnoxious athlete trying to talk the referee out of a red card, feigned ignorance.
"I know nothing~~ I know nothing at all!"
Failing to read the room as well as outright lying her way out of responsibility; our homeroom teacher was revealing more of her true nature.
That being said, my eyes have always been fixed on the Student Body President, so I've never really paid attention to her maid, but she really was beautiful, and she suited twintails. As a bodyguard, maybe the twintails were so her hairstyle matched that of her young charge. Maybe it was just her style.
Either way, she didn't start wearing them recently on a whim. Those twintails were like a calling card to her. She's a professional, without a doubt. Fluffy like cotton candy, her twintails were regressing me back to my childhood.
"Wait, what's going on? Where did I go wrong? It wasn't supposed to go like this!"
A panicking Twoearle was sounding like a villain who'd had the tables turned on her while victory was all but assured.
The maid, Sakuragawa... sensei, stepped up to a shocked Twoearle and shook her hand. Her confident, adult aura seemed to bring the room under her control.
"I'm sure you all know me already as the maid responsible for guarding Shindou Erina-sama. However, if I'm always idle on campus Erina-sama sometimes worries about me being bored, which the superintendent worries could impact her studies. Hence, the superintendent talked to the headmaster and decided to grant me the role of a part-time gym teacher. Before you ask, yes I do have a teaching license."
A gym teacher wearing a maid uniform instead of a tracksuit- just what is our school coming to? I'd seen her fearlessly take on Ultima Guil forces before, so I know she's up to the task when it comes to physical fitness, at least.
"Although I have to say, you all are very well-mannered. A woman as stunning as myself appearing in the classroom would usually invite questions about my body measurements or whether I have a boyfriend... don't let me being Erina-sama... The Student Council President's maid scare you!"
Easy for you to say! Even Aika still has her mouth wide open in shock...
"Wait just a minute! What're you doing, coming in after me and acting like you own the place? This is my battlefield!"
"Don't be like that. You're still young, you'll have many more opportunities to take questions"
"No I don't! Today is my one and only chance at this!"
"I like your enthusiasm, young lady! Okay, I tell you what, lets make this fair by both taking questions at the same time... So does anyone have any questions?"
The class remained silent. Everyone sensed the same thing. Delicious bait was being dangled, but approaching it would cause a steel cage to fall, trapping you. You could be aware of this danger, but that didn't make the hungry urge to jump in any easier to supress.
"Hmm? I feel an intense gaze... Is that you, Mitsuka-kun?
"Uargh?!"
I'd been dozing off, but being called out like this shook me awake. We had met before in our clubroom, sure, but why would she... Gaze? Don't tell me I'd been staring at her twintails while I was half-asleep! I have to be more careful.
"No no I..."
"Sensei! Mitsuka likes twintails!!"
Someone finally raised their voice. Not to ask a question, however, but to rat me out... You've really done it now, Classmate A! Sorry, I still don't know your name!
"Well then, maybe I'll give you this. For a student who truly appreciates twintails, a small gift."
Maid-sensei approached my desk and handed me an envelope.
This size... A photo? A suggestive one of her twintails? I see... to present something like that in person, she must have a sizeable amount of confidence.
"This, isn't a photograph... a folded sheet of paper?"
The words printed on that paper were words that a fifteen-year-old boy like myself had no business seeing...
"You're pleased, aren't you!"
"Unless I'm mistaken, this is a Registration of marriage document..."
"Unless you're mistaken!? Do you really have so little confidence in your reading abilities?"
"In the bride section, your name is filled in, sensei."
"Of course it is! Recording the names of bride and groom, you give Registration of Marriage forms their meaning. If you hand them over blank you risk offending your partner!"
"What partner?"
"Why, you, of course!"
Something's not right here. How is she saying something that goes completely against common sense, with such overwhelming confidence?
"You like twintails, right? Then you should have no issue at all marrying me!"
She grabbed one of her twintails and held it out towards me. My heart skipped a beat, but this isn't the time to let her get the better of me. If I do, my life is over.
"Of course there's a problem, old woman. Souji-sama has already been sold to someone else!"
Twoearle stepped towards Sakuragawa-sensei, trying to take back the initiative. She was already completely immersed in the intense atmosphere permeating the classroom.
"Souji-sama, tear that up and throw it away right now! Sensei, who permitted you to marry Souji-sama? I've been betrothed to him since my previous life!" Twoearle said and gazed triumphantly around the classroom, who didn't react.
"Why? Why isn't the room filled with excited murmuring and cheering? This isn't the high-school romantic comedy I was expecting..."
Twoearle's despondent sobbing was hard to watch. Everyone was probably just trying not to get caught up in Sakuragawa-sensei's pace.
"Come to think of it, I saw you when I visited your clubroom with Erina-sama. You're that new transfer student, Twoearle. I've heard you're a genius who scored full marks on her placement exam. Also that you've got some issues we need to keep an eye on."
Yeah, her behavior for one thing. I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be saying that in front of the student in question though... then again, with this teacher herself behaving just as bizarrely, I don't think we can expect much better.
"However, young lady, you're young. Although I am very jealous, when it comes to matters like this, you're still a little naïve. Past lives, or even current lovers, things like these can't stand in the way of the mighty marriage proposal! Proposals tear through what binds us and pierce social strata, and using them I can level the playing field!"
"So this is how a woman thinks when she leaves it too late to get married!?"
Twoearle's unease spread to the girls in the blink of an eye, and anxious whispers filled the air. Maid-sensei, however, was unfazed, instead opening the throttle further on her outburst.
"Do I look ridiculous to you girls? When you get to my age you start to realise that half-arsed panic is a waste of time. What you need is calm, collected, full-blown panic! You bear the cross of being single, and you live every day on the edge! That's the fate of a woman who's within spitting range of turning thirty!!"
"Ahhh!"
"What should I do, I don't have a boyfriend?!"
"I need to get married right now!! Wait, no, I still have half a year until my sixteenth birthday!"
The girls had fallen into panic. Why do we have to think about something like marriage in morning homeroom?
"Listen and learn, children. This might be well outside of the curriculum, but a teacher is still a teacher!"
And a hopeless one at that.
"And so, Mitsuka-kun, it's time you signed your name on the paper. It's only two and a half years until you're able to get married, I'll make sure to keep it safely stored until then."
Her attention had turned back on me.
"Ah, No! I..."
Aika broke her silence, standing up and raising her voice in protest.
"Sensei! There are some things you shouldn't say, even as a joke!"
For some reason, the girls piped up in support of Aika, saying "that's right, Sensei!" almost in unison. One girl went as far as "give it your all, Aika!"
"Why does Aika get cheered on but not me!?"
Twoearle looked like she was about to burst into tears.
"What do you mean 'a joke'? So far I've handed marriage applications to five hundred and twenty-six people, and all were meant as sincere marriage proposals! It's just that various circumstances at the time meant they were forced to decline..."
She wasn't making a very good case for herself.
Come to think of it, though, these days you're able to just download these forms from a local government website and fill them out, but the one handed to me wasn't printed from the sort of paper you find in someone's home printer. This was the fancy official kind you could only get if you visited the office in person, and I bet that's the case for the other five hundred and twenty-six she's given out so far.
Alarm bells were going off in my head. This was insanity.
"Of course, I'll still respect the boundaries I have to maintain as an educator. Dating and relationships between teachers and their students is an absolute no-go. And so, instead of the whole 'dating with a view to marriage' charade, we'll just get married immediately!"
"Like hell you will!"
Aika, having finally had enough, set off towards Sensei, launching herself across the classroom.
"Hm?"
However, Maid-Sensei crossed her arms in front of her, forming a guard that managed to stop Aika's fist. By this point Aika's opponent would usually have already passed out, but she'd only managed to tear the sleeves of Sensei's uniform, throwing scraps of fabric into the air.
Wait a second, just what kind of force is Aika attacking our teacher with?
"Ah, you must be the other young lady I've heard about. Tsube Aika-kun is it? Achieving this level of Kung-Fu at such a young age!"
"Strong..."
Aika jumped back and raised her guard.
"No, we'll have to finish here. Class is about to start."
"How are you going to make this up to me, listen it's already doing the dingdongdingdong!"
Twoearle screamed, looking as if the world was about to end. She really had been planning all sorts of shenanigans, but they'd all come to naught. With a start like this she'll have trouble building any momentum later. I, Mitsuka Souji, speak from experience.
"So, boys, do any of you want marriage registration forms like Mitsuka-kun here has? I brought enough forms for all the boys on campus just in case, so there's no need to be shy!"
The boys all opened their textbooks and a fervor descended. It was as if they were desperately cramming for an exam this afternoon. Of course you'd be desperate. A wild beast you thought was busy chasing someone else, was ready to charge with you in its sights.
"Hell no! I'm gonna marry TailRed-tan. If my eyes catch even a glimpse of one of these forms it'll make TailRed-tan sad!"
"I see... Is this my punishment? Although my love for TailRed is true, as a man I'm still not worthy. All I can do is aim to be this yeargroup's top student!"
"When I get home, I'm filling out a marriage form just in case, but for the bride I'm gonna write TailRed!"
As I listened to these ominous murmurs I felt an otherworldly despair boil up within. We're already way past worrying about Twoearle's bizarre antics.
Are we really doing our job protecting this world? It seems like I'd not only ignited a surge in Twintail Element, but set lose something far more terrifying.
Sensing she wasn't having much luck with this class, Sakuragawa-sensei reluctantly stepped out from behind the teacher's desk.
"Well, I guess that's enough for today. Tsube-kun, lets continue this discussion sometime soon."
With an air that seemed to continue "...with our fists", maid-sensei left the classroom.
It felt like a monsoon had ravaged the classroom. She seemed like a different person to the one I'd seen guarding the student council president or sparring with Elemerians. We may have just seen her true character for the first time, free from the solemn duty of guarding the president.
Some torn scraps of maid uniform were strewn through the class. Aika took the Marriage Registration I'd been given and tore it to shreds. For some reason this earned her a standing ovation from a few of the girls.
She said she had enough copies for every male student. I wonder if she plans to give the same sort of introduction to the other classes. On the hunt, eying up her next victim- oh god...
Sparrow Guildy made his way towards the base's innermost docking port to await the arrival of Krake Guildy and Levia Guildy's units. He was accompanied by Swan Guildy, a young officer who'd already proven himself on the battlefield.
"If we can just get those two to work together it'd be a great boon for us. We need to get them to bury the hatchet, whatever it takes"
"... yes, sir."
Once held up as a prodigy of Nurse (Uniform) Element, the lustre and vigor Swan Guildy once exuded had been replaced with misery and grief ever since the death of Drag Guildy. Sparrow Guildy hoped the arrival of Levia Guildy, one of Drag Guildy's old comrades, would help mend his broken heart.
This all depended, of course, on peace being maintained between these two units with incompatible ideologies. Driven by his nerves, Sparrow Guildy's pace grew quicker.
Ultima Guil was split into numerous units, each invading separate parallel worlds. One of these reasons was that splitting its forces and gradually conquering multiple worlds at the same time was more efficient than focusing on one at a time. However, this wasn't the only reason for this approach.
Separating Elemerians with different 'eccentricities'.
As individuals gain power, their egos swell. They start coming into conflict with each other, which could turn over time into full-blown skirmishes. For Elemerians, being simply manifestations of their eccentricities or hobbies themselves, disparaging or denying these means denying that Elemerian's very existence.
Even for small arguments, it wasn't uncommon for neither side to compromise and for them to eventually escalate to violence. Hence it was better to keep certain Elemerians apart from others. As a veteran within the organization who understood this, Sparrow Guildy couldn't hide his unease.
"Uarrrgh!"
Sparrow Guildy was lost for words at the scene unfolding within the docking port. Two transport ships had arrived, and the units they held each disembarked, a heavy mist of bloodlust spilling across the deck.
The two units were glaring at each other, with the two commanders glaring the hardest of all. Although he has a slim body and his face had refined features were ruined by the numerous tentacles protruding from his body, the biggest of which drooping down from his shoulders. The champion of Small Bust, Kraken Guildy
Levia Guildy, on the other hand, had a massive growth faintly resembling a mermaid's tail protruding from his crotch. He let it spiral around his body, acting as a kind of armor. He was hailed throughout Ultima Guil as a powerhouse of Large Bust Element.
The two leaders each had a dozen or so subordinates, who all looked ready to charge down the other unit. To prevent that sort of escalation, Sparrow Guildy jumped between the two commanders, feeling as if he was venturing into a wildfire.
"Krake Guildy-sama and Levia Guildy-sama, I'm greatly honoured to have the two of you visit this world!"
Responding to Sparrow Guildy's salute with a disinterested wave, Levia Guildy's words made it clear how angry he was-
"Looks like I've not only been ordered to take down a resilient foe, but also lumbered with dragging around this bunch of incompetents. Having said that, the General's orders are absolute, so I'll make sure I see the job through."
Krake Guildy responded indignantly-
"I could say the same thing! You're a half-baked Elemerian who feels sorry for the worlds he's supposed to conquer ends up failing to even properly wring out their Elemera!"
"Hah! I see your medieval knight obsession has gone up another couple of notches since we last met. Looks like you're making your subordinates wear silly cloaks now as well!"
"I beg your pardon, Levia Guildy, but these cloaks were actually-" Raising his hand to silence his subordinate, Krake Guildy glared at his rival.
"I ask that you keep as far away as possible from my squad. I don't want my men falling to the temptation of elements as tasteless and obscene as Large Bust."
"What did you say!?" "How dare you!!" This time it was Levia Guildy's turn to remonstrate his incensed squad members: "A neanderthal that insists that twintails look best without any cleavage... you are pathetic, my friend!"
"..." "..." The two suddenly opened their eyes wide in unison and screamed: "Large!" "Small!"
The air was filled with a screeching cacophony, sending a palpable shiver through the air. As the two collided with each other the walls of the docking bay buckled. The skirmish moved too fast to know which attacks were exchanged.
After a time, Levia Guildy could be seen with his tail wrapped around his body. Krake Guildy drew back the tentacles protruding from his back so that they were mostly back in his body. It seems like the previous clash happened between these natural weapons.
"Ugh, guess it can't be helped. This base doesn't seem big enough to garrison us. We'll use our ship as well until facilities are improved. Once we get set up, I'll get you to show me the records you have on these Twintails."
"Yes sir!" After hearing Sparrow Guildy's acknowledgement, Krake Guildy turned and made his way back to his transport ship, his unit in tow. It seemed that he planed to keep his unit's quarters there for the time being.
“You can all fall out and return to your quarters as well. I have something personal to attend to.”
After sending his unit back to base, Levia Guildy got a rundown on the layout of the base from Swan Guildy. He made sure to ask the location of Drag Guildy’s old quarters as well.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what business do you have in Drag Guildy-sama’s room, Levia Guidy-sama?
Levia Guildy replied to Swan Guildy’s faltering question with a hearty laugh.
“Haha, well you see, I thought I’d let some steam off before our next battle by having a laugh remembering that deadbeat loser”
Swan Guildy shook with fear and rage as he stepped up to his superior and grasped his shoulders with his hands.
“I beg your pardon, sir, but I’d like you to take back what you just said”
“Why should I?”
“Leave off it, Swan Guildy!”
Ignoring Sparrow Guildy’s stern warning, Swan Guildy leered at his superior, seething with rage.
“Although he lost, Drag Guildy fought bravely, and with great honor!”
“Shut the hell up, kid!”
Levia Guildy flicked his crotch-tentacle, in an instant blasting Swan Guildy into a nearby wall. The same attack he used in his skirmish with Krake Guildy a moment ago.
Swan Guildy let out a pain-filled groan.
“If you call yourself a warrior, you’d do better going out and swinging a sword or two than moping around about a dead commander. Unless you want to take after a loser like him, that is!”
Wrapping his tentacle back around his body, and after glaring down at the slumped Swan Guildy, Krake Guildy strode off, assumedly towards Drag Guildy’s room.
“If I wasn’t so weak, then maybe Drag Guildy wouldn’t have to bear that sort of disrespect…”
Swan Guildy was more worried about the honour of his fallen commander than his injured body. Sparrow Guildy helped his comrade up and gently shook his head.
“That’s not true, look at Levia Guildy-dono”
Swan Guildy leered at Levia Guildy as he walked away, but before long his expression started to soften.
“Wait, don’t tell me…”
Levia Guildy’s tentacle was wrapped so tightly it looked like it was about to slice into his body.
Scorning with his voice, and crying with his tentacle.
Swan Guildy was lost for words at the clumsy way this old warrior showed his grief.
“Levia Guildy-sama is an old comrade of the late Drag Guildy-sama. There’s no doubt he feels great sadness at his passing. You can’t maintain a unit like this with nothing to your character but brute strength. He just places tremendous pressure on himself, and that means forcing his emotions into hiding like this.”
Swan Guildy felt shattered; his immaturity had once again been brought into sharp relief. However, he wasn’t one to give up that easily.
“Swing a sword or two, huh? I think I’ll take your advice!”
“You seem as good a person to ask as any, Sparrow Guildy-dono. Could you tell me about that legendary training that Dragon Guildy is said to have put himself through? I’m thinking of taking it on myself.”
“You can’t be thinking of…”
“It takes a full yeah to truly complete it, but if I can at least last until I enter combat…”
“Swan Guildy, please don’t tell me you’re going to put yourself through ‘Sea-tsu-ruu-aama-zone’! Do you want to get yourself killed!?”
One of the greatest of Drag Guildy’s victories, and one of Ultima Guil’s five ‘Great Trials’, ‘Sea-tsu-ruu-aama-zone’ requires the challenger to for one year have any online goods they order delivered with completely transparent packaging.
Swan Guildy’s eyes were hardened with resolve. “I vow to continue what Drag Guildy started!”
Would the swan be able to follow in the dragon’s wake? Swan Guildy’s battle was only just beginning.
Levia Guildy was visiting the room Drag Guildy had left behind.
Elemerians had no custom of memorialising their dead with gravestones or mausoleums. On death, they leave nothing behind. Simply returning to the universe.
As a spiritual entity, they placed no stock in promises in heaven or reincarnation. To disappear gracefully, and look over their comrades as part of the universe itself.
This gracefulness was the Elemerian’s strength and pride. There was no reason to let anguish bring you down.
Even then, parting with loved ones isn’t easy.
Dragon Guildy would always speak of his dearest wish; to have a perfect young girl to wash his back.
Hence, it was no surprise that in his room was a gigantic pile of young-girl figurines left by his loyal troops. In the dim light its silhouette gave the impression of an ancient grave-marker.
It told a story of a courageous, noble warrior.
Levia Guildy took out the boobie mousepad he’d brought along and carefully added it to the pile of offerings. The mousepad featured an ample bust, far removed from the girls Drag Guildy preferred.
“I brought a little something for you to remember me by, Drag Guildy.”
If he were a human, offerings like these could comfort a departed soul. Elemerians, however, have neither flesh nor blood.
Beings of spiritual energy, they know neither the smell of flowers, nor the taste of wine.
To offer his sorely missed comrade, nothing came close to matching the poignance of this boobie mousepad.
“You sought after twintails and only twintails right through to the bitter end. But your war is over now. Have a holiday, and maybe one day give boobs a try. I pray you’ll be able to rest free from suffering”
Muttering just these few words, Levia Guildy turned and left the room.
“That girl who took you down, I’m going to take her twintails. Will be a good gift to send you on your way.”
Returning to the cargo bay, Levia Guildy called out to a lone warrior who was waiting for his superior’s return outside the transport ship. “I’ve hardened my resolve. We must not lose to the Krake Guildy’s unit. We’ll show them the true power of Large Bust!”
“Yes sir!”
The warrior jumped to his feet, his response full of energy. His huge stature dwarfed even that of Levia Guildy.
Out of his head grew two menacing horns that wouldn’t look out of place on a giant bull.
Buffalo Guildy, Levia Guildy’s trusted lieutenant, roused himself at the thought of taking on the Twintails. The sound of his stomping filled the cargo hold.
The end of Twoearle’s very disappointing first day at high-school brought with it another Elemerian attack, this time in a convention centre where an Idol contest was taking place.
Panicked entrants were running back and forth, their chests bouncing in their revealing swimsuits.
For some reason, Aika seemed more angry at these contestants than the attacking Elemerian.
“What a disgusting scene; I’m already feeling sick. Let’s get this place cleaned up nice and quick.”
“I agree with you on finishing this up quickly, Aika, but I’m not sure you’ve got the right thing in mind…”
Looking tremendously out of place in this gaudy contest venue, a monstrous cattle-like Elemerian crossed his arms, looking fed up. His horns were bent into murderous barbs that wouldn’t look out of place on a fighting bull.
“Nothing but cheap imitations. Seems like there’s no true Large Bust to be found here either.”
It seemed like this guy wasn’t finding what he was after here. I did think he was letting attendees escape rather easily.
“For now, I’ll settle with stealing this Twintail Element”
All the girls who had twintails were cowering on the floor, surrounded by Ultiroids. They seemed somehow like they were posing for the cameras as well, but that must’ve been my imagination.
As we moved to rescue these victims, the huge Elemerian moved to block our path.
“I’m not letting you get in my way, Twintails! I, Buffalo Guildy, promise to aid my master in his propagation of Large Bust, even if it costs me my life!”
He looked to be a formidable opponent, but as always with these guys his words gave a decidedly different impression.
“Large Bust… they really have some vulgar Elements” I said, sighing warily.
Aika, on the other hand, had a gleam in her eyes, like a tiger eyeing her prey.
“Huh… so if I take this guy down, I get a Elemera Orb for large breasts?”
“Uh, wait, Blue!”
Buffalo Guildy began his sermon, oblivious to the change in Aika’s demeanour. “A vulgar Element, you say? Well I guess you’d be too young to understand. Keep believing in yourself, though, and as you grow up, your chest will grow along with you. Make sure you don’t forget your training, though, like so many of the attendees here-”
“Aura Pillar! through to… Execute Wave!”
Aika blasted her finishing move at her prey, mid-sermon and completely unprepared for combat. Buffalo Guildy was blown to smithereens. His last words were “Breasts, in essence, are-“.
“Jesus Christ!”
I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for our enemy. I glanced at Aika, and her demonic expression made me wonder for an instant if we were actually the bad guys.
From his demeanour, he probably had a lot of faith placed in him. His ’master’ would be lost for words at this sudden turn of events.
