Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko:Volume5 Chapter5

Chapter 5 - When an Alien Who Traveled from Afar Comes Sightseeing at the Local Beach

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Chapter 5 - When an Alien Who Traveled from Afar Comes Sightseeing at the Local Beach

I think I recall mentioning teacups. No, I meant last night. I remember rolling teacups around with Maekawa-san. I remember that, but I can’t remember why I used teacups as toys.

No matter how hard I tried to remember, the nausea in the pit of my stomach and the lingering pain in my head were so intense that my thoughts scattered in all directions like shattered glass. They injured the inside of my head as they passed by, yet they didn’t stop, escaping through my nose and ears. And then I was swallowed up by the sea that reached up to my shoulders.

“Ahhh,” “Uhhh,” “Nuhh,” “Bibanonnon”

After having breakfast in the banquet hall the next morning, the four of us were wading in the sea up to our shoulders. Our four heads swayed gently. One had a folded towel on her head, as if mistakenly thinking she was in a hot spring. Another had a straw hat. And the third had a parasol blooming on her head. They were Erio, Ryuushi-san, and Maekawa-san in that order. I wondered if they each used their respective features to adorn their heads. Only Erio remained a mystery.

Floating gently, our four heads drifted on the sea. All around, children, reluctant to see their summer holidays end, were swimming around, splashing water everywhere. But most of the adults stood there, their heads above the water’s surface.

If aliens were actually visiting as tourists and saw this scenery, I wonder what would they think?

“Since we took the trouble to come all the way to the beach, shouldn’t we immerse ourselves up to our shoulders in the seawater?”, Ryuushi-san suggested, so we’re swimming now. But to be honest, if we immersed ourselves up to our shoulders in the murky seawater, I wouldn’t be able to see the swimsuits below our necks, and it would feel like not being able to see cherry blossoms at a hanami.

“Niwa-kun, you’ve been spacing out for a while now. Are you okay? Is your head burnt to a crisp?”

“Weeell, I had a little trouble falling asleep last night, so I’m a bit sleep-deprived,” I said, to try to cover up my hangover.

The waves heading out to sea and my nausea synchronised, and it felt like I was going to throw up all at once. I bit my lower lip with my front teeth and tilted my chin up to make it all go back up to the bottom of my stomach.

“Maekawa-san, your eyes are popping out too.”

“Hmm, I stay up late now.”

Drawn in by a comment that made me worry about her mental faculties, I looked at Maekawa-san. For a moment, an awkward silence fell between us as our eyes met. Immediately afterwards, Maekawa-san covered her face with her parasol and sank into the sea up to her chin, disappearing into the distance.

Ugh, please don’t fuel my anxiety with that attitude. My memory of last night’s drinking party was hazy, and on top of that, seeing Maekawa-san’s avoidance reaction made my already wavering and nauseous heart lose even more its calm. Two high school students, a boy and a girl whose judgement was impaired by alcohol, were alone together at night. Looking back at it calmly, it’s hardly surprising a youthful boy evolved into a sexually charged boy and was made fun of. What happened? Did I evolve, or did I cancel my evolution? The scariest possibility was that I tried to evolve on impulse, but it ended up in failure. If I did evolve and had no memory of it at all, that would be a complete waste… no, not a waste. Ah, ah, how terrifying.

However, I could hardly believe that I, who got so emotionally invested and exhausted just from buying a single erotic magazine, could have taken such a bold step. Not with the help of alcohol. Maekawa-san wouldn’t tell me how much of last night’s events she remembered, and when dawn broke, all that remained was a mysterious message on my right hand and my first-ever hangover. But these two things proved that the drinking and Maekawa-san’s visit were not a dream.

Today, Maekawa-san, having learnt from yesterday’s blunder, apparently gave up on her crocodile costume. Reflecting on her actions, she was swaying in the waves dressed as a jellyfish… According to her, it was more breathable and water-resistant than the crocodile costume, making it suitable for summer beach activities. I vividly remember the lukewarm feeling when I exchanged glances with Ryuushi-san, with an expression that said, “What a strange direction for introspection…” She was using a parasol, but it was clearly a failed attempt at coordinating her outfit. Incidentally, the first time I saw Maekawa-san in her jellyfish costume, I mistook it for a squid costume because of its long, slender shape. When I said that, she was indignant, calling me rude. Hmm, the boundaries of a girl’s mood are always hard for a man to understand. Was it really okay to summarise the jellyfish like that?

“Lukewarm.”

muttered Erio, a towel on her head, as if complaining about the temperature of a hot spring. Did she think swimming in the sea was some kind of bath? Watching Erio’s strange behaviour made me feel a little depressed, as if I were seeing signs that she would adopt the same mannerisms as Meme-san in ten years. And then I imagined Erio’s child becoming Meme-san in twenty-something years… and I shuddered to myself at the thought of the Meme-san Matryoshka doll that awaited me in the future.

“Uryaaaa, splash splash”

“Ugh!”

Ryuushi-san suddenly doused me in the face with seawater. Some must have got into my right nostril, because the salty taste seeped into the back of my molars. I wiped the seawater from my skin with my hands, and then I said to Ryuushi-san as she was scooping up water with both hands like a ladle to douse me again:

“Why did you do that, all of a sudden?”

“I’m bored, so I thought I’d have a water fiiiight.”

“Huh? Didn't you reject that yesterday as an adult-san?”

Erio, who had initially suggested the water fight, nodded in agreement, “yes, yes”, lowering her chin with a protesting look.

“Well, that’s true, buuut. I then reconsidered it, because kids splashing around the water’s edge is the kind of thing we see in mangas, right?”

That wasn’t a nice way of putting it. The speech bubbles and lines were all jagged. “Okay, I’ll splash too,” “Splash!” Erio squirted seawater at me. “Mwaaa, I’m not gonna loooose,” “Gwah!” Ryuushi-san retaliated by splashing seawater at me. “Where should I aim for a high score?” “Gah!” Hey, this isn’t a target practice game. Even Maekawa-san joined in, enjoying splashing water on me. This wasn’t a water fight; it was a mass production of bullies. I had the naive hope that it would end quickly if I didn’t resist, so I stuck to my policy of non-resistance, but the attack continued for several minutes, “Splash, splash,” “Splish, splash,” “20 points, 30 points, aaah, the centre of the nose is 50 points,” and my heart ended up hurting more than my face.

As soon as the water splashing stopped, water dripped from the roots of my hair and my nostrils, and I started uttering words along with it. Girls + the sea + water splashing. How on earth did things go wrong to end up with my face soaked?

“Was it fun?” they asked after covering my face and hair in so much seawater that it looked like salt powder could be synthesised from it.

Erio exchanged glances with Ryuushi-san and Maekawa-san, then shook her head expressionlessly.

“Somewhat lacking.”

If she had said something like, “I got chills seeing Cousin’s suffocating face,” it would have been a meeting between Meme-san and the Touwa family, but I was relieved that Erio still showed a healthy reaction. Speaking of which, Meme-san was still sleeping in her room. She must have been exhausted from making a ruckus all night, because she slept soundly on the futon I had been using without even having breakfast. Well, even if she were awake, she would probably spend the day saying, “Light is scary, ageing is scary, sakusaku,” so maybe it’s just right.

“By the way, Niwa-kun, I know this is a bit late to ask this, but…”

“Yes?”

“Which do you prefer, daikon or burdock?”

I was asked a nonsensical question. What’s the point of asking that now? And are daikon and burdock really comparable? They’re both root vegetables, but I’ve rarely met anyone who struggled to choose between daikon and burdock. I had absolutely no idea what was the intent of that question.

I wonder if she was planning to send a late mid-year gift to the Touwa family. daikon or burdock. If so, I should ask Erio or Auntie… Hmm, as usual, Ryuushi-san’s words and actions were quite profound. She’s a natural airhead, after all.

“Maybe burdock? It depends on how you cook it, though.”

I answered the question without reading between the lines, simply because I preferred the texture to daikon. Well, let’s see what happens.

“I seeeee. Niwa-kun, could you hold onto my hat for a bit?”

“Huh? Sure.”

I received her straw hat. It was unusual for her to wear a hat like this, considering how much she usually avoids showing her straight hair, even going so far as to coordinate a helmet with her yukata. When wet, the ends of her hair clumped together and became pointed like winter icicles. This gave her usually gentle features a boyish impression.

“Well then… *float*”

Ryuushi-san was floating on the surface of the sea, her limbs sprawled out like a starfish… Huh?

“Cousin, towel.”

“Huuh?”

“Puuuu”

Erio, who had seen this out of the corner of her eye, also pressed her towel against me and assumed the same drifting pose. As if basking in the intense sunlight. In Erio’s case, combined with her hair and fragile, pale skin, it looked as if she might just dissipate into the sea.

“Transfer student, would you like to wear this jellyfish costume instead?” “No,” I immediately replied.

“Well, I guess I’ll have to ask you to take my parasol.”

“Haaa,” I became a makeshift cloakroom. I put on the hat and the towel and grabbed the parasol. My head felt heavy.

“Wooow.”

Kurakawa-san was floating too. In her case, it was difficult to tell at a glance whether it was voluntary or because of the Sun, which is troubling. A giant jellyfish floating… If she gets sunburnt like this, would a clear jellyfish-shaped line form on her skin? I’d kind of like to see that. My curiosity was piqued from a different perspective than that of youth.

“……”

The three of them drifted aimlessly on the surface of the sea. They were swept away by the waves, occasionally bumped into each other, and when they were about to be carried out to sea, they frantically swam back to the other two. I just watched, or rather, observed them from the sidelines, holding the parasol by the sea. I sometimes vaguely thought to myself in the heat that the shadows that float on the surface of the sea are quite picturesque, but basically, I remained motionless. My head floating on the sea looked like it was trying too hard to be fashionable, and I was a little self-conscious of the stares I would be getting from those around me.

The three of them drifted aimlessly on the surface of the sea.

…Huh, what was this? Was this a silent challenge to a forty-year-old who was afraid of UV rays?

Was there any connection between daikon and burdock? Maybe girls turned into burdock when exposed to the sunlight? Though you’d never see burdock lying around on the roads, right? Putting such fantasies aside, how should I interpret her question? As people who’ve been kept in the care of the sea, their floating abdomen and the bulge of their chests were defenseless… I could still enjoy swimming in the sea like this, though. For some reason, I couldn’t get enough of that moment when they sank and resurfaced (except for Kurakawa-san).

As I gazed upon the range of their up-and-down movements, I was struck by a realisation.

The differences in how men and women were made were truly mysterious. Both physically and mentally.

It was so easy to tell when a man was in a good or bad mood, right?

What awaited them after their lazy and unproductive day at the beach wasn’t the departure time of the bus back home. The adults had planned to take the bus in the evening, arrive in town at night, and then head to Maekawa-san family’s izakaya, but there was still an event they had to attend before that, right here on this summer beach. Not that they had come on the trip specifically for that event, so there had no need to feel pressured.

“Zubizubaa”

“I’ve never seen anyone slurp down such a huge pile of cabbage before.”

Just like yesterday, Ryuushi-san ordered yakisoba at the beach hut, and Maekawa-san was astonished by the way she ate it. Kurakawa-san seemed more suited to the sea than Wanikawa-san, and was able to participate in conversations today. Her face was apparently red and chapped from being exposed to the sun and was stinging.

“Really? I see it often at my house, though.”

“Well, of course you do.”

Beyond mere astonishment, Maekawa-san gave a wry smile. Sitting next to her, I couldn’t help but laugh along with her, pressing the back of my right hand against the table. I was trying to hide the scribble, which looked like something a primary school student wrote to not forget something, so that no one would notice. To be honest, no matter how much I thought back about last night, I couldn’t remember what kind of promise I made, so I was at a loss as to what to do with it. I wanted to ask Maekawa-san, but I thought it would be better to do so once we were alone, so I put it off. That’s why I ordered a sandwich that I could eat without using my dominant hand and continued in this awkward posture. So far, no one pointed it out.

“Mmmmm”

Erio traded her cabbage for Ryuushi-san’s noodles and happily slurped down a noodle-heavy yakisoba, a rare sight at a beachside restaurant. As soon as she got out of the sea, she had pressed her palm to her cheek and said, “My face hurts.” If it had been her mother, it probably wouldn’t have ended with just sore skin.

The surfer guy, or “Safaao” for short, was still at the beach hut today. When we entered the shop and he took our orders, he greeted Ryuushi-san and Erio by saying, “I’ll be participating in the chanbara later this afternoon; be nice to me”. Ryuushi-san replied, “Is that soooo?”, and Erio, hiding behind me, just said, “Kay”. Both of them gave unenthusiastic responses, but Safaao didn’t give up. “I’m looking forward to it,” he said, happily tapping the cash register and serving customers using the showers.

“But what kind of event would a sports chanbara event be? It’s near the sea, so maybe the duel at Ganryuu Island?”

Responding to my joking question and introduction, Ryuushi-san, who had been happily munching on her cabbage core saying “It’s so sweet,” began to speak up: “At my elementary school, you know…” “We had something called a free-for-all, where everyone would fight together all at once. Sometimes we formed teams, and sometimes we didn’t.

Ah, those were the good old days,” she reminisced as she picked up some cabbage with her chopsticks.

“They would suddenly betray her allies and plunge them into a state of terror, right?”

“Yeah, that sounds like something she’d do.”

I nodded “yup yup” in agreement. In a way, Ryuushi-san’s principles of action might be similar to those of Meme-san.

The only difference was whether it was natural or calculated.

Well, now.

After finishing lunch, it was time to head to the beach. Those participating in the chanbara event gathered around the designated breakwater. There, huddled together, were the elderly men and women, their enthusiasm seemingly undeterred by the summer sun, complaining about the heat. I wondered if this group would be a success. Like the sports chambara old man, it seemed like a gathering of the chambara generation.

“Actually, most of the people gathered here are just on a local getaway.”

As promised, Safaao (not Safario) followed us from behind, and we also saw the ryokan’s waitress. Wearing a cooking apron, she was sitting on the embankment massaging the soles of her feet and had even brought her own katana. Except for Maekawa-san, all of us had also brought katanas given to us by the old man when we arrived at the meeting place.

“Ah, Mom.”

Erio happily pointed. In the direction she was pointing, Meme-san was there again, wearing someone else’s shirt, waiting under a parasol set up on the beach, some distance from the meeting place. It looked like she wasn’t planning on carrying her parasol with her today. A sign that read “Meme-tan Beach” was stuck into the ground next to the parasol. Don’t just turn this into your private property. She was standing there with her arms crossed and her legs spread wide in a strange way. Because of that, only her feet were sticking out from under the parasol as she basked in the sun. Was that okay?

Our eyes met, and Meme-san waved her hand enthusiastically, mainly towards Erio, saying, “Hiiiii!” Erio waved back excitedly and then started to run towards her mother. But Meme-san held out her hand and stopped her, “No, you must not!” acting like a tragic heroine.

“Don’t come! If you come now, Eri-chan I’ll end up sucking on your skin!”

Has there ever been a mother besides her who would say something like that? Hmm, maybe a vampire mother and child?… No, I could say with certainty that there wasn’t any. And by the way, a high school student whose 40-year-old aunt was involved in his life to the extent of being the heroine was also quite a rare breed; what a sad thing. You’re not only sucking the life out of your daughter’s skin, but also my Youth Points… Could that be why the wrinkles on your face are decreasing?

Erio groaned, “Uugh”, looking troubled, and glanced at me as if seeking my opinion. I ignored her and looked at Ryuushi’s face. Ryuushi-san looked confused, as if to say, “Eh? Me?”, and then looked back and forth between Erio and Meme-san. And with her eyebrows still furrowed, she pointed at Meme-san.

“Ch-chaaarge!”

“Waaah.”

Following Ryuushi’s command, Erio ran towards Meme-san. For some reason, Meme-san also let go of her parasol and started running, seeing her daughter come running towards her, ignoring her attempts to stop her. Both of them raised their arms, although Erio was limping and Meme-san was stretched out vertically, but they collided in such defenceless positions as if they were in a sparring match. Then, Meme-san unilaterally hugged her and rubbed her cheek against hers.

“Ukya, zu, zurizuri”

“Ugh, her smooth skin is glowing in the summer sunlight… Gyaahh, Meme-tan’s back, hyaaahh, in the liiiiight.”

Would calling her a “doting parent” be offensive to other doting parents?

Before the trip, she had said that she wanted to play with her mom at the beach, but I wonder if this was also part of that fun.

After watching the farcical embrace of the Touwa mother-daughter, Ryuushi-san said quietly:

“Touwa-san’s mother is a bit of a strange person, isn’t she?”

“Not just a little bit.”

If she absolutely needed to use the expression “a bit”, it should be as in “only a bit normal”.

“But you can really see how much she loves Touwa-san. I think that’s great.”

“Hmm, mothers like that…”

I tried to imagine my mother and me, who were living separately, embracing. I think I’d rather avoid this.

While the mother and daughter, both dressed in predominantly blue-toned outfits, were playing together, the sports chanbara old man from yesterday appeared on the beach, clutching in each hand something wrapped in a furoshiki. He sat down in a spot on the embankment, threw down the bundles with a grunt, and said, “Heave-ho!” He gave a brief apology to everyone, “Sorry to keep you waiting,” before taking off his hat and wiping the sweat from his surprisingly sparse forehead. Unlike Meme-san, the old man seemed unfazed by the sunlight.

“Hey, thanks a lot. I’m grateful to everyone for coming. It’s the first time it’s been this lively.”

The old man bowed, as if to say, “if nothing else.” However, I couldn’t help but feel that a sense of dejection was etched on his face that was incongruous with the noble words he was speaking. Was it perhaps related to aliens?

Today, he was wearing his homemade, failed-at-home, bread-shaped hat and dressed in clothes with colours that suggest an ominous omen. The old man untied one of the knots off one of his furoshiki and scattered sports chanbara katanas onto the sand. More than ten swords of various lengths and styles rolled around.

“You can use any katana you like, but it’s first come, first served. And over here you can take a helmet.”

As he explained, he untied the knot on his other furoshiki. Just as the old man had described, it was filled with colourful helmets. Helmets rolled around. They seemed to be designed for sports chanbara, protecting not only the head but also the face. They gave the impression of being a simplified version of a kendo mask. Wearing one in this heat and summer sunshine would probably make it difficult to breathe.

“Please take one helmet each. Once everyone has theirs, I’ll explain the rules and divide you into teams.”

The old man gave instructions, rotating his shoulders as he carried the heavy load. Since he was dividing us into teams, I wondered if he intended to have a free-for-all battle like Ryuushi-san had mentioned earlier. I exchanged glances with Ryuushi-san, who nodded in agreement, understanding the meaning of my gaze.

“I don’t know how we’ll divide up, but it would be great if we could all be on the same team.”

“Right.”

And together with Ryuushi-san, we’ll be cutting down old men and women, left and right.

“Can I join that team too?”

Suddenly, a strangely shaped shadow loomed over me from behind. Without even turning around, I knew it was the shadow of a jellyfish that had landed on the sandy beach, 179.9 centimetres long (self-professed), and capable of walking on two legs. I turned to face Kurakawa-san, recalling the image of the scholar who passionately argued that squid would dominate the land a hundred years from now. There it was, a jellyfish holding a parasol, a sight that could easily be used as the title of a short story. Noticing that her gaze had fallen to my right arm, I rose my hand to shield it from her eyes, but she immediately turned her face away. Hmm, how suggestive.

“By the way, Maekawa-san, can you swing a sword around?”

Ryuushi-san asked for confirmation in a suspicious tone. Maekawa-san scoffed at this.

“There are other ways to fight with a sword besides just swinging it.”

“Thrusting, huh?”

“No, no, maybe she’ll just toss it.”

“Now, now, you guys, don’t spoil the surprise right away.”

While we were talking, the elderly men and women in the front row were picking up helmets and katanas of their choice one by one. Some even took swords as long as spears.

As the participants chose their weapons, the chanbara-loving old man rubbed his lips and mumbled something. From what I could read, he seemed to be expressing his disappointment: “I guess there really aren’t any aliens after all.”

“…Of course, there aren’t any.”

Today too, Coincidence seemed to be a lost child with no inclination towards the elderly.

But even so, the sports chanbara old man seemed to change his attitude, and a defiant smirk played on his lips. He slapped his knee with his palm, and then, as if to encourage himself, made that simple declaration:

“Okay, let’s start.”

“This event will be divided into an alien team and a human team. Has everyone drawn their team?”

The sports chanbara old man checked the home-made lottery box covered in colourful paper, shaking it from side to side. Ryuushi-san and I already had in our hands our katanas, helmets, lottery tickets, and paper balloons to be used at the event. However, Ryuushi-san refused to wear a helmet, saying, “I have my own helmet,” and wore the yellow helmet she had brought in her bag at the ryokan that she used when cycling to school. Maekawa-san also refused to wear a helmet, “Because I’m a jellyfish,” and her head was covered by a semi-transparent costume. Sometimes, I wondered if Maekawa-san wasn’t embarrassed walking around outside in cosplay, but thinking about it calmly, I was probably the one who should be most embarrassed in terms of the stares we’re getting, being the only one in normal clothes among us.

Meanwhile, the Touwa mother and daughter were running around on the beach. For some reason, Meme-san was carrying Erio on her back and running across the sand in a desperate manner, shouting, “I’m going to be sore tomorroooow!” I left her alone, since she would probably run out of breath and collapse soon. Once he was satisfied that everyone had had their turn, the sports chanbara old man continued his explanation:

“Whoever has drawn a paper with an ‘A’ is an alien visiting Earth as a tourist, and whoever has drawn a paper with a ‘B’ is a misled Earth Defence Force member. The aliens will be given sashes. Please wear them so we can tell you apart from one another.”

What kind of setup was this? They unfold the twisted-open slips of paper, and each person checks their assigned number.

“And you Niwa-kun?”

“B” I answered, and then asked, “What about you, Ryuushi-san?”, Ryuushi-san sighed, “Nyoooo!” Unless she hated me so much that she couldn’t stand the thought of me breathing the same air within a 100-meter radius, I had to assume that Ryuushi-san was an alien from Team A. Hmm, have aliens recently learnt to use their charm to come to Earth? There were some aliens with keen insight who had their eyes set on high school girls and swimsuits. I was almost tempted to become friends with them and easily surrender Earth.

“Huuuh? That’s strange. Ryuko-san is supposed to have incredible luck with lotteries.”

She flailed her arms as if to express her displeasure. Was good fortune in this world somehow linked to muscles?

“Heh? So you have experience with lotteries?”

“I won fourth prize, a sugar bag, five times in a supermarket shopping lottery! And it was five times in a row!”

“Heh heh heh, how about that?” she asked proudly, thrusting out her palm and showing off her five fingers.

“That kind of thing is so like you, Ryuushi-san.”

“I told ya, I’m Ryuuko. Hmm, weeell, I guess I have about 24 different personalities inside meeee. Maaaaybe that just shows up in the lottery resuuuults.”

“How about that, hehehe,” added Ryuushi-san, beaming with pride. From behind, a katana was brought down upon her arrogant nose. “But I’ve won a third-prize frying pan set, you know.”

It was Maekawa-san. The shadow of a jellyfish was covering Ryuushi-san’s head. Ryuushi-san jumped up in an instant, turned around crying “Heaaah!”, and swung her katana horizontally. The blade whizzed past the jellyfish’s body.

“Well, getting five times the fourth prize is better than getting the third prize only ooooonce! I told ya I’m Ari-san swarming all over the place!”

“Some people believe that winning the top price once is more impressive than being the runner-up three times.”

“Mmmh mhhhhh.”

Ryuushi-san retracted her nose, which she had been holding high, and pursed her lips. After watching that, I asked Maekawa-san:

“Maekawa-san, in which team are you?”

“B, same as you, transfer student. Ah, Ryuushi-san is probably disappointed that I’m not in class A.”

“W-what? I’m not jealous of thaaaat! And I told ya I’m Ryuryuko!”

She asserted her name in a stumbling manner, as if her tongue hadn’t quite separated from the lower teeth. Ryuryuko-san, huh? She sounded like a child with a lisp trying their best to pronounce “Ruruko”. Hmm, not bad.

The person who made the comment didn’t seem pleased and immediately questioned the speaker.

“Who the heck is Ryuryuko?!”

It’s you.

“Now, now, Ryuryuko-san, calm down.”

“Why do slips of the tongue spread so quicklyyyyy?! What’s going on with Niwa-kun’s ability to absorb things like thaaaaat?!”

“Hey, you stupid couple over there, you’re too noisy. Listen to me!”

The sports chanbara old man scolded us. “Stupid couple” sounds five times worse than “idiot couple”. “Idiot couple” gives the impression of a couple engaging in idiotic behaviour, while “stupid couple” gives the impression of two stupid people being lumped together as a couple. I got lost in this thought, trying to hide the embarrassment of being treated as if I were part of a couple. I tried to push it deep inside, but the strong sunlight burnt my skin and dragged it out. Deep inside my burning skin, it felt like it was bursting with heat.

“I’m not a couple; I told ya I’m Ryuuko!”

Ryuushi-san, who was excited and prioritised momentum over consistency, offered a nonsensical counter-argument.

“So, it’s a match between aliens and humans, and the basic rules are no punching or kicking and no hitting with the hilt of your katanas. Well, it’s pretty much the same as regular sports chanbara rules. Also, don’t go too far into the sea; it’s dangerous. If both your feet are submerged in seawater, you’re out of bounds and disqualified. And this is more of a question of good manners than rules, but make sure you don’t bother other people who are swimming in the sea.”

Ignoring Ryuushi-san, who was bouncing around like a toy frog, the sports chanbara old man pointed to the gentle waves crashing onto the beach. Erio and Meme-san were still on the beach. But upside down. Meme-san was being carried on Erio’s back, her eyes rolling around with a groan, “Fuhiii”.

“The aliens win if they defeat the leader of the human team. Conversely, the human team wins by either wiping out all the hostile aliens or by protecting their leader until time runs out. However, if by the time limit more than half of the aliens haven’t been eliminated, it’s a draw. It’ll be boring if you just defend all the time, so be on the offensive. Fight. The judgement is based on that paper balloon you attach to your head. If it gets crushed, you lose. Even if it’s crushed by accident, you’re disqualified all the same, so be careful.”

After explaining that, the sports chanbara old man chuckled as if he had imagined something. So, in this team battle, the Earthlings were on the defence, and the alien team is on the attack, or rather, conducting an invasion? The way the winner was determined was now clear.

“You should definitely keep the leader of the human team a secret from the aliens. Also, there’s one alien on the human team pretending to be an ally. He’s a spy. The person who drew that role will do his best to deceive them and take down the humans.”

“That old man is saying some pretty outrageous things.”

“I think he could become friends with Grandma Tamura.”

Erio, who had appeared beside us without us noticing, chimed in. Meme-san looked exhausted, her hair hanging down like jellyfish tentacles and resting on Erio’s shoulder. She was receiving the full force of the ultraviolet light on her back, but it didn’t seem like she would melt immediately. Thank God.

“Cousin, switch places.”

“Hah?” swung I was forced to carry Meme-san. No, wait, don’t just hand her over so casually. While I was wide-eyed and bewildered, I was swept away and ended up carrying Meme-san on my back. Supporting the forty-year-old, which felt denser than Maekawa-san yesterday, made my legs stumble slightly. Furthermore, the tips of her hair tickled my shoulders, sending goosebumps all over. And when I became aware of it, there was some kind of bulge pressing against my back…

“…ha”

This was bad. If I let my guard down, I would find myself silently concentrating all my attention on that sensation. I’m such an idiot.

With her arms now free from Meme-san’s grasp, Erio swung them around in circles, smiling and peeking at me.

“Does Mom smell?”

“I’m going to bury her in the sand.”

“Cousin, which team are you on?”

“I’m an Earthling. And you?”

“Me too. We’re Earthlings, together.”

She happily bounced up and down. Looking down at her, for a moment, I really felt like Erio was like my daughter. Shit, don’t look at me with that innocent smile.

“Meow!”

Ryuushi-san also jumped up and down. However, the source of her jumping was an emotion that was the complete opposite of joy. And she didn’t realise that the lump of youth was bouncing along with her up-and-down motion.

“Ryuushi or something, are you an alien?”

“I told ya I’m Ryukorien!”

The new creature that was calling itself Ryuuko + Alien was fuming with anger. Out of the corner of its eye, Safaao and Nakai-san, both wearing helmets, were swinging their swords around.

“Incidentally, GMM is also an Earthling.”

“Whoaaa!”

With her lips still pressed against my shoulder, Meme-san on my back suddenly spoke. Was she awake? If so, I wish she’d stop clinging to me and let go. Her hair was incredibly itchy against my skin.

“What does GMM even stand for? It sounds like General Manager, but…”

“Great Mother Meme-chin”

Hey Mother, stand on your own two feet like a true great. When I let go of your feet and tried to throw you onto the sand, you clung on, yelling, “Guaaaah!” I had to admit I was being careless to not have anticipated this from such a large creature. Not only was she clinging on, but she was shaking my whole body. I couldn’t tell if what was clinging to my back was a koala, a monkey, or a konaki-baba.

“Aaaaiaih, aaaiaih, it’s Meeemeee-saaan!”

“There’s no one who doesn’t know that by now!”

She looked like a monkey. I was about to suffocate, so I reluctantly grabbed her legs and readjusted her position on my back. I wondered if my father would apologise to me if he saw this scene.

“I meeeean, I’m definitely being left out. You’ve been showing me too much disrespect lately, Niwa-kuuun.”

“I told you I’m not!”

“I told you not to say chuuni.”

It seemed like the yachuuni intensive training month would begin even before next month begins.

“Is Ryuushi or something being left out?”

“Ugu.”

Erio’s straightforward words made Ryuushi-san choke. Perhaps feeling sorry for her, Erio tentatively reached out and tried to stroke Ryuushi-san’s head, or rather, her helmet. But Ryuushi-san shook her katana sideways and chased him away, shouting “Nwiiiii!”

“I won’t accept charity from the enemyyyy! But if we’re talking about allies, well, we have Mickey!”

“That’s amazing!”

Maekawa-san, who probably didn’t know the local Mickey, was impressed by the monotone delivery.

Then the old man, who had been watching our exchange, called out to us with a look of exasperation:

“Are you guys ready yet?”

“Aah, yes, sorry for the ruckus.”

Why was I the one acting as the leader of this group? The older one clinging to my back sucked on my skin, screaming “Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“You’re the loudest one! You have one hour. Alright, let’s begin! Come here, aliens!”

The sports chanbara old man shouted his wish to the sky at the same time he was giving his command.

Bentler, Bentler.

…Was it possible that power was somehow sublimated by beach chanbara?

As if to prove this point, a rather pathetic Space War intertwined with romance and youthful romance began.

And so the alien team scattered around the beach, and the game began.

This marked the beginning of a remarkably small-scale Space War.

The sound and suffocating smell swirled around, as if the soles of my feet were burning underfoot or as if the air itself was scorching. And then came the scent of the waves. The burnt smell and the salty taste mixed together, tormenting my sunburnt face. With each gust of sea breeze, it was as if the cells of my charred skin were crying out in pain and ecstasy.

And, as expected, the heat was doubled from wearing a helmet.

If I were to describe the area around the shimmering sandy beach in such heat, using a map of the town that Meme-san once created, it would roughly look like this.

It was not a bird’s-eye view, and the scale was rather rough, but it should be enough to get the location and direction right. Or rather, why was Meme-san so assertive even on a simple map? I was terrified that a private territory just for Meme-san was steadily being created in my mind. The parasol stuck in the sand in a deserted spot and the sign with “Meme-tan Beach” scrawled on it are burnt into my memory like symbols of this. I mean, where did she even find a sign like that?

“Seriously, please let go of my back already.” She was still clinging to me. Give me a break.

“Because Meme-tan’s a little bit sore.”

“Aren’t you sure it isn’t shijuukata?”

“Juuuu.”

“Okay, I get it, you have sore muscles. Stop sucking me.”

When Meme-san sucked on my back, the strength drained from the back of my knees, and I felt like I was going to collapse onto the sand. How terrifying.

“Well, what should we do now?”

The organiser of the town trip, who was a member of the Earthling team, turned his head as if searching for any scattered aliens. For the time being, the Earthling team had gathered in the centre of the beach, just as the map indicated. The group consisted of a skinny old man, a round old woman, a jellyfish, a self-proclaimed part-timer with light blue hair that emitted particles, and a high school student carrying his aunt on his back. A neatly categorised eccentric bunch. I’m sure it wasn’t just my imagination, but there didn’t seem to be anyone suitable for sports chanbara.

It was quite disheartening to see families and sun-tanned couples at the beach looking with strange or even mocking eyes at a group of people wearing helmets, carrying katanas, and with paper balloons attached to their heads.

“How about we split into two groups? One to protect the leader and the other to hunt down the aliens?”

The old man next to the organiser, who was wielding a spear-like weapon, made a suggestion. Ryuushi-san, the eye of the aliens they were going to hunt, shouted, “I’m going to invade Niwa-kuuuun!” and ran off towards the cave on the other side of the beach house. Ryuushi-san’s invasion. Me, being invaded. That was a little exciting. Wait, that’s not the right moment for that.

Safaao ran off with a grin on his face towards the cove beyond the hill. As for the other side, the only notable young people were the waitress, Ooi-san and her child. Among Ooi-san’s family, only the husband was on the Earthling team. So he was a little sulky. Maybe he should have been replaced by Ryuushi-san.

“Um…”

Since no one seemed to object to the spear-wielding old man, I decided to speak up. Everyone, pay attention. I spoke, thinking to myself that I didn’t really want to be seen carrying Meme-san on my back.

“As for who our leader is, isn’t it better not to reveal it to everyone here? Apparently, there’s a spy.”

Incidentally, the leader was the one whose slip of paper was marked “boss,” and no one else on the team was told who it was yet.

The old ladies around me agreed with my opinion, nodding along, “Humm, humm”. Apparently, old ladies generally went along with the opinions of younger people. The spear-wielding old man was groaning “Mmm”.

“But if we do that, you won’t be able to protect our leader.”

“If we’re too obviously trying to protect him, the aliens will know exactly who our leader is.”

“Yeah, that’s true. And it’s more fun to be on the offensive.”

Maekawa-san supported my opinion, waving her jellyfish tentacles from side to side. Maekawa-san on the offensive. An offensive Maekawa-san. How exciting. Wait, that’s not the right moment for that. However, her opinion was quite important.

Surely no one here was seriously aiming for the extravagant prizes that the sports chanbara old man was claiming to have. Besides, it was unclear how he planned to distribute prizes in a team competition. Therefore, most of the people gathered here, katana in hand, were probably just killing time until the bus arrived this evening. They wanted to swing their swords and fight an opponent. It was safe to say that very few were concerned with their team’s victory.

The important thing was whether they were entertained.

In that case, a purely defensive strategy wouldn’t be interesting. That kind of thinking probably ran deep within the old people’s minds. “Okay then, that’s fine,” the organiser nodded, and everyone’s opinion was in agreement.

“Even when fighting aliens, it’s best to always act in groups of three or more.”

The old man with the spear gave that warning. Sensing the atmosphere around him that suggested, “There’s a spy, indeed,” the old man with the spear scratched his cheek as if it were itchy.

“That’s what happened in the mystery novel I read the other day.”

“Oh, so there’s an original source for that?”

The organiser next to me casually patted the spear-wielding old man on the shoulder. I vaguely knew where that came from. I remembered reading something like that in one of the novels that Maekawa-san had recommended to me during summer holidays. I glanced at Maekawa-san’s face and saw that he was smiling slightly, so my guess was right.

“Okay, let’s form groups of three, then.”

One of the grandmothers gave instructions, clapping her hands like a gym teacher. Maybe she used to be a teacher or something. Erio flinched at what the grandmother said. She came over to me with hurried footsteps.

“Cousin, let’s team up!”

She pinched the skin on my elbow and demanded things like a child tugging at the hem of an adult’s clothes.

“Okay, but why are you so desperate?”

She shook her head vigorously from side to side. Her hair was disheveled as if to say, “I’m not that desperate.”

“Hmm, so you’re the spy for the aliens, aren’t you?”

I just said it on a whim without really thinking about it.

“N-no, I’m not. U-uh…”

The tiny creature, imbued with the colours of the universe, trembled with its neck retracted. Like a crystal ball submerged at the bottom of the sea, its shimmering light blue colour trembled, captivating my eyes. Looking at her like this, it was hardly surprising that some girls might view this as crossing a line and treat her with hostility.

“Don’t bully Eri-chan, Mako-kun.”

“Beeeh.”

A low, guttural sound like a goat’s bleating escaped my lips. Meme-san was clinging to my throat. “Yes, yes, I won’t bully her, I’m sorry,” I said, and she let go of my head partway through, so my pronunciation returned to normal. Erio was still nervous. But that was normal for her to be like that in front of other people, though.

“Transfer student, you’ve already formed a three-person group; what a shame.”

Maekawa-san kept a certain distance, observing us as if trying to probe us. Her ethereal movements were like a jellyfish drifting in a tank. In terms of morphological imitation, I would rate a jellyfish as the most accurate so far.

“No, it’s fine. You should come too, Maekawa-san.”

“We’ll be a group of four; is that okay?”

“Well, I mean this person isn’t counted in the headcount after all.”

I was talking of the person on my back. In my mind, it was not a human. Now came a sudden change of direction, turning it into a novel about a lazy youkai. No, no, please don’t do that, because my aunt would become the main character.

“Hmm… No, I’ll pass. We should enjoy some quality time together as a family.”

“Wait, I’m neither the chicken nor the egg in the oyakodon. I’m just the pickles that come with it.”

Maekawa-san’s gaze as she refused briefly shifted to my right hand. Wah, she was showing interest in it again. I’d rather the Sunday Special sponsored by Erio solve this mystery than the erotic magazines under the covers.

“Cousin, look at that.”

Erio stretched and pointed behind me. I turned around. “……Hum?”

A roar-like sound came from the stairs connecting the beach to the road. A hoarse cry of “Whoa!” followed by a surprisingly rapid advance. It seemed four armed alien old men were charging forward. The distance was too great for a surprise attack. They were easily visible, almost like a reckless suicide mission. But the fact remained that they were the ones who were boldly attacking. The signs of combat caused a slight unease among the Earthling team.

“A bookshop selling cacti, a street stall selling rice crackers? They’re all short-tempered people; it’s pretty obvious.”

They seemed to be friends of the spear-wielding old man, and they looked pleased as they checked each other out. The group of four old men running across the beach flew down the stairs and soon closed the distance to within striking distance of each other’s swords. The organiser and the spear-wielding old man took a fighting stance, swinging their katanas wildly to show their eagerness to fight. Judging from their attitude and reactions, these people are probably the leaders of the Earthling team. Let me tell you in advance, I’m not the leader either.

“What should we do, Cousin?”

“I don’t want to get dragged into a fight between old men that feels like the abrupt final battle of a cancelled manga. Let’s run away.”

“Mako-kun is the hero and I’m the heroine; it’s a love story of elopement.”

“Shut up, you hidden spirit.”

“Cousin and mom, together, am I intruding?”

“Enough, just come along!”

Don’t pout! Just what are you even jealous of?!

I readjusted my grip on Meme-san (why was I carrying her?!), and with Erio in tow, I headed towards the cave. I was curious about the whereabouts of Ryuushi-san and Safaao, who I suspected were hiding there. Especially Safaao.

I didn’t intend to jump in recklessly, but if I got closer I might be able to observe the situation.

Just before I started running, I called out to Maekawa-san, who was standing still with her sword drawn.

“Maekawa-san, are you really not coming?”

“Yeah. After this battle is over, I’m going to do a little autumn cosplay in my hometown.”

“Stop setting up these weird flags that I don’t understand.”

“Now, leave this to me; you go on ahead, transfer student.”

Maekawa-san, wielding both a parasol and a katana, added yet another flag to the list. She seemed to be in a great mood and having a lot of fun, and she raised both hands and almost fell over, so Erio pulled her back up, and in the end the four of them escape. Can we really entrust that to them?

“As usual, sorry about everything, transfer student. *cough cough*”

“You promised not to say that, didn’t you?”

This was the kind of exchange that I should ideally be having with Meme-san who I was actually carrying as a burden, but instead, she was happily saying things like “Hey, pretty girl,” and creating a fluffy, happy atmosphere. That person was hopeless.

As we moved away from the centre of the beach, we heard the sound of old men fighting behind us.

Of course, there was absolutely no bloodshed, only gentle sounds like smacking and popping.

A peaceful Space War, for crying out loud.

Well, when I said “running away,” I didn’t mean it was serious enough to warrant a full-blown escape, so what should we do?

What should the teacup do? …Huh, the teacup?

I ran around aimlessly and decided to sit down, leaning against the trunk of a tropical-looking tree (I don’t know its official name; it was not a palm tree) growing on a hill next to a beach hut, and take in the view of the wartime beach. “Gyaaa! You’re stuck, you’re stuck, Mako-kun, you’re grinding against the tree!” I was doing it on purpose.

Erio also plopped down beside. Maekawa-san remains standing, leaning against a tree, glaring at the sandy beach with a dignified expression. It would make a nice picture if it weren’t for the jellyfish. If only her tentacles weren’t swaying.

“Oh, they’re fighting!”

The old men were clashing katanas so fiercely that it looked like a cloud of sand and dust would be kicked up. The sight of the old man with a sash and the old men with bare torsos fighting was like dried bonito flakes dancing on a hot plate. The old man with the spear seemed to be out of breath, already tired from swinging it around. The sandy ground was probably contributing to his fatigue. Two old men with short chanbara katanas were fighting each other energetically, almost at point-blank range. They were slashing at each other’s bodies as if ignoring the paper balloons on their heads, in a no-holds-barred, open-handed battle… Looked like fun.

“Gyaaa, Grandpa, do your best, Gyooo!”

I sandwiched the girl, who was acting like an idol and cheerfully cheering, between a tree and my back and rubbed her hard. Wooow, aunts sure make surprisingly good cushions. The death throes of the ghost behind me were the worst background noise, though.

“Ryuushi or something is not here.”

Erio looked around, especially towards the rock face, searching for Ryuushi-san’s whereabouts. Erio had better eyesight than most people. Perhaps it was because she was always looking up at the sky, wanting to see the stars.

“What, you want to have a chanbara fight with Ryuushi-san?”

“Settle yesterday’s score. Bwooon Bwoooon.”

Erio swung her sword with sound effects. With particles seemingly emitting from her hair, it almost seemed like she could actually wield the Force. There was no denying that mystique about her. Yet, when she became Smakin, she instantly became a symbol of powerlessness. What a stark contrast. Even advanced ski slopes would be surprised.

“If we keep saying Ryuushi, she’ll probably come over.”

Maekawa-san interjected with a slightly mischievous smile. Indeed, we could summon her in this fashion. She’ll probably come over saying yatchuuni… Maybe the Ryuushi-san trap wasn’t just a dream after all.

“If Touwa and Ryuushi are rivals, then I guess I’d be the hairdresser’s opponent.”

Declared Maekawa-san with a defiant expression, glaring at the chaotic battle on the beach. With her tall stature and sharp features, one would think she could find a way to make the most of them if she were in the drama club.

“Does the hairdresser have some kind of history with Ooi-san?”

“Not at all. If anything, she has nothing but gratitude for her.”

“Then there’s no need for them to confront each other?”

“It wouldn’t be interesting if all we had were Ryuushi’s rivals… Ah, or perhaps…”

Maekawa-san’s words stopped there. A rustling sound of swaying leaves echoed above my head. The sound wasn’t brought about by a uniform force like wind, but rather by friction occurring at a single point. It was similar to the feeling of some animal moving around. I exchanged glances with Maekawa-san, then raised my chin and strained my eyes to try and figure out what it was… Ah?

I made eye contact with Ryuushi-san, who was leaping between trees, her feet firmly planted on two trees with long strides.

I spotted Ryuushi-san, and I was taken aback by her unexpected appearance. We both froze.

“Meow! Bwooon Bwooon!”

Immediately afterward, Ryuushi-san, whose paralysis had subsided before mine, jumped down from the tree and attacked. She spewed some kind of Force sound effect from her mouth and swung her katana down. “I’m taking you all down, I told ya I’m Ryuuko!” I rolled sideways, hitting my back against the tree trunk, and narrowly dodged her attack. In the process, I dragged Erio, who was sitting, down with me. And then, one more thing happened.

Ryuushi-san’s high-altitude blow grazed the paper balloon that had been stuck to Meme-san’s head, causing it to deflate. Just like her childlike features, the air and contours of her face warped.

“Ah, that’s probably the first person to be disqualified.”

When I pointed it out, Meme-san started flailing her legs like a child and kicked me in the side.

“Eeeh? It’s already over for Meme-tan?”

“What were you even planning to do in the first place, clinging to someone’s back? See, you’re disqualified, so get off.” With a thud, I finally succeed in exorcising the spirit in my back. “Aiyaaa!” Meme-san rolls on the ground.

If this is what the Heisei era Vagabond was, then it would be easy to turn all of humanity into Vagabonds.

“Meme-san wasn’t the leader, was she?”

“I am indeed the queen who rules over Mako-kun, his aunt’s slave.”

I ignored her. Ryuushi landed swiftly on the ground, regained her balance, and triumphantly chuckled and acted creepy as she said, “One down, hieh hieh hieh.” But what welled up inside me was certainly not fear. “Thank you for the help!”

“No need to feel grateful. This is revenge for the disrespected Ryuuko-san.”

She shook both her arms wildly with a “bzz buzz” sound as she criticised me. This isn’t a play, you know. Or rather, this isn’t revenge. It was rare to find someone who suited such an expression so little. Probably because of her cheeks, which looked completely devoid of any fighting spirit.

“The fact that I am meeting with Niwa-kun during my revenge is just like Rolio and Julie!”

“Who the hell are these? Seriously, who?”

“Huh? Or was it Romy and Julietta?”

“Are you referring to Romeo and Juliet?”

“That’s it. Niwa-kun and I are fated rivals!”

She pointed the tip of her katana with a sharp, decisive motion. Was that the kind of relationship Romeo-san had? But I did remember that at the end, both the man and the woman were on the ground, having killed themselves. Was Romeo a shounen manga or something?

“Ryuushi or something, here I stand, in front of Cousin.”

Erio, who had been caught up in the fall and had rolled on the ground, had got up and held her katana in a middle stance. Mhh, Ryuushi-san was also pointing the tip of her katana at Erio. It was a scene of a Space hamster vs. an Earth rabbit.

I wonder what was caused the conflict between humans and aliens? Love, obviously. No, wrong.

The two slowly closed the distance between them… huh? Wait, where did Maekawa-san go? I looked around; ah, there she was. She had gone around a tree and was now standing right behind Ryuushi-san.

“Hah!”

Ryuushi-san turned around, reacting in the style of the shonen manga she had been reading recently. She instinctively ducked, narrowly avoiding Maekawa-san’s piercing thrust that was aimed at her side.

“Huh? I missed. You have good intuition, Ryuushi.”

“I told ya, I’m Ryuuko! Attacking from behind is cowardly, Maekawa!” “Yaa!” “Nyowaa!” While Ryuushi-san turned towards Maekawa-san, Erio from behind aimed at her head. Ryuushi-san twisted her body and managed to dodge that as well. She turned around. “I told you, from behind is cowardly!” “Taa!” “Nyoi!” Maekawa-san’s thrusts from behind continued. She narrowly escaped like a Pop-up Pirate, and the game continued. Should I join in too? With a cheer…

“Wow, Ryuushi-san, you’re so popular!”

I cheered her on. Ryuushi-san, who kept dodging by bending her waist and knees, turned around in between them. “I, told, ya, I’m, Ryuuko!” She dodged Erio and Maekawa-san’s simultaneous attack by arching her upper body in a limbo-like manner. She then raised her katana to deflect Erio’s hand and, using the momentum of the strike, continued to roll backward, making her escape between the two of them. She rolled over and over on the dirt, crashing into a tree trunk and coming to a halt. “Ouch,” she said, rubbing her waist, but she quickly recovered with a “Yaaah!”, raising both hands.

“As expected of a sports-orientated type.”

Muttered admiringly Maekawa-san, who seemed tired from moving around and was out of breath.

“Ryuko-san won’t die until she makes Niwa-kun her private property!”

Barked Ryuushi-san. Her thinking was just like that of that adult-child. But oddly enough, she could be forgiven for that one! Oh, come to think of it, where was Meme-san? Like a cicada’s moulted shell that has fallen to the ground, she had vanished from sight. Just in case, I checked the sky above where Ryuushi-san had appeared, but there were only leaves swaying in the breeze.

“Hmm, but that dream of yours can’t come true.”

Maekawa-san twirled her katana around like the index finger of the Black Salesman as she offered a strange counter-argument. Ryuushi-san, Erio, and I all tilted our heads in confusion.

“Because…”

She paused, or perhaps hesitated, as she averted my gaze. Her eyes were fixed on my right hand, which was gripping my katana. My right hand… The moment a realisation struck me like an electric current, and Maekawa-san’s words exploded first.

“Because I was the one to mark the transfer student with my spit first!”

At that moment, time seemed to stop only on the hill adorned with tropical trees. The noise and sand drifted across the hill on the sea breeze, creating a crunching sound as if something were crumbling. I felt dizzy hearing an old man on the beach shouting, “I’ve got him!” as if it were happening in a foreign land across the sea.

“What the hyell are ya talking abouuuut?!”

“Oh, same here: what the hell are you talking abouuut?!”

I had absolutely no recollection of that! That was not just sacrilegious; it was completely ridiculous!

When she said “spit” was she talking about this scribble? W-what was I supposed to help her with? Ugh, my hangover, which had started to subside, was coming back. The headache was especially bad.

There was only one person in this situation who remained unfazed or didn’t understand the meaning of what was going on.

Erio.

“If we’re talking about spit, it’s my mom who was the first to mark Cousin with it.”

“What?!”

This time, it was Maekawa-san’s turn to be shocked. Her spit? Ah, well, yes. She really made my thighs all sticky, with real spit. But don’t say things like that in a complicated situation! It will cause a lot of misunderstanding among the public!

“Transfer student, leave this fight to me and go on ahead.”

“Why are you acting so serious?! I mean, where am I even supposed to go to, and what is that talk about spit?! Plus, you tried that line earlier, and it failed!”

“Ah, right. I don’t want this to fall over and break, so could you hold onto it for a bit?”

Maekawa-san, who usually ignores what people say, quickly made a request. She took her cell phone from inside her jellyfish body (there seemed to be a storage space there) and tossed it at me. It was unexpected, but I managed to catch it in my hand without it hitting the ground. After confirming that I had caught it, Maekawa-san lowered her chin.

“It’s probably more convenient if you have it, transfer student. The chance encounters that you bring are important.”

“Well, actually, there’s a more important matter, or rather, a bombshell, that’s still to come up.”

“It’s fine! Now, leave this to me!”

She made this declaration for the third time, holding her katana like a fencing sword. She must have really wanted to say that.

“Whaaaat the hell is going oooon?!”

Ryuushi-san, who had been silent since the “What the hyell are ya talking abouuuut” incident, erupted. She tried to charge at me, but Maekawa-san steped in her way and thrusts her katana forward. Ryuushi-san slammed on the brakes and dodged it by a hair’s breadth. Oh, what a shonen manga-like exchange. Although it was an absurd development that I was the one being protected, and the one protecting me was a jellyfish.

“Get out of the waaaay! I have a lot to say to Niwa-kuuuuun!”

“Then you’ll have to defeat me first, right?”

She really seemed to be getting into character. Since she always liked cosplay, I guess she had a strong desire to fully embody her characters. She might be more suited for the drama club than the art club.

Anyway, moving on.

“So, I’m going to get out of here so things don’t get any more complicated!”

“Yeah, I’ll follow you as soon as I’ve dealt with Ryuushi!”

Another unnecessary flag raised! “I told ya, I’m Ryuuko!”

And so, Ryuushi-san who was completely out of control, and Maekawa-san clashed head-on.

I trust in the fact that Maekawa-san’s courage will save the world…! With that kind of dramatic flourish, I threw the responsibility onto her and jumped off the hill onto the beach. Erio followed me like a baby bird. After all, Maekawa-san’s bombshell statement had caused Ryuushi-san to almost explode, so let’s let her reap what she sowed.

“Cousin, are you running away again?”

“I think it’s better to save face for Maekawa-san.”

Even as I answered, I couldn’t help but feel that something was off. Something was strange, and questions lingered in my mind about her actions. Leaving aside the aliens, I wondered if the sports chanbara old man had really expected things to unfold this quickly.

I felt I was being drawn to something. I don’t know if it was inevitable or accidental, but it felt like “it” was accelerating our progress because it’s there, because it’s something that could happen. This is what I felt. And then there was this cell phone that was handed to me. What was her intention when she gave it to me? It felt like this phone was connected to the true nature of whatever was swirling in the sea. With this delusion in mind, I started running.

…But I guess Maekawa-san really trusted me. To just hand me her cell phone like that.

A little further on from where we got off, a skirmish had broken out among some elderly women near the beach huts. They were fiercely fighting, refusing to be outdone by the elderly men, and even exchanging insults. Women are scaryyyyy. Among the elderly women was Ooi-san’s family. Ooi Tooe had her daughter on her shoulders, clinging on desperately to avoid falling. Ooi-san seemed hesitant to wield his katana against the mother and daughter. With a bewildered expression, he continued to dodge Ooi-san’s katana and retreat.

“What a kind husband, unable to attack his cute daughter and wife!”

“I can’t do it; it’s impossible! Hitting my family is just not an option!”

“I wonder what ‘he’ would do. He’d probably be merciless against me. That would be just like him.”

“Don’t talk about your ex-boyfriends!”

“Ugh, shut up, he wasn’t a boyfriend, just a one-sided crush!”

“Fu, fuuu”

As I ran past the elderly women arguing, I overheard their conversation. A heartwarming marital spat? I tilted my head and watched their argument out of the corner of my eye for a few seconds… Wait, both of their paper balloons had already burst. Yet, they seemed to be continuing to fight with their chanbara swords.

What a bunch of weirdos, I thought, laughing at the sight of the daughter clinging to her mother. Ooi-san’s sidelong glance caught my laughing face for just a moment, and a smirk spread across her lips. But only for a split second.

Immediately afterwards, a shadow appeared from behind, speeding towards us. It was moving with such force that it looked like it would kick up a cloud of dust in its wake.

“W-alk-ing!”

Despite what she shouted, Ryuushi-san was running after us at full speed. She was supposed to be a one-sword style swordswoman, but she had two katanas in her hands and was running with them raised.

“Oh? She’s already after us.”

It seems Maekawa-san lost, judging from her absence and the fact that Ryuushi-san’s paper balloon didn’t burst. To be honest, even with all that boasting, I couldn’t imagine Maekawa-san winning.

Erio also sensed Ryuushi-san’s presence, or rather, her shout, and turned around. She stopped in the middle of the beach, near where the old men were fighting, and raised her katana. It seemed she intended to confront Ryuushi-san here and now. Ryuushi-san reacted to this, giving direction to her previously aimless charge. She aimed at Erio, kicked off the sand, and dashed past the old women’s fight.

What should I do? Should I just watch this emotionally charged intergalactic match between rivals who have formed during this trip? I stopped walking and looked around, lost in thought. “Ah.”

Meme-san, who had disappeared at some point, was now standing under the parasol at “Meme-tan Beach,” with her legs spread wide, just as she was before. Her gaze was fixed on Erio, who was brandishing a katana.

Not wanting to interrupt their duel, I moved away from Erio. Just as I began to leave, Ryuushi-san ran up to Erio and stepped onto the sandy beach, unleashing a swift sword strike. Erio dodged the vertical swing by leaping backward, and Ryuushi-san and I glared at each other, both groaning “Ugaah”.

On a side note, Maekawa-san hasn’t come out of the woods at all. I wondered if she had collapsed from exhaustion after her fierce battle with Ryuushi-san (using a chanbara katana). This was the kind of thing I was thinking about. Or, knowing how much she liked acting, maybe she meant to play it like a fictional war-like scene.

“Bweeeeen, shooown”

“Bubwooon, bwiiin”

Ah, both produced some kind of lightsabre sounds. With their mouths. And Ryuushi-san, wielding two katanas, made the first move.

“Shubah! Bwooon Bwooon!”

“Gyioiiin, Clang, clang!”

If it were a Force-powered sword, you’d expect it to make crackling or electrical sounds rather than metallic ones, though.

I hurried away from the two fighting girls and headed towards Meme-san. Meme-san greeted me with a smile that was a little more mature and warm than usual. There was a sense of ease and warmth in her expression.

“If it isn’t Mako-kun, your aunt’s slave?”

“Please enslave your nephew so naturally.”

Despite that, her lines were completely Meme-san-like. Aaah, right, I remember now; she was aiming for a moe-gap effect. When I tried to use the shade under the parasol, Meme-san pushed me back.

“This beach under the parasol is occupied by Meme-tan, so only I am allowed in there!”

She blocked my way, spreading both arms out to the sides. At that point, the mature Meme-san I had perceived about her vanished, and her usual, boisterous self was revealed.

“Besides, Mako-kun is young, so he can just get a tan in the sun!”

She asked me to stay in the sun, as if to say, “Burn, you bastard!” I thought to myself, “Even if I don’t mind getting sunburnt, the heat has nothing to do with age,” and took a step back from the parasol to stand beside it.

…I was really becoming like a slave, or at the very least, acting like Meme-san’s attendant.

“Gakkyaaaan!”

“Tooon, tooon!”

With mysterious sound effects uttered, the two engaged in a flamboyant battle. The way they swung their katanas in circles resembled firecrackers. It was as if Ryuushi-san was chasing the trail of particles emitted by Erio’s light blue hair. Making full use of her dual-wielding style, Ryuushi-san attacked with a flurry of blows, while Erio was mostly on the defensive.

However, Erio gave no impression of being overwhelmed. The supernatural energy emanating from Erio when she was not wrapped in a blanket overwhelmed others to a greater or lesser degree. Her unique appearance defied the impossible and common sense.

Ignoring how out of place Erio was on the beach, Meme-san narrowed her eyes with a fond smile.

“She looks happy, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah. I think that trip was worthwhile.”

“Did you see how excited Erio was?”

“Yes, yes,” nodded Meme-san. At the same time, Erio knocked one of Ryuushi-san’s katanas away. She swung her own katana sideways, as if to give a boost to the sword Ryuushi-san had just finished swinging, deflecting it.

“Whaaaat?!”

“Whuuuut!”

Ryuushi-san, undeterred, ignored her dropped katana and attacked Erio. Erio’s eagerness to receive the attack was, contrary to her own determination, rather comical, drawing laughter from the onlookers.

Ryuushi-san, undeterred, ignored her dropped katana and attacked Erio.

“Erio rarely brought friends home, even when she was in elementary school.”

“…I see.” I kind of understood. It was hard to imagine her hanging out with friends in her room.

“Even when we went on family trips, Eliott wasn’t there, so she only played with me.”

“……”

Eliott. Erio’s father. I wondered if he had light blue hair and particles like Erio.

“That’s why it’s refreshing to see her playing with someone other than me. It’s a relief. Kyaaa, Eri-san, over there! Cut her down with a diagonal slash from the right!”

“Please don’t act like an adult and a child at the same time…”

She was bouncing up and down, waving her hands dramatically, cheering for Erio. She switched gears way too quickly. Well, I guess both are sides of Meme-san. I bet she has always been like this, being Erio’s big cheering squad at school sports days. Just imagining that scene, I could imagine how loud she was: “Kyuaaaaaaa, Eri-chaaaaan!” Shut up! She’s so undeniably loud. Erio, of course, noticed Meme-san cheering and was distracted. She kept glancing towards the parasol, like a child at a parent-teacher conference.

“Um…”

Suddenly, a voice called out to me from behind in a monotone tone. I hastily turned around to see the ryokan’s waitress standing there. She was holding a katana of the same type as mine and wearing an orange sash over her apron. The alien, whose balloon was still intact, was staring at me with vacant eyes, as if suffering from the heat.

“I believe it was admirable of me not to launch a surprise attack.”

“Though you are forcing respect on me.”

She seemed to have a unique sense of timing, making it difficult to gauge her personality. The waitress pointed her katana at me.

“Nobody wants to fight me, so you’ll do. Let us duel.”

“What an honour.”

I answered half-heartedly, wondering what to do. But if I continued to watch over Erio with Meme-san, it seemed like we would end up looking like a married couple, and I wanted to keep away from that.

Therefore, I nodded at the waitress who had defied me to accept her challenge. Instead of starting here, the waitress’ feet were heading towards the cove. I followed her unguarded back and began to walk.

From behind, Erio and Ryuushi-san’s shouts could be heard intermittently once more.

But how strange; usually the protagonist fights someone important like Ryuushi-san, but my opponent is a waitress who’s clearly just a supporting character for this trip. Hmm, does this mean that Erio is the main character of this trip after all? Or is Ryuushi-san just a supporting character?

“Mako-kun, do your best in response to your Honey’s sweet cheering!”

“That would give me heartburn. I’ll pass.”

I casually waved at Meme-san. Just focus on cheering for your daughter.

The waitress’ steps were leisurely, and there was no sense that a katana duel was about to take place. It felt more like she was guiding us to a secret place only the locals would know about. We were moving further and further away from the clamour of the elderly man and woman, Erio’s group, and the arguing couple. After we reached a place where we could look up at the hill lined with trees, the waitress stopped and turned around. She stood with her back to the cliff face below the hill, holding her katana. Her indifferent attitude hadn’t changed in the slightest.

“Let’s go!”

“What a monotone delivery. Are you really going to fight?”

“No, I have absolutely no such intention.”

“Hah?”

Just as I was taken aback by her denial, something began to loom over me. A shadow from above. The shadow took the shape of a human. It took off from the hill, leaving me wide open. In its hand, of course, was the katana used to fight at sea, and it swung down towards my head. Only after understanding all of that did I finally jump back to the side. To be honest, I think I was too late. If I hadn’t been unlucky enough to slip on the sand, the paper balloon on my head would have popped. I couldn’t possibly think, “Phew, that was close,” since I hit the side of my head without even being able to break my fall and ended up covered in sand. Sand got into my ear canals; it was burning.

“I believe it was admirable of me not to launch a surprise attack myself.”

Having completed her role as a decoy, the waitress lowered her guard and began to praise herself. Beside her, Safaao the alien who had jumped down from the hill, was half-crouching with his eyes closed, enduring the pain and saying, “My legs are numb…”

Strangely, there was no paper balloon on Safaao’s head. Not even a broken piece remained.

As I sat up, I questioned the older guy who was my nemesis (?).

“… Is that the latest craze up in Space? To attack by jumping down?”

Well, it would be inappropriate if aliens crawled out of the ground, but still. He lifted his knees, which he had been resting on, and brushed the sand off his body. In the meantime, the waitress took the paper balloon off her head and handed it to Safaao, saying, “Here you go.”

“Actually, my balloon had already been popped by a group of old men. The one I was just wearing belongs to this tanned guy. Since there is no rule against transferring balloons, this shouldn’t be a problem.”

The waitress grinned, her expression still gloomy, and she puffed out her chest proudly. Well, the rules that the sports chanbara old man explained were pretty haphazard anyway. One could run wild and break the rules as much as they wanted. For example, I suppose you’d be disqualified if the balloon burst due to a sudden strong gust of wind.

“Anyway, I’ve completed the job I was asked to do.”

The waitress said to Safaao. Safaao, forcing a smile while holding his leg with one hand, rose his right hand in response, saying, “Thanks, thanks.” Ah, I think I could easily pop this guy’s paper balloon now.

…Does this kind of thinking detract me from being a protagonist’s character?

“The surprise attack failed; I’m saved.”

I grinned at the waitress, smiling as if she were a friend. The waitress didn’t particularly respond but left with a sales pitch, “Please come visit our inn next year!” and swiftly ran off towards the beach. Come to think of it, there weren't any rules against helping someone whose balloon burst and was disqualified; that was a close call. I didn’t have the basic physical strength to act like Ryuushi-san in a two-on-one situation.

The waitress’ figure disappeared from the vicinity of the hill, and now it was Safaao’s turn. Perhaps the numbness in his legs had subsided since he leapt a step back, moving out of the range of my sword. I had a strong feeling that this was going to turn into a one-on-one duel against Safaao. Safaao laughed defiantly and slapped his tanned upper arm with his palm.

“I really wanted to fight against you, so I’m glad we ended up on different teams, whether by coincidence or not.”

“Coincidence, huh?” It was a little hard to consider this a wonderful thing, given all the circumstances.

This guy had a similar vibe to Nakajima, whom I met through amateur baseball. Should I use Oojima or Kojima as his pseudonym?

“If I win this duel, you’ll have to introduce me to one of you two girls.”

Safaao smirked, his lower lip twisting with ulterior motives. His laugh was more like Kojima than Nakajima, who had a girlfriend. Sorry to all the Kojimas across the country. And this is completely irrelevant, but “Shitagokoro Mansai” sounded like the name of an old samurai. I was spending quite some time thinking about completely irrelevant things.

“Actually, I have three girls.”

It was obvious who he had omitted, but he deliberately pointed it out and made a correction:

“I’m not into girls who dress up as jellyfishes or crocodiles. Like cosplay and such?”

Hoh, that guy has no taste. Although, even if he had nominated Maekawa-san, I had no intention of introducing him to her. I didn’t have the right to do so. The same went for Ryuushi-san and Erio. Meme-san would be acceptable, though.

“…And what would I gain from winning?”

“You’ll be protecting your girls from me! You’d be the knight of the beach!”

So basically no winning prize for me, right? If I had to explain that I made a bet where if I lost I would have to introduce one of the girls to Safaao, I’d probably get yelled at. Including by Maekawa-san, who had been disrespected. Despite dressing the way she does, Maekawa-san was the type to get angry when she wasn’t treated like a girl.

“Come on, it’s fine, it’s just for entertainment. Besides, you can only date one person anyway. Don’t keep people around if you have no intention of dating them. It’s because of people like you that there are so many single leftover men and women out there.”

There were so many things I wanted to deny. I wasn’t dating anyone, seriously. But before I could say anything, the sound of Safaao’s footsteps on the sand became louder. A strong stomp that drowned out the sound of waves, and a blue-bladed katana swung down. My katana was so flimsy that I had no choice but to dodge, as blocking with my blade wasn’t an option. I jumped backward, and Safaao attacked me again in quick succession. His eyes were bloodshot.

“You bastard, you surround yourself with girls so easily and don’t even try to pick them up!”

“Are you resentful? Jealous? Which is it?!”

“Both!”

Safaao’s swung his katana at the same time as he shouted. Gathering momentum with his right leg as I leaped backward to dodge, I instead lunged into Safaao’s embrace. He thrust forward to maintain his momentum, but the angle was shallow. The tip of my katana aimed at his paper balloon hit Safaao in the forehead through his helmet.

Safaao wasn’t intimidated by that. However, he had closed the distance too much, making it difficult for both of us to attack each other with our katanas. So Safaao tried to create some distance. I moved forward to match his retreat.

“Heeey, get away from me. We’ll never be able to break free like this.”

“Honestly, I don’t have a reason to fight, so I can’t bring myself to be proactive.”

“Oh, so you can quickly introduce me to a girl then?”

“And if we don’t fight, our bet won’t even be valid to begin with.”

“Wah, you’re a complete wimp.”

Safaao looked at me with an expression of disbelief. I wanted to retort, “Well, I have other reasons,” but I voluntarily refrained from saying it. Safaao took another step back, and I continued to advance, matching his pace. Safaao was taller than me. We continued our close-range stare-down, looking up and down at each other.

The sounds of the exchanges of blows and the distant clamour subsided, and only the sound of footsteps crunching on the sand echoed below the hill. Safaao wasn’t just retreating straight back but gradually shifting his angle to the right. I noticed this, but I tried to keep him from getting too close. I’d learnt from our previous exchange that Safaao would win in a head-on fight. So I was thinking of a way to turn the tables, but the only thing I could come up with was to run and call for help. But even a coward like me couldn’t do that.

Having a rival who looks like a desperate college student working part-time at a beach hut was so typical of me, wasn’t it?

For me, a youthful man’s ideal partner was an Earthling.

I’ll leave dealing with aliens covered in white tights or something to those self-proclaimed aliens.

Safaao walked halfway around the beach, leaving me with my back to the wall. And then he declared:

“I’d like you to introduce me to the girl with the light blue hair. What kind of hair dye does she use?”

“It’s her natural hair.”

“That’s amazing! Is she a foreigner’s child or something? Well, anyway, nice to meet her!”

“No way! I absolutely refuse to give her to you!”

If I were to introduce Erio to any guy, her mother would curse me to death!

And you too!

Safaao began to move with varying speeds. As he leaped back, he pushed my katana with his hand. I remembered the moment yesterday when Erio blocked Ryuushi-san’s sword with her bare hands. I gritted my teeth and slammed my heels into the sand to keep my posture stable. Then, the moment I heard him stepping forward and kicking up sand, I instinctively swung my katana above my head. My reckless swing worked, and I managed to deflect Safaao’s sword halfway.

Safaao’s right hand wobbled as if it were being deflected. I thought I found an opportunity and measured the distance between us. I couldn’t aim for the head. A thrust probably wouldn’t reach, and for various reasons, I couldn’t aim for it. So, first I would take the katana from my opponent. I would knock his weapon out of his hand. With that calculation in mind, I stepped forward and swung my katana down.

But it seems that was all a trap.

Grinning, Safaao skilfully spun with his wrist the katana he was holding in his right hand. His left hand grasped the tip of the blade and transferred it. With that series of swift movements, my katana lost its target and slowly slashed through the air with a whoosh, and Safaao’s voice came from above my head as I hunched over.

“It’s fake.”

Wasn’t that a line from a basketball manga? I thought to myself, glaring upwards.

I prioritised protecting the paper balloon on my head by lifting my chin. Safaao didn’t try to force a shot at my head but calmly swung hard at my wrist, which had become distant from my torso, knocking my katana out of my hand. The moment I bent down to pick it up, Safaao’s sword swung to the side. I jumped back to avoid it, which meant I was now further away from the katana I had dropped. Unable to go back and pick it up, I slammed my back against the rock wall. “Ouch,” I cried out in pain, a cry that others could hear, and winced at the feeling of something foreign behind me. Even rocks in the shade were scorching hot in the summer. I ran my palm over the rough surface of the rock wall.

“Checkmate, huh? No, since it’s Japanese style, oute maybe?”

Safaao grabbed the katana I had dropped and came crawling towards me, now wielding two swords. Was it common practice in the world of sports chanbara to take your opponent’s sword and use two katanas like Ryuushi-san? No, in this situation, it was probably to prevent the opponent from using or picking up their weapon.

“Unfortunately, in sports chanbara, the game continues even if your opponent drops their katana.”

“Well, I mean, is it really acceptable from a samurai perspective to cut down an unarmed opponent?”

“I’m not a samurai. I’m a modern kid.”

He said that with a straight face. Excuse me, you’re a surfer guy, aren’t you? I leaned against the wall with a strained smile on my face. The rough feel of the rock face told me there was no escape.

“So my light blue summer is finally about to begin, uh-kuh-kuh.”

I was cornered. A single bead of sweat trickled down my eyebrow and eye, down to my chin. I could almost hear the sound of my sweat plopping onto the sand, and everything around me seemed to recede into the distance. Or so I thought.

The summer heat, the sound of the waves, the feel of the sand, it all faded from my perception like waves that come in and go. My gaze was drawn to Safaao, almost crossing my eyes, yet everything around me felt unstable and wavering. It’s as if the adhesive holding the landscape, built from blocks, was weakening, and the cracks were beginning to show. I have always experienced these symptoms when I was affected by heat. Right now, I was concentrating so intensely that the heat must have been building up in my head.

I was being cornered. The “ta” changed to the progressive form “iru”.

Amidst all of this, it rang out, as if to forcibly pull together the connections with the surroundings that were being stretched and torn apart. It was a distant electronic sound, as if objectively observing the nature around it.

The way they called was somewhat cold, like intermittent, repeated knocks.

Maekawa-san’s cellphone, which I had been holding tightly in my left hand, was ringing.

Devour and chew on radio waves from afar.

I held it up like a seal of authority.

“Can I answer the phone?”

To buy time and out of desperation, I asked Safaao. After I said this, I remembered that this phone wasn’t mine. Before I could correct myself and say “never mind,” Safaao agreed.

“Okay, but I’ll pop your paper balloon while you’re on the phone.”

“Please, go ahead.”

With permission granted, I stopped ignoring the phone and picked it up. I looked down at the screen.

I believed it was inappropriate to answer someone else’s phone call without their permission.

But the reason and process behind Maekawa-san casually handing me the phone. And how that led to me answering this call here, right now. It made me want to believe in that kind of coincidental evolutionary process.

It felt like the “end” of my summer vacation was just beginning there.

That feeling of connection seeped from within as a ball of intense energy.

Could it be that I had borrowed a “precognition” psychic ability to tell that something was five centimetres ahead?

I pressed the answer button, held the phone to my ear, and answered it in a desperate situation right in front of the enemy.

“Yes, hello?”

My voice had lost all moisture and was parched. Every time I moved around my throat, I had the illusion that the sand covering it was spilling out. And while I waited for the other person to speak, something like a wheel spun around inside my face, rattling and rattling.

“Hmm? That voice is too low to be Maekawa’s. Am I talking to a different Maekawa?”

The voice on the other end sounded a little high-pitched, like a girl’s. Was it Maekawa-san’s acquaintance or a friend of hers?

“Unfortunately, it’s not another Maekawa-san, but someone else entirely. Like a telephone secretary.”

“Hmm? Ah, so you’re that rumoured boy. Can I vent out on you all the resentment and bitterness I’ve been feeling since yesterday?”

It seemed the other party figured out who I was before I did. This information gap wasn’t pleasant.

“What are you talking about? I’m busy right now; I’ll talk to you later.”

“Apparently, we’re in the final stages of something called the Space War! Answer quickly. Right or left!”

“That again?! What the hell is all that about?!”

“Hurry up, hurry up!”

For some reason, the second time she spoke in a falsetto voice. Was she really in a hurry? Safaao was closing in on me. He even had a villainous laugh on his face, “kukukuku.” He looked confident in his victory. This was probably as far as I could go.

Actually, there was only one way to escape. But that would mean losing to Safaao in front of me, and even I would feel humiliated. For some reason, I didn’t like it. To be honest, it wasn’t funny.

My underlying philosophy was the same as those old men’s.

But I had no weapons and nowhere to run. All I had left was my cell phone.

“Hey, seriously, hurry up!”

Someone was urging me on the other end of the phone. This was the only thing I might have a connection with right now. This was the only teacup beside me that I could knock over with any futile struggle. Something to cling to, something to stand against.

It was an act that could only be described as relying on chance, like trying to call an alien on the phone.

But this time, without any justification, purely by intuition, I answered those two options and shouted.

To believe that the accumulation of coincidences I had experienced had given rise to inevitability.

“Right!”

I answered.

““Okay!””

For some reason, the replies reached my ears in overlapping order. No, in fact, I heard two replies, one at a time and the other at a different interval.

It’s right by my ears, and the speed of sound is closing in from behind.

“Hah?”

Shadows and sounds rained down from the sky, enveloping me. I took my eyes off Safaao’s kataa and looked up.

The shadows that previously blocked the light suddenly took shape, becoming tangible and dancing above my head.

A moped came speeding down from the top of the hill. A red cloth fluttered in the driver’s seat. Just like when I once flew towards the sea on my bicycle with Erio, the wheeled vehicle raced through the sky.

For that brief moment, I had the illusion that the wind coming from the sea had reversed direction and was pushing me back.

It was an Earth-made vehicle, and yet it exuded an air of alien presence.

U, F, O?

It was an Earth-made vehicle, and yet it exuded an air of alien presence.

E. T. ?

“Huh?” “Wah, ah,”

It was as if they were tracing our path all the way to the bottom.

While Safaao and I stood there with our mouths agape, the person who had been riding in the back of the scooter fell off first. Her figure emerged from the pitch-black backlight. The moment I saw her, who had turned pure white like a phoenix rising from the ashes, my breathing reversed. A hard, bitter taste spread through my mouth and saliva, like pebbles falling from the sky and choking me. It was as if I were looking up at a UFO with an alien inside waving from the window. And then, like the lower part of that rocket, he detached from the scooter and began to fall.

“Whoooooooi!” shouted Safaao. His eyeballs were exposed to the limit, trying to grasp the reality of what was about to happen. But there was no time left. The fall was imminent.

However, I do think it was admirable that he instinctively threw both katanas aside to try and catch the falling figure. Maybe Safaao wasn’t such a bad guy after all. While I was reconsidering my opinion of him, the collision occurred.

The falling figure was small, but the sound of the impact was still vivid. Safaao’s face contorted like a thug who had been punched in the stomach by the main character. He fell dramatically on his back as if hit by an iron ball, and the one who caught him also slid headfirst onto the sandy beach.

A few moments later, the scooter and its driver came crashing down with a cry of “Gyaaa!” They bounced on the sand before rolling over together. The person who lay sprawled out on the sand had a physique befitting a girl, and her bright red yukata was spread out as far as it could go.

The hem of her yukata, stretching out on the sandy beach, resembled a tropical fish with a shimmering red tail. I recognised this person too. But now my attention was focused on the other person, the one who had fallen first.

She was still lying there next to Safaao, completely motionless, her buttocks raised in a position that looks like she was deeply bowing.

“Ah.”

Her right arm had completely crushed Safaao’s paper balloon.

It broke, so if I recall correctly, it was over, even if it was an accident. So, that meant that Safaao was disqualified too.

“This was my special secret move, reliance on someone else… No, more importantly…”

The sheer whiteness of her presence, so intense it seemed to create a thick fog around her, was blinding. Her yukata was pure white like winter clouds, her skin was as translucent as autumn clouds, and the helmet of her spacesuit was as intensely white as summer clouds.

Tiny white shadows wriggled on the sandy beach. As if the light spilt by aliens was mending their shapes.

The one who fell was that mysterious girl from beginning to end.

It was Hoshimiya Yashiro. And just like that, she had reappeared right in front of me in a flashy, over-the-top manner.

She groaned, “Uuuugh,” from the impact of the fall. Then, perhaps because she was hurt, she took off his helmet and began stroking the back of her neck. Beneath her helmet was that pale face that seemed to radiate light like the surface of the sea.

“Yashiro.”

When I called out to her hesitantly, Yashiro looked up and smiled defiantly.

“So you were here after all, Makoto. Just as I predicted.”

“You had a premonition?”

“Guuu.”

The body Yashiro had been trying to lift suddenly collapsed. It fell face down and didn’t get up. Moreover, its back began to rise and fall at regular intervals. Gentle sighs could be heard, as if playing with the sand.

…Could it be that she fell asleep after that little act?

In this scorching heat, on a heated beach. How can you fall asleep so easily? Like Nobita!

“Hey, you just suddenly showed up…”

“Let’s talk about this later. Wow, I’ve finally made it to the sea!”

As if speaking for Yashiro’s feelings, the yukata-wearing girl spoke. When I turned my gaze in that direction, she was lying on her back, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. And that voice was none other than the one I had heard when we talked on the phone.

“It ended up being more like camping than a beach trip.”

She chuckled, “ku ku ku ku” shaking her shoulders with a laugh, her hand on her forehead.

“Well, what is your relationship with Yashiro?”

“I’m Princess Kaguya. I came from the moon on a moped… oh, oh…”

Leaving only that mysterious self-introduction, the self-proclaimed Princess Kaguya closed her eyes. And I, too, really fell asleep. …Wait a minute, seriously? When I peeked at her face, all I saw was a face that was genuinely breathing in her sleep; she was not acting. She was clutching the construction helmet that came off when she fell.

Safaao stood up. His eyes were rolling back in his head as he swayed, and then he then walked off somewhere with unsteady steps. The direction he was heading wasn’t towards a deserted area but towards the centre which led to the beach hut, so I figured he’d be alright. And all that remained were the two girls who had fallen asleep.

“…What the hell is all that about?”

Who would have wanted this inevitable outcome brought about by chance?

Sitting on the sandy beach, I looked up at the clear blue sky, free of any floating debris.

It didn’t look like any meteorites were going to fall today.

Just as I finished carrying the two sleeping figures to the shaded area at the bottom of the cliff, Erio came running towards me with her arms outstretched.

“Oh.”

“Ooh.”

We raised our hands, congratulating each other on being safe. Erio’s paper balloon hadn’t burst yet.

“Did you beat Ryuushi-san?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded her head vigorously, looking pleased. Wow, that was unexpected. I thought it would be a draw at best.

“Ryuushi or something said that she lost this time because Niwa-kun’s wasn’t there to cheer her on.”

“Huh.”

I reacted with short, sharp sounds, just like Erio. Could she be talking about that basketball game? I don’t think I could cheer the same way again even if I were ordered to.

Feelings could not be copied. They could not be prepared in advance, nor could they be reheated.

And now, that self-proclaimed alien who provoked me back then had shown up again, lying around in the shade.

……I had assumed she wouldn’t be appearing anymore. Somehow, her mystique had faded. To put it in my terms, I’d say her Alien Points had gone down.

“Everyone’s gathered on the beach. It looks like it’s almost over.”

“I see. I guess it’s just you and me left.”

“Yeah.”

“So, the Earthling team won, huh?”

“Yeah!”

Erio nodded with a strangely happy expression, then noticed the two sleeping below the cliff. She blinked in surprise at the sight of Princess Kaguya and then jumped up in delight when she saw Yashiro.

“That girl from before.”

“Yeah. For some reason, it seems she came to the sea.”

Erio recoiled slightly, “Uhh,” looking a little wary. Maybe she wasn’t her cup of tea, being an Esper.

“By the way, Erio. What do you think of that thing in the sea?”

“Huh?”

Erio turned towards the sea without any suspicion. She turned her back to me.

And in that moment, I popped the paper balloon that was still on Erio’s head.

“Ah.”

Like the air escaping from a paper balloon, the tension in Erio’s focused mind also dissipated.

“Sorry, but I’m a shape-shifting alien.”

I mean, she should have understood that when it was just me and Erio left. She might have forgotten, but there was a spy. When I was cornered by Safaao, I could have actually ended the fight by confessing. In the end, I kept quiet out of pride.

Yes, I took down the boss. Wow, being a spy is pretty awkward. You have to be careful about all sorts of things.

Erio was still stunned. In front of her, I shouted “Banzai!” in an empty voice.

“Yay, the aliens won!”

Yaaay. For some reason, Erio also raised her hand. No, don’t do that. You’re an Earthling.

“Cousin, did you trick me?”

“Huh.”

When asked so directly with innocent eyes, it was a little embarrassing. Erio took off her helmet and shook her head from side to side. Then she wiped the sweat off her face, and her expressionless face naturally melted into a smile.

She held a katana in her right hand and a helmet in her left, thrusting them up proudly.

“But it was fun, so it’s okay.”

“…I see.”

I couldn’t help but stroke her head. …Oh no, I’m starting to treat her almost like my daughter. Is this okay? I tilted my head, wondering if was really okay, while Erio walked ahead, swinging her arms high, looking in a good mood.

…Well, that was fine. I didn’t mind that she’d grown attached to me in one way or another.

There were many things that bothered me, but I decided to leave Yashiro and the other girl alone until they woke up, and Erio and I headed back towards the beach. In the center, everyone whose paper balloons had been popped was gathered, chatting and laughing. Ryuushi-san and Maekawa-san were there too. It seemed they were having their usual exchange, with Ryuushi-san making a fuss and Maekawa-san calmly brushing it off.

An elderly couple called out to us, “Good work!”, and we waved back. It seemed I was the only one with a paper balloon still inflated. Victory, I guess.

In the end, it was the result of a power activation by chance, so the sense of accomplishment was still dull, and it hadn’t reached the depths of my heart, as if my limbs were numb. But, I was sure it would come soon.

And there, running cheerfully across the sandy beach, was a woman in her forties, ready to greet us.

“Mako-kun, let’s celebrate with a hug like the battery that won the Koushien tournament!”

“Nooo, don’t come!”

With her lips pursed in a passionate kiss, it was clear that Meme-san was preparing something more than a hug, and I ran away from her charge. Without time to choose my route, I glanced back and ran straight towards the sea.

“Why is it always you who comes onto me?!”

“It’s all about love!”

“Do you think that’s of any comfort to meeee?!”

I kicked the “Memetan Beach” sign stuck in the sand, passed under a parasol, and then, “Huh?”, a kind of exhilarating thud as I pierced through the sand came from “my feet”. “Oh?” It seemed I had stepped on a small explosive hidden in the sand. “Oooh?” I stepped on something like a mat hidden beneath the sand, and my body, my upper body, tilted forward. No matter how hard I tried to stand, my right foot, which was a step ahead, only conveyed the disappearance of the ground. My toes repeated a meaningless movement, like gripping the brakes of a broken bicycle. “Ooooooh?” My lower body sank all at once, as if I had crossed a boundary and entered a downhill slope. My voice cracked, and my vision stretched rapidly as if the earth had started spinning vertically. My lower body and the palm of my hand, which I had tried to thrust, parted and were swallowed up at the same time. Sand, sand, sand. Sand, sand, sand! With a splash, I was drowning in a different sea of ​​sand, even though the ocean was right before my eyes. No matter how much I tried to support myself by putting my hands down, the sand accepted my hands like flowing water, dragging me deeper and deeper into the heat. “Oooh, stop, hold on!”

And now, belatedly, I finally understand what’s going on.

I was falling beneath the sand I stepped on without thinking. Beneath the sand lied a hollow space where nothing could accumulate, deep enough that even if I sunk my feet up to my hips, I wouldn’t reach the bottom.

I plunged into the sand, face to face, as if hitting the water. As I slid through it, falling through the cavity with the sand, I suddenly wondered about the true nature of this hole. My thoughts were cold, objective, and cruelly calm, as if cut off from the ever-changing surroundings.

I give the answer to the situation in a way that he won’t consider it at all a few seconds from now.

Was this perhaps a pitfall?

“Fuuu hahahaha!”

The sand covering the hole was quickly removed, followed by a burst of hysterical laughter.

Backlit, only shadows moved. But the movement of her abundant hair and her laughter were so familiar and unfamiliar, that I didn’t even need to think about who she was, standing against the clear blue sky in this shadow-puppet-like world. In that instant, when the surrounding sand touched nothing and she seemed to float completely in mid-air, all sorts of questions slipped away like loose luggage. Leaving behind memories as a memento.

Who was digging in the sand at the beach during the day?! And who went out to the beach at night?!

As Meme-san slept in her futon, fragments of sand embedded in her fingertips scattered in her eyes, covering her eyeballs.

“You underestimated Meme-chan’s ability to tie up loose ends, Mako-kun!”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

I responded to her idiotic laughter from above with a death cry that sounded like something a third-rate villain would let out and then made an emergency landing. The impact was like being pushed up in the hips, forcing me to exhale until my lungs were completely empty.

My eyeballs bounced uncomfortably inside my face, banging and thrashing. A wave of heat and pain spread across my face.

“Uh, ahh,” I groaned. I rolled around, unable to move, my mind tumbling about as I moaned.

But despite the spectacular fall, the pain was surprisingly mild. And I couldn’t even feel the dirt on my back. Confused by the fall and suffering from a hangover headache, I reached out to rub my lower back and realised what it was.

The soft feel of fabric was at the bottom of the soil. Layers of familiar tactile sensations piled up, weaving together the answer.

It seemed that instead of needles and a swamp of poison at the bottom of the pitfall, there was a feather comforter laid out.

“…Hahaha”

This must be the futon that was assigned to Meme-san at the inn. So that was why it had disappeared.

The inside of the pitfall was also properly reinforced with cloth to prevent sand from spilling out from the sides and causing it to collapse.

What’s with this excessive consideration? I felt like venting my frustrations into the air, thinking, “If that’s the case, then don’t do it in the first place!”

But even when I opened my mouth like that, the sand spilt out through the gaping hole, drying out my lips and tongue and drying out my throat and voice. As a result, only my tongue, craving moisture, was exposed to the outside, not my voice. It absorbed the confined heat inside the hole, and my tongue withered away as if melting.

And the triumphant, idiotic laughter from the shadows continued endlessly from above the hole.

I wanted to cover my ears, my eyes, everything.

After hearing the sound of a paper balloon popping above my head, I closed my eyes, trying to blend into the darkness.

It seemed the war between aliens and humans had ended in mutual destruction.

The beach in the afternoon was filled with gentle, joyful voices. And watermelon seeds flew through the air.

“Shakushaku.”

The grand prize for the sports chanbara competition was watermelon. We were given several of them, cut them up at the beach hut, and, in the end, everyone on the alien and human teams got one. This would have happened no matter who won, so the outcome of the competition didn’t really matter. Well, that was fine, but my back and butt hurt.

The pit trap that Meme-san had dug was incredibly deep. I’m sure anyone would have been impressed that she managed to dig that much in one night, anyone who wasn’t a victim of it, that is. Now Meme-san was busy cleaning up the pit trap. Under her parasol, she was heartily biting into a watermelon clutched in one hand while continuing to fill the hole with sand. In her hand was a huge shovel that was available for free loan at the beach hut. Was it a coincidence that something like that was there? Or did Meme-san dig the pit trap precisely because that shovel was available? As for the beginning of all this, I can’t tell which teacup was the first to fall over.

“……But, well, you know.”

I bet she dug the pitfall without giving a second thought to the aftermath or whether it was a coincidence or not, simply because she felt it would be fun. I wonder if it’s fair to describe her as someone who’s an extreme optimist, hummm.

Beside Meme-san, Ryuushi-san and Erio were wiping each other’s watermelon juice off. It was a pointless struggle, as they had finished eating the watermelon and their hands, sticky with juice and seeds, were touching each other’s skin. I don’t know who started it, but now both of their upper arms were red and slimy. It was like a Japanese version of a tomato festival, and Maekawa-san was watching their strangely exciting little party from the sidelines, like a guardian. There was no closeness between the three sisters, but there was definitely an atmosphere of friendship there, and I think Erio and her mother Meme-san were quite pleased. Looks like the trip had been worthwhile.

I kept my distance from the commotion and sat on the embankment, which was more than half buried in sand, with the watermelon that had been assigned to me in one hand. Beside me sat the self-proclaimed Princess Kaguya and Hoshimiya Yashiro, cross-legged on the sandy beach. Since they weren’t participants, they had popsicles instead of watermelons.

Within an hour, both of them had recovered from their near-passive sleep and rejoined the town tour. Having suddenly appeared as tourists and introducing themselves as “aliens,” had not impressed the sports chanbara old man but rather made him burst into laughter. His laughter was filled with the cheerfulness of celebrating youthfulness and its utter absurdity. Did he believe their claim of being aliens or not? The old man neither affirmed nor denied it. He did say, however, that “Encounters are best when they’re purely coincidental.”

Princess Kaguya laughed as she firmly grasped Yashiro’s small head. Yashiro thrashed about, shouting, “Let go, you fake alien!”, but it seemed to have no effect. As they continued, they looked like sisters, with many similarities in hair colour, facial features, body shape, and appearance. Both even claimed to be aliens.

“She’s been living in my yard for about two weeks now.”

“I don’t live here. I’m only here out of necessity because I can’t return to Earth.”

“Shut up, fake alien. She was hungry, so she tried to catch and eat a giant turtle that someone was keeping in their yard. I can’t believe it.”

Personally, I find it more unbelievable that someone kept a giant turtle in their yard. The fact that this person was a classmate of Ooi-san constantly amazes me, and so did her lifestyle. As for the self-proclaimed alien, no comment.

“They’ve taken up residence here, but aren’t you going to get rid of them?”

“You’ve got some nerve treating people like animals. I’ll drop another meteorite on you.”

With her head still being held, Yashiro assumed a posture resembling some kind of pseudo-martial arts stance. Her hair was like bundles of light, and her skin was completely untouched by the sun. She had the sulky look of a child with big eyes. She wore a pure white yukata with a helmet resembling a spacesuit at her side. She was indeed Hoshimiya Yashiro. I hadn’t seen her since the night of the meteorite, but there was not the slightest change in her.

“I never imagined you’d still be living in the same town.”

“Even if I wanted to return to the stars on my own, I’d run out of energy from overusing my precognitive abilities, and my physical strength was at its limit.”

“You’re definitely Japanese, aren’t you?”

“So, I was planning to contact my planet and head home, but I got lost and didn’t make it in time.”

“Haha,” Yashiro shrugged her shoulders sarcastically. When she said she didn’t make it in time, surely she wasn’t saying that a UFO had come to this sea? …Oh, now that I think of it, last night… No, this couldn’t be.

“Well, my garden is pretty big, so I keep her as an add-on to the turtle. I guess it’s a bond between us being aliens.”

“I’m offended to be lumped together with a fake alien like you. Take that back.”

This Princess Kaguya was quite an eccentric person. She was definitely Maekawa-san’s friend. She was always wearing a yukata, a construction helmet, and her moped was always lying on its side on the beach, and she was short.

Aah, so that’s why Yashiro was wearing a yukata when I saw her at the shrine. One mystery solved.

“So, you know…”

“Yeah?”

Yashiro was preoccupied with licking the ice cream from the bottom and gave a half-hearted reply while my voice lacked any enthusiasm.

There were so many things I wanted to ask her, but I couldn’t seem to prioritise them and figure out where to start. They were lining up haphazardly, not in order of height or alphabetical order, swaying restlessly from side to side, only fuelling my impatience and frustration at the unresolved issues.

“Hey, what was that meteorite?”

In the end, the first thing I asked about was about the most shocking incident. But before Yashiro, who had narrowed her eyes at the question, could open her mouth, someone else unexpectedly gave the answer.

“A meteorite? Ah, on the day of the festival? Apparently, this girl was blown away by the impact of the fall and knocked unconscious in the woods. She’s so skinny, even though she eats other people’s food without hesitation.”

“…Blown away? Knocked unconscious?”

A neighbour have an answer that completely negated the mystery and blew away all my doubts and speculations. What the hell was that?! But before I could say that, Yashiro herself denies it.

“Shut-up-you-little-runt-and-don’t-make-a-fuss.”

Yashiro thrashed about like a monkey in a zoo, shaking off the restraints on her head. She then crunched on the blue ice cream she was holding. After gulping it down, she thrust the remaining stick in front of Princess Kaguya’s nose. “That one’s a dud, you fake psychic,” said defiantly Princess Kaguya, taking a bite of her orange-flavoured ice cream. Hmm, that was a pretty cool move.

“What she just said was a complete lie. Even a dullard like Makoto should be able to see through that.”

“So, what were you doing at that time?”

“Huh? Well, I was trying to return to my home planet.”

“How? Or rather, how does your return have anything to do with the meteorite?”

“Well, my plan was to use the energy remaining in the fallen meteorite to return.”

“……How exactly?”

“Well, that’s because a great professor extracted meteorite energy from various locations and concentrated it into a single point…”

“Just stop. That young man isn’t old enough to understand that.”

Princess Kaguya stopped Yashiro from continuing her mysterious and nonsensical talk (or whatever?). When she placed her hand on her head again, Yashiro visibly squirmed and tried to escape from under her hand, showing openly her dislike.

“……So, in the end, you’re just trying to evade the question of what actually happened.”

“It’s not that she’s trying to evade the question; she’s just trying to cover it up.”

Princess Kaguya replied and continued speaking, making sure not to let Yashiro interrupt her with a counter-argument.

“That’s how it is, young man. Don’t get your hopes up too much about the aliens in that town.”

“It’s really no big deal,” said Princess Kaguya, peering into my eyes as if she could see right through my doubts. Then she smiled. Her grin was confident and assertive, yet it seemed as if there was some ulterior motive behind it. Just what was it about this person? There was something about her that I couldn’t simply dismiss as just another eccentric person I occasionally encounter in town; it seemed to seep out from her words and demeanour… That’s the feeling she gave me. Maekawa-san had previously described her as just a drunkard.

Just accept it, okay?” It felt like I was being persuaded in that way, and it made me feel pressured.

“Why are you lumping everything together with such a foolish conclusion? My precognitive abilities are the real deal!”

“How did we end up getting lost even though I was following the directions of someone with precognitive abilities?”

Princess Kaguya dug her middle finger joint into Yashiro’s head. Groaning, the stubborn self-proclaimed psychic continued to argue.

“I did it to arrive with a timing that was convenient for Makoto.”

Well, she certainly showed up like a superhero, reading the situation perfectly. But was that just a coincidence?

“I mean, why did you leave the choice of left or right up to me?”

“Because she told me to do it.”

A finger was being dug into the crown of her head. Yashiro’s eyes narrowed, and she thrashed about, trying to resist.

“……Hum.”

As an Earthling, it was difficult to draw the line on how much I should compromise and accept.

To what extent did this girl’s so-called precognitive ability work? How much of it was coincidence, and how much was inevitability?

No matter how hard I tried to think, I was constantly swayed by Princess Kaguya’s smile, and I couldn’t come up with an answer. A city with aliens. A city where meteorites fall. Mysteries keep washing over me like waves, wetting the sandy beaches of my memory.

……But even amidst all of this, here I was. I was here, propped up by the overturned teacup. That much is certain. I was sitting here in the same space as Yashiro, who claimed to be an alien, Princess Kaguya, and Erio.

“…Was that really the most convincing explanation?”

Just as I had managed to survive until yesterday without knowing how life could exist on Earth and without understanding the mysteries of the world, I affirmed those who walk on two legs and move forward together.

“Well, even if you understood everything, it probably wouldn’t lead you to a fulfilling life.”

A life lived solely by “inevitability” would become monotonous and boring.

“Makoto-what-are-you-trying-to-look-cool-for-by-sticking-watermelon-seeds-on-yourself?”

“Wow, that insult is strangely nostalgic and annoying.”

…And so, I accepted that Hoshimiya Yashiro was in the same town as me.

Well, now.

After finishing her watermelon, Ooi-san approached Princess Kaguya from behind, hands on her hips, and looked down at her. “Oh, Toeic,” “You’re late,” “Haha.” They exchanged greetings, and she then glanced at Yashiro.

“You’re going to keep a girl in your yard this time? You still have some strange hobbies.”

“It’s kind of funny how she’s still as eccentric as ever.”

“Didn’t you keep rocks or something as pets back in middle school?”

I involuntarily coughed and choked. Was there anyone else like that besides me?

“I mean, am I that weird? Don’t you also have a child?”

Hiding behind Ooi-san’s feet, her daughter, whose hands and mouth were covered in watermelon juice, let out a slightly protesting “Fu, fueee.” Ooi-san patted her daughter’s head and said, “Look what you did to my child,” then began to grin at an odd moment. The way her eyes lit up was childlike, and at the same time, their shape reminded me of a feline.

“If I were to get a pet, I’d probably choose a handsome boy with a slightly melancholic air rather than a cute girl.”

“Wow, that’s so gross. You sound like you did that in real life, so scary.”

Princess Kaguya wiggled and fluttered the sleeves of her yukata, pretending to be a character. Ooi-san grinned and joked, “Have I been exposed?” … She was just joking, right?

I was so preoccupied with pondering the truth of the matter that I forgot to even take a bite of watermelon when the sports chanbara old man spoke to me as if he had been waiting for the right moment. In his wrinkled hands was a camera that looked as old-fashioned as the rest.

It seemed like something completely unrelated to the digital age, something left behind by the passage of time. But the camera, a tool for capturing the past, had an atmosphere of being more connected to time itself. Maybe I was the only one to feel this way, though.

“Excuse me, may I have a word?”

“Yes?”

When the four of them all turned their attention to him at once, the sports chanbara old man seemed intimidated. He held up his camera in his hand to eye level and looked down at Princess Kaguya and Yashiro.

“Can I take a picture of you two? I really want a picture of an alien.”

His wish seemed less sincere and more like something he found amusing. It was somewhat similar to the expression on someone’s face when they buy a T-shirt with a counterfeit character on it from a street vendor.

““Oh, oh, that’s fine.””

Princess Kaguya and Yashiro stood up briskly, their chins raised in the same direction with triumphant expressions, and simultaneously took a step forward. Then they looked at each other. They took one step at a time and overtook the sports chanbara old man. After taking a few more steps, they glared at each other.

“You imposter bitch, I’ll hang you from a bamboo pole!” “Hmph. I’ll drop a meteorite on your head, you fake!”

They stretched both hands out at each other, getting flicked away, and then started squabbling and yelling. What was wrong with these people? Ooi-san and I, the only ones left, could only give a wry smile at the childish squabble between our mutual acquaintances.

Then, taking advantage of the commotion, the people who had been eating watermelon turned their attention to us. “What’s going on?” “Are you taking pictures?” “They say that if you get your picture taken, your soul will be stolen.” “You said the same thing when you went to your grandchild’s sports day. And your grandchild was photographed and was perfectly fine.”

The old man and woman rose from their seats and peered at us. They seemed to be guessing that the camera that the sports chanbara grandpa had brought was for taking commemorative photos or something. The three girls who had been giggling and laughing over watermelon juice were also staring at us. Princess Kaguya and Yashiro were still fighting pointlessly.

I looked up at the sports chanbara old man and held up my index finger.

“While we’re at it, could we also take a group photo to commemorate our alien encounter?”

Group photos from a trip are really what youth is about, right? As if getting a head start on a school trip.

“Well, fine. The others are just participating as a service.”

With the old man’s enthusiastic agreement, the previously aimless footsteps of those around us suddenly became purposeful. With steady steps, the participants began to gather in droves. Safaao had also cleverly managed to stick close behind the old men. However, the old man acted as a wall, preventing him from reaching us, who were in the centre. Safaao seemed to be a young man who showed some respect for the elderly, and he did not push him aside. His struggling hands moved up and down as if to pat the old man on the shoulder, and he gazed at us with envious eyes.

“Taking a commemorative photo with everyone at the beach is just like the final chapter of a manga, right!”

“Ryuushi-san, still cheerfully making outrageous statements, aren’t you?”

“Come on, line up properlyyy. You tall girl over there, either crouch down or go to the back.”

“Hmm, so I’ll stand behind the transfer student, then.”

“Whoa! What’s on your head? Your chin? Is it your chin?”

“Wheee Wheeeee! Resting your chin on something violates Ryuko-san’s seven rules of youth!”

“According to Maekawa-san’s rules, it’s okay to rest your chin on someone shorter than you.”

“I’m not a perch… and your jaw moves every time you talk. It tickles.”

“Hey Maekawa-san, give me a piggyback ride. These guys are basically huge, so I, the main character, won’t stand out.”

“No, I’ll fall backward. Besides, you’re wearing a red yukata, so you already stand out a lot.”

“Hurry-up-it’s-hot!”

“Stop putting on that space helmet every single time! My legs are already wobbly from the heat!”

“A photo taken at our local beach during our honeymoon with my darling.”

“What kind of honeymoon involves setting a trap to catch your husband?! I want to throw you into the ocean!”

“Young people are so lively. But hey, I’m still young too. Ai-chan, shall I give you a piggyback ride?”

“Fu, fuuu”

“Cousin, Cousin!”

“What? You want me to give you a piggyback ride too? I might consider it once I’ve taken care of your mother.”

“Is this youth?”

“Ah… well, yeah. I’m not happy about it, but it might be pretty high up in the rankings youth-wise.”

“Mako-kuuuun.”

“Don’t grab my legs like a rugby tackle!”

“I-itokon.”

“Stop calling me like I’m some konjac noodles! And don’t touch me with hands sticky with watermelon juice!”

“Ma-ko-to-n”

“It’s scary, and the visor hurts! It’s grinding against my side! Take off your helmet!”

“Tenkoun”

“I don’t even recognise my name anymore! It sounds like I’m some sort of chemical! And my head’s all ticklish!”

“N-Nyowaninyoniniwa-kuuuun”

“Ah, salvation is so far away.”

“Say cheese!”

“Read the room, old space geezer! Ah, wait, seriously, it’s collapsing! Hey, everyone’s on top of me!”

The sound of us all falling at once, kicking up sand.

The sound of the old man’s camera shutter pressing the shutter button overlapped in a place between coincidence and inevitability.

And so, the commemorative photo that marked the end of summer came to fruition.

It ended up looking like gravity was somehow centred around me in the photo.

• Made to fall in a pitfall specially dug by Meme-san: −5

Total current Youth Points: +4

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