Kamisama no Memochou:Volume 1 Chapter 7

So I continued to live on hopelessly.

Our resilience is just too meaningless, and caused us to be unable to escape from this world if the angels don’t lend us a helping hand.

Actually, the police had already grasped the clue about Toshio and Hakamizaka from the medication that they got from Ayaka’s body, it’s just because of the fact that Hakamizaka is the son of a politician, they’ve handled the evidence that they collected very carefully. They never would’ve thought that a large group of NEETs would barge in, and even turned the whole matter upside down. The CID who interrogated me seemed to know Tetsu-senpai as well, and he told me the whole truth dolefully.

I was let go after just being interrogated once, while quite a few people from Hirasaka-gumi, led by Yondaime, were arrested. The reason that Alice and I were immediately released was probably because Yondaime hid a part of the truth, because he said to me when we separated: “You owe me one.”

Hakamizaka Shirou was dead even when the ambulance arrived at the scene; the other five who took part in manufacturing and selling the drugs also overdosed on the drug, and died in the hospital.

Just like that, the angels’ wings disappeared from the streets.

A typical ending.

I’m not sure of the details of what occurred after that, because I didn’t show up at Hanamaru Ramen Shop anymore.

*

January ended, and February passed gradually. After a few snowstorms, I failed in three more subjects in the end of semester test at the end of February.

I kept avoiding the Gardening Club, as I would think of Ayaka and get depressed there. Why was I depressed? I looked at the barren garden from the window of the classroom. It’s just that I’ve returned to the days before I met Ayaka, the me at that time didn’t feel painful when I was alone.

The reason that I changed was of course, because I started to understand the warmth of having other people by my side, so I thought of ways to forget about it, and avoid talking to the others. To my classmates who were worried about me and tried to chat with me, I just shook my head, refusing to say anything. Right after the make up examinations ended, I stopped going to school.

It’s just that I’ve gone back to the days before I met her— those are just lies.

Ayaka’s disappearance was like the wound of a scratch, deeply etched into my heart.

*

Sometimes, I would subconsciously remember things about Ayaka. Especially during midnight, when I laid on my bed, staring at the pitch black skies at the other side of the glass window.

Next, I would think of Alice’s cold hands, Min-san’s ice cream, and the sounds and laughter of four people surrounding a bowl, playing a game of dices.

But that did not exist solely for me. If I firmly deem that they exist solely for me, when I discover the truth, all of this would be taken away, defiled, vanish, leaving my own pitiful self.

If the ending is like this, it’s better if I don’t get closer from the start.

Those are my conclusions. Even if I would be alone like this, and nobody would ever speak to me or call my name again.

*

But one night, my phone suddenly rang. I kept skipping school, and just like that, the spring holidays arrived. On the first day of the spring holidays, my phone rang. It was because I was rolling around on my bed with the lights on, that I subconsciously picked up the phone.

‘It’s me, go to your school right away. I’m waiting for you in front of the entrance.’

It was Alice. It was indeed Alice’s voice.

I couldn’t believe it, and was dumbstruck, my phone pressed to my phone, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

‘What’s with you? Are you trying to tell me that you’re going to sleep soon? Late night is the time that I move about. As my assistant, you’re telling me that you want to sleep? Isn’t it the spring holidays right now? Hurry up and make preparations to come out.’

“Wh…..” Unable to speak properly, I choked. “Wh- Why? The school?”

Does Alice know what time it is?

‘It is now three thirty five at night. Come here in thirty minutes. You are absolutely not allowed to let me wait for you outside.’

“Why do I……:”

‘You just have to ask about everything, such an annoyance. You’re my assistant, right? Or did you forget about our employment contract? I have something that I need you to see, so don’t ask anymore, hurry up and come.’

I flipped over my phone and looked at it in great detail. I just have this feeling that the phone call was just my imagination, but the liquid plasma screen did show a phone log.

Something for me to see?

As I was determined not to meet again, I originally wanted to just ignore Alice’s phone call and sleep. But even when I closed my eyes and lied down on the bed to sleep, Alice’s words still lingered in my mind.

School. Something that I have to see.

Would it be something with Ayaka?

I got up from the bed and carefully tip toed downstairs to avoid waking my sister, and walked out of the entrance. Probably because it’s already springtime, I could finally go out at night without wearing a sweater.

I got onto my bike, riding in a zephyr in the night.

*

“You’re late by twelve minutes.”

Alice was mad. Just like that day, she wore a black, western dress, a bonnet with a veil on it, held a plushie of a baby bear in her hands, and was squatting down on the pillar in front of the school gate.

It was the first time I came to the entrance of M High School late at night, white fluorescent lights on the walls surrounding the school faintly illuminated the campus. A corner of the glass window on the third floor reflected the moon. There wasn’t anyone in there.

“Because you have this look of incomprehension on your face, I’ll just tell you first. I’m a hikikomori, the degree of pain of staying outside is an extension of the exponential function (Z: I don’t get it. Can someone check this out for me?) . You might think that twelve minutes is not a big deal, but for me, you’ll have to add the twenty five minutes of getting here from my room.”

“Sorry, but since it’s already late at night, it’s better not to make a fuss out here.”

Alice’s shut mouth started to pout, and caught hold of my belt with trembling hands.

“Take me to the place where the few potted plants are placed on the rooftop.”

“Rooftop……? But……”

“I’m a NEET detective. The alarms have already been switched off, and I have the keys as well.”

How did she get the keys?

“If you want to know, just ask Major. I’m don’t know about the details. Goodness knows how he got that.”

Major…… I had this feeling from before that he had criminal tendencies, but never would I thought that it was true. But why are we going to the rooftop anyways?

Alice stopped answering my questions, showed me a ‘you’ll know when you see it’ expression and pushed on my back forcefully. I sighed and accepted the keys.

After I opened the door, I stepped onto the nostalgic uneven ground of cement. As it was unlit, it was pitch black at the rooftop. The streetlights were too low after all, while the brightness of the stars was too far away.

The indistinct view of the night could be seen at the other side of the railings. Through the river, gazing at the direction of the station, the brightness of that area was like a desecration of the night. With its back to the station, the ambiguous boundary between the night sky and the earth were scattered with headlamps and the lights that seeped out of the windows of the buildings.

My thanks to the night sky. If it was daytime right now, I would probably think of Ayaka again, right?

“Ahhhh, there’s something helpful here. Could we climb up there from here?”

Alice said while tightly holding onto my belt behind me. Raising my head to look upwards, there was only the night sky and a huge, black hole— no, the shadow of the water tower.

“…… are you climbing?”

“Being higher is better.”

I had wanted to say that it’s too dangerous climbing up in the dark, but was deterred by Alice’s determined eyes. But even if I climbed up the ladder, I still had to use up a lot of energy to drag the helpless Alice up.

“What is with this ladder, not even thinking for users who are my size, really!”

Alice clambered up to the top of the water tower, sticking close to the surface that was uneven due to being slightly raised, and complained while panting.

“You could just put the plushie at the bottom…..”

“Do you think I can stand the horrors of being outside without Lyril? I know that you’re both cold and insensitive, but I didn’t know that you’re that over!”

“Okay, I get it, I get it, sorry.”

Alice soared angrily while clutching on my clothes for dear life, not even being slightly courageous.

“So what are we going to do next? Summon a UFO?”

“We wait till dawn.”

“…… Eh?”

“We’re waiting here until dawn.”

I couldn’t say anything for a moment.

I had wanted to complain, but after seeing Alice hugging her knees, burying her chin in her teddy bear while with her eyes glued to the floor of cement, I couldn’t say anything.

Alice said that she had something for me to see. She did this for me, and only me, and for that reason she came out from her shell— the room that was full of machines, to wait for me, didn’t she?

I squatted down beside Alice, feeling the warmth of her body beside me.

There was only the slight sounds of the wind, faraway exhaust pipes of cars, and the sound of Alice’s breathing.

Not knowing for how long, as if pure, clear water seeped into the bottom of the night, the skies gradually turned blue. The lights of the streetlights started to fade, while the darkness of the night gradually faded from the floors of the rooftop. Bunches of weeds could be seen on the cement floor.

“Ayaka……”

Alice said in a small voice.

“Did she really go away without telling you a thing?”

I bit my lips and nodded.

“Really? Then I will tell you the words that have faded away in place of the deceased.”

“…… Eh?”

“That would be the reason why Ayaka chose to jump down from the school building. It’s going to be daybreak soon.”

Alice said that it was the sole mystery.

The mystery that connected me to Alice.

“…… Do you understand now?”

“Ayaka jumped down from the rooftop so that the rooftop would be sealed off.”

“……. Wh……What?”

“Don’t you understand? This is the sacred place where you and Ayaka spent your time together. So that no other people would trespass in here, she chose to jump off here. The graduation photos were to be taken here, right? But if someone committed suicide here, the school must seal off all the entrances to the rooftop because of safety reasons— you see, it has started.”

Started? What started?

Following Alice’s gaze, I looked at the floor of the rooftop.

In the long, extended period of time, the sun rose behind me. The clear morning that gently blended together light and darkness, cold air filled my surroundings, and I realized at that moment.

At the start, I thought that something was off, but the lush grassy land on the cement floor started to recover its greenery while bathing in the rays of sunlight, and a vivid red spread throughout the surrounding as if they were dyed.

Flowers.

In the dense grassy land on the rooftop, many flowers started to bloom, as though welcoming the morning sun.

I almost cried out loud, a hot substance filling my throat. The red stars that surfaced from the greenery clearly drew out a picture.

“The flowers are planted in a circle…… No, a double circle…… or triple……?”

Alice said in a small voice that wasn’t much different from the sound of her breathing. My fingers tightly clenched my knees, and shook my head. No, that’s not a circle. The letter G was inside of C, while the letter M was engulfed by the letter G.

It was our flag.

It’s the symbol that connects Ayaka and I.

In the light of dawn, it was as though the flowers used their faces to greet joy, blooming splendidly. How long did Alice and I stare silently at the flowers?

“Long-headed poppy.”

Alice stared at our flag while muttering.

“They bloom as soon as day breaks, and withers after a day.”

I couldn’t shift my gaze, and could only nod in agreement. My chest hurts like it was being held tightly, and heat rose in my body. I’m the only one left, and there’s nobody beside me. Why? Why did you leave this thing? Why are you letting me remember this?

“Ayaka might have been blinded by the drug, but she remembered this place in the end, and jumped down to protect this place.”

Alice said with a small but determined voice.

“I know.” My voice that came from my throat was wet.

“Ayaka kept thinking for you.”

“I know!”

So what? I don’t need this thing, I only wish that Ayaka would continue to be healthy. My wish is so small, it’s just that small……

“Of course all of this is only my assumptions, but I don’t really know if it’s true. Digging out the words of the deceased from their graves—“

“Shut up!”

“—anyways, it is just a consolation for the living. What Ayaka was really thinking of, I don’t understand too. But……”

Alice stacked her hand on my hand that was on my knee.

“This beautiful scene is real, only this is a fact. So you must accept it, right?”

The flag of flowers in my eyes started to blur, and the rooftop melted in a sea on that morning. The first teardrop trickled down from my cheeks, and they couldn’t be stopped anymore, and filled my whole world. That was the first time I cried after Ayaka’s suicide.

Why do people only leave memories? Isn’t it better if they rook away the memories about them with their death? Memories can’t be erased, my whole life before me would be used up to search for Ayaka’s true message in this beautiful scene.

“Narumi, do you hate me for bringing you here?”

Facing Alice’s question, I shook my head, tears flowing down my face. How could I hate you?

“Then it’s better if you just hate me. I’ve told you before, Ayaka’s suicide, your sadness, all of them are my fault.”

“Stop talking.”

“I can only use this method to connect with the world, so it’s better if you hate me or reprimand me.”

“STOP TALKING!”

I shouted harshly, turning around to face Alice. Her large eyes seemed to have a hint of tears in it, but those might just be my own tears.

“Is there any meaning to that? Are you an idiot? Shout when you’re angry like the others, and laugh when you’re happy like the others, speak your mind when you want something, why can’t you even do such a simple thing?”

“Because I’m that kind of person, didn’t you know?”

“I don’t know!”

I flung away Alice’s hand that was tightly holding on to my shirt.

“Narumi, wait—.”

I jumped down from the water tower, bouts of aches coming from my knees and my waist. I ignored Alice’s words, rushed out of the door and down the stairs. I, myself, don’t understand why am I so angry, but the anger was neither directed at Ayaka nor Alice, and not myself either.

Tears choked my throat. I ran in the streets on this morning, my lungs hurting like they were burning. When I ran past the bridge, the morning sun illuminated my face from the side.

I stood still temporarily, placed my elbows on the railings and looked downwards. I wept for awhile, the tears dropped down, and were absorbed by the billowing dust that was swept up by a truck..

*

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