Kara no Kyoukai:Chapter05 01

/1 Paradox Spiral

Even though October had just arrived, the roads were already chilly.

The time is a little before 10 at night.

The wind is cold, and the darkness of night is oppressive.

Normally the roads should be plenty bright at this time, but tonight, they were so gloomy as to make one wonder whether the clocks were slow by an hour. The cold sky, from which it wouldn't be odd to see snow fall, makes one feel that the winter is arriving too quickly.

Maybe it's because of that, but in front of this normally busy station there is none of the usual liveliness.

The people coming out of the station are all wearing heavy overcoats and going straight home without stopping anywhere.

The thing called a home, no matter how small it is, is a warm resting place. On a chilly day like this everyone quickens their feet in order to hurry home.

The flowing people. The non-existent heat. The especially dark city streets.

A boy was vacantly looking at such a scene.

Next to a soda machine just beyond the street in front of the station. Sitting there as if hiding, the boy's gaze did not look normal.

This boy who was hugging his legs, it would be impossible to tell his gender from just a quick look.

A delicate face and a slender body. The dyed-red hair looks like it might be curly and has a bad texture. He looks 16, maybe 17 years old. His eyes that lack focus are nice and slender, and if he were wearing girl's clothing, he could easily be confused as being a girl.

Even the clothing on this boy, whose teeth are chattering, is strange. Besides a dirty pair of jeans, he only has on a large blue blazer over his body. Under the jacket he is bare.

As if he is resisting the cold---or maybe something else, his teeth chatter and make noise.

How long has he been here like this?

Even though fewer and fewer people are coming out of the station, a group of youths have surrounded the boy.

“Hey, Tomoe.”

One of the youths spoke, with a hint of contempt.

The boy with the red hair does not reply.

“...Enjoh. You brat, don't ignore me.”

The youth forcefully grabs the boy's jacket and pulls him up.

The one who spoke is about the same age as the boy. Indeed, around him are a group of five boys about the same age as him.

“What is it, are we strangers now that you quit school? Oh, since Tomoe-sama is a man of society, he can no longer interact with children?”

Hahaha, laughter erupts.

But the boy, Tomoe, does not respond at all.

With a “hmph,” the youth takes his hand off Tomoe's jacket and hits his cheek. An impact with a bam. Clink, the sound of something hitting the ground.

“------.”

“Don't fall asleep, you idiot.”

With that the people around him once again start laughing.

At that noise the boy Tomoe began to come back to life from a state of shock.

“...Enjoh...Tomoe.”

He mutters his own name. Tomoe, whose thought process had been stopped, had even forgotten his own name. Muttering his name is like a ritual to restart activity.

Having come to his senses, Tomoe looks at the boy in front of him.

A former classmate and his cohorts..

He remembers them. Pretty regular students, not really delinquents, they are the type to bother people weaker than themselves. Like himself.

“Oh, you're Aikawa. What are you doing here at a time like this?”

“That's what we should say. I was worried that you might be selling your body. After all Tomoe is a tender girl.”

The boy looks around at his comrades, saying “isn't that right?”

Of course Tomoe is not a girl. When Tomoe was still in high school, due to his slender physique and his name, he was made fun of in that way.

Tomoe does not reply in any way, and instead picks up an empty can.

“Aikawa” he calls out the boy's name.

Tomoe roughly pushes the can into that acne-filled face turning towards him.

The can is stuck in the boy's mouth. At that state, Tomoe hits the can with his palm.

“Ugh.”

The boy falls down immediately. The can that he coughs out is smeared with blood.

Dumbfounded, the boy's comrades still haven't moved yet.

They were just thinking that they could earn some money by robbing a former classmate who had quit high school. They could use violence, but they never thought that Tomoe would too.

They couldn't react quickly after having their comrade get hit and fall down.

“Aikawa, you're as stupid as ever.”

Saying that, Enjou Tomoe kicked the fallen boy's head. As if he were playing soccer, as hard as he could with the tip of his foot. In contrast to Aikawa's light-hearted tone, Tomoe was acting as if he was trying to kill.

The boy cannot move any more. Maybe he has fainted or maybe his neck is broken. -He couldn't get up due to the pain, Tomoe makes sure before running away.

Instead of running towards the watchful eyes in front of the train station, he dove into a back alley.

Seeing Tomoe's sprint, the others finally understood the situation.

The victim they were trying to rob has beaten up a comrade and run away. Their friend, who has been taken down, is dripping blood from his mouth and on the ground.

“That bastard, he wasn't even scared? We'll kill him!”

As someone says that, the fury spread to the remaining five members. They started running in order to catch up to him and take revenge.

* * *

"'We'll kill him,' eh?"

Hearing their shout, I couldn't help but laugh.

They were serious. But they don't know what the true meaning of killing is. That someone that unprepared would say “we'll kill you” to someone who just did what I did, how rash an act.

-I just killed someone before coming here.

Squish squish squish. The feeling of stabbing a human returns, and I felt like I was about to throw up.

As that thought comes up, my body starts to shake again. My teeth chatter so hard they're about to break and a storm is going through my head.

They don't know what it means to kill someone. It's because they don't know that they can say something like that.

-in that case, I'll teach it to them.

With my mind cleared, I crack a smile.

I don't have a particularly violent personality. I believe in giving out as much as I take, but today is the first time I made someone faint like that. I was strange tonight. ...no, if that's not right, maybe I want to become strange.

-here should be good.

I enter an alley between two buildings, far enough from the main road that you couldn't call for help.

They catch up to me.

No, to be exact, I let them catch up to me.

Stopping at this discreet back alley, after making sure that they are the five who followed me in here, I attacked the first enemy who came forth.

With my palm I hit my opponent's chin. When novices fight it goes back and forth, hitting and getting hit, over and over again. The one who can't last as long is the one that gets defeated. I know that if I get into a fight like that, I have no chance of winning. Therefore - if I want to win, I have to fight like I want to kill.

I don't even pay attention to the situation. Before the others can jump in, before I can be surrounded, I have to take care of them one by one.

My first opponent tries to counter. I'm faster. I stab his left eye with my finger.

"Uh... Uaaaaa!"

He screams in pain. Given this opening, I grab his face with all my strength and slam the back of his head against a wall.

With a *puck,* the first guy slowly falls against the wall. Blood comes out one of his eyes. The back of his head is leaving a bloodstain on the wall.

-despite all that, he's still alive.

At that horrible sight, the other four guys lose their excitement and just stand there. They may have done some fighting and seen some blood, but this is the first time they've seen bloodshed in the context between life and death.

At that opening, I jump at the one closest to me.

After hitting him with my palm, I grab his hair. I pull his head down and kick my knee upwards. I feel his nose break against my kneecap. With that blow, he loses his will to retaliate.

From there I knee his face three more times, I slam down my elbow onto the back of his head.

With the impact, I feel a tingle run up my arm from my elbow.

The second one was down.

My knee that kept kicking my opponent's face is soaked with his blood.

"Enjoh, you bastard-!"

Two people. With two people incapacitated it seems the rest of them finally understand what they're into. The three of them come at me all at once without any reason or leadership.

In that case, the outcome was clear.

Being alone, I can't take on three people at once.

Getting hit and kicked, I'm mercilessly slammed against the wall before falling to the ground.

I get hit hard on the cheek. Kicked in the stomach. Still, with cold eyes I see that they can't commit as much violence as I had.

-are these three just going to beat up a non-resisting human.

This violence definitely has no killing intent. However, if this keeps up, I will eventually die. Even if the impacts are not fatal, they will eventually reach my heart. That I have to wait until then and endure is the pain of pains.

-look. Even without meaning to kill, it is easy for a human to kill another human.

Is that a sin? A killer like me with a clear killing intent, or killers like them with none who do it by accident, I wonder which is the heavier sin.

Thinking such things with my dizzy mind, I kept getting hit.

My face and my whole body became covered by bruises, and I began to get used to the pain. Probably they too have become so used to hitting that they can't stop.

"You're quite something, with that cute face of yours, Enjou!"

At that moment, I was hit in the chest and started coughing. Either the inside of my mouth was ripped through the beating or it came from my stomach. Mixed in my saliva was something like blood.

Even though these three people have no such intent, if this continues for a few more seconds, Enjou Tomoe will be dead.

...I realized just then. That I didn't consider my own life to be very important.

Just as my vision disappears, when one of their fists hits one of my eyes, my consciousness is about to disappear as well. At that very moment-.

Clatter.

I heard a beautiful noise.

Completely different from the dullness of hitting a person, a small and marble-like noise.

The three stop their movements and turn towards the direction of the noise... the narrow entrance that they used to get into this alleyway.

I barely open my swollen eyes and look at the person.

"----."

My mind, is frozen.

Thinking only of that nameless figure, I cannot take my eyes off this person.

That's how unusual that person’s shadow standing at the entrance of the alleyway was.

In this cold weather, the person was not wearing socks, but a pair of round Japanese clogs. The varnished black bottom and the red strings making the white feet look even more beautiful, it was a sight to leave you speechless.

No, that's not the only special thing.

That person was wearing an orange kimono. It's not fancy holiday clothing, but rather the simple kind of kimono you see often in festivals. Covering that is a red leather jacket.

Clatter- the sound is made again.

And then the sound of feet hitting the ground. The person draws towards us step by step. The swaying hair, the sound of rustling clothing- I realize that my eyes want to take in every movement this person makes to the very end. Without concern for my - Enjou Tomoe's thoughts.

The shadow approaches in a natural manner, as if nothing has happened.

The black hair, black as if doused in ink, doesn't even reach the shoulders. It has been cut carelessly, but somehow it fits this person.

A narrow face and frame. White skin and---eyes so black they seem to look into your soul. A beauty that did not belong in a dirty back alley.

That person somehow looked like a woman. .....no, she looks about the same age as us, so maybe I should call her a girl.

The face is so neat that I can't tell the gender. Of course, no matter which it is, there's no doubt that this person is so beautiful that it would send a chill down your spine. But for some reason I thought that it was a female.

"Hey."

The girl spoke in a blunt manner that was a mix of Japanese and Western style.

After looking at this direction with an annoyed look, the girl comes towards us for no reason.

The three guy surrounding me were puzzled and started surrounding the girl. Dulled by the violence, they were so frenzied they decided they wanted this girl. They show their suppressed urges they normally wouldn't show anyone and converge on the girl.

"You got some business with us?"

They say while walking. Seeing them surround her as to not let her get away, it seems that their three minds have become one now.

Those dirty cowards, I swear, but I can't do anything. My incapable arms and legs are filled with bruises and don't have any strength left.

Can I stand by and let this kimono girl being defiled by these street punks? No---but can she really be taken by these guys?

"We asked you if you had some business with us. You have ears, right?"

One of them comes right up close to her and yells.

Instead of replying, she raised one of her hands in whichever way.

...what happened after that was truly like magic.

With her thin arm the girl grabs his arm. She pulls with no effort. As if he were weightless, the boy spins around in a full circle and falls to the ground head first.

Maybe that's one of those judo throws. The movement was very quick, but it was so natural that it looked like it was in slow motion.

The other two leap at the girl. She pushes one of their chests with her palm, and with just that her opponent was down. Even though it took me so much violence just to knock out one guy, this girl made two people lose consciousness without a single wasted move. I hazard about 5 seconds have passed.

Just like how I realized this fact, it seems the one left over also realized that his opponent wasn't ordinary.

"Ooowah!", he screamed while beginning to flee.

The girl kicked the head of the one who turned his back to flee. The clean roundhouse kick didn't even make noise and knocked out the last one.

"Hmph, he was a rockhead, what an idiot."

Muttering, the girl fixes up her wrinkled kimono.

I'm speechless as I just stare at her.

-in this trash-filled back alley where no streetlight or moonlight shines. Just above her head it looked like a silver sparkle was pouring out.

"Hey, you."

The girl looks in my direction. I tried to say something, but with my mouth all cut up I decided to keep my mouth shut.

The girl reached inside a pocket in her leather jacket, pulled out a key, and threw it towards me. A worn key falls in front of me as I sit on the floor.

"I picked it up. It's yours, right?"

It sounded like it was coming from inside my brain.

......key. Ah, maybe I dropped it while getting hit a while ago.

The home key for which I have absolutely no use anymore. Did this girl come here just to give it to me.

Just then, the girl turned around as if she was all done here.

There were no words of goodbye, no words of acknowledgement.

Just like when she found us she walks out as if she's out taking a walk. ......as if she has no interest in me.

"---wait."

I say, and my hand moves.

To grab what? Why am I trying to catch her? I definitely---Enjou Tomoe definitely have no interest in a scary woman like her.

But---but, I couldn't stand her leaving me like this. I didn't care who it was, I didn't want to be thrown away. I couldn't stand the feeling of being told that I had no redeeming qualities, that I was really nothing more than a fake.

"Hey you, wait!"

Yelling, I get up. ......no, I tried to get up, but I couldn't stand up properly. Because my joints had no strength, all I could do was grab the wall and keep myself up in an unstable position.

The girl in a kimono stopped, and looked at me with a vision so cold that it would make anyone scream out.

"What is it? I didn't pick up anything else."

She speaks calmly.

Even though five people were lying at her feet, it seemed that this person felt nothing.

"Hey, you weren't thinking of just leaving like this?"

After I spoke while gasping for breath, she finally looked around herself.

Among the fallen ones there are two whom I injured and are now bleeding. They are the result of a very crude form of violence.

After saying hm, she looked up at me.

"Don't worry, that guy might not be able to use his eye, but that's not enough to kill him. The one who comes to first will probably do something. But do you still think they need help right now?"

Even though the thin and high voice could only belong to a woman, the way of speaking is that of a man.

Yes, I reply and nod.

"Really? But in that case, which do we need to call? The police? Or the hospital?"

She asks sincerely, although something was a little strange.

I was only thinking about the hospital, but if I want to claim self defense, calling the police might be faster. But---

"The police, are out of the question."

Why? The girl asks with her eyes.

Why is that. It was a secret that I definitely shouldn't tell anyone, but considering it like using an emergency card, I spoke.

"I killed someone."

For a moment, it was as if time had stopped.

After coming towards me as if taking interest, the girl began to carefully inspect me, who was leaning against the wall, with her eyes.

"It doesn't look like it."

She says as if she doesn't believe me. But, by the way she put her finger to her mouth and thought to herself, it seemed that she wasn't quite sure.

I continue my masochistic confession.

"It's true. I came after killing awhile ago. I stabbed the stomach with a kitchen knife and I cut the throat. How can someone stay alive after that. ...heh heh, right now the cops are probably at my house looking for me frantically. Yes, by dawn, I'll probably be famous---!"

When I realized what I was doing, I was laughing at myself. "Kukuk," I hear my laughter. ....for some reason, it sounded like crying.

"Alright. In that case I believe you. Then don't bother calling the hospital either. You'll be put into jail right there. ...ah, is it that why you threw your shirt away because you got blood on it? I just thought it was a fad nowadays."

Cold hands rub against my chest.

"---look."

I swallowed my breath. As this girl said the clothing I was wearing had been covered with blood. I had run away after just putting on a pair of pants and pulling a blazer over my shoulders.

...I know. That even though this girl knows that I am a murderer, she feels no surprise. That's making me feel even more uncomfortable.

"Aren't you scared? I killed someone. Killing one person, killing two people, they're the same. Do you think I'll let you go when you know the truth?"

"---killing one person and killing two people are different."

Squinting as if dissatisfied, the girl in a kimono put her face up close.

.....even though I am taller by a head, I feel like I'm looking up at her who is looking up at me.

Captivated by her black eyes, I swallowed my saliva.

The reason I swallowed is not that our roles were reversed.

It's just that, I was enraptured.

Until now I have never fallen for another human being. Having lived for 17 years I have never been captivated like this. Not once did I forget myself and was this moved.

---that's right. This much.

I have never felt that a human was beautiful.

"Really---I'm a murderer."

I can't say anything but that.

The girl lowered her head and started laughing.

"I know. Because I'm one too."

The clothes make noise as they rub against each other.

As she finally lost interest with this, she begins to leave.

She leaves, making only the noise clatter clatter.

...I did not want to lose sight of her back.

"Wait, you said you were one too!"

Trying to run after her, I fall to the floor again. Still, I barely managed to get up and looked at the girl who was looking back.

"Then help me. We're in the same circumstance, after all."

I was yelling with such audacity that I couldn't even think straight. Being desperate, I throw shame to the wind. Listening to my words that lack logic and reason, the girl looks at me with her eyes open wide in surprise.

"Same circumstance....hm, you're definitely completely empty. But, asking for help, what are you talking about? About the sin of killing a human? Or to fix the injuries on your body? I'm sorry, but neither are my specialties."

---ah, that's right.

What kind of help did I want?

I wanted help, but I was only thinking vaguely and I didn't know what kind of help I wanted. .....even though it's something supremely important written in Enjou Tomoe's mind.

"----People will see this soon. Hide me before that."

That's the very first thing.

The girl entered thought with a very human movement, completely opposite from how she acted until now.

"Hide you, are you asking me to offer a hiding place?"

"I just need you to lend me a hand until I get to a place where no one can see me."

"There's no such place in this city. The only place where no one get to you is your own home.

She speaks with an awkward expression. I know at least that much.

Maybe my mind became impatient due to the pain of getting beat, but I wanted to yell.

"That's why I'm asking for help! Are you going to let me stay at your house, you stupid bitch?! "

Shit, I swear. With that, the girl nods as if understanding.

"Alright. If where I'm staying is fine with you, use it as you please."

"---what?"

"What a simpleton, to ask for help with something like that."

She starts to walk. Without holding a hand out for me or offering a shoulder.

Even so, her back told me to follow.

I---with a strength I find strange for me to possess, followed behind her.

By doing that I could cleanly forget the injuries on my beaten body, the injuries on my mind from stabbing a person.

I just keep following that unconcerned person walking back.

Does this girl live alone, I haven't even asked for her name, even though there are many things I have to ask her, I can't think.

......that's right, probably. I have never believed anything until now, but this might be what they call fate.

Already my eyes couldn't see anything but her.

Translator's Note

• You'll notice that I switch from present to past tense a lot in this. This is done by me to preserve the way it was written in the Korean translation. It's definitely a bit odd, so if anyone's editing, I don't think it would be bad to change everything to past or everything to present tense in order to keep consistent. I'm guessing that this strange way of mixing past and present tense was in the original Japanese, because there is no reason for the translator to do this.