MaruMAːMini-minisːbecuaseyoureakid

Because you're a kid who can do anything if you try!

By Takabayashi Tomo

Information: This story is only available in Günter's "A Love Diary composed in the Summer" (image below). This is a 'paper' known as "Günter's Juicy Set", included in Monthly Asuka September 24, 2006. (It came with a hard-cover for the paper and a picture of Günter)

The title of this set SHOULD have been "A Love Diary composed in the Summer", but they attempted to write it German and wrote: "Günter ist Liebetagebuch - Buchstabierte am Sommer". A literal translation of that would be: "Günter is a Love Diary - Spelled in the Summer". My strongest hypothesis is that someone put the words through Google translate and simply stamped it on the cover. My second hypothesis though, is that the grammar and words 'sound' incorrect in German, but are actually correct in the common tongue spoken in Shin Makoku.

Setting: This story takes place after the story "The Maou's Harem", in Gaiden 3 "Kyou Kara Maou", published after novel 13. Pakiri (it's Pakiri in Japanese, not Pachiri) is the blonde boy who gives a flower to Greta, who she later hugs. That story ends with Yuuri, Conrad, Greta and Pakiri going to Pakiri's orphanage where the headmistress could get rid of Yuuri's jimenso (a mythological tumor that takes the shape of a human face) on his knee called Pot-sama, because Yuuri got it after opening a pot. Since Conrad is in the story, this is supposed to take place before the Caloria arc.

I raised my arms up into the sky and felt completely satisfied.

"Let's go back home, your majesty."

"What? Ah, yeah."

Greta, Conrad and I had head towards the village where Pakiri, the boy we had recently met, lived in order to get rid of Pot-sama, the jimenso (mythological tumor that takes the shape of a human face) on my knee.

Since it's not unusual for me to leave the castle for a few days, this trip wasn't long enough for a normal person to worry.

But the house sitter, Lord Günter von Christ, wasn't a normal person. Since he was an extraordinarily overprotective teacher, he would surely be moved by my return and would hug me with tears in his eyes and a runny nose. Predicting such a scene, I stood firmly on my two legs, awaiting a fierce embrace. In other words, I stood there waiting without resistance. It was a defense strategy thought beforehand to try and minimize the damage.

However, contrary to my expectations, Günter welcomed us in an elegant manner. Maybe it was my imagination, but even the tone of his voice sounded softer. I was so surprised by his demeanor that I was about to say: "When did we get this well trained butler?" .

"Did you have a safe trip?"

"....Did something happen here?"

"Why do you say that?"

"It's just that after not seeing me for four or five days, you wouldn't usually act like this. Could it be that you've reached enlightenment again?"

At that moment Lord von Christ Günter squinted his two beautiful eyes and smiled elegantly.

"Does it displease you?"

"Heavens, no! Uhm, ah... It's really nice. Like an adult who's fully capable of doing his job. "

But when this "New Günter" behavior continued after ten days, I started feeling like something was missing. At first, I would simply feel a little uncomfortable, but after two or three days it was me who was anxious all the time. I ended up asking Conrad and Greta who were in the castle at that time "Don't you think that Günter is acting kinda weird?" with a pitiful voice.

"Hey, don't you think he looks strange? I mean, in these past ten days he hasn't hugged me or rubbed his cheeks against mine. It's been more than a week since he has shot his Gün-juices on me, this had never happen till now!"

Heavens! It's scary to realize how much one gets used to something like this.

"The way he speaks is also different. While we went to Pakiri's village his speech suddenly became kakko ii (cool). He speaks as someone who's part of an elite in a company. And did you see the clothes he's wearing? Did you see it? It's not that sort of priest-like clothes he's usually wear. Now he looks more like a grown up, with a cleaner look.... He has like a polished grown up sex-appeal. "

While Greta put the tip of her cookie in her tea, she nodded with a serious face.

"I don't know if it's male eroticism or not, but Greta also thinks that Günter has changed" (Greta)

"Thank goodness! I'm not the only one who thinks so."

I held my chest in relief after hearing that everyone who was with me agreed. As a prelude to what he was going to say, Conrad put some jam in a little cup and put it down before me.

"In the past, he used to be like this."

"In the past? How far along are we talking about? Before I came here?"

Wary about my feelings, Conrad simply smiled and didn't give me a proper answer. But no matter how stupid I may be, judging by the words that he said, I could figure it out. It's stress, for sure. The stress of being an educator, that's what caused him to 'break' (change his character for the worse).

"Did Günter 'break' because of me!? Am I such a disappointment that he thought: 'Goodness gracious! I did something wrong!'."

"But it's fine, don't you think? He looks like he's having fun like this."

Conrad said that to comfort me, but I as a human being... no, I mean as a mazoku, was dragging him down an abyss, to the point where his personality would be destroyed. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I should apologize. However, fortunately, for some reason, Günter returned to being the Lord von Christ that he used to be. I didn't know what had happened while I was away, but I was grateful that it did.

However Greta, unlike me, murmured unhappily. 'Having fun is part of the job, for children the more entertaining adults there are the better.'

"..... But a Günter that doesn't gush out liquids, doesn't feel like Günter."

"Ah, that's it! He needs more juices. What happened? It's as if he has dried up."

"That's because of the new ornament that I've acquired."

The object of our conversation entered the room carrying a new teapot, that had a picture of a little chick, in his hands. On that day he was also in his "New Günter" mode. However, two or three buttons of his shirt were undone. Usually he would have his outfit buttoned all the way up, so much that I'd worry it would be too tight around his neck. The front was opened as if saying: 'Worship my chest!'. His look was too WILD and different from his usual appearance. Günter, the front area is too wide open!

"What do you mean by new ornament?"

Lord von Christ met my eyes and smiled. Even though I was only focusing on his chest, his overall look was more elegant than wild. As expected from a noble.

"I allowed myself to receive an ornament that matches that of his majesty although it's a different color."

.... Me, my knees?

Something that matches mine, but it's of a different color.

"No, Günter, I'm talking about your new ornament. I don't have any ornaments on my knees. If I ever wear anything on my knees, that would be a leg pad or a protector..."

As I was thinking about how to protect my knees, a tragic memory from 15 days ago came to mind. When I opened the lid of the pot, a thing similar to a rubber ball came flying out, and jumping from wall to wall, it ended up slamming against my knee and attaching itself perfectly to it. If you looked at it closely, it seemed as if it had eyes and a nose, and later on I found out that it was something that Anissina had put into the pot to guard the door. In order to get rid of it, we had to drain all the water that was in it, and then dry freeze it. I went through a lot to get rid of it. Speaking of which there were two pots now that I think about it. The one I opened was the blue pot, but in the castle the red pot remained. This made me realize what the scary answer to my question was and I dropped my teaspoon.

"What... Günter... don't tell me that you opened the red pot?"

"The red pot? Yes."

"Then what came out of it attached itself to a certain part of your body?"

"Yes! It attached perfectly."

".... Günter, that's a terrible ornament." 　 Goodness! Here's another victim of the pot.

"And where do you have it?"

Asked Greta who wanted to be a part of this no matter what, while I made her turn around as Conrad and I looked at the big lump under Günter's clothes.

"Greta, you can't look at it."

"Why?"

This was because his jimenso was on his back side, in other words, on his butt.

".... Uwah .... that's a suggestive place.... I'm sorry I'm talking about such things here."

"Doesn't it get in the way when you're sitting on the toilet?"

Conrad answered calmly the vulgar question.

"I think that wouldn't be a problem since it's above the (butt)hole"

"Ah, I see."

"Really? And what does it look like? Greta wants to see too!"

"You can't."

The jimenso that had attached itself to Günter was growing larger than the blue one I had. I wondered if it was because it had been growing for more than 10 days that it looked a lot worse than mine.

Besides its mouth was smiling, but if you tried to touch it it would shamelessly make an angry face as if ready to attack, like that of a stray cat.

"Scary... You've had this for ten days? It would have been better if you got rid of it quickly as I did."

His "New Günter" mode was shaken by those words.

".... Get rid of it, you said? "

"Yeah. I got rid of it really fast. Although maybe it was due to Pot-sama that you've turned into such an amazing person... But it's expected that the jimenso will try to resist leaving your body."

"You mean you want to... to eliminate it !?"

Günter looked back at us, with his underwear halfway down. His purple eyes, wet.

"Ah! You're crying! Could it be that you've grown attached to it!? Listen Günter, this is not a cat or a rabbit. It's a jimenso. It's just a lump that looks like a face, so you can't love it like a pet, like I love my dogs, or as if it was a cat or something. You're also not allowed to speak to it softly before you go to sleep!"

"I, I haven't done that but... but it's just that...."

Instead of being moved to tears to the point he became juicy, only a few tears ran down his face.

"It's just that if I couldn't wear one that "matches" his majesty's, I'd be sad...."

"Listen, you say that you have the jimenso in your body to match the one I had, but look, it's not a tattoo, okay? "

In the corner of my eye I saw that Conrad slowly picked Greta up and took her out of the room. Well, I can't really say that this type of stories is good for the health and well being of children.

"But other than this, I don't have anything that "matches" something of his majesty."

"You don't need to focus on such details."

He didn't say anything, and only mumbled under his breath. Shocked by the turn of events, feeling a little bothered by this, I took a big, long breath. And then lifted my shoulders in an exaggerated shrug.

"Listen, Günter. While we're in the middle of a game, we all wear the same uniform. But when the game is over and we don't have the uniform on anymore, no one believes that they're not a part of the team. Even if our t-shirts and jeans are completely different, if we're TEAMMATES, our hearts are always connected. Even if we're not wearing the same clothes, our friends are always our friends."

"Is that so?"

"That's what I believe. Why? Do you believe something different?"

Günter tilted his head slightly and held his front hair in his white fingers as he replied. In a voice sounding completely different from mine, as if he was about to disappear, he said:

"If his majesty says so, I believe that too."

"Right? Everyone believes that. Günter, everyone does."

While extending both of my arms that were on my waist, I slid them over his low shoulders. Usually, due to the difference in our heights I wouldn't be able to do that, but today only by standing a bit on the tip of my toes I was able to. Günter had his back arched and looked smaller.

Good grief, this guy. Despite being old enough to be an overprotective grandpa, sometimes he behaves like a kid.

"Say, let's ask for Anissina-san's help to get rid of it quickly. If you don't hurry up, that guy there will put on a really ugly face. Anissina will use "Full-Unstick Alchemist-kun" or " Unstick Kiyohara-kun" to get rid of it, since she said that she needed twenty days to find a cure for it, maybe she already has one, even if it's 4 or 5 days early.

"But.... what about his majesty."

"What about me?"

"His majesty will hate me again."

Günter said this like a pure-hearted maiden.... even though half his ass was showing.

"Once we get rid of the jimenso, I will once again return to be the old Günter who's always covered in juices. Even though I was using the power of an external body that absorbed my excess juices, your majesty liked the composed, calm, and more manly 'New Günter' , right? "

"Don't be foolish, Günter."

Really, this guy!

"I don't think that you look any different. You're just showing how amazing you'd be if you were a bit more serious, right?"

"Your majesty! I'm always serious!"

"I know that. Even if you have too many juices and you prefer to child-rear with frequent physical contact, you're always serious. Even if I run away and hate it, even if it bothers me, you're always serious. And although I say serious, you might as well read it as MASO.

If you love me so much, I could obviously never hate you.

"Pot-sama is absorbing his juices."

Anissina-san said this in an assertive tone, leaving us with our mouths opened as we turned around to see her.

"That thing is weak against dryness. Fortunately for it, it could absorb all the Gün-juices that Günter releases from all over his body, so that must be the reason why it grew so big. That's why Günter is not juicy anymore and we could see his real self. One could say that this is one of the side effects of dehydration."

I couldn't stop being dumbfounded.

“But if it's so badly attached to him, even with my poison, it won't be easy to get rid of it. You will certainly feel a lot of pain and regret, but that doesn't matter right? It doesn't matter."

The patient is on his four legs on the desk that is being used as a hospital bed, with his whole butt showing. Even in a situation like this, Anissina doesn't blush at all. Actually, I'm more worried about Günter. He might develop a trauma after having to hold this position in front of a woman. 'Listen, Yuu-chan, when you need to treat hemorrhoids you should call a doctor of your same gender' , that's what my father used to say to me every time he got drunk.

Yet, what Anissina had created wasn't a cure, it was a poison. And on top of that, what did she mean by 'regret'....?

"Wa-wait a second, Anissina-san. Back then you told me that in 20 days you could cure my jimenso, right? Which means that if I would have waited for Anissina-san's cure to be completed, the jimenso would had attached to me harder ?"

"Don't underestimate me. Even if in the dictionary of this Poison Lady, the section 'failure' exists, the word 'lie' doesn't. My new poison "Juice Take-take" can get rid of anything, from a little wart in the tip of your fingers, to big ones that doctors wouldn't even be able to treat by throwing rotten boiling water on it. You'll get a clean and refreshing recovery. In the case of the blue Pot-sama his majesty had, we would have been able to get rid of it easily after 20 days, because it wouldn't have grown so quickly."

"But, but, why does the red Pot-sama that Günter has.... why is it so difficult and painful to get rid of? Why did it grow so big?"

"What? Your majesty, don't you know?"

Anissina looked quickly at the as(s), I mean butt that was exposed, while Günter looked very pale and said the following as if I should have known the explanation already.

"The red one works three times faster."

Return to MA Series