MaruMA:Volume06:Chapter 3

Chapter 3

If I had to make excuses, I could escape if I tried.

Since the Muscle Seat Belts were men, they both had their weak point and I don't think either of them were cautious enough to be wearing a cup. I would just have to crush their groins with one solid punch and use that opportunity to free my arms. Then, after doing some calculations with the carriage moving at roughly 50/kmh, I would jump! Eight rolls forwards, stick the landing, and collect an uncontested 10.0 from the judges!

It sounds painful. The thought alone was painful.

If I endured damage equal to being thrown fifty times in judo, I might be able to get away by myself. Not taking into account whether I survived. However, my real problem was Murata Ken.

How could I rescue him from the four-horse carriage running behind us?

Actually, if I rolled out onto the street, the next carriage would just roll over me, huh. No, I'd get kicked around by the horses before that and get tagged out. Not only was I not getting in the way of other people's love lives, I wasn't even getting in the way of my own.

How about coming up with a plausible reason why the carriage should stop and then kicking down the door and making a mad dash? The first two carriages were irrelevant, but Carriage Shibuya and Carriage Murata would have to stop. In order for both of us to stop for a potty break at the same time, we have to join our minds! I try some cheap telepathy to reach my friend who's in a distant place.

'You need to pee, Muraken~. We need to pee together, Muraken~.'

The Muscles next to me started to fidget restlessly in their seats. Damn it, not you!

All of a sudden, Flynn shut the curtains.

As we left the harvested fields behind, an endless meadow landscape widened before us. That being said, the vegetation had only barely covered the ground. It's because winter was on its way.

"Drive faster," she commanded in a tense voice and crossed her arms in front of her breasts. Small worry wrinkles appeared on her forehead and she seemed to be brooding intensely on something.

The oldest brother of the three mazoku brothers who actually did resemble each other, Gwendal, also made that kind of face all the time. While I felt bad about it, I'd forced most the state matters off on him so he probably had a lot of things to worry about.

Flynn Gilbit had undoubtedly been desperately protecting her country after taking her husband's place. How worn out the folded mask on her lap was spoke volumes.

One of the Muscles suddenly pricked his ears. The thundering of the horses' hooves had changed their rhythm. Something disturbed the harmony.

"Horses!"

Everyone abruptly went pale.

"It's the Plainsmen! Faster, drive faster!" Flynn cried.

"I can't go any faster than this!"

Her subordinate was now standing like a frantic jockey, but since he was sitting in the coachman's seat it was a meaningless action. He looked like he was about to bite his tongue off.

"You've got to lose them somehow! If they find out we're heading east..."

"What... happens... if they find out?"

The whole carriage rocked like crazy and we were thoroughly shaken up on the seats.

"Caloria and the Plainsmen officially belong to Shou Shimaron. Even though we're autonomous, if we pay a visit to Dai Shimaron on our own initiative, our suzerain wouldn't be able to ignore us."

When Flynn sas the name of this group that sounded like it belonged to a violent gang, Flynn scrunches up her forehead in disgust. She seems to place these Plainsmen in the same category as Maxine.

We'd recently had to beat up a little on Nigel Weisz Maxine, aka Cropped Ponytail.

Adalbert said 'he will never die,' but I can't forget the cry he let out as he fell. Was he really alright after that?

"They're going to catch up to us," Flynn noted as she lifted the yellow curtain a little bit and looked behind us.

I also wrenched my body around, along with the Seat Belts, and peeked out the window. They had already passed our rear guard and four or five of the riders were lined up next to Murata's carriage. In spite of our four horsepower, we were in carriages and they were riding single horses. Obviously the parties carrying the lighter load will be faster.

It was only a matter of time until we were surrounded.

"What kind of guys are these Plainsmen, anyway? Do they charge people protection fees, chop off fingers, and commit harakiri?"

"They're Shou Shimaron's puppets. They are fools who have near forgotten their pride and ideals and are simply bowing to those in power. If they find out where we're headed, they'll be only too happy to hand us over to Shou Shimaron. All just for praise from the mouth of the great Lord Saralegui, the ruler in the centerfold!" Flynn snarled.

Saralegui or allergy or chopped liver, Crop Pony had mentioned that name too. That guy was supposed to be the king of the smaller Shimaron, right? Flynn had hatefully called him 'the ruler in the centerfold' so does that mean that's his middle name or his title?

Carriage Shibuya suddenly decelerated. Flynn let out a hysterical cry. She could no longer be referred to as her husband's substitute or Mask de Madame.

"Why are we stopping?! Keep driving! We've got to lose them!"

"But Lady Gilbit, there are sheep in front of us."

We all said, "sheep?" and gazed at our front from the small window.

Sheep, sheep, sheep, as far as the eye could see.

A herd with an endless amount of sheep had completely blocked this express highway for carriages.

"Go through them!"

"That's impossible," the Muscles and I both answer.

As the wheels creaked and groaned, Flynn Gilbit finally lost her composure completely. She was putting cushions from her side over on my side and repeating some other and pointless motions. I know this state of mind very well. It's kind of like being called up to bat during the 9th inning in a losing game. If I can't hit the ball, it'll be my fault that we lost and I'm not prepared for that.

"What do we do? How do we get out of this... Damn it! If it weren't for those troublesome customs..."

At the edge of slipping into a panic, words unfitting a lady fly out of Flynn's mouth. In the meantime, the carriage went slower and slower until it came to an emergency stop in the middle of the herd of sheep.

The wandering livestock had us surrounded. Countless wool labels buzzed around in my head: hand wash only!

Cutting through the waves of off-white sheep, two members of the Plainsmen approached.

"They can't find out that I'm alone," Flynn said.

"What do you mean, alone? We've pretty much got a whole tour group," I said.

"Oh, yes, you're right about that. It's very comforting not to be alo- no, that makes it worse! In Shou Shimaron, women are not allowed to wander about alone, but it's even worse when a woman is with a man who isn't her husband!"

Because it's adultery.

"Flynn, calm down! This might be one of those times that your name defines your actions, but calm down anyway. Try counting some sheep."

One, two, three, snore.

"Whoah, that was close! I almost fell asleep. Am I Nobita or something!?"

But my ridiculous attempt to get her to relax seemed to be working and Flynn regained a little of her composure. She laid her hand on her chest to settle her breathing.

"... Many thanks, Captain Crusoe. I'm feeling a little better. We have to get through this somehow. My work isn't over until I take you and Mr. Robinson to the Dai Shimaron motherland."

The only question left was, as a prisoner, what should I do in this situation?

I wonder if it would be worse if we got seized by the Plainsmen after using this opportunity to try and escape. Would those gangsters treat us like guests or as the firearms' ammunition of an enemy force and sink us to the bottom of Tokyo Bay?

"I'll speak to the men," Flynn said.

"Come back safely, Big Sister!" I called to her.

For now, I'd just see what happened. Flynn stepped slowly out of the carriage and walked towards our pursuers. Peeking out through the curtain, I saw that the two in front were well-built. They had beards that were shaved quite similarly to Maxine's and were wearing light blue riding uniforms. Their hair was the same color as their beloved horses and was styled as-

"Those are afros!"

They were afros like in the picture books. They were so perfect I wanted to take a picture. They were real afros, not some imitation.

Flynn Gilbit seemed to be complaining about something to the men. She raised her voice emotionally.

"Father!"

Father?

"... They're father and daughter!? Flynn and the Afro?"

"Yes," Muscle #1 answered without looking at me.

So that means Murata Ken and I have been dragged into a large-scale family fight complete with cattle?

"Like I said, I'm not going alone to Dai Shimaron. Didn't I say that Sir Norman is with me!? My husband's health has not been improving lately so we want to go to the motherland to consult a skilled doctor-"

"If it's a doctor, we have them in the Plainsmen and also in the domain of His Majesty Saralegui, afro."

For a moment I thought that it couldn't be true. His sentence endings being 'afro' is just too damn much.

"And besides that, my son in law has neglected to pay a visit to the motherland for three years, using his health as the excuse, ya know."

Oh thank god, that sentence ending was just me mishearing things. I put a hand to my chest in relief.

"It can't be helped that I have doubts about whether Sir Norman is alive, ya know."

It seems that Lord Saralegui or something's pet dog (Flynn's words), Maxine, hadn't made the truth about the Norman Gilbit Plan public yet. It's said that to fool the enemy you must first deceive your allies, but what do you call it when a father in law doesn't know about his son in law's troubles? And even if he did offer to share a drink with his son in law, the son in law is his daughter and his daughter is his son in law. It's like a comedy skit where the two of them absolutely couldn't appear together.

According to Crop Pony, Flynn Gilbit wasn't just taking her husband's place, but she was also using the Wincott poison as a trump card to make agreements with countries other than Caloria's suzerain state. The soon-to-be-mazoku ruling Caloria a long time ago, the Wincott family, were the only ones who could freely manipulate the victims of the poison.

And I'm being made out to be one of their descendants. Captain Crusoe. A weak guy like me who isn't even a real veteran wouldn't be fit to be the leader of a band of ruffians... is what I'd like to say, but it wouldn't make any difference.

"Then Father, you doubt Sir Norman!?" I heard her passionate objection as I was lamenting my own situation. "Are you saying that Sir Norman has no talent for governing and is not suited to rule over the citizens!?"

"That's not so. I'm not doubting Sir Norman himself. I'm just saying that there are a lot of weaklings amongst the young people sent from Caloria and we might not be able to build them into proper soldiers. However, the stature of the citizens is determined by their leader. Like I've said so many times before, if Sir Norman isn't capable of controlling the daily lives of those below him because of his illness, you can count on us, your relatives, at any time, ya know."

"I appreciate your opinion, but Caloria will handle things in its own way. Despite the illnesses and accidents, Sir Norman's has more than enough power to rule over the country-... Shimaron's autonomous region. Your concern is completely unnecessary!"

"And so why is it that we can never meet my son in law, ya know?!"

"That's..."

The confident look in her eyes wavered and Flynn fell silent.

She knew the answer to that question better than anyone.

Norman Gilbit no longer existed in this world.

She could fool Murata and me by pretending to be him because we had never met the real person. If she used her faithful butler and maids properly, she would be able to carry out the duties of the king... no, he's treated as a feudal lord now... so the duties of a lord.

But if it's her father she'd have to pull off a huge act. I wonder what's taking my son-in-law so long? Maybe he's in the bathroom? I'll go and get him, ahahaha. (clothes change) Oh, son in law, I've been waiting on you. Hey, where's my daughter? Haha, your daughter forgot something in her room so maybe I'll go check on her. (clothes change) Huff-wheeze, Father, I-no, my husband isn't feeling well so he's resting... She wouldn't be able to pull off that kind of clothes switching comedy sketch. Maybe if she painted half her body as her husband and half as his wife.

Just thinking about it is making me laugh.

"Flynn, you are both Calorian and a daughter of the Plainsmen, ya know. Take a second to remember the reason you married into the Gilbit family. If our power is needed-"

"I won't hand it over!" His daughter lifted her head once more. "I have heard your and older brother's thoughts. I understand... the meaning of it all. I can not hand you Caloria. Even if in the future, Sir Norman's health leaves something to be desired, I won't turn to you for help!"

Shocked, I pulled myself back from the window and moved to sit back down in my original spot. Muscle #2 tugged me kindly by the elbow, so I didn't end up sitting in his lap.

In my brain that wasn't useful for very many things, I was searching through the titles of period dramas for something that was similar to this setup. What was it? Who was it? That guy who was called the viper. Saitou Dousan? I don't really understand the situation completely, but the battle between Dousan and his daughter continues.

Flynn Gilbit's father, the afro who seemed to be the leader of the Plainsmen, had forced her into a marriage with the Gilbits in order to get his hands on the autonomous territory of Shou Shimaron, Caloria. And now, Norman was on the verge of losing his power as a ruler. It was because his body was weakened by unlucky illnesses and accidents. The time was ripe. Now is the time for us Plainsmen to take over Caloria... If he was thinking of doing that, he would discover that he had made a huge mistake.

His daughter was no longer the adorable child from the past.

In the world of Mito Koumon, this would fall under the 'You betrayed me! Hahaha, you're wrong. I just switched sides!' category.

Something flashed in my field of view.

Where Flynn had been sitting across from me, there were cushions for ladies lined up. Wedged in between them, the silver mask glinted in the winter sunlight.

"Could you loosen the seat belt for a minute, Muscles?"

My fingers reached for the mask, almost as if it had called out to them.

Wait, wait, wait! The smart thing to do would be to see what happens. Think about it. That woman imprisoned Murata and me and is trying to drag us to Shimaron which is the enemy of the mazoku! On top of that, the Dai Shimaron soldiers possessed the same fire weapons used by the men who ambushed us.

Again I heard Conrad's voice in my ears and my breath got stuck in my throat.

Flynn was in league with them. No matter how cowardly Afro's plot was, why did I need to take the side of a woman like that? This was all about countries and territory so family members were often used as tools in such situations. The afro wasn't the only one to ever use such dirty tactics. It's pointless to get worked up here and lose my temper. Calm down, calm...

"Damn it! Have I ever been calm?!"

I grabbed the silver mask in irritation. When I pulled it over my head, the material felt warm. Perhaps the sunlight falling through the window had warmed it. Or was this the warmth of the heart of a human taking on the role of Norman Gilbit?

This is the face that Flynn had acted out for three years.

Tell me one thing, Flynn.

Why did you change sides?

"I've hear what said!"

When I gather my courage and kick open the door of the carriage, Flynn and Afro spun around in surprise. Under the mask, I grinned. It was supposed to look bold, but it ended up looking like I was unreliable and crying. Whatever, no one could see it anyway.

"It seems you doubt my managerial ability, but I, Norman Gilbit, am completely fine as you can se- uwah!"

I took a lively step forwards, but I had forgotten about the carriage step. My left foot flew through the air and I fell to the ground. I landed on my face right in the middle of the sea of slightly dirty, white sheep wool.

"Nmo!? Nmo? Nmo!? Nmo!!"

The sheep are in a huge panic.

"I-I'm sorry you had to see that."

When I stand up while rubbing the smooth back of my head, I was hip-deep in sheep. The sheep of this country were much bigger than those back on Earth.

"Cap- my dear!"

With a surprised and baffled look on her face, Flynn was making some gestures. She held her throat with her thin fingers and opened and shut her mouth vigorously. It seems she was worried that I had tied the leather straps on the mask too tight and was having trouble breathing because I wasn't used to this mask.

"Leave it to me. I might not look like it, but I'm a catcher. A mask is like part of my body."

It looked like the Ultraman mask from the American version, but when I put it on my field of vision was wider than I had expected. There was also ample space for my nose and mouth so it wasn't very stifling.

Afro hastened down from his horse and stepped in front of his daughter.

"Sir Norman... I ended up saying some impolite things since I haven't been able to meet with you in such a long time. If trivial rumors have reached your ears, they must surely have troubled you, ya- I presume. I would wish that you treat it as only a small joke between my daughter and forgive me."

"Oh no, who could blame you? After all, it's been three years since we last saw each other. Although, that's because my wife doesn't much care to visit her parents’ house."

Since they had suddenly become respectful, did this mean that the feudal lord of Caloria was ranked above the Plainsmen? That being said, I didn't know Norman Gilbit's personality so I have no idea how to speak to them. A chummy tone was surely uncalled for, so I decided to go for snooty. What personal pronouns did important people use to refer to themselves? I feel like 'boku' and 'ore' don't sound dependable. But, 'yo' and 'warawa' don't feel right either.

"But just because the citizens aren't fit to be soldiers doesn't mean that I(ore)... hmm, I(maro)? Yeah, it doesn't mean that I(maro) lack leadership ability. How incredibly insulting!"

Flynn, standing behind her father, shook her head in exasperation. Apparently I wasn't playing my role up to her expectations.

"Despite appearances, I(wagahai)... that's right, I(wagahai) might be good! Even while still in recovery, I(wagahai) will rule over Caloria with full effort and devote my life to the country and citizens! Muhahaha!"

Also, I am not a cat.

My beautiful, platinum-blond wife pointed her finger at my throat and sighed. You don't see beautiful women going 'boohoo' very often in life. However, judging from her unsatisfied look, my performance wasn't quite at the level of deceiving the father in law. Ah, that's right. It might not just be what I'm saying so much as my actual voice.

Imagine it, Shibuya Yuuri, just like the genius actress from that shoujo manga my mother keeps passionately waiting for new volumes of!

Having to life the life of a Maskman after a terrible sickness in childhood. Getting a beautiful wife when you grow up, but that wife is a daughter of the group who is after your country. Your country is taken over by the neighboring one and now it seems like war is going to start again. Three years ago you had an awful accident where you even lost your ability to speak-

Huh?

"But, Sir Norman, when did you regain the ability to speak, ya know?"

Huuuuh?!

Shit. Until this very moment, I had forgotten that part of Norman's personal data where it said he had lost his voice. You see, this is the annoying stuff that happens when you pretend that a dead person is still alive.

"My vo~ice i~s, uhhh."

The man in front of me finally grows suspicious.

"You not an impostor, are you? Are you really my son-in-law, Sir Norman? Do you swear your love to my daughter?"

"Of course, I swear to Gad that I love Miss Flynn!"

I love elephants more, though.

My declaration was supposed to be 'Afro, moved to tears!' but the Plainsmen's expression remained hard. I had only deepened his suspicion with my confession that held no true emotion.

Oh, but thankfully Wolfram isn't here. If he'd heard what I said right now there would be no excuse good enough to get out of that situation.

It suddenly became damp under the mask and unsettling sweat began to run down my neck. This urge to to give him one powerful blow and then run away was probably due to the persona of Maskman. Where is my prey?

It happened when I was searching around for a weapon outside the ring like a pipe or a chair.

"The miraculous person who brought the voice back to Mr. Norman Gilbit was me!"

From the last carriage that hadn't been caught up in this mess, the image-changed Murata Ken appeared.

With his obviously fake blonde hair and his half-assed dyed eyebrows and his overly blue contacts. Theatrically spreading his arms wide, he hopped lightfootedly down the steps. He's singing his own background music.

It was 'El Bimbo.'

"Chararararara~~n! Charara-uwah! Ouch!"

He tripped on the step just like I did. He begged the sheep for forgiveness and then crawled along the ground, looking for something.

"My glasses, my glasses..."

"Hey, Muraken. You you weren't wearing them."

"To think he was such an airhead. I wonder if I overestimated him," Flynn said with resignation. Murata might have been flaunting his pheromones about for her to have had the expectations she did.

"Sir Norman, who is that?" Of course Afro would ask. Anyone would find Muraken suspicious, flanked by his two Amazoness Seat Belts.

"He-he's my(wagahai) new associate, Mr. Robinson."

"I'm Robin~! Nice to meet you!"

Murata bows as if he wanted to hand out his business card.

Murata... how exactly old are you?

"Of course it would keep you awake at night thinking about your son-in-law that you sent your beloved daughter to marry. All the more when three years have passed with no contact. Thinking 'Sakura, An-chan is sad' is part of life. And one day your son-in-law appears before you and his attitude has complete changed. What a shock! What's that? His lost voice is back to normal? Please don't worry. I, Tokyo Magic Robinson, the miracle healer, have healed his voice and made it even more gorgeous than before with the agaricus, propolis, and the extract of the Chinese soft frog! Hey, Red snake, come on!"

"Yes, boss!"

Murata, seriously, how old are you?! No, more importantly, just when did you make the Amazoness Seat Belt into your assistants? Impressive, Tokyo Magic Robinson! What secret technique did you use? Or was it a man's weapon!?

One of the beauties, who even had a muscle-bound chest, handed Murata a small bottle. Strangely it sounded like she spoke in Tochigi dialect.

"Here, this is it. This miracle cure heals the common cold and even encourages hair growth. It even makes a great diversion if you're trapped in a back alley. Like this."

When Robinson smashed the container on the ground, there was a powerful explosion and thick yellow clouds rose to the sky.

Yellow smoke, come on!

"Don't stand there! Run away, Captain Crusoe!" Murata urged.

"Eh? What? Where are you, Murata?!"

"Nmo!"

The timid sheep herd stormed off as one with thundering hooves. A countless number of sheep amongst the yellow waves of 100% wool are ramming into me.

The Plainsmen are coughing strenuously. Five or six of Flynn's rearguard are making their way towards us through the smoke. Muscle #1 and #2 were blocking the horses with their chests.

"Milady, you must flee!"

They were loyal muscles.

"Hurry, hold onto the coat of one of the sheep!" yelled Flynn.

"Huh?! The sheep!?"

"What? How'd you become a soldier if you can't even ride a sheep!?"

Apparently they're ride-able in this world.

In the distance, I heard someone call out.

"Wait you sheep thieves!"

I'm very sorry. We didn't wait.

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