On a Godless Planet:Volume3A Chapter 10
Chapter 10: Death Bringer[edit]
–Power? What’s that?
●
I had a thought as I watched Kido-san screech to a halt on the stone-paved floor.
…Her I can trust!
I wasn’t sure what exactly I could trust about her, but I just got that feeling. However…
“I guess it’s murder o’clock.”
“Will the club building survive?”
“I doubt it. The damage is going to reach the next prefecture over.”
“Wait, I feel like our trust of her is headed in an odd direction.”
But then Kido-san noticed us.
She loudly stomped over in front of me and held out her plastic bag from the cafeteria.
“Can you hold this for me? I need both my hands free for something.”
“Um, okay! Go right ahead!”
Then someone noticed my voice: Poseidon standing next to Raidou-san. He casually turned our way, but a few seconds later…
“Gehhhhh! It’s the Echidnaaaaaa!!”
●
“Ehhhh!?What’s the Echidna doing here!? Tooru-chan! Or Shifu-chan! One of you explain!”
“It’s a long story. I guess it all started on Rastan Saga 2’s release date?”
“Rastan Saga 2!? What is that!? Some newly discovered myth!?”
<If so, it would be a wonderful achievement for Taito.>
“Wouldn’t it suck if your myth had a ‘2’ on the end?”
“I think there are some labeled ‘continued’ or ‘new’.”
“Shifu-chan, explain!”
“To make a long story short, the odds of you getting slaughtered are really high.”
“Oh, come oooooon!”
●
Shifu saw Kido turned toward Poseidon.
“Oh? Poseidon? What are you doing here? What brings you here? Why have you come here? How long have you been here?”
“Um? Uh, huh, what?”
“Kido-chan, Kido-chan, maybe ease off the pressure.”
“Oh, my apologies,” said Kido-chan.
Then she titled her head toward Posei-chan.
“May I ask a question?”
“What is it?”
“Did my Izumi come here?”
●
Shifu heard a calm question from Bilgamesh.
“Is he screwed?”
“Hmm, maybe not quite yet.”
“But, but, listen listen! I have a ton of experience with these situations and I can tell she’s pissed enough to obliterate whoever she’s mad with!”
“Is that really worth insisting we listen?”
“If she blasts him with Keravnos, will we have to buy new equipment for the clubroom?”
“Can we even get another Profeel monitor like the one we’ve been using?”
“Can’t we just ask Kido-senpai to turn away from the clubroom whenever she does whatever it is?”
“Kido-senpai! It would help us budget-wise if you could turn away from the clubroom!”
Kido-chan didn’t move.
Eventually, Shifu looked to Senpai-chan. And…
“Kido-san! Sumeragi-kun has some personal items in the clubroom!”
●
Kido changed position.
●
“Did you see that, everyone!? Kido-san knows how to keep a cool head at times like this!”
“You do realize that’s more terrifying, right?”
The next thing I knew, the members of the clubs with rooms near the building entrance were frantically evacuating and removing gear from their clubrooms.
“Ah ha ha! They’re all scared! That’s what those gods get for having so little history behind them!”
Kidou-san and Bilgamesh-san grabbed Eshita-san under the arms and placed her in the entrance passageway. Tenma-san drew a chalk circle around her.
“If you leave this line, you will be breaking a metaphysical bond, ensuring misfortune for yourself.”
“Eh!? Hold on! I don’t like the sound of that prophecy!”
“Don’t worry. You’re tough.”
“Oh, yeah! My head makes a nice noise!”
“But even if you can physically survive a blast from Keravnos Melan, you aren’t heavy enough to avoid being blasted outside the chalk line, right?”
“Eh!? Wait! Physics is the enemy!? Can’t my cuteness trump that!?”
“Yeah, that’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”
“And wouldn’t increasing your weight to keep yourself there be the opposite of cute?”
“Wow! Nice negative affirmation and logic! But I’ll be fine! My cuteness is so powerful a little thing like gaining weight can’t stop me from being cute!”
“By the way, Eshtar, aren’t you only wearing your swimsuit and mountain parka?”
“…”
“Ahh! You’re right! I only have two layers on! I need another five layers to be as tough as I was with the water monster!”
Why is her ability so lazily defined? I wondered, but maybe that was just how it was with ancient gods.
Then Shifu-san tilted her head.
“So what happens to Eshita-chan if she increases her weight and tanks a Keravnos hit with only two layers?”
“A fat girl who won’t shut up will fly all the way to Yamanashi, break the metaphysical bond, and experience some undefined misfortune.”
“What if she lands in Yamanashi?”
“She would be cursed as she landed, so she would contaminate Yamanashi.”
“Poor Yamanashi.”
Then Kuwajiri-san raised a hand.
We all turned her way and she pointed toward the entrance.
“I doubt she would fly all the way to Yamanashi.”
“Eh? Really!? Would I cutely land in Okutama cause I’m so cute!?”
“No, you would crash out of the club building’s entrance and then fly straight toward the school building,” said Kuwajiri-san. “You would probably have enough momentum to break through the school building, but that would include breaking through the library. Senpai-san, are you sure it’s a good idea to hit your boss with a cursed god?”
●
“Ha ha ha. Kubiko-kun, what would you do if a cursed god flew in here from the east?”
“I would probably make sure to use the only Heavenly God here – that would be you – as a shield.”
“Oh, dear. I think I might know this cursed god, but maybe I’m only imagining it.”
“You’re a sharp one, Hatoko-kun. Anyway, tell them that, as the local supervisor, I protest in the strongest terms the possibility of being subjected to a cursed god bombing.”
●
The message from my boss gave us the answer.
“Kido-san! Kido-san! When you use Keravnos Melan, do it diagonally so it won’t hit the school building! I’m only asking for a small shift! A few millimeters will do!”
“What are you even talking about!?”
●
There was a slight pause there and someone ran over toward Shifu and the others.
It was Yomoji-chan.
He wiggled some as he ran and spread his arms wide.
“What is it, Shinsei?”
“Um, yessss. I traaaansported the contents of our clubroom to Eeeeden, so it doesn’t maaaatter if the clubroom gets destroyed.”
In other words…
“You can starrrrt blasting at any tiiiime.”
●
Gods and spirits began evacuating from all the clubrooms in the building. They sure have a lot of energy, thought Shifu, but Kido-chan tilted her head.
“What’s with all of them?”
“Since you are free to act, the situation is a lot more uncertain than we thought.”
“Incredible how accurate that explanation is.”
“Um, hey! Hey, excuse me!”
Then Seito-chan approached. She looked extremely unhappy about having to speak up here.
“U-um, c-can I say something? Please?”
“Yes, of course. Seito-san, was it? Is something worrying you?”
Senpai-chan’s question made Shifu take a look around.
In front, Kido-chan had closed in on Posei-chan and grabbed his collar and most of the gods in the club building were fleeing to the roof or clinging to the walls.
“What about this wouldn’t be worrying her?”
“W-well, you know, a forest is the best place to hide a tree, as they say!”
“So like how a wild man can hide out in a forest of Lebanese cedars?”
“I don’t think that means quite the same thing.”
En-chan looked to Kuwajiri-chan. Eventually, En-chan wordlessly rubbed her head.
“You do great work, knowledge god.”
“It is my job to try and get some knowledge through to one of the strongest war gods in any mythology.”
Yeah, pretty much. Anyway, Seito-chan spoke but with her voice kept low.
“None of this registers as worrying to you? So the rumors about Shinto and their clique are true.”
“Now, hold on. Who exactly is considered a part of ‘their clique’?”
“Well, you know…” said Seito-chan, clearly not willing to answer. Does that include me? wondered Shifu, but she decided not to worry about it. Meanwhile, Senpai-chan was speaking with a smile.
“Don’t worry. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
●
“But she’s the biggest thing to be afraid of!”
“Especially when she smiles like that.”
“So is this a version of ‘Tell me, I promise I won’t get mad’?”
“No, no, no, no! I’m serious! I mean it!”
<If we don’t move this conversation along, won’t Yamanashi be in danger?>
“No, me! I’ll be in danger!!”
●
I decided to ignore Eshita-san and move the conversation along.
“Um, Seito-san? Is something wrong?”
“Well, uh, I was actually involved in how Sumeragi – that is, the human – rolled back.”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“Oh! But it wasn’t me! In my defense, I assure you I wasn’t directly involved!”
“Someone sounds really defensive.”
“Of course she is! Because if you don’t defend yourself here, you’ll be sent to Yamanashi and have your lifespan zapped!”
Eshita-san needed to shut up. But Seito-san’s expression blanked as she realized something.
“Am I going to be erased?”
“No, I don’t think anyone would jump right to such drastic measures.”
“Eh!?But I was nearly erased when I accidentally killed the human!”
“…”
“That memory really pissed me off. Kido-san, do it in Eshita-san’s direction if you don’t mind.”
“Th-that kind of pissed me off too, so I don’t mind at all!”
“Eh!? Wait!? What’s happening!? Whose fault is this!?”
“You have to ask?”
“I am so sorry…”
Then Seito-san raised a hand. And then…
“I will explain.”
●
Seito explained. It took nerves of steel when she was speaking to gods ranked so much higher than her. Well, the Shinto terraforming leader’s rank was actually really low, but Seito didn’t dare say so lest she get erased.
Anyway, she had to explain what had happened.
“First, Poseidon over there arrived.”
“That’s right.”
She had confirmation from him. And from there…
‘”Olympus gods arrive in Tokyo and Tachikawa fairly often. This school is currently opened as a shelter, but the club building is designated off limits. So I moved to stop him.”
“Is that what happened?”
Damn him, thought Seito, but Shifu’s comment of “yeah, that tracks” suggested Poseidon was just like this. But…
“The guards would be meaningless if we avoided a confrontation just because the god is higher rank. So I charged toward Poseidon.”
“You’ve got guts.”
Wow, a compliment from the strongest Norse god, she thought as a compliment to herself. That likely meant she was free to continue her explanation, so she kept going. She knew it didn’t make her look good, but…
“And, um, he dodged my attack.”
“It looked pretty dangerous.”
“And after he dodged, my partner Beisu was right there.”
“How’d that happen?”
“I think he tried to charge in from behind while Poseidon was focused on me.”
“And you hit him in a counterattack?”
“More or less.”
They had heard the rest of what happened, so Shifu spoke to Kido.
“Anyway, Beisu-chan went flying and crashed into Sumeragi-chan just as he was arriving.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you familiar with pinball?”
●
“Oh, I know! That’s when you have a pin and two balls! Hee hee. So many men think they have a bat when it’s really just a pin.”
“Must you shout these things in my library!?”
“Good news, Hatoko-kun. It sounds like you’re allowed as long as you keep your voice down.”
“Oh, so a pin-sized voice!? Pin-sized!”
“Please stop!!”
●
Shifu had an idea after seeing Kido tilt her head.
“Hm, we have Family Pinball in the clubroom, so we can play that later.”
“Is pinball even the best analogy? With balls bouncing off of each other, wouldn’t it be more like billiards?”
“Oh, then we’ll have to play Side Pocket. We’ll explain later.”
“I appreciate that, but what exactly happened here?”
“Terraforming lead, you explain for her.”
“Um, it was…you know!”
Not a promising start, thought Shifu. But…
“It was like pushing tokoroten out too hard!”
“Oh, now I get it!”
Kido understood immediately.
●
“Did anyone else get that?”
“Isn’t tokoroten that noodle-like stuff they sell in plastic cups at the supermarket? I expected them to be sweet, so I was surprised to find they’re vinegary.”
“Yes, they make for a good appetizer, so I have been eating them like a kind of magical vegetable. They go really well with cheese. But why would you be pushing them out?”
“I guess people wouldn’t know about that nowadays.”
“S-sorry for doing things the old way! But Kido-san does things that way too!!”
“Don’t try to drag me down with you. But I do make my own since I don’t like the kind that’s soaked in vinegar water.”
“…”
“Pushing it out through the cutter counts as making your own, right!?”
“…”
“W-well, I don’t make mine from scratch, so let’s just go with that.”
“Does opening the package and dumping it in a bowl count as making your own?”
“You might as well call heating up a retort package ‘cooking’.”
“By the way, when written with kanji, the ‘ten’ of tokoroten uses the kanji for thick, but the rod used to push it through the cutter is called the tentsuki with the ‘ten’ using the kanji for heaven. So it isn’t actually known if the name tokoroten started with the kanji spelling or with the pronunciation.”
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<To take us even further off topic, tokoroten has a long history. This differs between regions, but it is made by boiling seaweed and letting it sit, so it is known to have been made since ancient times in different parts of the world and different parts of Japan. Using Japanese records, we know it was presented as an offering under the name Kokoroten or Kokorobuto in the year 701 of the Nara period.>
“Huh? So it could be even older than me?”
<It could. Some believe it arrived with Buddhism, but there is no real evidence of this and the we do know one recipe arrived from China during the Heian period. An envoy to Tang China brought it back under the Chinese name of qiongzhi. Now, qiongzhi meant “a beautiful solidified object” in reference to the state of the finished product. Tokoroten, meanwhile, either comes from ‘tengusa’, the old Japanese name for the base ingredient, or from an outdated term for jelly, so the Chinese and Japanese names have nothing to do with each other.>
“And while the original Chinese name is properly pronounced as qiongzhi, the kanji form based on it is still read as tokoroten in Japanese.”
“Why does Japan insist on having so many words with zero connection between how they’re written and how they’re pronounced?”
<Anyway, since Japan called it tokoroten before and after that, it seems to me Japan had developed it independently of the rest of the world before the Chinese qiongzhi arrived.>
“The fascinating part is how, by the time of Heian-kyo, the food stalls in the markets showed a tendency to treat tokoroten and tengusa as separate things, suggesting it was already being sold in the processed form. At the time, I enjoyed it with what you would now call karashi mustard and vinegar.”
“That’s so old-fashioned…”
●
Tokoroten.
Kido understood Izumi had been knocked away like that food being pushed out.
But then she realized something.
She looked toward the entrance where Izumi had gone, but…
“Wait!? What!? I don’t have any protection against bond-breaking, so I can’t move from here! And what could you possibly be thinking when you see me other than how cute I am!?”
“I can think of three or four options, but I will keep them to myself.”
“Ha ha! If you don’t say them, they aren’t real! Which means I’m still cute!”
“I am truly sorry.”
How is apologizing supposed to help? But Kido did have a question.
“If Izumi flew in that direction, wouldn’t he have arrived at the school building?”
●
Shifu-san started by raising her right forearm.
Once she had everyone’s attention, she dashed outside the club building. It was raining, but that didn’t matter right now. She had to make an announcement.
“The nearby spirits and local gods could be in danger, so you need to evacuate! But don’t rush so much you mess up the phase.”
Shifu-san returned and raised her hand again. The rain and the blowing wind seemed to a bit “lifeless” now, but…
“Okay, the spirits and local gods have taken shelter, so you can act on your anger now, Kido-chan.”
“Why is everyone so afraid of me?”
Now that we knew everyone would be safe, we could continue the explanation. I started by answering Kido-san’s question.
“While Sumeragi-kun was flying away, a local god carrying supplies in a truck hit him with a no-trap kick.”
“With a kick?”
Don’t focus on that part.
“Yes, a no-trap kick.”
It isn’t often Kuwajiri-san helps me out like that. I would have preferred if she didn’t give me a thumbs up when she did it, though.
Anyway, I was approaching the end of the explanation.
“So after flying toward the school building, Sumeragi-kun was hit by the truck coming from the right – oh, that would be north – and that knocked him to the left.”
“And he fell in the giant pond that used to be the schoolyard?”
“He belly flopped really hard into it, which is why he rolled back.”
●
In Tenma’s opinion, this wasn’t anyone’s fault.
So she belatedly understood what Thunder God-senpai had said.
“It really was pinball.”
“It started as billiards, but it transformed into pinball.”
“What do you call those contraptions again?”
“A Rube Goldberg machine. Rube Goldberg worked as a cartoonist in America starting in the 1920s and he drew single-panel comics of overly complicated methods of achieving a trivial result. He meant them as a satire of the advancing machine culture and a lot of them weren’t actually possible, but the focus eventually shifted to amusement with the devices themselves and some were actually built.”
“That’s surprisingly old but also surprisingly new?”
<I would add that the British illustrator Heath Robinson drew similarly ridiculous machines starting around 1910 and a dictionary in 1912 referred to methods of that sort as Heath Robinson contraptions. The Danish illustrator Robert Storm Petersen was active at the same time drawing overly complicated machines, which became known as Storm P machines.>
“There were that many people already doing it? Why was that?”
<It was the style at the time. There were plenty of other artists making satirical cartoons and art. Those three are simply the prime examples.>
“Sounds like a wild era…”
<It was. In the mid-19th century, the Western countries were mechanizing and the race for patents was on the rise, but that led to a lot of absurd machines being patented that newspapers reported on as if they were serious. Some were shown off at shows or even used. These artists’ views of those mechanisms was a form of humorous entertainment as well as a nihilistic view toward the culture that had sprung up during World War One. Anyway, the term “Rube Goldberg machine” entered the dictionary in 1968, but they were defined as “wonderfully complex but unexpected” or “extremely complex and unrealistic”.>
I see, thought Tenma. So complex systems are a historical form of art.
“And the latest extremely complex piece of art was just unveiled here.”
●
So how about it? wondered Tenma.
“It seems to me that none of the individual actions were the direct cause of the final result.”
Which meant everyone was innocent. The final rollback was from the belly flop, so you could say it was his fault. So…
“All of them were involved, but none of it was intentional.”
That was the truth. Guard Girl-senpai gave Tenma a thumbs up, but she really wished she would do it where Scythian-senpai couldn’t see her.
And then Scythian-senpai moved. She took a step away from Poseidon and placed a hand on her cheek.
She sighed.
“––––”
Below the falling rain but with none of it hitting her, she let her shoulders slump.
“Fine, then.”
“Kido-san.”
“Yes, just this once. It does sound like Izumi was careless.”
So…
“I shall fire Keravnos Melan at everyone involved.”
●
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!? …Oops, I sent that on the cultural club divine transmission.”
“We received it, so don’t worry about that. Do worry about the rest of it.”
“But how did Scythian-senpai’s conclusion fit with her preceding statement?”
“If neither of us understood it, that means it isn’t based on rational logic. Unfortunately, understanding that fact doesn’t help us any.”
●
“Kido-san! Kido-san! Calm down!”
“Oh, but I am perfectly calm, Senpai-san. I intend to go with ‘an eye for an eye’ on this one.”
“Yes. You can avoid too severe a punishment with that policy. An excellent decision.”
“Um, how is the death penalty not too severe!?”
“Wellll. There are wayyyy worse punishments.”
“Yeah, and your followers have to deal with them.”
“I’m glad none of the Indian gods are here for the same reason…”
●
I heard a voice, so I turned around to see Eshita-san by the entrance.
“Hold on! Wait! I miraculously wasn’t involved in this one, but that would kill me too! What are you going to do about that!?”
“Just go with the flow, I guess?”
“Don’t ‘go with the flow’ when it means killing someone! Someone fix this!”
“It’s probably good for you to have this happen from time to time.”
“Nothing could be worse for me!”
“Didn’t Eshtar plan to kill Kidou for no other reason than ‘going with the flow’?”
“Oh, I just remembered! She made Sumeragi-kun roll back once too!”
“…”
“Do I have time to make excuses?”
“I will hear you out. It won’t change the result, however.”
“Then just go with the flow.”
“Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!”
●
Just as Eshita-san screamed, the door to the art clubroom opened and a tall figure emerged.
“Hey, Kuwajiri! I made the human’s base form like you ordered, so get the roll back going!”
That was Art Club Head Kunugi-san. After emerging, he viewed us all from left to right.
“How’d things get so chaotic out here!?”
By going with the flow, apparently?
Interlude[edit]
“I feel like Kunugi-senpai is the only one actually doing his job right now.”
“Don’t say that. It makes me sound like a total square.”
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