On a Godless Planet:Volume3B Chapter 29
Chapter 29: Zoom![edit]
–Whether or not something is reasonable
Is a subjective and arbitrary decision under democracy.
●
Athena heard her aunt yelling.
“I have some questions about that duel! How can you say Poseidon lost!?”
“Aunt… You of all people are taking issue with an injustice!?”
“Of course I am! How are we supposed to engage in commerce if some people are allowed to break the rules!?”
“What about when you break them?”
“When I do it, it’s nothing more than harmless mischief. Well? Learning something?”
“Auuuuunt!”
But Athena was curious about one thing.
“Aunt, what rule breaking are you talking about exactly?”
“Huh? You mean when Kore was abducted by Hades and Zeus pushed me to give up on getting her back, but I only pretended to agree and invited an extreme winter into our home?”
“Ouch.”
“Aunt! I was not asking about your past escapades!”
“No, I suppose not,” said her aunt. “Remember when Busty Bangs there attacked from behind Poseidon?”
“W-was that…not allowed?”
“No, attacking a big hulk from behind is a standard tactic. And a good one at that.”
“A big hulk…”
“She is not kind to her own people.”
“Your group is pretty mean to your own as well, but are you blind to it because you’re so much worse to outsiders?”
●
“Eh? Are we mean to outsiders?”
“I hadn’t noticed.”
“Are you kidding me!? Are you actually kidding me!?”
“Wellll, it’s true we are pretty mean to our owwwwn people.”
“Um, historically speaking, I think your meanness to your own people outweighs everyone else’s combined, Yomoji-senpai.”
●
“Whatever,” said Demeter, pointing to a corner of the courtyard.
She pointed at something behind Poseidon.
“The rain spout. And the water flowing from it.”
Hey.
“You all saw where Busty Bangs there reappeared from, right? She’s supposed to only work with mountain and forest phases, so how could she appear from rain spout water?”
“O-oh, that…”
“Shut up!”
Demeter already more or less understood this.
“Someone must have helped you. And that’s what I call cheating!”
●
Shifu thought for a bit before raising her hand.
“Demeko-chan, who are you suggesting helped her?”
“Someone with river or water powers.”
“Like Mr. V?”
“Um, I’m more of a sea god than a river and water god…”
Everyone gave him a quiet look.
“…”
“Okay, you can think of me as a river and water god if you want.”
“So are we accusing Mr. V of doing it?”
“Ha ha. He doesn’t have the guts.”
“N-now she’s mocking me!”
“But did you do it?”
“No, I am an impartial presence here.”
“Then,” said Shifu, looking to another river god.
“Kido-chan?”
“Oh? Demeter, do you think it was me?”
“…”
“What happens if I accuse you?”
“I know I didn’t do it, so I would have no choice but to Yamanashi you.”
“…”
“Then you’re off the hook this time! But you won’t be so lucky next time!”
“Aunt! That was really pathetic!”
“I’m just tired of that joke. We’ve already done it to death recently.”
“But then who do you accuse?”
“Well,” said Demeko-chan, looking to another river god.
“Hey! Was it you, Poseidon!? You pulled a fast one right under my nose, didn’t you!?”
“Why would I do that!?”
“Aunt! Aunt! You need to calm down!”
●
That was when a hand went up.
I looked back to see Izumi tilting his entire body.
“Busty Olympus! I have a thought about Busty Bangs appearing from the water!”
“This had better be good.”
“It is! See, she has big boobs, so she can probably just do that!”
●
“Where did he find the confidence to call that ‘good’?”
“I support him! He’s my believer, so I support him to the end!”
“I see no reason not to support him.”
“Our two most powerful gods have chosen to support him.”
“I feel like we’ve reached the dividing line between a reign of terror and a democracy.”
“This seems awfully relaxed for a reign of terror.”
“A relaxed reign of terror? That sounds kind of psychopathic.”
“A-as a god of democracy, I do not support him!”
“You have some nerve, Athena.”
Auuuuuuunt!!”
●
Kuwajiri saw Demeter raise her hand.
“I am also a busty god, yet I cannot enter the water like that. You can’t either, can you, busty Norse god?”
“Yeah, I definitely can’t.”
Kuwajiri’s superior did not look delighted about being included. But the idiot shook his whole body side to side to protest.
“Your boobs aren’t the right size!”
“Really, Sumeragi-kun?”
“Yes! I think you need a ratio similar to Kido-senpai and any bigger or smaller won’t work!”
“I see. That would explain why Douhai-san cannot do it either.”
Kuwajiri’s other superior looked her way.
“I’m trying to figure out what to do about this.”
“Is this even wroth discussing further?”
“Wait, Kuwajiri-san! Be reasonable! This is a very important discussion!”
In what world? she wondered, but Shifu waved her way.
That meant the timing was right. So she gave Shifu an acknowledging look and spoke.
“The answer is simple: Dan-senpai’s authority includes the rivers.”
●
“Eh?” I said with a tilt of the head.
“Dan-san has a river authority?”
No one had mentioned that before. And…
“Doesn’t she have mountain and forest authorities? I mean, she even has those Double Boob Hills modeled after her.”
“Double Boob Hills…?”
“Yeah, the ones called Ahn Hee Ahn Ahn! Or something like that!”
“ ‘Da Chich Anann’.”
“So close!!”
“S-sorry.”
“No, don’t be! My terrible memory is to blame! Because I’m a weakling god!”
“The terraforming lead’s self-deprecation is becoming one-note.”
“It doesn’t need to be fresh and exciting every single time.”
Thank you for the criticism!
“But why does Dan-san have an authority she isn’t supposed to have?”
“Because her boobs are the right size!”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that!”
That explained everything.
●
“Hold iiiiiiit! You are not accepting that explanation!”
“Ah! Ah! If you have a problem with my believer’s opinion, then I hope you have some kind of counterargument! If not, then why not back off!? One look at Eshita-san is all you need to know mythologies don’t have to make perfect sense!”
“Now she’s just being difficult.”
“And she is throwing accusations around willy-nilly.”
“Hey! What did she mean by that! Is she saying my myths don’t make sense!?”
“Can you name even one that does?”
“…”
“Oh! I’ve got one! I harassed my sister and then she punished me! That’s a perfectly logical cause and effect!”
“Isn’t that logic only on the part of your sister?”
“We were talking about not making sense on the level of basic cause and effect?”
“I would say you failed to make sense when you just start with harassing your sister.”
“I-it does too make sense! I wanted to steal her position!”
“Why?”
“Why!?”
“…”
“Eh!? Does that really matter!? All these questions will only stifle people’s creativity! What’s wrong with acting impulsively!?”
“And now she’s getting philosophical.”
“Since Eshita-san’s rebuttal wasn’t convincing, we can logically conclude that the big boobs theory is correct.”
“This kind of non-rigorous proof reminds me so much of our mythological days.”
“Heyyyyyyyy! Don’t just accept that!”
“We’ve come full circle, which in a way makes that an accurate statement.”
●
“But in all seriousness, how did that work? I kind of want to know too.”
Poseidon called on a certain god.
“Shifu-chan? I bet you’re the one to ask here.”
“Oh, asking me instead of Kuwajiri-chan shows you really do get it.”
“Eh? Um, uh, I could answer if you want.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Shifu-chan with a smile.
“Posei-chan’s a little too powerful. So we set something up, figuring he’d be fine even if he hadn’t heard.”
What did they set up?
“When Kuwajiri-chan was talking about Dan-chan and Irish mythology, she omitted the possibility that Dan-chan had a river authority.”
“She what!? And how is that not cheating!?”
“While the end result was a lot like setting something up, I assure you it was not intentional.”
Because…
“Dan-senpai’s manifestation – that is, Dana of Irish mythology – is a complicated being.”
After an encouraging nod from Shifu, Kuwajiri continued. First, she looked to Dan.
“Ireland’s mother earth goddess is called Dana, Danu, Ana, or Anna, but there is a lot about her that remains unidentified.”
“Unidentified!? You mean like after ‘An Encounter!’!?”
“Wizardry’s unidentified names are based on appearance, so if we use the Second Scenario’s Arch Angel as reference, it would be ‘Radiant Figure’, I think.”
“Why are those sorts of topics the only time you can talk so fast?”
Kuwajiri continued on, ignoring the handshake between the idiot and the fast-talker.
“As you can see, Ireland’s mother earth goddess has a few different names. The most commonly used among them is Danu, but that name doesn’t actually appear in any medieval Irish texts.”
●
“Eh? What do you mean it doesn’t appear in the texts?”
The question was understandable. Because…
“If that name wasn’t in the contemporary texts, then why is it Dan-san’s most commonly used name now?”
“While Celtic and Irish culture was reassessed and rediscovered starting in the 19th century, the academics defined that as the unified name they thought the other names were based on.”
For example…
“Dan-senpai’s group of gods is known as the Tuatha De Danann, but that name breaks down like this:
- Tuatha: People, Tribe, Race.
- De: Of the God.
- Danann: Alternate form of Dana?
“That alternate form isn’t known for certain and it is also speculated that Danann is the alternate form of a female name and that Anu is another version. There are no actual Irish myths about Danu, so the existence of Danu is established by assuming that Danu is the same as Anu and that Danann is the same as Danu.”
“She’s not found in any myths, but she’s said to exist based on an assumed alternate name and alternate form of a name?”
“That seems convoluted.”
“Yes, it is. Assumption was piled atop assumption based on a strong desire to combine several things into a single deity, but nowadays that combination is usually rejected. In other words, the name Danu never appears in the myths and it is a hypothetical name invented outside the myths starting in the 19th century.”
●
“Those humans…”
“Don’t just invent divine names!”
“Oh!? Oh!? What’s wrong, Former MB and Busty Olympus!?”
“Were all your nicknames just a lengthy setup for this?”
“I think you’re giving him too much credit.”
●
“Now,” began Kuwajiri.
“It is theorized that Dan-senpai is based on either multiple similarly-named gods in ancient Ireland or on a single god whose name changed as the myths were passed from person to person.”
“Theorized?”
“With no actual texts, we can’t be certain. But an attempt to reach a single answer without keeping that in mind is what led to ‘Danu’.”
So Kuwajiri made a list.
“These are the most common ones.”
- Danann: Also written as Donann or Danand. Gender unknown, but maybe female?
- Seen as equivalent to Dôn in Welsh mythology.
- The oldest one?
- Anu: Also written as Ana, Anann, or Anand. A goddess.
- Danand: A different woman from the aforementioned Danand. But comes after Anu.
“How are they all presented in the myths?”
“Their names and stories are often mixed together. They are sometimes presented as the same god and sometimes as different gods. In reality, it is thought they ‘probably are not exactly the same’.”
“A real noncommittal choice.”
“So they took the noncom-middle road!? …Oh, ignore that. It wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be, so I’ll stop.”
<What’s this? A surprising amount of restraint for you, ape.>
“How dare you!”
The idiot and the screen started arguing, but Kuwajiri ignored that. And…
“This is where the really annoying part starts.”
●
Anne did not speak a word. Kuwajiri and Shifu kept looking her way, but she only nodded to tell them to continue.
…I-I’ll just let them handle this!
She had a very good reason for doing it this way.
…I-it’s really annoying to explain!
She was a bad speaker, so she doubted she could explain it all. So she would let them handle it.
●
Kuwajiri scanned everyone’s faces.
“At this point, I assume you are all thinking, ‘oh, it’s that usual annoying thing’. And you are exactly right.”
“That’s quite the setup…”
That was just how this worked out.
“What kind of god was Dan-senpai really?”
A breath.
“The one thing we can say for sure is that Anu and the variants of that definitely existed. That name is found in the Double Boob Hills and she appears as a goddess. Furthermore, we can confirm that Anu is a mountain, forest, and mother earth goddess. So the Anu and Ana varieties are confirmed. I think the later Danand was influenced by Ana.”
“So is the problem with the D ones? If we knew what kind of god that was, we could say Busty Bangs there is a fusion of the A and D ones.”
“Right. The problem is the Dana and Danann which were thought to be the origin of the name Ana. There are multiple theories on this, but…”
“…”
Dan had been hiding behind the others and fidgeting nervously, but Kuwajiri could more or less understand why.
…This can’t be fun for her.
“But,” she said
“An old ‘Don’ has been confirmed.”
●
“An old ‘Don’?”
“Sounds like the name of a mafia movie! The Old Don!' Isn’t that right, Raidou-senpai!?”
“To me it sounds more like an Ultra Kaiju.”
“Oh, yeah! I could see that appearing in Return of Ultraman!”
The idiot and Kuwajiri’s superior shook hands and everyone except Beisu tilted their heads. But personally I thought it sounded more like something from the original Ultraman. Yes, and this opinion is backed up by knowledge.
“So how did Don get confirmed as an old name?”
“Analysis of the ancient Celtic language revealed the word ‘don’ in the language and it referred to the earth. And that transformed as it spread across the British Isles.”
And…
“I mentioned it in my list earlier, but Welsh mythology – that is the mythology of Wales located southwest of England and across the sea from Ireland – has a goddess named Dôn who is the mother of many gods.”
“Eh? Doesn’t that settle it then? The Welsh goddess Dôn must have been viewed as a mother earth goddess in Ireland. The migration and overwriting of the gods is a bit of a stretch, but it’s a plausible explanation, isn’t it?”
Senpai-san froze after she was done talking.
She must have realized something. So Kuwajiri pushed for her to keep going.
“Do you understand what you just said?”
●
I answered Kuwajiri-san’s question, aware that this was a problem.
“That means the Welsh Dôn wasn’t a mother earth goddess, doesn’t it?”
●
“…? What do you mean? If she was named after the earth and had a lot of children, it sounds like she should be considered a mother earth goddess, a harvest goddess, or at least have the blessings of the mountains and forests like Busty Bangs over there.”
“True. When you consider the migration, spread, and overwriting of myths, the fact that people moved from Wales to Ireland would make it reasonable to conclude that the Welsh Dôn became Irish Mother Earth Goddess Anu.”
But…
“The Welsh Dôn does not have authorities that the Irish Anu does have. In fact, Welsh mythology barely references Dôn at all. One character is referred to as ‘the son of Dôn’, which leads to the conclusion that she must have been a mother goddess.”
What did that mean?
“The Welsh and Irish Dôn have the same etymological origin, but looking at the myths, we can conclude that the Welsh Dôn began as a mother goddess while the Irish one was a mother earth goddess. That means the names have the same origin, but the authorities were not transferred along with the name.”
Then a hand went up: Senpai-san’s.
Kuwajiri gave her a “go ahead” gesture.
“Is it possible for the names to come from the same place while the actual myths weren’t transferred over?”
●
“Words mean things, so if their names come from the same place, they should end up as gods with the same divine authority, right? So how did their authority end up different?”
A hand went up in response to my question: Mr. V’s.
He bowed toward Dan-san before speaking.
“I understand some of this because I am a Roman god and thus did some fighting with Britain. You wanted to know how the name Dôn could have the same etymology while their myths differed between Ireland and Wales. There are conditions in which that can happen.”
Namely…
“Language and ethnicity.”
●
Mr. V knew a fair bit about Dan.
“Rome invaded and ruled Britain and had to deal with plenty of rebellions, but it all began with Caesar. That would be in 55 BCE. Rome abandoned Britain in the year 407. That is a span of 462 years.”
But…
“Rome made Christianity its official religion in 311, so our mythology was dealing with Britain for 366 of the 462 years Rome was involved in Britain.”
So he had some knowledge there.
“To start with, England – along with Ireland and Wales – speaks a different language.”
●
“Right,” agreed Kuwajiri. “It is thought the British Isles as a whole originally spoke ancient Celtic. The theory is that the language combined with the local cultures to develop in unique ways, so by around 1000 BCE it had split into Brittonic in England and ancient Gaelic in Ireland.”
“Yes. Much like how dialects develop, their pronunciation and grammar diverged, but as they started out with the same language, they have many similar words.”
So…
“Ancient Celtic has the word ‘duonu’, which means aristocrat. One theory says that is the etymology of Dôn.”
●
It was all speculation and none of it was certain. But…
“In an age old enough to think of as myth, but in an age slightly more realistic than when the nature gods were born, let us say there was a Duonu who was thought to be a mother and the origin of those in power.”
This is a bold step, thought Kuwajiri. But it was all a “theory”. So…
“As the language diverged in Ireland and Wales, Duonu was combined with the local Anu in Ireland, but there was no one for her to combine with in Wales.”
Meaning…
“In Ireland, Duonu was influenced by Anu and became a Don which meant earth, but in Wales, she became the original mother goddess rather than an aristocrat. …I do think I am being a little too bold with this one.”
“Yeah. It’s perfectly reasonable for Duonu to change to Don through abbreviation or changes through retelling.”
●
“So,” said Kidou, looking to Dan. “I think we’ve established a working interpretation for where Busty Bangs’s name came from. She was distinct from the local mother earth goddess Anu and from the neighboring myths, but she was combined with the idea of Don referring to an aristocrat or the earth and now Anu and Danu are used in place of a few different names.”
But this didn’t answer one thing. And it was the heart of the current issue.
“But none of this mentioned rivers. Where does that come in?”
●
Kido realized what the answer had to be.
“I know where.”
It had been a long way reaching this point and it involved a lot of speculation, but there was indeed a reason for Dan-san to come from the rivers.
“Just like Mr. V mentioned, it comes down to language and ethnicity.”
What did that mean?
“Hm? Didn’t language and ethnicity prove why the names like Anu and Dôn turned out the way they did?”
“Yes. But by establishing that course, we can arrive at the rivers through a different route.”
Kuwajiri-san gave Kido a look, but she smiled back and continued.
“Let’s look at the origin of the ancient Celtic language: Proto-Indo-European.”
●
“Ancient Celtic is one of the languages born from Proto-Indo-European, which formed on the line linking India and Europe. The language that formed along that long line first appeared in the region from Russia to Anatolia and spread from there, meaning many words have the same etymology.”
For example…
“India has a water god named Danu. In Proto-Indo-European, ‘danu’ means river.”
The rest was simple.
“The Danube, the Dniester, and the Dnieper are all major European rivers which lead to the Black Sea which I ruled, and they all come from the word ‘danu’. They were Celtic words…and the Scythians referred to them that way as well.”
A breath.
“Could Dan-san’s Don name have been associated with that river meaning? If so, Dan-san would have a river authority just like I do.”
“Eh!? You mean the perfect balance of Kido-senpai’s boobs comes from her river authority!?”
“Way to go, Kido-san! You’re the GOAT!”
The others all gave her funny looks for that, but I didn’t question it since level up Revelation Boards appeared all around us.
I also ejected a Revelation Board of my own. It authorized the end of this protracted questioning and duel. I also turned toward Izumi.
“Izumi. What do you think? If we can prove that Dan-san does have a river authority, it will mean the end of the duel and a conclusion to the questioning.”
A breath.
“As a human, you can define a myth or god to end a divine conflict. The way I see it, your decision can end this questioning.”
●
“Yeah,” I said to Kido-senpai.
I understood. To end this questioning, I had to prove that Busty Bangs had a river authority.
“This is a question of boobs!”
●
“All of a sudden, I have no idea what is going on.”
“It’s impressive how fast he can do that to a situation.”
“S-Sumeragi-kun can define myths, so he can do this with ease!”
“Sure, but does he have to?”
<The reviews are not looking good, ape.>
“Qu-quiet, you! Listen. We’re trying to clear up what Busty Bangs is and protect her. And for that I can take this seriously!”
“There is much I would like to say to that, but I will hold my tongue. Go on.”
“Damn, even that underclassmanis are out to get me! I’ll leer at you once you have big boobs, so just you wait!”
●
Anyway, I had to say it. I did understand one thing from what had happened.
If Kido-senpai’s hint about language and ethnicity was at the bottom of this…
“Proto-Indo-European was the language that led to ancient Celtic. That means they would have entered Britain before the Celts and they would have played a role in Britain’s old languages.”
In that case….
“Before the split into Gaelic and whatever, you said the name of the local mother earth goddess Anu came from Danu or Danann, so the question is what Danu and Danann were. They could have come from Don which meant aristocrat or earth, but it also could’ve come from Danu meaning river.”
That’s right.
“As a mother earth goddess, can’t she be all those things? An important aristocrat, the earth, a mother, and a river. If Danu or Don mixed all those things together and eventually became Anu, then it makes perfect sense for Busty Bangs to have a river authority!”
●
I saw Kido-san give a subtle nod to Sumeragi-kun’s statement.
I knew why. Because by accepting Dan-san’s river authority…
“That also means Kido-san can be a river god and a mother god.”
“…I am not that shallow.”
Then Kido-san nodded.
“But I am willing to accept the gift of hearing that it makes sense for me to also be a mother.”
●
“Now,” I said.
“Demeter, Dan-san was not assisted by anyone. That river authority was her own.”
“Yeah, I gathered that since you wouldn’t shut up about it. But why did you hide it before?”
“Posei-chan is one of the strongest Olympus gods, so setting up a minor trick is just a good idea. If everyone played fair in their duels against major gods, the major mythologies would end up ruling everything.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“That is the arrogance of the powerful.”
“I don’t want to hear that from you!”
“To be honest, Irish mythology is a real pain. It isn’t clear how much we can say about it and it’s just as unclear how much of what we can say is true. Avoiding the risky parts automatically set up this little trick.”
“Then,” sighed Demeter.
“Busty Bangs over there! Why did you keep quiet about it? If you had spoken up and explained it all to the Norse knowledge god, this wouldn’t have happened!”
“Eh? Oh, um, but, I…”
Dan-san took a deep breath before continuing.
“With all your chatter chatter chatter chatter, I couldn’t find a time to speak up…”
While everyone exchanged a quiet glance, I struck and shattered the “end of questioning” Revelation Board.
●
I still had one question. It was an obvious one.
“We still do not know who the culprit was. Poseidon did ‘lose’, but what does that really mean?”
A hand went up. It belonged to someone who had been silently observing everything for a bit now.
“Can you leave this to me? Setting aside who is at fault for the flood, I want to take care of it.”
Why was that? TJ looked up at the rainy sky and explained.
“In exchange for taking over, I have a request for Balancer.”
<Oh? That’s unusual. What is it?>
TJ nodded and rotated her finger in the air. That gesture meant…
“Could you turn this Divine World’s date back a bit? Like a time god.”
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