On a Godless Planet:Volume3B Chapter 40
Chapter 40: Side Pocket 02[edit]
–Relaxing downtime leads to chatting.
●
“Aunt! You can do that!?”
“Keep the compliments coming. I established a contract with Synkomidi Theon. No one with a divine rank less than mine can break it, so keep that in mind.”
“You shouldn’t just do that without asking permission first.”
“Calm down,” said Demeter, waving a hand dismissively. And…
“But there is a problem. …Hey, Busty Shinto. I made the contract, so you establish the punishment. That’s fair, right? We get punished if we blab about this to anyone outside the group. Because if you do find a way to bypass Synkomidi Theon, you deserve recognition for the accomplishment.”
“Eh!? You want me to choose the punishment!?”
“Senpai! Make it a really tough one! Like that anyone who breaks the contract will be stuck with the nickname of ‘Dung Beetle’ for the rest of their life! …No, wait! Dung Beetle is the glorious title I take on when facing you! I won’t let anyone else have it!”
<Working hard again, I see, dung beetle.>
“You don’t get to use it!”
●
“Um,” I thought.
“So, Kido-san, could you hit them with a Vertical Yamanashi if they break the contract?”
“Douhai-san? This is for you to decide. That should help you grow as a god.”
“That is a reasonable thing to say, so why does it sound so unreasonable in this context?”
“Also, don’t rely on Echidna when using my authority!”
“So would that send you flying 30km straight up?”
“Let me guess, you’re thinking you want try that since you’ll be safe as long as you summon your Red Armor?”
“Hey! Enkidu! Why are you looking at me!?”
That suggestion had gotten a decent response. But I still didn’t know what to choose. I took a look around, and…
“Senpai-san! Don’t even think about getting Yomoji-senpai’s help for this! He would destroy the world!”
“Oh, c’moooon. I’m not thaaaat good.”
Even being half that “good” seemed dangerous enough to me.
“Then could I use my authority to halve their lifespan?”
A hand went up.
“Hey, Senpai-san? What is the average lifespan these days?”
<The statistics for 1990 were 75.92 years for men and 81.9 years for women. There are differences depending in the method of gathering data and the source of the data, but think of it as plus-or-minus 1 year from those numbers.>
“Then to be nice, I’ll use the number for women. If I round that up to 82 years, half would be 41 years!”
“…”
“U-um, where did I go wrong?”
“Shouldn’t you be asking if you got anything wrong?”
Shut up. That aside, Shifu-san asked a quiet question.
“How old are we?”
●
“Instant death for breaking the contract certainly would make things exciting.”
“It isn’t exciting! You dry up! Into a husk!”
“In all seriousness, our lifespans are basically imaginary numbers.”
“S-sorry I’m so bad at math! I live my life on human terms!”
“Okay, Senpai-chaaan. How about you eat some shaved ice?”
●
Shifu-san spoke while using the straw to stir up the cola frappe she had bought at a stand.
“Senpai-chan’s power is specialized in a different way from Kido-chan’s, so these things can be hard for her.”
“For now, I vote for no instant death.”
“Only for now?” asked the gods in the courtyard, backing away, but we ignored them.
“Come to think of it, we’re being really open about Douhai-san’s authority.”
“This way will probably lead to fewer problems down the line.”
“Could you use your authority to turn any contract breakers to stone? Like Medusa.”
“No! That’s a terrible idea! Because some of them will be into that! Am I right, fellas?!”
A fair number of the gods in the courtyard nodded, so I decided not to use that idea.
“Also, I can’t transform people like that.”
“Then could you drop a boulder on them?”
“Sorry, but I’m pretty sure that would kill me.”
“I doubt you would tell anyone what we talked about, but there are other gods and spirits like you, aren’t there?”
Then, I thought.
“I think I really should get some other god’s help.”
“There can be false positives, so instead of instant death, I would recommend something that forcibly prevents them from speaking or expressing themselves.”
“Prevents them from speaking?”
“Like by shoving a bottle of beer up their ass.”
“I don’t think beer would have as immediate an effect as we would want.”
“I don’t think that needed a serious response.”
“I am truly sorry…”
So am I, I thought, but that gave me the hint I needed.
I turned toward the god whose help I needed.
“Busty Olympus-san!”
“Don’t you call me that!!”
●
“Demeter’s statement implies she has given Izumi her blessing there. I had misjudged her.”
“Oh, yeah! You can see it that way, can’t you!?”
Kido-san and I both turned toward Demeter-san.
“Welcome to the club, Demeter-san!”
“Just get to the point!!”
●
I raised my hand some.
“I had an idea.”
Which was…
“If a god breaks the contract, you can shove your special powder up their butt so they can’t talk straight!”
“Great idea! Now that I’d love to see!”
●
“Well, they’re in agreement, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
“I’m going to do my best to forget this conversation ever happened.”
“Couldn’t you just directly do the ‘can’t talk straight’ part?”
“Making them an addict as punishment for sinning is…a choice.”
“What’s wrong with it!? It’s a way for Demeter-san to use locally-sourced supplies!”
“♪I just can’t wait for someone to break the contract.”
●
Anyway, they had an answer.
Tenma sighed and Demeter spoke to her.
“Hey. Can you give a little warning before discussing this kind of thing next time? What if I hadn’t been here?”
“I got the help of my superior beforehand, so I had planned to have my superior establish a contract and to have an information seal put in place by Shamhat, since she happened to be present and is an information god.”
“You’re supposed to say, ‘Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks a bunch!’ Show some tact.”
“I was told that same thing thousands of times back when I was still alive.”
“Well, add one more to the list.”
Demeter smiled a little and then walked over to the food stands.
And a group primarily made up of game club members gathered around Tenma. Raidou-senpai passed her a tray of takoyaki and she sighed.
“That came out of nowhere.”
“Sorry. I just happened to notice it.”
“What made you notice it?”
“Offerings.”
Tenma opened a Revelation Board and displayed a building.
“This is the Dazaifu Tenmangu. After I was pacified as a cursed god, I became a god of learning. But…”
“You said your strictly defined home is Dazaifu and your broadly defined home is Japan, didn’t you?”
That was the point here.
“In this period, a long time has passe since I was deified and people come from all over Japan to visit my shrine. Also, what ‘learning’ entails changes year by year.”
“Oh, is that why you said you wouldn’t answer Sumeragi-kun’s prayer for academic success?”
“Do you see what happens when I apply that meaning with what we just discussed?”
Someone answered her question.
“The humans who worship you can expand your authority and even expand the phase that influences both you and your territory.”
“Right. Dazaifu’s god of lightning and learning became a god of Japan as a whole due to the entrance exam wars. Humanity – and their culture – did that to me.”
The heat of the takoyaki in her mouth seemed to actually cool her throat.
She saw this as calmly gathering up the words she needed.
“The virtual manifestation gods and the DC judge everything by the framework of ‘gods’ and ‘mythology’. In fact, they have no other choice. Because they don’t have access to the lands they once occupied.”
But…
“In the ‘90s of this divine world, humanity has made advances in so many fields, built up their history, and expanded the cultures that created us. In a human world, we can exist and wield our power even after our mythologies have ended and the humans expand what we are and what we can do.”
“Can you sum that up for me, Temanko!?”
“I could,” she replied.
“As long as we have humanity, we will never end or decline.”
●
That’s reassuring to hear, thought Raidou.
In his mythology, the world was destroyed and the myths themselves had already scattered and become a thing of the past, but…
“At the bookstore, I did see my name mentioned in a rune fortunetelling book and you see ‘Thor’s Hammer’ showing up for no real reason in games and stuff.”
“If that becomes established enough to become a phase, you will receive blessings from it, Raidou-senpai.”
“In that case,” he asked.
“What is faith?”
“In this case, it is culture.”
She answered immediately.
“Even if the writing system differs, it is something that is passed down to later generations, either directly or through relics. I think the source of the blessings we receive is simply that someone ‘tells our story’.”
<A Tell.>
Balancer spoke up without warning.
<You and this divine world are made from ether, the source of all things. Ether was first discovered in this era. Due to its nature, it was called “A Tell” and the pronunciation eventually changed to “ether”.>
A breath.
<It is fascinating that the etymology and this latest version share that meaning.>
“So I’ve been the smart one all along for staying true to my big boobs worship!? C’mon, Balancer! Tell me I’m smart! And fascinating! You just said so, right!? C’mon, say it!”
●
While the screen and the idiot got each other riled up, Shifu joined the girls as they walked toward the food stands. The number of stands had grown at some point, but…
“This dessert bread with lots of cream on it was made from the extra sweetbreads in the cafeteria, wasn’t it?”
“What’s wrong with that!? It’s called using up inventory!”
“A teacher is running the stand?”
“Desperate times! Anyway, Echidna, I’m glad to see your son is doing well.”
“He really is. I just hope he is blessed with friends.”
“Yeah…”
Shifu had some thoughts on that too. But she knew this wasn’t her conversation.
“He’s got the upperclassmen with him, but the only one in his year I’m familiar with is Kuwajiri-chan, whose more of a rival than anything.”
“He is nothing but a nuisance.”
She wasn’t being very nice. But someone spoke from the next stand over. The man in an apron and headband busy mass-producing chocolate bananas was…
“By the way, about that earlier discussion…”
“Oh, you can talk while making chocolate bananas like a machine?”
“Now that I have gotten the hang of it, yes.”
“You’re indirectly saying you want to talk with me.”
“Yes. Shall we?”
“Sure. But Echidna’s here now, so she gets priority.”
“Even his wife talks to him like that?” whispered someone behind Shifu, but she ignored it since it was wrong to involve yourself in another couple’s affairs. But the next to speak was Salako-chan instead of Mr. V.
“What discussion did you mean?”
“The one about beer. They said Japanese beer was influenced by Germany, but didn’t get into why.”
He lined up a total of around 80 chocolate bananas in the holder on the stand table and then tilted his head.
“Why does Japan make German-style beer?”
●
With a “hello”, Tenma raised her and stepped forward. Salacia was a teacher and the game club adviser. Based on this conversation, she didn’t seem like an enthusiastic advisor, but…
“I am Tenma. I was recently made a new member of the club in what I can only describe as a kidnapping.”
“Oh, dear. That’s too bad. Ah ha ha. Anyway, do you know the answer?”
“I do. The short answer is that it’s a result of era and location, but I prefer long answers, so I will start at the beginning.
“Beer arrived in Japan from the Netherlands at the start of the 18th century. That is why the Japanese word for beer is based on the pronunciation of the Dutch word. The initial beers that were offered to the Japanese were not received well, but it was seen as a health drink from lands that can grow barley, so Takano Chouei made the first Japanese beer recipe from buckwheat in 1836.”
“Buckwheat? Like what they make soba noodles out of?”
“The primary ingredient of beer is barley. Barley and wheat are both in the poaceae family. Buckwheat is called wheat, but since it is from the polygonaceae family, it is not actually a type of wheat. So while this was called beer, it would more accurately be classified as a grain wine.”
“Right. A lot of individual experiments followed, but in 1869, Japan’s first beer brewery was created by Americans and Germans in a foreign residential area of Yokohama. Beer gathered attention from there and, starting in 1872, one-man businesses began producing local beers all over the country. Demand must have grown after that. In 1877, the Hokkaido Development Commission began growing foreign hops and supporting the domestic beer industry, but due to the land they were grown on, the early flowers tended to be watery and rotted easily. Furthermore…”
“A lot of British beer was imported at that time, right?”
“Yes. The one-man businesses were losing the fight there.”
“F-fight back! They need to fight back!”
Tenma saw it that way too.
“With only one-man businesses making Japanese beers, it was difficult for them to create cold storage facilities, so they made room temperature fermentation ales. Most of the time using the British method. Meanwhile, German beers kept chilled were the standard in the West, so the Japanese brewers wanted a means of cold storage and enough land to grow barley. They found that land in…”
“Was the entire running gag just foreshadowing to the answer here being Yamanashi?”
“Kido-san! Kido-san! I think we’ve said Yamanashi today five times more than the rest of our lives combined!”
“Unfortunately, they found their land in Hokkaido.”
●
“In 1876, the government – specifically the Hokkaido Development Commission – opened Japan’s first dedicated beer brewery in Hokkaido. This goes on to become Sapporo Beer. Private businesses also moved to Hokkaido until, in 1888, the domestic beers were outperforming the imported beers.”
“And you’re saying all the breweries made then used low temperature fermentation?”
“Correct. They based this on the German method. With that as the foundation, Japanese beers quickly became German. And since German is seen as the home of beers, the brands still push that image.”
A breath.
“The basic brewing method came from Germany. The hops imported from Germany were seen as the best too, so Japan had a high level of trust in Germany when it came to beers. I don’t know what they thought of Japan, but their culture definitely made it here.”
●
“Now,” added Tenma.
“Just like Sapporo, the Asahi and Yebisu that the Norse gods were drinking are brands that began in Hokkaido during the 1880s and 1890s. Kirin is too. Those four brands quickly began being exported due to the influence of World War One and the Japanese beer industry has since become an international affair.”
<As a side note, the Yebisu beer that Shifu likes was actually created based on the Reinheitsgebot adopted in Bavaria, Germany, in 1516 to define German beer. It said that barley, hops, and water were the only allowed ingredients. This greatly influenced the later beer culture and it makes sense to me that a harvest god like Shifu would prefer a pure beer like Yebisu.>
“I see. What about Tooru’s Black Label and Kuwajiri-chan’s Super Dry?”
“The Black Label that Thunder God-senpai said he likes was originally released by Sapporo in 1957 as Sapporo Bottled Draught Beer. All household beer produced before was pasteurized, but because that changed the flavor, this used being unpasteurized as a selling point.”
“I-is that really safe?”
“Yes. Of course, the bottle could break or the flavor could change once it started fermenting, so it had a short shelf life and was generally only sold in large cities with plenty of demand and consumption, or in Hokkaido which is cold and near the brewery. But it didn’t sell well and was eventually only sold in Hokkaido.”
But…
“Once further developments in filtration technology extended the shelf life, it became fashionable to drink some draught beer at a beer hall on the way home. So in 1977, Sapporo resumed selling it under the name of Sapporo Bottled Draught and it quickly became one of their main products. When it hit the top of the foreign shares too, they changed the name to Black Label in 1985 and a dedicated distribution network was established in 1989 to bring that wonderful draught flavor to every part of the country.”
“Did that just turn into an ad at the end?”
“It is a product of my country.”
●
<Like we said before, Shifu’s Yebisu Beer is a brand sold by Sapporo Beer. There was a time when its sales were low and the brand was at risk of being eliminated, but it recovered as a draught beer in ‘83, was rebranded in ‘86 with a prominent Yebisu logo, and its popularity continues to grow.>
“What? So they’re like couple brands?”
“Huh? I thought you knew that.”
“No, no,” said the smiling harvest god.
“So what about Kuwajiri-chan’s Super Dry?”
“Asahi began selling Super Dry in 1987. With their previous beers, they had focused on the draught flavor and the bitterness, but for Super Dry they reduced the amount of barley used and increased the sourness and alcohol content to make it more refreshing.”
“I-it’s still beer, but that’s like the exact opposite of the previous two brands.”
<At the time, the younger generation preferred refreshing and sour beers like canned Chuhai. More than a decade had passed since the draught beer boom, so that was seen as an ‘old person’s drink’. So Asahi decided they needed a new product and this worked out very well for them.>
“Increasing the sourness and alcohol content had a secondary effect. The refreshingness remained even if you let it get warm. Beer naturally goes down easier than ale and is often consumed with food, but the dry ones take that even further and had their sales boosted by the gourmet boom.”
“That’s true… I do often try to strike a balance by drinking a strong draught-style beer with Japanese food and a dry beer with Western food.”
“Eh!? Mom, you drink beer!?”
“Yes. …A fair amount even. I have been restraining myself since I began eating with you and Douhai-san because it seemed impolite.”
●
Human-senpai turned to face the terraforming lead.
“Senpai! Can you imagine that!? Kido-senpai drinking a beer while eating!”
“I can! I really can! It sounds like a grownup summer evening! That’s what a Japanese dinner is supposed to look like!”
They high fived and bowed toward the Scythian representative.
“Thanks a bunch!”
“I don’t get it myself, but if you don’t mind, I will drink one every so often.”
●
Tenma tilted her head as she watched the goddess and her believer cheer and high five again.
“It is true that beers are associated with different moods.”
“I know what you mean. For me, I drink draught-style beer like Shifu-senpai and Raidou-senpai when work is going well and I’m feeling fulfilled. Conversely, dry beer is for when work isn’t going well and I’m just trying to get by.”
“What do you usually drink?”
“Almost always dry. Got a problem with that?”
Did she set me up for that one? wondered Tenma, but Harvest God-senpai was opening a new can.
“I see… So you’re a different brand of Tooru’s beer.”
“We can tell Tooru about that later.”
●
“I actually heard all of that since voices really carry in this concrete courtyard, but I’m going to pretend I haven’t heard until Shifu tells me. Don’t give it away, okay?”
“I won’t, Tooru-chan! These things are important!”
“You’re so cool, Raidou-senpai!”
●
Athena heard someone say “okay!”
Her group was also opening a new can of draught-style beer while she wished they had some wine.
“Why the shouting, human?”
“I had Mr. V measure the inventory he brought here and there’s definitely some extra, so I say the clubs play a game where the winner gets the extra! We can make it a tournament!”
●
“You can’t just start these things!”
“That’s right! The clubs? How dare you exclude us! Or are you asking me to change into a school uniform!?”
“Auuuuuunt! This isn’t about any of that!”
“But a tournament between mythologies would probably never end, so dividing us up by clubs makes more sense. Or as groups if we’re including you Olympus gods.”
“You can allow mercenaries.”
“Th-that should work…”
“Wait, why would you even consider something as dangerous as letting the mythologies compete!?”
●
“At our level, we do that all the time at the arcade.”
“Right, this is sports, not war.”
“We can provide board games for anyone who isn’t playing, so let’s have some fun while drinking and eating.”
“Oh, will we be the coaches?”
“That would explain why they always explain the rules in such detail.”
●
“Okay, if you’re participating in the tournament, we can play each other on the game consoles in the clubroom!”
Raidou thought about Sumeragi’s suggestion.
“What were you thinking we could play?”
“A sports game, maybe? Family Tennis would be exciting, but it takes practice to get good at, so let’s go with something simpler.”
“Then,” suggested Raidou.
“Sumeragi, you’re pretty good at Tetris, right?”
“Yeah! I’ve played the arcade version to the end and I’m really good at the 2-player mode of the Game Boy version!”
“Really? Then let’s play the Famicom version.”
“Eh!? Really!? Then I’ll use my arcade version skills to win this whole tournament!”
“Wait, what!? We’re really competing with Famicom Tetris!?”
“Heh heh heh. I’ll show you just how unbeatable I am! Senpai, root for me, okay!?”
Interlude[edit]
“The Famicom version of Tetris doesn’t have a 2-player mode like the GB version, so what rules should we use?”
“You complete the 1st stage after you clear 25 lines, so maybe make it a race to do that with the best time?”
“We could make it a real race by bringing in our clubroom’s Famicom and TV. Then it’ll be really exciting.”
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