On a Godless Planet:Volume3B Chapter 43
Chapter 43: Super Real Basket Ball[edit]
–“Now these are real…”
“Is this what they call a double dribble?”
●
“Ah!!!”
I woke up. And I wasn’t in my usual room.
“Um?”
Where was I? I sat up and held my right hand out to the side.
“Squish?”
I felt a definite softness and squishiness. I instantly knew what it was.
…This is a big boob!
I could tell since I had two of my own, but this was a big boob. It couldn’t be anything else. I knew what it had to mean. I must have fallen asleep with the other busty goddesses and happened to have a lucky big boobs experience when I woke up. Or to put it in English…
“Lucky big pie!”
●
<Not quite. The English word pie has nothing to do with boobs. The boobs association comes from the Japanese word oppai. There are several theories as to the etymology of the word, but it was referenced in Japan at around 1859 in the Orokaoi, a collection of essays by Ryutei Tanehide, where he says oppai is an abbreviation of ‘oh, umai’ or ‘oh, how delicious’ in reference to breast milk. That suggests the term was in common usage before that.>
“Th-thank you for the unsolicited correction!”
Then Kuwajiri-san sat up.
“Other theories say it came from the Sanskrit word ‘upala’ or the Greek word ‘oppalos’. These mean ‘gem’ and ‘color change’ and are the origin of the word opal. I like the idea that the Greek word for boobs is o-π, but it is actually stithos. Stithos begins with the Greek letter σ, so I do wonder if that could have been mistaken for an o.”
With all that said, Kuwajiri-san collapsed back down and fell fast asleep.
“That’s a knowledge god for you…”
<No, I don’t think you should take what she said seriously.>
Next, Tenma-san sat up.
●
“Ryutei Tanehide who wrote the Orokaoi is best known for his plays, but his teacher Ryutei Tanehiko was a learned man who excelled at writing essays, so Tanehide was likely influenced by that. The teacher Tanehiko was a major author at the time, best known for Ukiyo-gata Rokumai Byobu, which was translated into German, but that version included a reprint of the original Japanese version. This was the first time Japanese literature was translated and published in Europe, but Ukiyo-gata Rokumai Byobu was written in hiragana, meaning the first Japanese ‘book’ to be published in Europe was a hiragana book.”
With all that said, Tenma-san collapsed back down and fell fast asleep.
“That’s a knowledge god for you…”
<No, I don’t think you should take what she said seriously either.>
“Oh, but this is a conversation we should have when Sumeragi-kun is around!”
<Um, yes. Probably.>
“Wh-why do you sound so unenthusiastic!?”
Anyway, I thought, looking toward my right hand.
Toward the lucky big pie I was grabbing…
“Th-this feels like Kido-san!”
I looked that way to see white yogurt.
●
Shifu awoke to a horrible scream. She recognized the voice. That weirdly twisted voice belonged to…
“What is it, Senpai-chan? Causing trouble again?”
“Again!? What do you mean again!? …But anyway, Shifu-san! This, um, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white.”
Shifu had no clue what she was trying to say.
But by looking at the situation, she more or less understood.
They were in the game clubroom. After playing plenty of games last night, they had finally called it quits at around 3 and the girls had chosen this room to sleep in. The boys had started a campfire in the courtyard and the camping club had provided sleeping bags, so Tooru, Posei-chan, Kunugi-chan, and the others had probably talked about all sorts of stuff out there.
While the boys had played at an outdoors adventure, the girls had prepared for tomorrow’s breakfast before getting to sleep, but…
“Oh, Senpai-chan’s got her hand in that stuff. The supplies last night included a ton of yogurt, so I dehydrated it with a bowl and strainer and made dry yogurt out of it. I figured that would work in place of sour cream with breakfast.”
Kuwajiri-chan sat up like a machine.
“The water produced by dehydrating it is whey, so if you strain it and include some carbonated water, it makes for a refreshing summer drink. It’s good for your digestive system too. By which I mean it’s good for hangovers.”
She collapsed back down and fell fast asleep.
“That’s a knowledge god for you…”
“Right!? Right!?”
<No, no, no, no, no, no.>
Next, Tenma-chan sat up. And…
“Wait, no.”
She collapsed back down and fell fast asleep.
“That’s a knowledge god for you…?”
“No, you mustn’t question it! It’s important that they correct themselves when they speak up at the wrong time!”
<Who came up with that rule?>
●
“Anyway,” said Shifu.
“With 5kg of it dehydrated, does it feel like a big boob if you stick your hand in it?”
“S-sorry! I just kind of shoved my hand on in there! …Will it be alright?”
“Senpai-chan, I know you’re from an unusually underground mythology, but Shinto believes in purification and you’re not a food god or a god that makes things happen with a simple touch, so shouldn’t it be fine?”
“S-some of that seemed kind of mean, but it’s more or less accurate and given the situation I’ll ignore it!”
“Anyway, can I try it?”
“Um, okay,” said Senpai-chan as she picked up the bowl.
It looked kind of heavy, but not too heavy. It was only around 5kg.
“Um, it’s like this.”
She held it out with a hand and Shifu accepted it in a hand. Then they reached their other hands down toward it.
“Squish?”
Shifu’s hand felt something incredible.
She looked down to see Kido-chan in her track suit with her and Senpai-chan’s hands grabbing handfuls of…
“Ahhhhh! These are real!!”
“Wh-what is happening here!?”
●
After politely hearing their explanation, Kido politely scolded them.
She wished she hadn’t gotten tears in her eyes from the surprise, but…
“Let’s try this again: what is happening here?”
“W-well, I woke up and stuck my hand in some yogurt, so I went ‘oh, no!’ and we started talking about boobs knowledge which ended with Shifu-san calling us an underground mythology, so I was going to show her what the 5kg felt like, but then your real ones were real.”
A breath.
“It was incredible.”
Kido honestly had no idea what she was talking about, so she held her right hand out toward Douhai-san and sought an explanation from someone else.
“Shifu-san?”
“Um, yeah.”
Shifu-san crossed her arms while seated seiza style and eventually tilted her head.
“It was an accident?”
●
Kido thought about this.
…I feel like Shifu-san’s explanation is probably the entire story.
But she decided to remain strict.
She had to be tough with them.
“Listen.”
She tapped the camping mat laid out as a floor for their sleeping bags.
“If calling this an accident is enough to let it slide, then every little thing that happens around me could be ignored as an accident.”
Then a hand went up. Shifu-san’s.
“Yes?”
“Yeah, about that,” she said.
“You aren’t excluding the things you do from that, are you?”
●
I saw Kido-san cover her face with her hands and collapse backwards.
“Wow, you have to be flexible to do that so smoothly from the seiza position.”
“Huh? You can’t do that, Senpai-chan?”
“Well, I can, but there’s a point where I’ll catch on the way back.”
Kido-san spoke with her hands still over her face.
“It is true I caused some pretty big accidents during the water monster business…”
“Sure, but I’m still glad you stayed with us.”
After a bit, Kido-san took a breath and sat back up.
She held a hand toward me and a hand toward Shifu-san.
“Calling it an accident is fine with me.”
We shook hands. Her grip seemed a little strong. And Shifu-san…
“So anyway, how would you prepare this, Kido-chan?”
●
Shifu-san gestured toward the bowl Douhai-san was holding.
5kg of yogurt. I remembered dehydrating that with a strainer and paper towels last night. The pieces started fitting together in my mind.
“Oh, that’s what this is about.”
“Right! Just like I said!”
“I’m not so sure about that part.”
Anyway, I did have an idea.
“Didn’t the supplies from the cafeteria include bread and dried fruit? Then we can mix the raisins and other partially-dried fruits into the dry yogurt, place the mixture between slices of bread, and cut that into convenient sizes. That way people can grab one while working to pack up or when leaving.”
“That’s the Scythian style of portable food, huh? But that sounds good, so can you do that? I’ll be boiling water on the portable stove to make some soup. We need some salt and liquids to get last night’s alcohol out of our systems.”
I see, I thought before looking down into the bowl.
“From now on, I should probably sleep to Douhai-san’s left.”
Kuwajiri-san sat up.
“Three pairs of big boobs sleeping side by side…”
With that said, Kuwajiri-san collapsed back down and fell fast asleep.
“That’s a knowledge god for you…”
“No, no, no, no. I don’t think this has anything to do with that.”
“And we were sleeping side by side before too.”
I only now realized that fact.
“I was too exhausted to think about it last night, but this was a lot like a sleepover, wasn’t it?”
“We need to make sure the first half doesn’t happen again, though.”
“But if Kido-san sleeps on my left, won’t that just turn the lucky big pie into the real thing?”
“I was just thinking you might do it with both hands. And based on our heights, you would end up slapping me in the gut.”
Then Tenma-san sat up.
“I understand now.”
“Are you still half asleep?”
“No,” said Tenma-san, raising her right hand a little.
“Did the terraforming lead wake up in a panic about something?”
●
Oh, I realized. I had completely forgotten thanks to the series of “accidents”, but there was a reason I had woken with a start.
“Sumeragi-kun isn’t here!!”
●
Kido saw Shifu lean over her upper body to place her right hand on Douhai-san’s forehead.
Then she placed her other hand on her own forehead.
“Huh? Your temperature’s normal… Senpai-chan? You wouldn’t happen to have a low normal temperature, would you?”
“H-how rude! I’ve got a full power normal temperature right now! Anyway, you need to listen! Sumeragi-kun isn’t here!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well,” said Douhai-san, with confidence.
“I can’t sense Sumeragi-kun’s presence!”
●
I saw everyone sit up, shake their heads side to side once, and then lie back down.
“That looked like something from a zombie movie.”
“That means you’re all awake, doesn’t it!? You just think this sounds like trouble and don’t want to get involved! That’s it, isn’t it!?”
“Okay, okay, Senpai-chan. Let’s get to the bottom of this. …What do you mean by his ‘presence’? Is this just mental illness? Or do you have actual evidence?”
“To comment without getting up, that is a harsh pair of options.”
“You know what I mean. In the mornings, Sumeragi-kun always does a prostration, a climbing audience, or worship squats, so I’m woken up by all the level up Revelation Boards around me!”
“To comment without getting up, if that had happened this morning, I would have partially snapped and either broken them all or gone back to sleep outside.”
“To comment in all seriousness without getting up, how do you only partially snap?”
“So, Douhai-san? Shouldn’t you get up before Izumi wakes you up?”
“Oh, oh, sorry! Thank you for the mother-in-law move!”
“To comment without getting up, this is a real ‘which comes first, the believer or the god’ issue.”
“The most important is the believer’s mother goddess!”
“Hey, Senpai-chan? You’re getting off topic.”
“Oh, you’re right! I think Sumeragi-kun is sleeping outside today, but he always gets up at the same time and starts worshiping me. It’s already past 8:30, so it’s weird that hasn’t happened yet.”
Why did everyone get up and give me that uneasy look?
●
A hand went up. Kido-san’s.
She opened a few Revelation Boards and checked what they said.
“Now this is odd. Douhai-san, Izumi is awake. And he is prostrating toward you.”
“Seriously?”
<Yes, reality is not always a pleasant place.>
Balancer was within arm’s reach, so I spun them around with a slap.
<Wh-what was that for!?>
“Don’t make fun! And, Kido-san, how can that be?”
“It seems that something is interfering with the worship interface system.”
Kido-san turned a Revelation Board toward me. It said…
“ ‘Actions outside the story will be withheld’?”
●
I saw everyone sit up.
“So something really is wrong.”
“What’s this about? DC interference?”
“It shouldn’t be. I haven’t heard anything from Shamash.”
“Then, um, what is it?”
“That much is obvious.”
“Some god’s authority. And most likely a fairly troublesome one.”
“Wow, I hope this doesn’t go beyond the scope of the guards.”
“But,” said a voice.
“If it involves the human, this will affect the terraforming. Terraforming lead, I say we should get to the bottom of this.”
●
A moment later, Shifu heard a knock at the clubroom door.
“Hm? Tooru? Don’t come in.”
Everyone hurriedly dressed as a voice spoke through the door.
“Shifu? We have a bit of a problem. Can you come out?”
“Yeah, give me a second. What about breakfast?”
“Will you make something?”
“In no time.”
As she responded, Shifu realized the clubroom door had a slit window of frosted glass and…
“It’s sunny out.”
At the very least, it wasn’t raining. Which meant…
“Did TJ-chan get the flood dealt with?”
“I’m in here and I only just woke up.”
“Hm? Then why is it bright outside?”
“Well,” replied TJ-chan.
“This is probably one of my gods’ fault. She’ll apologize later, so don’t be too hard on her.”
●
Raidou saw someone emerge from the clubroom. The girl in a summer uniform was…
“Kuwajiri? I could use a knowledge god’s opinion right about now.”
“About what? That we can’t contact the idiot?”
“You can’t?”
That was news to him. He glanced over at Bilgamesh who stood next to him and the other god crossed his arms.
“Then I suppose this is ‘correct’.”
He pointed at a summer sleeping bag.
“When we got up, it was empty. Sumeragi got up before anyone else.”
“”I usually wake up early to train with Ki, so I just about apologized to the nothingness for oversleeping.”
“…”
“Should I respond to that, Raidou-senpai?”
“Hm, try to restrain yourself. …So with the girls, I take it Senpai-san noticed Sumeragi’s absence too?”
“Yes. We thought it was strange, but this confirms it.”
“ ‘Interference outside the story will be withheld’?”
“Not quite…but close enough.”
Then someone else spoke. From above. Up at the top of the courtyard. Beisu and Poseidon were up on the roof and waving down.
“Raidou-senpai, this is kind of bad!”
“Yeah, this could be a problem.”
●
Raidou thought he more or less understood what had happened.
But to be certain about Sumeragi…
…We need to be confident about this divine world.
Overhead, Beisu and Poseidon were facing out over the roof and away from the building. They were likely trying to see what was happening outside. And…
“Tooru, sorry about the wait. Morning.”
“Hey, morning. …I hate to rush you, but do you have a moment?”
In her summer uniform, Shifu tossed him a plastic-wrapped sandwich.
“Meat.”
“Thanks.”
He thought she was telling him to calm down. But he could tell calm was going to be a challenge right now. Because…
“This is a pretty big deal, isn’t it?”
“It’s gonna need us, but it might be beyond what we can handle.”
“If it gets toooo dangerous, IIII can do something abouuuut it.”
Shinsei was their last resort. So if this did get bad, they could fix it. But…
“Yomoji-senpai’s absurdity will return everything to a blank sheet, so I want to avoid that if at all possible. If we won that way, nothing we lost would be left.”
Shinsei’s nodding said he was aware of that.
That settled it. Since the girls were emerging in their summer uniforms, they all understood too. Their track suits were more flexible, but their divine protections were limited to the basic movement ones. With what was coming, the more general-use uniforms would be better. And…
“I more or less know what’s happened. …Let’s head outside. If you have any food ready, that can come first.”
With that TJ, stepped out in front.
●
We followed TJ-san out of the club building.
We left the courtyard and passed through the entrance to the area out front.
The sky was clear and the side of the school building was visible out ahead.
“Not that way. Around back. …To the east.”
We all circled southward around the club building.
And something came into view.
“The misty sea.”
“That’s cause the construction team raised the school building and hasn’t lowered it yet. We’re about 30m up, so as the water recedes, the sun warms it and creates a mist.”
“Then the flooding…?”
“Has mostly receded. There are probably some areas it’s still pooled up in, though.”
Everyone began to speed up because we heard voices from the east.
The other gods and the nameless local gods and spirits were looking east and raising their voices.
“What the hell is that!?”
When we arrived at the edge of the raised land on the east side of the club building we saw…
“A sea of pilgrims!?”
Interlude[edit]
“I believe this sea of pilgrims is forming endlessly, but it looks like watching a looping animation over and over.”
“At Comiket, they have MAD Tapes like that of Fist of the North Star and Yamato and stuff.”
| Back to Chapter 42 | Return to Main Page | Forward to Chapter 44 |
