OniAi: Volume 3 Chapter 7

April 13th, 12:15 pm

Student hostel – Dining room

“Let’s decide on how we address each other.”

While all the residents were enjoying lunch together, after the spring cleaning was finished.

President of the student council, Nikaido Arashi, said that.

“How we address each other?”

“Yup. The names for each of us.”

Kaichou nodded strongly at me, who was tilting my head, and said,

“There’s a great significance in how people address each other. Even if it’s just a sort of label for others, and sometimes for oneself, there can be a huge change to one’s life, just by changing the way you address someone else.”

“Haa. So it means we’re going to do that? To decide on nicknames for each other?”

“It doesn’t have to be nicknames. Adding or removing the ‘-san’ suffix for example, that will do too.”

“Mhmm.”

“Simply speaking, Nasuhara-san, Himenokouji-imouto. and I have known each other for quite a while already, so let’s set that aside. However, Ginbe-san and yourself are both new faces that have just joined the student council in this year. Truthfully speaking, our friendship isn’t that deep yet, so I’m still deciding on how we should be treating each other. That’s what I’m thinking.”

“Indeed.”

“Moreover, we’re now living together. We shouldn’t be treating each other as outsiders anymore.”

“Mmm. In other words, rather than spending the time to blindly feel our way through on how we should be treating each other, we should just be direct about it and settle it now, right?”

“Well, that’s how it is.”

I see, I can understand what she’s trying to say.

Whether for better or worse, the physical and psychological distance between us has shrunk greatly within a short time. As such, it feels like we’ve skipped through a lot of things that should have happened at a gradual pace.

Well, I think it’s something that will be resolved naturally given time… But perhaps it will be much simpler to just take the opportunity and clear everything at once. Moreover, given Kaichou’s personality, that should be even more true.

“Like you’ve said. Perhaps this is a good opportunity for us.”

“Yeah. It’s really great for a caretaker like you to be so understanding.”

“No no, nothing of the sort. I may not have even realized it if not for Kaichou suggesting it. As expected from the president of the student council of St. Ririana Academy.”

“Really? Oh my, it’s embarrassing if you praise me like that.”

“Please, there’s no need to be humble. In regards to you being concerned about our matters; I’m not flattering you, I really do think you’re impressive. As expected of Kaichou.”

“Oh my. Actually, for me, when I’m hooking up with my lovers, I must address them with a special name that only I’ll use, yeah. I’m not quite comfortable about us being reserved about the way we call each other.”

“Mmm. I think we should just forget about this plan.”

There has to be a limit to your self destruction.

“I was thinking, how rare it is for me to praise you, so that’s how it all ends huh. Please return me my innocence.”

“Alright. As such.”

Kaichou ignored my protests,

“So let’s start now. Just relax, and treat it as a sideshow for lunch. It’s not like we’ll be using everything that we come up with. Will that be alright, caretaker?”

“… I guess.”

“Alright, it’s decided then. Let’s start with deciding on how we should be calling our caretaker, Himenokouji Akito-san—”

“Can I interrupt for a moment?”

Ginbe raised her hands as she said that.

“Since things have came to this, we might as well come up with a different name each for everyone here. How’s that? It’s too lacking if we’re just to think of one something that naturally comes to our mind. I think my suggestion will allow us to show our own personalities. It’ll be much more interesting this way.”

“Hohoo. That’s quite the interesting idea you have there.”

“Just to add, allow me to address Akito-san as per usual, with the name ‘Akito-san’. I’ve been with him for quite long already, and that’s how I’ve always called him. It’s more natural to me that way too. Didn’t Kaichou say that we don’t have to force ourselves to come up with a nickname?”

“Yeah. If you think that’s fine, then so be it.”

“Well, everything aside from me, please think of a way to address Akito-san. Let’s start with Kaichou, since you’re the person who suggested this idea.”

“Hmm, let’s see…”

Kaichou rubbed her chin a little, and laughed silently,

“Alright, it’s decided. I’ll be addressing Himenokouji Akito-san by the name ‘target’.”

“Nope.”

I rejected immediately.

“Why not? It’s not like you’ll lose anything.”

“I will. The name ‘target’ isn’t really something appropriate for companions who are living together, right? Please use some common sense, you know, common sense.”

And Kaichou’s ‘target’ will surely have a ‘sexual’ connotation to it. It will result in me trembling each time she calls me like that.

“Then how should I address you?”

“Isn’t the typical ‘Himenokouji Akito-san’ fine? Kaichou usually calls me by my full name when you’re talking to me, no?”

“Ehhh~? But that’s really troublesome. Indeed, I somehow got used to calling you by your full name without knowing it. But it’s too long, and I may bite my tongue accidentally.”

“Well, you reap the what you sow, so just accept it. Isn’t it just fine since you’re already used to it? The main focus for this activity is to accentuate your own personality, right?”

“But, won’t it be really troublesome during an emergency?”

“Emergency, what sort of emergency?”

“For example, should you be lost in a certain mountain, then I’ll have no choice but to call out your name repeatedly. Don’t you think it’s really inefficient for me to be shouting ‘Hinemokouji Akito-san~! Hinemokouji Akito-san~!’ at that sort of critical situation?”

“There’s no need for you to be thinking that far ahead. Alright, next.”

I forcefully shifted the attention to the next person.

Generally, things have always been going by how Kaichou wants them to be, so I’ll consider this to be evening things out. As the caretaker, I’ll accept no objections.

“Urm, well then, Nasuhara-san.”

“Yes?”

“The way to address me. You come up with anything?”

“Let me see—”

The golden haired vice president took a sip of tea,

“Let’s go with this. I’ll call you ‘darling’.”

“Rejected.”

“Why?”

“Urm, no matter what, that’s a little too intimidating, don’t you think so? The distance between us.”

“You really say all sorts of strange things. One of the aims of this activity, is to shorten the distance between us fellow residents, no?”

“Though it’s like that… no, that’s still a little too extreme. Please try to come up with something else.”

“I’ll think about it, if you marry with me.”

“No no, if we’re to get married, then it will really become ‘darling’, no? That no longer has anything to do with my nickname.”

As always, she does as she pleases.

Well, as per usual, she’d said all that with a blank expression. That’s a great help, since it’s much easier for me to handle it. If I have to treat everything she says seriously, I don’t think my body would be able to take it.

“In any case, no. Please come up with something else.”

“Then tell me briefly, what sort of names are acceptable for you?”

“Uh— Hmm, let me see… How should I put it; it will be better if it’s something more normal.”

“I understand. Then I’ll address you with ‘anata’ from now onward.”

“Ugh, hold on a second. Certainly, from a point of view, it’s something very typical, but that’s still a little strange.”

“How is it strange?”

“Because the ‘you’ you’re talking about, isn’t the ‘you’ as a pronoun, but rather, it has the meaning ‘husband’, right?”

“Stop with your yakking, it’s really irritating. If you still continue on complaining about my innovations, which gave me a hard time to come up with, I’ll make you hand wash my lingerie everyday.”

“I don’t think I can become a man with such dedication and self sacrifice.”

“Of course, you’ll have to iron them for me as well.”

“It’s not like they’re blouses or suits, I don’t really see the point in doing so.”

“You’re really a man with lots of complaints. Say anymore, and I shall perform Swanton Bomb on you as a punishment.”

“Are you familiar with pro wrestling as well…?”

An embodiment of surprises, that’s the sort of girl she is.

Incidentally, that’s a maneuver that’s extremely difficult to pull off. Kids, don’t try this at home.

“In any case, that’s shot down as well. Please come up with a very normal name. Not one with hidden meanings.”

“It can’t be helped.”

As she said that, Nasuhara made an effort to come up with something.

“Well then, I’ll just call you ‘Aki’ from now on.”

“And just like that, it has changed into an intimate nickname!”

She’s a girl who I really can’t predict where she’ll jump to next.

She’s totally like a string of firecrackers. Or a rugby ball.

“What is with that reaction of yours? Are you going to complain about this as well?”

“Ahh no, it’s indeed what I requested, so I shouldn’t have anything to say in regards to that… However, can’t you think of something else?”

“It’s as you’ve requested, and there’s nothing wrong with it; so why do I have to think of something else?”

“Well… That’s quite obvious, right?”

“Fu. After seeing you putting on that expression of dislike, my determination has strengthened. In the future, I’ll have to insist on it to the point of being stubborn, and call you by nothing else but ‘Aki’.”

“… Ehh—? You’ve really decided on using that?”

“I’ve already yielded twice, and compromised till I finally came up with a nickname that fits your requirements. If this still won’t do, then don’t you think you’re being a little too unreasonable here?”

“Ugh, indeed it’s so, but…”

“Then please take care of me, Aki?”

Whoa, it felt disgusting!

Though I shouldn’t be saying this, and I’m really sorry for her, but that was just really disgusting!

As she’s a girl without much expressions or variations to her tone of speech, only she can cause this sort of feelings in me when she’s greeting me kindly… Just like how one mistaken salt for sugar and licks it, or like how one puts in soy sauce instead of sauce in their cold dishes. Uwa—. How disgusting—.

Forget it… This is a one off incident, so I can only pray that Nasuhara will change her mind when the time comes.

“… Urm, well then, that’s all for my names?”

“Please wait. I would be very disturbed if you were to forget about the most important, mine, the younger sister Akiko, who is deeply in love with her elder brother.”

“No, it’s not about forgetting you or anything.”

Looking at my sister, who was raising her hand, and looking like she’d been eagerly awaiting for her turn, I tilted my head,

“You’re my younger sister. There’s no need for you to deliberately come up with a way of addressing me, right?”

“No need to; Why is that so?”

“What do you mean by that, we’re both siblings to begin with.”

“Why is there no need for consideration in regards to the way I address you, just because we are siblings?”

“Urm, because, isn’t the way you should be addressing me been long decided already?”

Of course, not too long ago, we had similar little game where she came up with various ways to address me. But that’s an exception of exceptions.

“How else can you address me other than ‘onii-chan’? Are there any other names?”

“That is right. I just call Onii-chan directly as ‘onii-chan’.”

“… Stop beating around the bush. Just come straight to the point.”

“Fufu. That means.”

My sister lifted her nose,

“I call Onii-chan as ‘onii-chan’. That is a logic that needs no explanation, and no one can say anything against it. Just as everyone was busy coming up with a name for Onii-chan, I am the only person who need not wreck my brain over such a troublesome problem. I just want to emphasize that.”

“… And, what are you trying to say?”

“Ultimately, I am trying to talk about my absolute bonds with Onii-chan! For the past sixteen years since we were born, the practice we have between us blood related siblings is something that no one can stop, and not even god can infringe on us.”

“Haa.”

“And also, there is the sense of superiority, as I am the only one in this world who can address Onii-chan with ‘onii-chan’! Everyone can be a little more jealous and envious of me, someone who is a unique and special presence to Onii-chan!”

My sister was trying desperately to advocate her advantages in front of everyone.

That speech was quite exaggerated; ultimately speaking, the conclusion reached wasn’t that much different from usual.

“To think you’ve always said things like ‘us being blood related siblings are just a minor problem!’… So you’ll only bring that sort of things out when it’s to your advantage.”

“I do not care what you say. It will not do if I do not fully utilize all of my assets, and defend the throne that is being the legal wife of Onii-chan.”

“What’s with the legal wife and stuff. I don’t even have a designated girlfriend yet.”

“We are currently in the era of the warring states.”

Ignoring my feeble protests, my sister became even more engrossed with her grand speech.

“This hostel which exists solely for Onii-chan and I, has currently turned into an evil place filled with cocky trespassing demons. In the current time, where I can no longer live a lovey dovey life with Onii-chan, I will have to emphasize the bonds that Onii-chan and I share whenever there’s a chance to do so, no matter how minor it is.”

“You’re still as exaggerated as ever.”

“Naive, you are too naive! This is a battle that concerns my life and death, but Onii-chan still can not understand!”

“Urm, even if you say that to me.”

“… Himenokouji Akito-san. Let’s just stop there.”

Just then, Kaichou interrupted.

She shook her head, while putting on a painful expression, as though she’d attended a meeting throughout the night,

“Up till now, I’ve always loved your sister. As the secretary of the student council, she works for me faithfully, and her bright smile will always lightens up the mood of the student council. But thinking back, I’d been too reliant on her. I’m sorry, that’s a mistake I’ve made, as the president of the student council. I no longer have the right to face you, her elder brother.”

“W-What’s wrong Kaichou? You have suddenly became really respectful.”

“Himenokouji Akiko-san.”

Ignoring my fluster, Kaichou stood up from her seat.

She then walked to Akiko’s back, and placed her hands on Akiko’s shoulders, while putting on a gentle smile.

“I’m really sorry, for not noticing the message that you’d been giving off all these while. Don’t worry, just focus on being affectionate with your brother from now on.”

“W-Why is Kaichou… saying things like this all of the sudden… something is wrong? What is going on?”

“Ahh sorry, I’ve caused you to be frightened? Ah, there’s no other meaning behind this. That’s how I really feel from the bottom of my heart, so it’s fine to accept whatever I’d just said like it is? Okay?”

“Seito-Kaichou.”

Just then, Nasuhara interrupted.

“Why not let me take over the jobs of the secretary for the moment? In the mean time, you should consider relieving her from her jobs in the student council.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea. Can I leave it to you then, Fuku-Kaichou?”

“P-Please wait, both of you! That means you two are trying to fire me, right?! Ah… that means it is a plan to chase me out of the student council right?! That is it, right?!”

“Ahh, no, that was never my intention. It’s just my feeling that things are too tough for you, so I just want to be slightly more considerate… I’m really sorry. It seems like I’ve added yet another mental burden onto you instead. But please, I hope you can agree to my request.”

“W-What request?”

“Talk to me if you’re facing any difficulties. Open your heart to me if there’s anything troubling you. And also, don’t ever force yourself. I can’t share your pain, but I can still provide you some assistance.”

“Wha… What’s with this all of the sudden, it is so disgusting. Nasuhara-san has not just smiled to me, but she is actually doing such kind things out of the blue… W-What exactly will happen next? A change in the world? Or the duel between god and devil?”

“Though I can’t do much, please allow me to help as well.”

This time, even Ginbe raised her hand.

“Despite us having met not too long ago, since you’re the sister of my good friend, that means we’re eating out of the same pot of rice. I hope I can do something for you within my limited means.”

“E-Even Ginbe-san too…?”

“It’s fine whether to teach you my secret recipes, or the techniques to do housework. Or, I can tell you in details about the things that had happened during the past six years, when you and Akito-san were separated. The Akito-san whom you don’t know; you must be interested in it, right?”

“Of course I am interested… But why do you bring that up all of the sudden?”

“Nothing, it’s simply just me being enthusiastic. There’s nothing else to it. Mmm, definitely not.”

“Uhh…”

Kaichou and Nasuhara and Ginbe.

Upon being treated by them that kindly out of the blue, my sister had obviously became wary.

“… Urm, Onii-chan?”

“Hmm? What?”

“Everyone has said things like that… but do not you think it just a little too strange? They must be planning something behind all that, right?”

“Hmm—? Ah, well, since everyone has said that, how about trusting them just this once?”

“Yeah, Himenokouji, you should depend on your seniors at a time like this.”

“It isn’t like I’m a demon or anything. It’s true that I’d always clashed with your opinions many times up till now, but those are already things of the past. Compared to things like that, you should be worrying more about your body.”

“You can’t be more right than that. As for me, there isn’t anything more important than ‘health’, but it’s something that’s easily neglected at the same time. You’re still young, so learn to treasure yourself more.”

“… Uhh, it is still very strange… why is everyone saying such gentle things all of the sudden? This is totally like… Ah?!”

My sister’s eyes widened, as if she’d realized something.

“Well, I do not think this is possible, but Onii-chan.”

“Mmm. Yes?”

“Could everyone think that I have some sort of illness…?”

“W-What an idiot you are. What are you talking about?”

Kaichou stammered a little, and gave a troubled smile.

“There isn’t the slightest chance of us thinking like that, yeah? To think of you like that, who isn’t only our colleague in the student council, but also a fellow resident living in the same hostel… Isn’t that right, Fuku-Kaichou?”

“Y-Yes, I think you’re thinking too deeply into it. Himenokouji, you must be tired. You will be fine if you take a good rest.”

“Yup, I totally agree. Lil’ sister, we’re just slightly worried, because you’re an extremely delicate and fragile girl; that’s all there’s to it. Don’t force yourself too much, calm down, and don’t ever get agitated. That’s not good for your body, understand?”

“I-Is that not treating me as though I am sick! Yes, I do love my blood related brother the most, and I do want to step over the line of us being siblings together with Onii-chan, but that is all! Other than that, I am very normal!”

“Oh, of course, you aren’t abnormal or anything like that. I guarantee that under my name, Nikaido Arashi. Don’t you agree, Fuku-Kaichou?”

“Mhmm, yes, of course. If there’s anyone calling you a pervert or humiliating you, don’t hesitate and inform me about it. I’ll erase his existence from the society, and make him regret for having lived up till now.”

“Everyone’s right, lil’ sister. There’s no need for you to care about the gossips around you; you just have to live your own life, and continue walking on your path. Even if you screw up somewhere, we’ll be there to clear up the mess. Even if that sort of things happen, we all know, that you didn’t do it deliberately.”

“… Urm. Even though I do not think it is quite possible.”

My sister, who was suddenly being treated really kindly, asked uneasily,

“Though I do not think it is quite possible… you guys really do not see me as someone who is sick, right?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

Finally, they turned their sights away at the same time. Kaichou & Nasuhara & Ginbe.

“Eh? T-That is a joke, right? There you go again, everyone is so mean~”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“P-Please do not act like that, look at me properly. Neh? Quick. I am not scary, just someone who is very normal, right?”

“— Ah, don’t worry, Himenokouji.”

Kaichou couldn’t take it any longer, and forced a still smile,

“You don’t have to take it to heart, there’s no need to worry. Even if you’re sent to the hospital, we’ll still visit you everyday—”

“Kaichou! Please watch your words!”

“S-Sorry, Fuku-Kaichou, I accidentally…”

“She’s currently in a very precarious state, so please be careful. — Sorry, Himenokouji, don’t worry, there’s no need to be afraid. It will be fine if you leave everything to us.”

“Exactly. Just leave it all to us. I promise you, that we’ll settle everything for you. Therefore, lil’ sister, I hope you can just hold on for a while. No matter what happens, we’ll still be your companions, and your friends. Neh?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~~~~!”

My sister moaned, and stood up from her seat with her eyes in tears,

“I am not sick! I am very normal! Uwaaaaaa!”

With that, she dashed out of the dining room.

“… Alright.”

Kaichou drank her tea, as though nothing had happened.

“Well then, let’s continue where we left off. Whose nicknames should we come up with next?”

“… Kaichou. And Nasuhara-san and Ginbe-san as well.”

I couldn’t pretend as though nothing has happened.

“Please restrain yourselves, alright? Though my younger sister is indeed a very fun person.”

“Ka ka ka. Ahh, sorry sorry. That lass has the cutest reactions, and so I went overboard accidentally. But Himenokouji Akito-san, you aren’t in aposition to talk, yeah? Hmm?”

Well, yeah.

The expressions of my ever changing sister were really too interesting, so it was true that I hadn’t stepped in right until the end.

Forget it. That girl is unrivaled in terms of her optimism and cheerfulness, so she should recover from that quite soon. Everyone must have known that before they did it, so I think a precautionary warning should be more than enough here.

“Leaving that aside, let’s continue with the nicknames. Personally, I’d love to address Ginbe-san by ‘Gin-Gin’, how is that?”

“… If possible, I hope we can avoid using that. It just sounds too frivolous, or rather, too cutesy, no?”

“I think it’s great. It’s a fact that you’re very slim, and very cute.”

However, it seems like everyone has already more or less figured out how to deal with my sister.

Not to mention, they had an understanding among each other, as though they’d planned it all out right from the beginning. Everyone here can be an actress, and they’re so good at it that I’ll not be surprised if some troupe is to approach them for their talents. Akiko would naturally not be able to withstand the focus fire from this group of people.

“If so, don’t I have to start addressing Nasuhara-san as ‘Ana-ana’ too?”

“Ara, that sort of nickname isn’t befitting of me, who’s Miss Ririana Academy.”

“Yeah, if it’s me, I’ll want to call Fuku-Kaichou ‘pussy cat’ instead.”

“Kaichou, that obviously has a sexual connotation to it, right? How about try coming up with something that’s absolutely not related to that area, even if it’s just once every ten years?”

In any case.

The sideshow started out partly for laughs, but we became surprisingly enthusiastic about it, and it continued on for quite some time. As for my sister, who was left out of it all by herself, I felt sorry for your loss. That’s all.

Translator notes and references

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