Talk:Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume1 Chapter1

From Baka-Tsuki
Jump to: navigation, search

References & Translator's Notes

Cookie tin

They drew their new seat positions from a ハトサブレの缶 (Hatosabure no KAN).

Kamakura is famous for a biscuit called Hatosabure (鳩サブレー), a biscuit shaped like a pigeon. Sold next to Kamakura station and a very popular omiyage (souvenir) among the Japanese.

Toshimaya is a shop that sells many kinds of sweets. "Hato" (鳩) means dove in English and "sabure" (サブレ) is "sable" in French. Children loved the many white pigeons in Kamakura, so the owner of Toshimaya named the cookie "hatosabure."

Info from: WikiTravel Ryoko's Homepage Images

--GDsMDDLFNGR 03:44, 27 May 2006 (PDT)


Open Translation Issues

The previous discussions have been moved to the forum. Please click on the following links to view them.





Differences with the stratos translation

Note that most of the comments mentioned in a similar treatment of the prologue apply here.

format:

The unindented line is the current translation.
The following indented line is stratos' translation.
(Any following line in parentheses is a comment on the difference between the two.)

differences:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.
Before I knew it, my days of dillydallying were over, and I had safely landed myself in a prefectural high school in my district.
(no mention of carefree days being over in first.)
At first, I regretted this decision as my new school sat on top of a very high hill.
My first regret was that this school was situated atop a sizable hill.
("At first" indicates that he came to not regret it later. That doesn't make sense in context, as there's no mitigating circumstance mentioned that would change his stance.)
as all of you know, you sleep best right before it's time to get up.
Then again, once you consider just how precious those last ten minutes of sleep are, ...
the time-wasting entrance ceremony.
while the school commencement ceremony was held in the gratuitously large gymnasium,
(no mention of gymnasium in first. no mention of time-wasting in the second)
Thus, I didn't look as worried (or excited) as other people.
so I wasn’t too concerned about the trials of making friends.
("trials of making friends" makes things clearer.)
along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.
my classmates whose faces I would be seeing for the next year, whether I liked it or not.
(The classmates being not-so-willing doesn't make sense, considering they had the "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look just the paragraph before.)
Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei
For homeroom, we have Okabe, a young teacher
and having apparently ran out of things to say after that long winding speech, he said,
Just when I thought that he would never finish, he suddenly blurted out:
One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves.
Starting from the left side of the seating chart alternating boy-girl-boy-girl, one by one, people stood up and said their name ...
(boy-girl alternation not mentioned. Also, "starting from the left side" slightly clearer than "people on the left side")
Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, ...
Some just mumbled their way through it. Some sounded completely relaxed about it.
while some tried to tell lame jokes that lowered the room's temperature by a substantial degree.
Some told lame jokes to ease the tension in the room.
I'm starting to get nervous! Everyone should understand how I'm feeling right now, right?
Nerve-wracking. You know what I mean, right?
(kind of embarrassing, because I did that edit, but the other version is better. It's hard when you don't know how much you can change without twisting the original meaning, though. Possible change: "I started getting nervous. You know the feeling, right?")
Her small lips were tightly pursed.
her soft pink lips tightly pursed.
This was my first impression of this girl.
!! not present in this translation.!!
Was she trying to be dramatic?
Is this some kind of a joke?
This is based on hindsight—it can't be wrong.
I learned this the hard way later on so there's no doubt about it.
How unforgettable.
!! not present in this translation.!!
"...No."
"If you are not, then what do you want?"
"...no, but."
"No, but what?"
(first conversation seems like Kyon's a little more assertive. second makes him seem apologetic. Of course, his "sorry" in the next paragraph is pretty apologetic. This is a subtle point, anyway.)
removed her glare from me disdainfully
stopped staring at me the way one would stare at brussel sprouts
But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking scowling-mouthed Haruhi.
However, this didn't mean there weren't any other people in this class who hadn’t grasped the situation or were just plain blind to their surroundings.
You should watch an episode. Oh, but it'll be hard to pick up halfway in.
You should try it. Even if you started in the middle you wouldn't be lost.
We started to talk about Haruhi.
That's when the subject of Haruhi Suzumiya came up.
(subtle thing. first sentence implies that they gathered and immediately started to talk about her. second states that it came up in conversation.)
"That's right!"
You got that right.
(first is a little bit "wow, someone who understands me!" second implies Kyon's typical sarcasm.)
If that girl was interested in you, she wouldn't say weird stuff like that.
!! not present in this translation.!!
Taniguchi piped in:
Taniguchi was still talking.
(In these novels at least, if not in the Japanese language, all dialog indications are for the preceding dialog, not the following, as in normal English usage. The colon makes it seem like Taniguchi didn't say the preceding words as well.)
"Where did you learn all this gossip?"
"Are there any stories about that?"
!! not present in this translation.!!
Then don't agree to go out in the first place.
(That last sentence gives a strong indication that Taniguchi has some personal feelings about this behavior.)
Taniguchi put his empty lunch-box back into his bag, and let out a sinister giggle.
Taniguchi put his empty lunch box into his bag and smirked.
(sinister giggle, more villainous. smirking, more know-it-all.)
It was as if she had fallen from the sky and had been born with extreme attraction in mind!
She definitely has enough charisma to attract the masses.
by Friday, she would have four ribbon-tied ponytails on her head. Her actions were really enigmatic!
And on Friday, she would have four random spots tied off by ribbons, quite an odd sight.
(actions described as enigmatic, vs just the 4-tail hairstyle described as odd.)
Her explanation was: "It is annoying for me to do the same club activity everyday."
!! not present in this translation.!!
!! not present in this translation.!!
a grin plastered on his face.
"You don't look like that kind of person."
"How is that any better?"
started to call me Kyon.
started calling me "Kyon-kun."
(pretty minor, but something to note, since this volume was translated from Chinese, and the exact honorifics would have been lost.)
Frankly, topics like what dreams people have, or how amazing or cute someone's pet is are, in my book, some of the dullest topics in the world.
This could be considered some of the most trivial information ever along with telling people about your dreams or bragging about some pet.
(in order to get both sentences to mean the same thing, you'd have to do something like: "Frankly, topics like that -- what dreams ..." in order to more clearly state the fact that he thinks Taniguchi's rambling is one of those kinds of topics.)
"Hmm... for a while."
"Really?"
"Hmm... Just recently."
"I see."
("Really?" sounds enthusiastic, which doesn't connect with her attitude in the next paragraph. "Really." would be better.)
"At least that's what I think, because you look and feel different to me everyday." (Kyon)
"I think that each day of the week gives off a different image." (Haruhi)
(So who was it that spoke that line? It's clear that they have similar source material, but they were interpreted differently.)
I just sat there uncomfortably and let time slip by.
This lasted long enough for me to start feeling quite uneasy.
In the end it's the same as mandatory education. Nothing changes at all.
this is no different from back during compulsory education.
(stratos is slightly more clear, though I would add a note that in Japan, only up to junior high school, is education compulsory, and high school is optional -- I didn't know that myself until about a week ago.)
"Shut up. If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise it's plain."
"Any club I like is weird. Everything else is normal. Isn't that obvious?"
It's not something important anyway. (Kyon)
"Probably something worthless, right?" (Haruhi)
(again, who said this line? it does make more sense for Haruhi to say it, though.)
Total dismissal seems to be her motto.
It appears she has a habit of using the word "totally."
Every single one of them was a moron
Every single one of them was ridiculously square.
(both are derogatory, but in different senses. "square" or something like makes more sense in context.)
"Hmm, you are right. I would ask the girl out and tell her directly."
"Who the hell cares about you!"
What the, did I say something wrong again?
"Well... you think so? I'd probably call her out somewhere and tell her."
"That's not important!"
So is it or isn't it?
(In the current wiki translation, she's attacking Kyon's opinion as being unimportant. In the stratos translation, she's saying that what she was complaining about isn't important.)
"Because humans are no fun at all!"
"Isn't that more fun!?" (to be with non-humans.)
They wouldn't just appear right in front of us humble citizens and say ...
there's no way someone would walk up to me and introduce himself like ...
(Plural/singular and global/personal difference.)
"I apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"
He repeated again, and the class atmosphere finally reverted to normal
"Sorry I'm late. Ah... Homeroom's starting."
And with that iteration of his opening remarks, we returned to our daily mundane routine.
(For stratos, the first "Homeroom's starting" is the repetition. The current translation makes it seem like he repeated yet again, making it 3 times. Also, in the wiki translation, His two lines about homeroom are not the same, hence, no repetition. In the stratos translation, "homeroom's starting" is said twice.)
Taniguchi, with his mystified face
Taniguchi came over with a moody expression plastered on his face.
"How very shocking!"
Taniguchi sarcastically put on an in-awe expression
"It's the end of the world."
Taniguchi had this overly exaggerated look of shock on this face.
"... why Suzumiya would talk to you? I don't get it at all."
"... how did Suzumiya have an actual conversation with Kyon. I can't accept it."
("can't accept" indicates not wanting to believe. "don't get it" indicates not being able to.)
my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.
dampen my mood another two intervals.
(seems a little too different to not be simply a difference between the Japanese and Chinese versions.)
Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever scowling Haruhi!
how did this happen, Haruhi Suzumiya sat behind me looking like she was enduring a cavity.
"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff!"
"That's some hazardous stuff."
trying to go into the Major League but then you discover that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team."
planning on making it to the national championship only to discover that this high school doesn't have a baseball team."
(wiki translation: "train in a baseball team in order to get good enough to get into the major leagues." stratos translation: "join baseball team with a dream to make it to the nationals" -- this makes more sense to me, even though both are logical.
But Haruhi isn't really a "want to be" type of person, so much as a "want to win" type of person. So she'd be more likely to say the championship line. To match the stratos translation, you'd have to do something like "trying to get to the World Series", or you could use as stratos does, the generic "national championship.")
Haruhi looked as if she were some sort of banshee ready to go to a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. She stared at the sky with disdain and let out a huge sigh.
Haruhi glared at the sky with crocodile eyes like those of an enchantress who has prepared to commence the ritual of a hundred prayers and sighed like the north wind.
Haruhi just cut off my rather excellent speech, or at least that's what I think, and turned her head the other direction.
Haruhi cut me off just as I was getting into a groove and looked away.
This girl probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers that far surpasses reality.
This girl probably doesn't care what it is. As long as it's a phenomenon that defies the tedium of reality.
I am normal, right?
Least that's what I thought.
A normal response, right?
Tears came out of my eyes instantly.
I could see tears of time in my eyes.
(the wiki translation makes more sense. perhaps the stratos translation was a bit too literal?)
My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my head hitting the desk a moment ago.
It appears that the banging into the desk wasn't the only thing making my head hurt.
(wiki translation states that head hitting desk wasn't reason for head pain. stratos translation states that it wasn't the ONLY reason. point to stratos.)
For now I just want you to consider where we are, THEN you can share your joy with me.
Depending on the circumstances, I may even share your joy.
the numbing back of my head
my ringing head
(back of head going numb vs head ringing from impact. Interesting to note that both Cruzz and stratos ended up using the same word. Can't be entirely sure it was independent, of course.)

--The naming game 23:02, 19 August 2006 (PDT)


Resolved Issues

The previous discussions have been moved to the forum. Please click on the following links to view them.























Grammar Corrections

This contribution has been moved to forum. Please click on the following link to view it: Grammar Corrections