Difference between revisions of "Talk:Zero no Tsukaima:Volume1 Story1 Chapter3"
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(4) 'And it should be so too, because stuffed inside this library is the history of everything ever since Founder Brimir first built a new world in Halkeginia.' -> 'And it should be, because packed inside this library is the history of everything since Founder Brimir first built a new world in Halkeginia.' |
(4) 'And it should be so too, because stuffed inside this library is the history of everything ever since Founder Brimir first built a new world in Halkeginia.' -> 'And it should be, because packed inside this library is the history of everything since Founder Brimir first built a new world in Halkeginia.' |
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+ | [This sentence seemed a little erroneous to me. I believe my changes alleviated it a little but I think it still needs re-working.] |
Revision as of 22:30, 6 September 2006
Pg 70
(1) 'His nickname is "Colbert of Flame Snake". He is a mage who specializes in magics from the "Fire" system.' -> 'His nickname is "Colbert the Flame Snake". He is a mage who specializes in the elemental magic of "Fire".' [I changed his 'rune name" accordingly based on how "Zero no Louise" becomes "Louise the Zero". I also re-worded the second sentence, though it may be less accurate now.]
(2) 'Colbert has been concerned about the commoner young man who was called out by Louise during the "Spring Familiar Summoning" a few days ago.' -> 'Colbert has been concerned about the young male commoner who was summoned by Louise during the...'
[I didn't like the sound of"commoner young man" so I replaced it with something that sounds a little more fluid.]
(3) 'So, he has closed himself off inside the library ever since last night, looking through books.' -> '..., poring through books.'
["Looking through books" seemed a bit too casual compared to "poring through books"]
(4) 'And it should be so too, because stuffed inside this library is the history of everything ever since Founder Brimir first built a new world in Halkeginia.' -> 'And it should be, because packed inside this library is the history of everything since Founder Brimir first built a new world in Halkeginia.'
[This sentence seemed a little erroneous to me. I believe my changes alleviated it a little but I think it still needs re-working.]
(5) [The inconsistency with tenses is somewhat frustrating to me... I'll let the rest of you sort this problem out.]
--Da~Mike 21:28, 6 September 2006 (GMT)
