Book Girl Ascends the Stairway of the Gargoyles and Idiots Chapter 1

From Baka-Tsuki
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Book Girl and the Summoned Beast summoned by the girl[edit]


The ‘Book Girl’ declared in such a poignant voice as she tossed the greenish-blue thread that was laid on her back.

Ahh…she finally said it out~

I couldn't help but clutch my head the as I stood beside Touko-sempai, who has completely lost it.

Everything began here.

“Hey, Konoha-kun, I found a great library here!

It was a little far away, but soon, we found ourselves heading there to look. I was doing up a map of the library. As a member of the literature club, I had to know what kind of books there were in which libraries, what kind of facilities they had, and so on.

The books were stacked heavily like a graveyard in the clubroom without the air-conditioner, giving off a fragrance. It felt hard to breath during this hot weather as I loosened my uniform collar with one hand while fanning myself with a paper fan with the other.

She answered,

“How tiring. I don’t want to go. It’s your own interest anyway Touko-sempai. It has nothing to do with club activities, right?”

“Seriously~ you’re younger than me, Konoha-kun, but you always act so lifeless~ This is sempai’s order. Go~”

Touko-sempai’s braids swayed slightly as she started pouting like a kid. I could only stare at her in a dumbstruck manner, and finally succumbed under her continuous persuading.

We took a long ride on the train, and finally reached that library. It was surrounded by many lush green trees, and had 3 storeys. It looked like a new building, and it was very spacious inside.

“Ahh, it’s a mountain of goodies! I can’t look away!”

Touko-sempai’s eyes were glittering.

“Please don’t eat them all.”

I reminded. Touko-sempai is a youkai who will rip books out and eat their pages.

However, she herself insisted, “I’m just an ordinary ‘Book Girl’! I am different from those Kitarous and Eyeball Father [1]…”

“Really, I get it. Ahh, but but! This is the only library with the entire collection of Jean Anouilh books. [2] There’s also the entire collection of Yoshiya Nobuko’s works here!”[3]

Endou-sempai showed a slight blush on her face as she leapt through the rows of bookshelves with light steps. I didn’t dare to relax, fearing when she would fall for the temptation and read the book.

At this moment, Touko-sempai suddenly stopped.

“Oh my, Mizuki? Isn’t that Mizuki?”

A girl in uniform was sitting by the window that was letting the soft sunlight through, silently flipping through the books.

I suppose she would be a high school girl like us. The loose long hair lay on her back softly, and she was a petite and cute girl. She lowered her snowy white face, and her eyes that were staring at the pages were somewhat drenched with a seemingly tinge of loneliness.


“It’s been a while, Mizuki.”

Touko-sempai went over happily, and the other party showed a gentle smile of an acquaintance. To think that such a tranquil girl would actually know Touko-sempai—

“This is Himeji Mizuki. She's a friend I met in another library around here. We would often meet to share our reflections on some books we read.”

Touko-sempai smiled as she said.

“Mizuki, this is my kouhai at the Literature club, Inoue Konoha. He’s a second year like you too.”

Himeji looked rather shy. Her face was red as she nodded at me. She was really someone who would give others the urge to protect her.

“Fumitzuki Gakuen. Is that the school that became hot news for the ‘test summoning system’?”[4]


“I heard that you can call out summoned beasts by obtaining points in exams.”

“Wow, it’s like magic.”

Touko-sempai always had interests in unique things as she asked with interest,

“In other words, the higher the points, the stronger the summoned beast?”

“Yes. Theoretically, that’s the case.”

“I wanna try too~ it sounds like an interesting school!”

“Eh? …It’s true that, it’s rather fun…whether it’s the school, or everyone in class…I like them all…”

Himeji's voice was rather stuttered.

Eh? Just when I felt that it was strange, a drop of clear liquid suddenly slid down her clear face. Wah!

“Mizuki, what’s wrong!?”


She frantically apologized as tears rolled out of her large eyes.

Himeji kept holding the book in her arms, saying sorry as she sobbed while her shoulders trembled.

At this moment, Touko-sempai and I didn’t know what to do.

“What happened, Mizuki? If there’s something wrong, you can tell us, alright?”

Touko-sempai brought the sobbing Mizuki out of the library to sit at a bench surrounded by trees, handed her a violet handkerchief, and asked.

Himeji sobbed as she answered,

“Uu…A, Akihisa-kun…gave the cookies I made, uu…to Sakamoto-kun…”

“Akihisa is?”

“Uu…my classmate. He’s very kind…cheery, optimistic…treats others well…ever since a long time ago, I’d…but Akihisa-kun seemed to think that I bothered him…he said thanks when I handed him the cookies I made during cooking class and took it…but maybe it’s because he didn’t want to hurt me…uu…after that, I saw him bring it to Sakamoto-kun…and even…made him open his mouth and force-fed him”[5]


Touko-sempai shouted, causing me to feel a chill.

Not good. Looks like this will end up like before…

“Himeji, maybe Akihisa simply doesn’t like cookies? Maybe you can confirm it again?”

“No need for that. Even so, he made this cute Mizuki cry, and I won’t forgive him for this! This kind of person who tramples on a maiden’s heart is the worst!”

“Uu, Akihisa-kun, isn’t the worst. He’s…a ver, very nice guy…”

Touko-sempai couldn’t help but give the sobbing Mizuki a hug while Mizuki continued to defend that Akihisa.

“Ahh, such a strong girl you are, Mizuki! Okay, leave it to us! We, as the literature club members who are well-versed in romance stories of all eras will definitely help you fulfill your love!”

“You’re saying ‘us’? This has nothing to do with me! Please don’t drag me down!”

“You see? Konoha-kun here is still very enthusiastic, so he’ll definitely give you a happy end. If you can have a successful relationship with Akihisa, please allow us to write the sweet relationship between both of you. That will be very deli—no no, we’ll ensure your everlasting happiness, so please allow all copyrights to our universal after-sales services, okay?”

Himeji couldn’t help but widen her eyes after seeing Touko-sempai bring her smiling face over.


She answered.

Ahh—when stimulated by thirst and a sense of mission, Touko-sempai couldn't be stopped when she’s burning up like this.

The next day, after school, I was forcefully dragged to Fumitzuki Gakuen.

“First, we have to carefully~ observe the target, and then create a plan.”

This high school girl with long braids was holding a pair of binoculars, crouched at the side of the school gates, sure looked very suspicious. The students entering and leaving Fumitzuki Gakuen gave us suspicious looks.

“…Please, let’s go back before we shame ourselves.”

“Really, you’re so cruel, Konoha-kun. This is for Mizuki’s sake.”

“It’s for your own snack.”

“Of course not! I don’t live entirely for food! Ah, they’re here! Those two!”

I looked over in the direction Touko-sempai pointed.

The two people were walking slowly to the gates, and they were the two people we saw on Mizuki’s handphone before, Yoshii Akihisa and Sakamoto Yuuji.

The tall and muscular guy was Sakamoto, and the other one who looked like a bishounen was Yoshii.

At this moment, Sakamoto was grabbing Yoshii’s hand with both hands, and Yoshii, with his elbows tucked onto his body, was groaning while looking like he was clamped.

“It, it hurts, Yuuji!”

“Oh~ really? Now you understand the pain I suffered when I was stuffed with those killer cookies?”

“Wasn’t this yesterday’s incident? How long are you going to remember this grudge? Also, I thought you would have some resistance to Himeji-san’s cooking so…OWOWOWOW…I’m sorry, please let me go.”

“Nope, this punishment isn’t enough! You have to know that my soul floated into the Sanzu River[6] and nearly lost my life there!”

CRAK CRAK CRAK??? I didn’t know what was going on, but it seemed they were arguing. Also, I seemed to hear them mention about cookies. Were they referring to Himeji’s cookies?

At this moment, Touko-sempai, who was being quiet beside me, suddenly showed a stern expression.

“My worst premonition has become true…those two are lovers.”


I couldn’t help but exclaim, and hurriedly covered my mouth.

“I definitely can’t be mistaken here. Those people who could ignore the goodwill of a girl as cute as Mizuki and a nice girl like her would either be a forsaken idiot or someone without interest in the opposite gender.”

“That’s true…”

It didn’t seem logical to hand over a gift from a cute girl like Mizuki to someone else.

“Right? Look at this now! Such a passionate exchange of stares! Such direct body contact! Such a rude and unreasonable attitude is basically declaring fully this ‘Sakamoto belongs only to me!’ Listen to that Yoshii’s sweet fawning voice! You can already here it! It’s basically like «Vita Sexualis» [7], or «The Confession of the Mask» [8] or Oscar Wilde[9]! Ah, speaking of which, it’ll be really interesting to read «The Happy Prince» in a homoerotic subtext!”

“This is just what you want to say, right! The way I see it, Sakamoto and Yoshii are just arguing with each other!”

“Yes, this pain is also love! Sakamoto is definitely the seme, and Yoshii’s definitely the uke!”[10]

“Don’t say it anymore! Your mind is already filled with purple and pink laces!”[11]

Yoshii and Sakamoto kept close to each other as they moved by us. Touko-sempai bent her back as she followed them, and I could only follow her reluctantly.

“Hey, Konoha-kun, do you remember the name of that book Mizuki was reading?”

“I don’t remember…speaking of which, we better give up now. You’re walking like a duck now.”

But sempai ignored my words as she continued talking enthusiastically,

“It’s just like the story of ‘Ivanhoe’ written by Sir Walter Scott! It’s a middle-ages knight story written in the 19th century about the time Richard the Lionheart and Robin Hood were active! The young man in the story Ivanhoe was a knight of mysterious knight who fought for his beloved princess, his king, for honor! Those hearty battle scenes, those romances that were hard to separate, and the vivid descriptions of the scenery—it’s like deer meat barbecued in the outfield, sprinkled with salt, pepper, grape wine and other ingredients, filling it with a taste of boldness and romance. Ivanhoe himself had a lover in a Princess called Rowena, but there appeared a Jewish beauty Rebecca. She took delicate care of the injured Ivanhoe, and even when she was tried as a witch and brought to the execution platform, she never lost her noble image. She loved Ivanhoe until the very end, but adamantly chose to leave. One may even say that she’s the real female protagonist of the story. Mizuki must have definitely related herself as Rebecca after discovering that Yoshii had a lover in Sakamoto and started crying.”

Touko-sempai lowered her eyes with anguish, but then lifted them up and exclaimed loudly,

“But Konoha-kun, I always believed a long time ago that Ivanhoe could be with Rebecca. Even if it’s the stubbornness as a reader, I can understand Rebecca’s standpoint completely. That’s why I’ll support Mizuki with all I have! I’ll definitely help fulfill her love to prevent Rebecca’s tragedy befalling on her!”

The Book Girl stood proudly in the middle of the room and patted on her flat chest as she declared this loudly.

But at the next moment, she immediately recovered, blinked and looked around.

“Eh? Where’s Yoshii?”

“They went far away when you were talking so passionately about something so random.”


“It looks like they went around that corner.”

“Seriously, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you will even listen to me anyway.”

“You spoiler! Idiot!”

Touko-sempai shook her long braids and the binoculars on her neck as she sweated while dashing out.

Around the corner, we saw Yoshii and Sakamoto.

Touko-sempai panted as she shouted,


But they didn’t look back at all.

“That’s why I said that they’re not a couple in the first place.”

“Impossible! The eyes of this Book Girl who read through Plato’s «Symposium» and the entire collection of Inagaki Taruho’s works[12] can’t be wrong here! STOP—! THE IDIOT COUPLE OVER THERE—!”

The moment the word ‘idiot’ rang, those two which didn’t show any reaction up till now suddenly stopped and quickly turned around.

Touko-sempai panted as she ran to them.

“You, you see…(wheeze) my instinct…(ack) are right…(pants). These two are definitely lovers…(jumbled words)”

“Don’t say anything weird when you look like you’re going to faint, okay?”

Yoshii and Sakamoto gave looks of disbelief as they looked at Touko-sempai.

Appearance alone, Touko-sempai was a girl who wouldn’t lose to Himeji in terms of beauty and delicate looks, but she sure looked dangerous while sweating, eyes bloodshot, panting heavily.

Sakamoto pointed a finger at Yoshii and asked,

“I think she called you an idiot, right?”

“You’re too much, Yuuji! On what basis am I an idiot? Must it always be me when you say idiot?”

“Because you’re an idiot in the first place.”

“I can’t argue with that, but isn’t that too much of you to say that to your own friend!”

“Oi, you finally admitted it?”


Would that person Sakamoto was making fun of that ‘Akihisa-kun’?

He looked a little…no, he looked different from the impression I had of him.

He did look like a carefree idol-like guy on first glance…but his expression, movements, and even the presence he gave all caused me associate him with…idi—

No! I shouldn’t be even thinking about this. He’s the important person to Himeji here! But even if he’s stupid, or may be a comedian with an idol’s face…ah…I accidentally blurted it out.

“If you’re looking for Akihisa, I’ll be going off then.”

“Wa…wait a second, Sakamoto-kun!”

Sakamoto, who was planning to turn around and leave, was stopped by Touko-sempai.

“I’m looking for you.”

Sakamoto looked shocked as he turned around.

“Who are you?”

Touko-sempai put her right hand on the waist and straightened herself.

“As you can see, I’m a Book Girl.”


Thoroughly embarrassed, I really wanted to find a hole to bury my face in.

Sakamoto gave Touko-sempai a ‘this person’s definitely an idiot’ look, and on the other side, Yoshii raised his hands triumphantly as he cheered,

“Hear that, Yuuji? She’s here for you! That means the ‘idiot’ isn’t referring to me, but to you, Yuuji. Yay, Banzai!”


Touko-sempai yelled, and Yoshii immediately collapsed onto the floor, unable to get up.

“I’ll go straight to the point with you. Please break up with Yoshii.”

I suddenly felt a slight dizziness. Aren’t you being too direct, Touko-sempai?

On hearing that, Yoshii inadvertently waved his hands and murmured,

“Waiwaiwaiwait a second, what did you just say? Are you saying that Yuuji and I are dating?”

“Eh? Aren’t you two dating?”


“Don’t be mistaken. I’m not saying that boys love isn’t allowed. This isn’t the problem. Real love has nothing to do with age, gender and race.”



Touko-sempai gave Yoshii a cold glance.

“I definitely won’t forgive you for trampling on Mizuki’s pure feelings!”

Sakamoto, who had been giving a bothered look, suddenly frowned after hearing Touko-sempai’s words.

Yoshii widened his eyes.

“Mizuki…are you referring to Himeji-san?”

“That’s right, your classmate. She’s cute, delicate, the ideal choice number 1 for a girlfriend Himeji Mizuki, and you made this kind and cheery her cry. I have to settle this debt with you.”

“Himeji-san cried?”

On hearing that, Yoshii, who had been standing there in a relaxed manner, immediately frowned.

And at this moment, Touko-sempai undid the navy-blue ribbon from her chest and threw it at Sakamoto.

The ribbon finally touched Sakamoto’s chest and slid gently onto his shoes.

“Anyway, I, the president of the Seijou Gakuen’s literature club, Amano Touko officially challenges you—Sakamoto Yuuji to a duel!”

Ahh…she finally said it out~

I couldn't help but clutch my head the as I stood beside Touko-sempai.

A duel of all things!?

Such an old-fashioned method! And it’s so reckless!

Touki-sempai is a classic literature-type girl who’ll be panting after running for 100m. it’s impossible for her to beat the athletic looking Sakamoto…

Luckily, Sakamoto wasn’t angry as he said with a calm tone,

“You mean that if I lose, I will have to break up with Akihisa.”


“And if you lose?”

“Let this Konoha-kun write down the sweetest love poem praising the relationship between you two.”


Why’re you making your own decision! A love poem praising boys love!? It’s impossible for me to write this without experience!

On hearing that, Sakamoto showed an annoyed look.

“That has no benefit to me at all.”

“Then, besides Konoha-kun’s writing, we’ll add a luxurious reward that’s out of this world.”

“Alright then.”

I, who’s left aside, hurriedly interrupted,

“Wait a second! How are guys and girls going to fight each other fairly? Have you two thought about that? How about a water gun fight?”

At this moment, Touko-sempai seemed to have a flash of inspiration as she clapped her hands,

“We’ll fight using summoned beasts then.”

“““Summoned beasts?”””

We asked in unison.

Touko-sempai seemed rather excited as she exclaimed.

“Ehh~ that’s right! We can use academics to settle this, and this will have nothing to do with the differences in physical strength between boys and girls. It’s very fair too.”

Yoshii stood right beside me as he tentatively reminded,

“But we can’t call out summoned beasts without the teachers present.”

“It’ll be fine if it’s an open match. I just happen to have lots of contacts in this aspect. I already asked for before. Hau~ I’m really looking forward to this! I always wanted to try this ever since Mizuki told me of this the last time~”

As she said that, Touko-sempai clasped both hands and looked very intoxicated.

Obviously, this wasn’t for Himeji’s sake, but for her own interest.

“Hey, let’s have a fair fight in front of everyone then!”

And so, Saturday arrived.

We gathered at the special stage in Fumitzuki.

“What? A group match!? Why must I take part in this battle too!?”

I threw the match-up schedule to the Book Girl who’s looking puzzled and questioned her loudly, but she answered with a matter-of-fact manner,

“Well, this is part of club activities too.”


“Fufu~ this is precious experience. You’ll definitely be able to write a brilliant story with the summoned beasts as the topic.”

“Oh? I see. Look forward to the next snack then.”

I swear I’ll write a super horrible snack as revenge the next time—I swore secretly in my heart as I grimaced,

“Alright, fine, you can have me take part in this. This rude and unreasonable sempai has already clamped me down with the ‘it’s part of the club activities’ aspect. But! Why! Why is Kotobuki’s name listed on the matchup!”

“Wha…what! Inoue! You have a grudge against me or something!?”

My classmate Kotobuki was flushed red as she puffed her cheeks while glaring at me.

“It, it not’s like I deliberately wasted my precious Saturday to take part in this activity for your sake, Inoue. I had to take part only because Touko-sempai requested me. Don’t me mistaken.”

Humph. She looked away.

“Well, if you won’t feel bothered by it, Kotobuki, I guess it’ fine.”

“Humph, you’re so slow-witted, Inoue. Don’t end up pulling us down.”

“I, I’ll try.”

At this moment, Maki-sempai, who looked very excited as she held a sketchbook with one hand, suddenly appeared from beside me.

“Touko~! I came to watch this battle~”!”

The wavy tea-colored hair looked rather lofty when basked under the summer sunlight, and the thick tips are happily moving slightly.

Touko-sempai, who often showed fear only to Maki-sempai, actually opened her arms widen to welcome her.

“Thank you very much, Maki~! It’s thanks to you that this summoning tournament can be held! You’re the most reliable person in this world!”

Touko-sempai continued to heap praises on Maki-sempai, who in turn gave a carnivorous expression as she smiled,

“Well, you don’t have to think me. I love you so much, Touko, and soon, I’ll get 10 times the favor back.”

Touko-sempai’s expression immediately stiffened.

“But you said that you didn’t want any payments this time.”

“Yeah. It’s a rare chance to draw Touko with the summoned beasts, so please~bear in mind that I want many benefits from here~”

Maki-sempai said that as she pointed at Touko-sempai’s flat chest, scaring her as she leaped back.

“No, no thanks. I definitely won’t do anything like being a naked model! That’ll ruin my pure image.”


Himeji, who had been standing around silently for a while now, finally spoke up.

“I…I didn’t expect things to get so out of hand…”

“Sorry Himeji. It’s because of Touko-sempai that you got involved in such a weird situation….”

“That, that’s not true. It’s my fault after all…”

Himeji lowered her head as she whispered. Then, she lifted her small face and looked over at the stage with flowing tears.

Yoshii, who was standing over there while surrounded by classmates, seemed to detect our stare as he looked over at us.


Himeji and Yoshii’s stares connect.

Both of them cringe back in seemingly shock, and then looked away in a somewhat embarrassed manner.

Hmm…Yoshii seemed to be worried about Himeji. As expected, there seem to be something to why he would hand Himeji’s cookies over to Sakamoto. Maybe Touko-sempai was just overreacting…

At this moment, Touko-sempai lifted Himeji’s shoulders in a very motivated many and said,

“Relax, Mizuki! We’re the knights Ivanhoe who fight for the sake of clearing the name of Rebecca who’s accused as a which! We’re the strongest warriors summoned by you. As long as everyone unite, we’ll definitely win!”

“O, okay…I’m really grateful, but about that…”

I really couldn’t help but want to help Himeji as I saw her stutter in a tentative manner. At this moment, a stare from beside me started to hurt my face.

Kotobuki was giving me a cold smile.

“You’re looking at other girls in such a perverted manner. How disgusting.”


“You’re the worst, Inoue!”

What’s with that out of a sudden…

After saying that, Kotobuki looked away, leaving me behind while staring at her back in a confused manner.

She really didn’t want to take part in the tournament?

As I looked completely confused, not knowing the current situation, a folded piece of note suddenly appeared in front of my eyes.

“Here, a gift.”

Maki-sempai showed an evil smile.

“What is this?”

“The enemy’s data. You can use it for reference.”

“I won’t be doing naked modelling and cosplay either.”

“Ahaha, that’s why I say this is a gift.”

But as the wise saying goes, there’s nothing more priceless than a free item…it’s even scarier when I’m receiving a gift from Maki-sempai. Though terrified, I still accepted it cautiously.

“I’ll head to the spectator stands to watch your performances then.”

After saying that, Maki-sempai gave me a flirty look and turned to leave.

Himeji lowered her head dejectedly as she head towards the spectator stands too.



And right in the middle of the spectator stands, Himeji and Yoshii met each other.

Both of them immediately blushed as they lowered their heads, muttering something to themselves before sitting down.

However, neither of them talked, perhaps because they felt tense over each other’s existence as they looked around and fidgeted.

At this moment, the match between the Fumitzuki Gakuen’s group and the Seijou Gakuen’s group finally started.

The win would be decided by the final results. We have Touko-sempai as the vanguard, Kotobuki as the lancer, and I as the rearguard.

Our opponents, the F class team from Fumitzuki Gakuen, were decided from the class tests.

The matchups were: Vanguard, Tsuchiya Kouta; Lancer: Shimada Minami, Rearguard: Sakamoto Yuuji.

Both sides were lined up and facing each other.

Standing right in front of Touko-sempai was a prepubescent-looking boy who had no special features other than standing extremely stiff. He’s probably Tsuchiya.

Standing right in front of Kotobouki was a cheery-looking girl with a ponytail. I supposed that would be Shimada.

“Seriously, why must everyone take part in this match? It’s Aki’s fault for causing this anyway…”

Eh? Aki? Was she referring to ‘Akihisa’?

“But since I’m taking part as a representative for F class, I definitely won’t lose.”

“I, I definitely won’t lose either!”

Both Kotobuki and Shimada exchanged sparks with each other.

Yes…these two were pinching their lips, raising their eyebrows, giving off sharp stares. They do look similar.

And standing right in front of me was Sakamoto.

“Hey, why isn’t Yoshii involved?”

“Akihisa’s our secret weapon.”

Sounds like there’s a plan.

Sakamoto looked rather rough and had the vibe of a delinquent, but unexpectedly, seemed to be good at coming up with plans.

On the other side, Himeji and Yoshii were looking sharp, their hands on their knees as they sat in a still manner.

The cheers from the nearby Fumitzuki Gakuen students could be heard.

“F class, fight on!”

“…Yuuji, I love you.”

Though there seemed to be a weird voice mixed in there…

“Then, Round 1, begin!”

The Fumitzuki Gakuen teacher called out, and Touko-sempai and Tsuchiya walked onto the middle of the special stage.

The first subject is: ‘Health Education’!

The moment that was finished, the entire arena exploded into a storm of cheers that echoed throughout the place.




“I, Inoue, what does ‘Muttsurini’ mean?’

Kotobuki was taken aback by this fanatically loud cheering.

I hoped the note Maki-sempai handed to me, and there’s the information recorded about Tsuchiya.

“Tsuchiya Kouta. Hailed as the unbeaten health education expert, nicknamed the ‘silent sex professor’ “Muttsurini’.”

Health education expert!?

Kotobuki, who had been glancing through the note, immediately turned pale.

“Wha, what should we do? Inoue! Touko-sempai’s…”




“Unfortunately for you, Tsuchiya-kun!”

Amidst the cheers of ‘Muttsurini’ that broke through the clouds, Touko-sempai swayed her long braids and stared at Tsuchiya leisure.

And Tsuchiya was staring at the region between Touko-sempai’s skirt and thighs.




I am the book girl who read through the entire original story of Paulline Reage’s[13] «The Story of O», the «Tale of Genji» [14] with many private affairs, the «Konjaku Monogatarishu» [15] called the fantasy land of love, the treasure trove of romance «The One Thousand and One Nights»[16], and I find Oniroku Dan’s[17] works tasty.”


The crowd’s cheers never subsided as it got louder again.




In the midst of amazement(?), Touko-sempai happily raised her chest proudly.

“Ahem! Whether it’s @& bondage or @&$% Bondage, I can write them all! I can write a final report about @&$ and &@ genres, and also &@*# and *!&@#$ poses, all the body parts! I can write down all the styles, even @^# and *@#% into a book!”

“This Book Girl is amazing!”


“Simply magnificent!”

As Touko-sempai continued to use lewd words and 18+ rated terms in the midst of this commotion, Kotobuki blushed as she stood still. I really want to grab Kotobuki’s hand and run away from this place like the wind.


“…That’s common knowledge.”

Tsuchiya didn’t seem to be shaken by this commotion as he muttered.

“Your cold expression will be no more!”

And her voice overlapped with the cheers.


Magic arrays immediately appeared from below the feet of Touko-sempai and Tsuchiya.

After that, mini summoned beasts, with the appearances of their masters and the size of kids, appeared there.

“So cute!”

Kotobuki sure is a girl to have no resistance to cute things at all as her eyes glittered the moment she saw the summoned beasts.

Tsuchiya’s summoned beast looked like a ninja from a drama set in the old era, while Touko-sempai’s looked like a Middle ages knight with heavy armor and wielding a lance that reaches the heavens.[18]

“Ohh! The Book Girl looks rather strong!”

“That’s a lance, right!”

The summoned beasts’ strength would be determined by the test scores given after a short moment.

Both participants’ scores were displayed on the panel.

Fumitzuki Gakuen, Tsuchiya Kouta, Health Education 560 points.


Seijou Gakeun, Amano Touko, Health Education 540 points.

“Don’t lose! Muttsurini!”

“The perverted girl is amazing!”

The long braids of Touko-sempai’s summoned beast flipped as the summoned beast itself raised the large lance cheerily and charged forward.

“Come on! Get ready!”


The lance charged right at Tsuchiya’s summoned beast with unstoppable momentum.



Kachunk kachunk


“This is useless in the first place, right?”

“Eh? Ehhh? That’s weird.”

No matter how good she was in health education, no matter how strong her summoned beast was, it’s impossible for Touko-sempai to control the summoned beast when she had zero sports sense. The lance in its hands was just swinging wildly.

“Ehh! I can’t hit it! I can’t hit at all!”

Really, I had absolutely no idea whether she’s controlling the lance, or was the lance controlling her.

She might had a chance of winning if she could aim properly and slowly attack.

At this moment, Tsuchiya, who had been coldly watching Touko-sempai fight hard, suddenly muttered something.


Tsuchiya’s summoned beast suddenly disappeared from right in front of us, and at the next moment, appeared right behind Touko-sempai’s summoned beast.


It quickly pulled out a shortsword and attacked Touko-sempai’s summoned beast.

Watch out, Touko-sempai!

At this instant, the memory of Tsuchiya’s weakness recorded in Maki-sempai’s notebook suddenly appeared in my mind, and I reached out for Kotobuki’s skirt right at the last moment.

“Sorry Kotobuki.”

At that moment, Kotobuki’s scream echoed throughout the arena.




The guys all stood up, and Tsuchiya exploded in nosebleed as he collapsed.

But right at the next moment, he continued to remain downed as his hands held onto a camera he pulled out from who-knew-where and started taking photos of Kotobuki.


And, on seeing Tsuchiya’s motionless summoned beast, Touko-sempai’s spear finally broke through its target.


Tsuchiya himself collapsed in a pool of blood, and his summoned beast soon collapsed afterwards.

‘Tsuchiya Kouta’s weakness is ero’.

Tsuchiya, who collapsed face up, grabbed onto the camera tightly onto his chest and showed an ever bliss expression.

“How unbelievable!”

“Sorry, but I didn’t peep.”

The moment we finished, I took a tongue lashing as my face felt completely red [19].


Kotobuki gave me a slap and blushed as she ran off.

Ahh, the lancer ran off. But the second round’s about to begin.

In that case, the Seijou Gakuen group could only continue to send Touko-sempai, and Fumitzuki Gakuen’s lancer’s Shimada stood on the stage.

“Humph, I didn’t expect you to beat Tsuchiya in health education. But everything ends here.”

“Fufu, looks like this Book Girl here should be able to beat all of you easily.”

Touko-sempai said rather confidently.


A summoned beast with gold ornaments came out from Shimada’s magic array, wielding a sword as it triumphantly entered.

On the other side, Touko-sempai’s summoned beast was the same Middle-Ages knight build, but the weapon this time wasn’t a lance, but a rusted spoon.

“Ehhh, what’s going on?”

Speaking of which, I think the subject tested in the second round is maths.

Fumitzuki Gakuen, Shimada Minami, Maths 191 points


Seijou Gakuen, Amano Touko, Maths 2 points.

The winner was immediately decided as Touko-sempai collapsed on her hands, crying.

“…Uuu, the value of a human isn’t decided by sin and cos…”

Seriously, what’s with her?

Kotobuki wasn’t around anymore, so I, as the rearguard, was the only one left.

I sighed as I stepped onto the stage.

“The next battle is chemistry, I suppose. I’m good at this subject too. Basically, no questions can beat me here, so now’s your chance to beg.”

“Then…please show some mercy.”

I nodded. Shimada and my voices then echo.


Like Touko-sempai, my summoned beast was a Medieval Knight, wielding a large sword.

Fumitzuki Gakuen, Shimada Minami, Chemistry 170 points


Seijou Gakuen, Inoue Konoha, Chemistry 325 points.

“Wait a second! You’re kidding, right? Such a difference!”

Shimada was shocked upon seeing the display.

“Sorry, but I’m rather good in my sciences.”

I gently waved my sword and sliced through Shimada’s summoned beast, and the winner was decided.

This time, Shimada was the one with her hands on the ground, crying.

“I…I lost.”


Touko-sempai jumped up happily. I couldn’t help but blush.

Of, of course not…

“And now, the generals will fight it out! Sakamoto’s not worth being scared over! Let’s go! Konoha!”

Will it be as simple as you say?

Sakamoto kept on smiling throughout this match, not looking concerned at all.

Then…let’s look at Sakamoto’s data…

I scanned through Maki-sempai’s notes

“Sakamoto Yuuji, F class’ representative. Was hailed to be a prodigy before. Has a very adaptive mind, a person that needs to be watched out for. Weakness: Kirishima Shouko.

Kirishima Shouko—who’s that? Shall I ask the spectators who this person is?

As I was feeling bothered, Touko-sempai was giggling beside me as she started talking to Sakamoto.

“Konoha-kun’s a bad boy and likes to argue back, young but looks so lethargic, but he does have good grades. We’ll definitely win this. Don’t forget to break up with Yoshii later.”

Sakamoto calmly answered,

“Same for you. Prepare the gift well later.”

“Hm~Konoha-kun will definitely write a love poem for you two.”

“No…I’ll refuse that.”’


“Ohh, even Konoha-kun has declared his win. You’re really reliable here. Then, fight for the honor of the literature club and for Mizuki!”

“Ohh~! For Himeji!”

For some reason, Sakamoto deliberately raised his voice as he glanced at Himeji and Yoshii in the spectators stand.

“That’s right, we’re Himeji’s knights!”

And Himeji seemed to be rather troubled as she cringed back and lowered her head.

Yoshii seemed to be worried about Himeji as he got up from beside her, suddenly looking rather determined.

“Wait, Yuuji! I’ll fight this match!”

Sakamoto showed a smile.

“Ah! Akihisa-kun…”

Himeji suddenly widened her eyes.

Yoshii looked at her with a serious look and said,

“Himeji-san, I’m an idiot, so I don’t know why you’re looking so sad, but even if I’m an idiot, I’ll use an idiot’s way to help you do something. You’re the most important member of the class, an important…well…”


Himeji seemed to be moved as she looked like she was about to cry.

Also, Yoshii looked a lot different from the first time we saw him, giving a manly look as he stepped onto the stage.

Then, he patted on Shimada’s shoulder as she was distressed due to the defeat, and happily said,

“Minami, leave the rest to me. You can take it easy now.”

“…You actually said ‘for Mizuki’…”

Shimada suddenly muttered.


The next moment, Yoshii took a hook from Shimada,


“Uu…wh, why, Minami…even if you’re flat-chested, long-legged and violent, I never laughed at—UWAH!! CRACK!! I, I’M NOT A PUNCHING BAG—UUUUAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!”


After some kicking and punching, Shimada went running in the direction where Kotobuki ran off to in tears.

All that was left at the scene was a brutally battered Yoshii.

“…He’d already showed blank white eyes. I’d don’t think he’ll be able to fight.”

A cute looking girl (who’s wearing a male uniform for some reason) speaking in a weird tone as she looked at Yoshii, painfully shaking her head.

“…Then, since your general fell, what about the match?”

Will we get an automatic win?

At this moment, I hear a clear voice.

“Let me fight against you, Inoue-kun.”

The one who stood on the stage wasn’t anyone else, but Himeji, who shook off all doubt as she gave a serious look.


“Touko-sempai, Inoue-kun, I’m really grateful that you’re my knights. But I can’t just be the one being protected. I have to fight for things that are important to me…that’s why, I choose to battle.”

The gentle smile and the firm expression were really too cool. That Rebecca in the story of «Ivanhoe» must probably be like this, her back straightened as she stood proudly and elegantly.

The gentle girls didn’t just know how to fawn. They could also make decisions on their own.

This was the heart of pureness and firmness, one that touches the readers to support Rebecca.

My lips couldn’t help but smile.

“Un, as you say then, Himeji. The final battle will be between you and me.”

“Thank you!”

Himeji bowed slightly.

Touko-sempai shouted from beside us,

“Both of you, do your best!”

Then, both of us called out loudly,


The theme was modern language, and the summoned beasts appeared in the arrays.

Himeji’s summoned beast was the same like us as it was wielding a large sword that didn’t fit her cute image. It looked rather strong.

And my summoned best was wielding a feather pen.

Eh? Feather pen?

Fumitzuki Gakuen, Himeji Mizuki, Modern Language 352 points


Seijou Gakuen, Inoue Konoha, Modern language 285 points.

Luckily, the difference in points wasn’t too big.

But why a feather pen out of a sudden?

The smiling Touko-sempai’s suddenly appeared in my stare.

At that moment, I suddenly thought of what a feather pen could do. Ahh, I see…after realizing that, I couldn’t help but blush.

At this moment, Himeji’s summoned beast closed in.

And I raised the fountain pen.



Himeji’s sword thrust through my summoned beast’s chest, deciding this match.

“Akihisa-kun…! I, won!”

Himeji immediately ran towards Yoshii who collapsed at the side of the stage and held onto his hand as she told him then.

“…Ahaha…the match ended before I knew it…but it’s great that you’re revitalized. Un!”

Yoshii, who was battered to a pulp, endured his pain as he smiled.

Himeji was really happy as she stared at him in a blushing manner. The atmosphere was rather harmonious.

“Alright, it’s time to give the prize now, right?”

“Konoha-kun, hurry up and write a poem…”

“No need for that. I want this one and only luxurious gift in this world.”

“Got it. Go get it, Mizuki.”

Touko-sempai smiled at Himeji.

“Ah…yes, I’ll go get it.”

Himeji reluctantly left Yoshii’s side and scampered off. She then came running back with a basket.

The box was opened, and there were cookies that were baked golden yellow, all neatly arranged

“Th, this is—?”

For some reason, Sakamoto looked completely terrified, and the surrounding students immediately turned pale.

“Did Himeji make this!?”

Touko-sempai said happily,

“That’s right! I thought that if we lost, we’ll offer this one and only thing in the world that has Mizuki’s feelings to you.”

“Then…if possible, everyone, please try it! Well…Akihisa-kun, you too!”


Yoshii was already turned to stone the moment Himeji took out the basket.

“Great, Akihisa! This is the reward for your hard work. I’ll hand Himeji’s cookies to you.”

“!! Yuuji!!”


“What!? Did you just nod too!? Muttsurini!?”

“Akihisa-kun…do you feel bothered?”

Himeji’s eyes teared up.


“Not at all! Right? Yoshii-kun? Hurry up and swallow it.”

“That’s right, Akihisa! Like a man!”

Sakamoto pried Yoshii’s mouth open, and Touko-sempai dumped Himeji’s cookies in.



Yoshii’s eyes went blank white as he collapsed onto the floor.

“Kyah! Akihisa-kun!”

On hearing Himeji’s panicked scream, Yoshii tried to lift his face that had turned purple as he started sweating profusely while trying to give her to a smile.

“That’s…really a taste that’s otherworldly.”

Himeji’s face showed a glow. That was a cute smiling face that all the guys would find hard-pressed to resist.

“That’s great, Mizuki. Come on, Yoshii-kun. There’s still a lot. You have to eat them all.”

“You reap what you sow, Akihisa.”

Sakamoto and Touko-sempai took turns dumping cookies into Yoshii’s mouth.

“Uwahhh, cough cough, wheeze. Ib lewlly gobe do bie (I’m really going to die)------------”

After finishing the entire basket of cookies, Yoshii was carted off in an ambulance.

“Don’t worry. I just ate too much accidentally because it was really too delicious.”

Yoshii said to Himeji in a teeny-weeny voice while being carted off, and her face was beaming brightly.

After that, I heard Kotobuki and Shimada became mail friends.

It seemed that they met after running off tearily, consoled each other, and had a form of friendship or something.

It seemed that Kotobuki was still angry about me lifting her skirt as she would look away in a blushing manner whenever she exchanged stares with me, but I didn’t really know the specifics…

A few days later, Touko-sempai received Himeji’s mail.

“She said that ‘I’ll do my best for Akihisa-kun’. Mizuki’s really cute.”

After school, Touko-sempai read the content of the mail as she ripped of the bits of the letter and put it in her mouth as we’re in the literature clubroom, looking rather satisfied.

“Un~ it’s really sweet. Pure, soft, like cotton candy. It’ll be great if Mizuki’s love can well.”

I started laying out the draft papers, took out a HB pencil and got ready to write 3 themes of stories today.

“I feel the chances of success is almost 100%.”

“Fufu, yeah.”

Touko-sempai clamped her elbows on her head as she leaned back, looking at me meaningfully.

“Hey, Konoha-kun, did you deliberately go easy when fighting against Mizuki? That pen is a stronger weapon than a sword to you. That’s the strongest weapon in the world.”

I continued scribbling fast, not looking concerned as I answered,

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

What a pen could do—

The me at this moment didn’t want to know the answer.

Also, I never considered if I could really do it.

“Speaking of which, was Himeji’s cookies really so bad that it could kill?”

“Un—maybe...but Yoshii could finish it because anything made by his beloved are all delicious. It’s the same even if he faints and gets transported by the ambulance to the hospital.”

Touko-sempai amicably concluded.

And then, her glittering beautiful eyes stared at me as she prompted me with a clear voice,

“Hurry up, Konoha. There’s still 2 minutes till the submission of 3 stories today. What kind of stories will there be today? I’ll eat them all no matter what it is. I won’t leave a single word, you know.”


---Extra Episode---


I squatted down on the playground slide as I shouted.


He actually flipped a girl’s skirt in front of so many people, and even said what, ‘sorry, but I didn’t notice’. How unbelievable.

Normally, if Inoue had said that he wanted to look, eve, even if it’s a little embarrassing…I could still endure it.

But he actually said ‘I didn’t see it.’

Did that mean that he had no interest in my underwear? Or is it that he had no interest even if I was wearing striped underwear, bunny patterned or mature black-lace?

So many guys saw my underwear because of Inoue! I might as well kill myself by biting my tongue!


As I was sobbing, a ponytailed girl was the same as me, running over in tears.


She kicked the swing of the playground hard.



She then kicked the swing that swung one whole round with even more force, and the swing flew too high that the chain got jammed and couldn’t move.

“IDIOT! IDIOT! AKI—that Aki—!”

She continued panting as she grumbled.


Shimada seemed to recoil back in shock after hearing the tentative voice from behind, and she suddenly blushed.

“Ko, Kotobuki…?’

10 minutes later—

We were sitting side by side on the bench, voicing out our troubles to each other.

“I wanted to maintain a cute image in front of Aki, but Aki’s too dull that I want to beat him.”

“Me too. My face just stiffened when I get to Inoue.”

“I understand. It’s their fault in the first place for treating us like guys. He doesn’t understand my charm!”

“Inoue too! He peeped at me and even followed up with ‘sorry, I didn’t see’. What kind of apology is that?”

“Uu…I cut 5mm of my hair and changed the color of my ribbon, and he didn’t notice it!”

“This is a huge blow to a girl!”


“That’s why Aki’s just a thorough idiot!”

“Inoue isn’t much reliable either. He’s somewhat foolish, and whenever anything happens, it’s like he’ll be the first one apologizing.”

“He only knows how to be kind to Mizuki!”

“He only knows how to follow Touko-sempai’s orders!”

“I don’t want to be bothered with that kind of guy.”

“Same here for Inoue.”

Both of us had our fists clenched as we said this angry.

“Bu…but I’m still concerned.”

“Un…I get it.”

“Even if he’s an idiot, I just can’t let him go…I really can’t hate him…and I can’t pretend that I don’t like him.”


“And he’s not a complete idiot too. He has a lot of good points like thinking about his friends, and he’ll work hard for them no matter how small it is. Things just feel better with Aki around…”

“Inoue too. He would earnestly help me when I’m in trouble, and his smile is really great.”

Both of us sighed in unison.

“Then, back to the starting point.”


“Ahh~if I were Inoue, I’ll be taken aback my soles after seeing a beauty like you, Kotobuki.”[20]

“Not so. You have rather feminine charms too, Shimada-san. I’ll be dating you if I were Yoshii.”

“I can’t be compared to you, Kotobuki. I’m flat-chested.”

“Your legs are long, and you have a slender waist like a model, Shimada.”

“Can I call you Nanase, Kotobuki? This is the first time I’m talking to you.”

“Me too. I never expected myself to be talking to others about such things. Can I call you Minami?”

“Of course.”



Our hot hands were clasped with each other.

Several days later—

“Nanase, do you want to go eat crepes with everyone after school?”

“Sorry, I have an appointment.”

“What what? Is it a date~?”


I secretly glanced at Inoue, who was chatting with a guy from our class. He probably never heard me talking.

“I’m just going to meet a friend to complain to her about how slow a certain idiot in the class is.”

Author’s Words[edit]

Hello. I’m Nomura Mizuki.

This story was published on the 2007 Summer Edition of FBOnline before.

At that time, I was chasing the editor-in-charge, asking— ‘Baka Test is too interesting. Hurry up! When will the next volume be released?’

Anyway, I was rather fond of the children in the book that were foolish and cute, and I indulged myself in the quirky and interesting conversations. I kept laughing as I read, and kept getting excited and worried with the plot like a fan.

“Please tell me if there’s a need to write a Crossover for Baka Test!”

I told the editor-in-charge.

In the end, there was this chance, but it clashed with the «Bungaku Shoujo»’s submission date, so we decided to let Kaima-san write it.

“It’s fine to have another crossover. Your thoughts?”

After that, the editor-in-charge told me the great news.

“Please let me write! I must definitely write this!”

And so, I answered.

Unexpectedly, when I started writing, I had more expectations of this work I like. “No~ Akihisa should be more idiotic. Himeji should be more pitiful. Sakamoto should be cooler. Ahh! I want to let Shouko appear! Hideyoshi never showed up! I like Kudou and Yuuko~”

But I experienced more of the world of Baka Test when I was writing. I was really happy.

To top it off, Haga Yui-san added the illustrations for this volume. Touko’s summoned beast is so cute I want to cuddle it.

I even added Minami and Nanase’s conversation at the end as a bonus. I hope you will like it.

Finally, the lastest volume of Baka Test will be sold at the end of November. Inoue-san muttered that it should be December, but the editor-in-charge said confidently that it’s in November, so please look forward to it.

29 September 2008

Nomura Mizuki.

The work uses the following text.

«Ivanhoe First half» (Written by Sir Walter Scott, translated by Kikuchi Takekazu, Iwanami Bunko, 16 February 1964)

«Ivanhoe Second half» (Written by Sir Walter Scott, translated by Kikuchi Takekazu, Iwanami Bunko, 16 July 1974)

Original Author’s comments[edit]

Nomura-san’s girls have quite the charm, and even an idiot like Akihisa became so cool. This is a really interesting story. Thank you very much.

Well well…speaking of which, Mizuki is still a girl after all…I nearly forgot about this in my original work—I focused too much on F class’ ranking, so the characterization here was weaker. I am currently reflecting on that.

Touko-sempai’s rather active in this comedy. Her cute and somewhat foolish behavior drives this plot well. Speaking of which, if Konoha can work together with F class, I suppose it is likely that no one can beat them. There is still Kotobuki too…! That’ll be the strongest group! Takenaka-san’s character deisgn and Haga-san’s character designs are like a super luxurious combo platter. I can’t help but feel that it is great that I can write a novel when I see a combination like this.

However, there is a depressing flaw in this perfect work. Which is it? I suppose the smart readers should be able to figure out, right?

‘Ahem! Whether it’s @& bondage or @&$% Bondage, I can write them all! I can write a final report about @&$ and &@ genres, and also &@*# and *!&@#$ poses, all the body parts! I can write down all the styles, even @^# and *@#% into a book!’

—Ahh, it is this line from Amano Touko in this ‘Book Girl and the Summoned Beast summoned by the girl’ story…

How can you allow this? Have you forgotten? Are we playing shiratori here? What is wrong with these lines?

Then, please allow this Inoue Kenji to help you complete it.

‘Ahem! Whether it’s 12 bondage or 3456 Bondage, I can write them all! I can write a final report about 789 and 01 genres, and also 2345 and 678901 poses, all the body parts! I can write down all the styles, even 234 and 5678 into a book!’[21]

A lot of vulgar words were used, so we censored them after comparison. Please understand.


  1. A reference to a series called GeGeGe no Kitaro, a series that was…run during the Sixties…
  2. Writer from France. Thing is, I researched up the collection of stuff the author wrote, and there are 99 from I can see. Either Touko wants to eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or I don’t know…
  3. A Japanese author
  4. To those wondering why Konoha was asking such a question…Mizuki’s wearing the uniform…and no, I don’t find any missing lines here.
  5. There's so many things I can talk about this incident, but I do pity Yuuji in this case, for starters.
  6. The Japanese equivalent of the River Styx
  7. An erotic novel written by Ogai Mori
  8. Mishima Yukio’s novel
  9. An Irish author
  10. Yaoi goggles ahoy...
  11. I think I’m missing a reference here or something. Too bad I don’t have the Japanese text to check the original meaning.
  12. Yaoi writer. Doing all these research is giving me mental trauma. Seriously, Touko?
  13. Pseudonym of the French author Anne Desclos
  14. Classic Japanese work. Baka Test in particular has quite a few questions pertaining to this story.
  15. Japanese collection of stories
  16. A collection of Arabian stories
  17. Renowned Japanese S&M writer
  18. Why Touko, of all people, would have a lance, is a mystery to me…
  19. Pervert behavior…it’s infectious apparently…
  20. I hate to snark in this case, but it’s because you two are tsunderes? Note how Nomura-sensei purposely lines up romantic leads in this order…?
  21. Well, if anyone can encrypt the censors, go ahead and add them in XD
Return to Main Page Forward to Book Girl and the Killed-off Idiots