Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko:Volume5 Chapter1

Chapter 1 - The End of the Beginning of the Summer, Continued

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Current Youth-points: +3 (leftover from the last round)

“Mm… Mmhmhm, Mm… Mmhmhm~”

“Uhhhhh, N*uticaa?”

“Mhm~ Mhm~”

That’s probably right. If I were wrong, it’d be a “Hmph, hmph.”

“Hm~ Mm~ Mm? ‘MhmhmMhmhmMhmhmm?’

“Uh… The theme of The Unfettered Shogun.”

“Mhm~ Mhm~”

What strange songs. There she was, frozen in order to not spread the dust about.

“Mhmhm~ Mhmhmhmm~ Hmhmh~”

“Hold it right there or you’re gonna be in a lot of trouble.”

“Mmph.”

I covered her mouth through the futon. Please forgive us, mister mouse, I will teach her proper decorum.

While we were indeed bored out of our minds, can anyone honestly argue that a game of riddles in the middle of a summer day like this is holds any meaning? Oh, yes. I’m Niwa Makoto. Greetings.

The second year of high school — the peak of youth. Only a week remained in the summer vacation of such a critical time. The bodies of cicadas laid untouched in the corners of the streets; here I was, savouring the end of the season.

Still, the insects chirped their summer songs in the garden. I turned my head; though we’d mowed the grass just few weeks ago, there they were, peaking out again to cover the entirety of the yard.

“Mm? Mmf~ Mhmph~ Mhmph~ Mm~ Mhm~ Mhmph~ Mhmhmhmhm.”

“We still playing? Uhh… No clue.”

“Mhmhmhm! Mhmhmhm Mhmhmhm.”

“Look, even if you are telling me the answer, I don’t speak futon and there aren’t any books teaching it.”

Our local Yokai — Touwa Erio — was currently throwing a tantrum on the floor. She’s pretty close to being a cicada nymph, with how she stuffed herself in there. Well, the differences would be that nymphs don’t look that much different out of their shell; she, on the other hand, gets some… dramatic differences. Let’s say a certain Space Ninja monster shed its skin and turned into a cute girl — people are going to be shocked, no doubt.

The mother of this Yokai stuck her head into the living room: It’s apparent that the act was her trying to be cute. For the sake of her forty years of age, I shall take notes of the few seconds when she rampaged down the hallway earlier like a child.

Wearing a shirt one size larger than mine, my aunt had a pair of shorts on with her hair tied into a bun with a handkerchief. Her age aside, it was a getup that emanated immaturity.

“Eri-chan~ Daddy~ lunch is ready~”

“Mhmph!”

“Hold on.” I pressed her head down.

Struggling about, Erio kicked her legs into the air.

Is kicking up the dust all you can do? Pointless! I thought as I witnessed the futile struggle.

“Who’s this ‘daddy?’”

My aunt Touwa Meme stared at me with a naïve smile unimaginable as belonging to a forty-year-old. I’m no father to a futon! Uh, high quality velvet? Bed? Heat blanket?

“Ohh~ Eri-chan~”

Despite not having a running start, my aunt slid toward me and pounced without a shred of hesitance. Her arms wrapped tightly around my back, and there was not a bit of space between us. Kyaa~ her boobs are on me~ Ahh! My something is ahhing. “Please pounce the one that you’re actually calling out!” Your Eri-chan is here!

Since that’s just how my aunt is, it’s evident that the Earth is still going off-course as planned.

I dragged the aunt latching on my waist and pushed the futon roll into the kitchen. Though it’s clearly a normal summer day with temperature much higher than the human body, the pair didn’t care about their dignity.

“Please let go of my shirt, or better yet, me!” I pushed against her forehead, yet as soon as I did that she held on even harder. Why must I partake in this silly game in this oven of a house? And you, futon roll, you better start walk with your own damn legs!

“Mako-kun is all grown up. Your aunt is tearing up at the thought!”

“The only one who will cry is dad when he sees you like this.”

“Meme-chan was only 20 when I first met you… Sniff sniff.”

That’s what you meant?!

Drag~ drag~ Bump, bump. It would seem that we’re still ways away from making normal human walking sounds.

Into the kitchen with a small turning fan, I smelled a distinct aroma — right away I could tell what’s on the menu today. Meme-san had prepared dry noodles, and the ginger powder was the culprit of that smell. By the way, we had the same thing two days ago, but it ended up as World War Ginger where we dumped as much ginger as possible into each other’s sauce. Needless to say, my tongue was annihilated. I no longer remember the catalyst of the battle, but I faintly recall something that stepped on her childish age-landmine. I will try not to do the same thing today.

“Don’t you think it’s about time we have a chapter on Meme-chan’s high school life?”

“Not much point to a story before we were born, is there.”

“Mako-kun the sperm!”

…After our usual banter, Meme-san, Erio and I formed a triangle at the table. “Oof.” Erio moaned as her shin bumped into the chair.

“Take the futon off!”

“Mm.” Perhaps because of the pain, she listened obediently. A hand emerged from beneath the futon — though seemingly restrained, it dexterously untied the rope. At this point in time, we no longer pay the act any mind. As we diligently prepared the utensils and the condiments, Erio finally exposed her face to the atmosphere.

… Still the outrageously amazing look that is birthed from the errors of the ecosystem. A head of azure-coloured hair that’s too wasteful even to have a strand lost; its length, along with her pale skin, reminds one of the sky. Lastly, a charmingly blank countenance that would surely help out a certain forty-year-old if she could share it. Well, she’s gotten a lot more expressive as of recent. Only if my aunt could be a little more mature and composed. That was merely a suggestion with intense yearning.

Erio raised her leg boldly as if showing off her bumped shin. She had on a one-piece dress, and her feet were naked. Does she have any sense of dignity? I caught a glimpse of her underwear. How shameless! I lectured internally while occasionally shooting a glance over. What’s wrong with acting like a typical high schooler? Right? No?

“Shin. Red.”

“It’ll turn blue in a while.”

“Traffic light.”

Pleased with her own jest, Erio smiled with her eyes squinted. Every time she smiles like so, it is as if she metamorphosized into someone else. Is there a single person on this planet who can directly withstand the sight?

Rumour has it that she was ostracised by the girls at her school. I can totally see why now.

“Cousin, is summer break ending?”

“Yeah, August’s almost over. Didn’t really go out a lot near the end though.”

The sun shone so out there — am I really going to end this summer being a shut-in?

As I contemplated, Meme-san interjected with a keen comment.

“Oh, that reminds me. The circulation board mentioned something about a group tour.”

“Group tour?”

“Just an overnight tour nearby. Do you want to go, Mako-kun?”

Meme-san glanced at me and Erio as she mixed the noodle sauce. Erio mumbled the world tour flatly and glimpsed at me. Her googly eyes were pure like still water. Why do you have to wait for my response? Not that I mind.

“Hmm. Where are we going?”

“The local beach, I think. There’s food, too, with unlimited drinks. Well, Meme-chan doesn’t care about that, because she’s not even drinking age yet~”

An old lady squirmed about while emphasizing how little she cared. I began my train of thought. The beach. The summer beach. Every time the wave meets the sand, it brings to me tried-and-true chances of winning some Youth-points back.

The regret of a youthful man who ended his summer without going to the beach once can only be matched by a baseball player who never made it to Koshien! How could I not nod my head?!

…But think it through. A local tour — the age gap between the attendees is going to be way wider than a that of a school fieldtrip. Sweat, the beach! While the prospect of a swimsuit is enticing, who is going?

I don’t even know what the definition of local is, but I know that Ryuushi-san’s house is not part of it. What about Maekawa-san? She doesn’t seem to live around here.

“I want to go.”

As I pondered, Erio replied timidly and watched anxiously for our approval.

“To the beach. With mom and cousin.”

Rarely does Erio express her opinion so assertively and gleefully.

Me and Meme-san nodded at each other.

I’m not one to be so stubborn as to turn them down at this point.

“Alright~ It’s settled! Meme-san is gonna slay Mako-kun with her long-awaited R-18 swimsuit!”

“Uh, slay?”

What manner of horror does she plan to show me? I trembled… Fortunately no one below the age of 18 can hear or see all this, thank goodness. Can’t believe I am actually approving that useless guideline that only impedes the young’s development. Now that’s surprising. Actually, who the hell does she plan on showing that too? That Yamamoto guy?

“Let’s get a swimsuit for Eri-chan.”

“I can swim like this.”

Erio began picking at her noodles as she answered. She takes her bath with clothes on, after all.

“No you can’t. If we don’t calm Mako-kun down from his nightly fantasies, the extra carbon dioxide from his excessive breathing will give the neighbours a reason to be mad at us.”

“Mm.”

“Don’t nod!”

Erio looked to the neatly-folded sheet on the floor. If we’re talking about her, she might just point to the newest futon available for a swimsuit without a trace of doubt.

“Eri-chan~ Here, ahh~”

Meme-san brought some noodles next to Erio’s mouth. Embarrassed by being treated like a child, Erio shouted with beet-red face, ‘I-I can eat myself.’ Seemingly aware of my eyes, she nevertheless ate the noodles her mother offered. Slurp, she swallowed the noodle much more quickly than usual.

“How is it?”

“Mm!”

A nervous Erio gulped it down, seemingly uncaring for even the taste. Following that, both she and Meme-san picked some noodles up, dipped them into the sauce and brought them to me. Wait, hold on.

“Cousin. Ah~ Ah~”

No. ‘Why’ was the only word for her action. Why kind of thinking process could lead to her thinking Meme-san -> Erio -> me? She was perhaps unused to it, her shoulders stiffened and cheeks glowed.

“Hurry up~ Mako-kun. Chug! Chug!”

Meme-san giggled childishly, clapping in rhythm. Her natural ability to irritate people is truly first rate.

“Ah! The sauce’s dripping. Hurry, cousin. Ahh~?”

'Ah! The sauce's dripping. Hurry, cousin. Ahh~?'

Even Erio’s high-strung. Here! I shut my eyes and opened my mouth. The taste of chilled noodles spread in my mouth. “Oof!” And then of blood. I opened my eyes in a panic. Having neither the experience of feeding and the ability to control her strength, Erio stabbed my tongue with the chopsticks and recklessly shoved the noodles into my mouth. All sorts of mixed fluid flooded my palate.

“Good?”

“There’s nothing bittersweet about this…”

Feeding or getting fed isn’t part of the calculation of Youth points… A little too sweet for me, you see.

In any case, the real problem was what’s after this. I glanced — Ugh! Meme-san’s already waiting for me on the other end. Ah~ She anticipated for me with her mouth agape. I could probably see her throat, but I don’t float that way!

“Wuu~ I’m starving! Papa~ Feed the chick please~”

Shut it, you archaeopteryx! Gah, seriously. I joylessly snatched some noodles and toss them into her yapper. “Chomp!” She bit down on my chopsticks with no intention of letting go.

“Slurp slurp!”

“Don’t lick them!”

I pulled. In my hand were chopsticks slobbered with saliva. Anyone who could use them directly at this point is a hero. Uh, maybe Erio can… Sure would be nice if the order was backward.

“This beautiful triangle is what’s known as the pyramid force!”

“A pretty flat pyramid at that.”

It’s just a triangle at this point. The relationship between the Touwas and their neighbours is the same.

“…Mm~”

Meme-san moaned at the plate in her hand. I think she’s looking at the reflection in the sauce.

“What’s the matter?”

It’s not like I wanted to hear about her troubles, but I knew she will probably do something anyway, so I took the first shot.

“I was just thinking, ‘is there less wrinkle on my face now?’”

“Isn’t it because your eyes are getting old too, right?”

World War Ginger began. The Touwa residence (and their brains) is as spirited as ever.

“And that’s how we decided on the trip set on the day after tomorrow.”

‘Mmm~ But Papa I won’t let anything of the sort happen!’

“Eh?”

There are just too many ‘dads’ in my life. That said, a pedigree of all of us is probably just a straight line.

Leaning on the slightly ajar window, I looked out to as a jet soared through the night sky. On the phone with me was Mifune Ryuushi-san. Due to our terrifying phone bill, we’ve resorted to communicate mainly with text. However, as soon as I told her about our trip, she called.

Breeze gentle like tissue papers was just slightly chilly after standing in it for a bit. It’s probably that uniquely humid wind that could dampen your hair.

‘Staying out overnight without my permission. This is a matter of life and death, y’know, Niwa-kun!’

“That bad? Is it because the trip’s that great or because my life is lighter than hydrogen?”

And whose exact permission am I looking for? Though still confused, I could tell Ryuushi-san was quite livid hearing about the trip. Was it out of jealousy or something else? I recall her telling me to not go near the beach back when I was hospitalized. Something about the jelly fishes being soft. Hm~ that’s when she started with the strange phrases, too… Being mysterious is not all that bad, though. Okay, let’s keep things out of perspective today!

‘As long as I, Ryuuko-san, breathes, I will never let ya ruin the local moral! And If you insist on going with Touwa-san! Ya will have to go through me!’

I could hear her fist punching through the air… Orally presented. Sounded more like failed whistling, or at best failing to light a match.

“It’s not like I’m only going with her… Wait, were you serious about having to go through you?”

‘Eh? Ya don’t seriously plan on coming over now, are ya?’

How did you even arrive at that? Well, I guess I’d have to meet her if I wanna fight her, but she sounded way too mellow about that. The possibility of visiting Ryuushi-san’s room is indeed appealing, but there’s a curfew in the Touwa household.

“Oh yeah, Maekawa-san told me her family is going too.”

‘WHY!’

“Uh, I guess because we live in the same town. Also, I’ve never heard you ask something like you’re actually asking.”

‘It’s a riddle that I don’t even have the time to think about~!’

Slap, slap! Sounded like she was kicking her bed. It’s just like when Erio hops up and down in her futon roll. Ryuushi-san’s bed, huh. Wonder what it smells (omitted).

‘Niwa-kun, ya are always leavin’ me out~’

“Of course not. It’s not like I planned the trip or anything.”

‘Ya are stingy~’

“’Sorry, we can’t take more than three people…’ I never said that!”

“Stingiest!”

“Ryuushi-san, you sure like those -est.”

‘I told ya it’s Ryuuko… Oh, I know!’

I could hear a fist landing on her palm.

“Uh, what you thinking?”

“Ryuuko in the backpack!”

“……Huh?”

‘Ryuuko-san in backpack! Niwa-kun would hold on tightly! And then you will arrive at the beach! Whoa! Ryuuko-san in the bag! Ka-pow! …Yeah.’

“Um…”

‘What do ya think about this totally supernatural way of getting to the beach naturally?!’

“Well, how do I put it…”

‘Daw, ya don’t sound stoked at all! Oh, no; ya are not so rude to think that ya can’t pick up the backpack, are ya? Ya are so rude, Niwa-kun!’

She got mad at her own imagination. What I meant is, Ryuushi-san, if I could put you in a backpack… I’d just bring you back into my room instead of the beach~ Well, couldn’t just say that to her face now, could I.

‘Then plan B! ‘Operation Niwa-kun’s one-day-child’ has been revealed!’

“Um, like I said, you don’t need any of those fancy plans. Just tell them you wanna tag along and they’ll let you in.”

As fascinated as I was with the specifics of the plan, I had to give her some proper guidance. A local tour isn’t all that uptight, so as long as you pay up it’s probably fine. Plus, strictly speaking, I’m not even a real resident of this town.

‘Ya aren’t saying that Ryuushi-san is such a nobody that no one would notice if I were to just walk in the back, right?! Is this the Niwa style indirect insult?’

“You suddenly sound incredibly depressed.’

‘It’s all ya fault, ya know.’

What~ how am I related to your complexes? Uh… Yeah, nothing, absolutely.

‘Anyway, Niwa-kun, um… Do you want me to go, too? Or something?’

“Of course. It’s better that way.”

‘Pfft~’

She comically spewed something out. Uh, is she thinking ‘ya might think it’s funny, but we’re all just laughing at you?’ If we were to think like Ryuushi-san.

‘Well, well. I guess Ryuuko-san hafta enter eternal summer mode now~’

“Good, not that it’s not already summer though.”

YES! YES! I shouted internally while keeping a poker face and pumped my fists numerous times. You see, dear, it’s the beach. Beach + Ryuushi-san. If I don’t see any swimsuits under the sun, the so-called sea is nothing but saltwater! It’s worth even less than tap water with salt added!

‘Actually~ Ryuuko-san has been occupied by basketball and club activities~ But being Niwa-kun’s guardian comes first! Let’s gobbled everything off the schedule!’

“You did not just use that phrase outside of the context of eating, did you?”

‘W-what~? Ya are not questioning me, are ya~? Ryuuko-san’s always busy, ya know~!’

What a childish retort. Well, I suppose she’s always kinda child-like.

Under her influence, I wanted to make fun of her a little too.

“You are? With what?”

‘Uh, like hang out with Mikki!’

“Mhm.”

‘Like, dribbling basketball during club hours!’

“Right, mhm.”

‘…Mikki hanging out with me.’

…Yeah, that one doesn’t get a free pass. Anymore she’d end up hanging out with a basketball. You know, this is kind of like asking what the president of a company does. ‘What are you in charge of?’ ‘I sign the documents.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I stamp.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘…And I sign names.’

‘Something like that? Anyway, that’s probably why I’m so busily busy.’

“Yeah~ Totally.”

Like ‘me’ and ‘you’ make us, colour and other colours a lot of colours.

‘But since we’re going ta the beach, gotta prepare myself! Niwa-kun’s life or death depends on this, after all!

“Yeah, the beach. Can’t forget the swimsuit.”

I finally let my intentions known, but being so high strung Ryuushi-san didn’t hear me.

‘Well, Imma say goodbye for now! …Look forward to the beach!’

“Way ahead of you.”

You’re the star of hope, Ryuushi-san. I imagined Ryuushi-san’s bashful look like whenever I was buying that porno mag before punching my shamelessly honest head.

…Oh, why weren’t I excited about Maekawa-san? Come on, how can anyone expect a person like her to show up with a swimsuit? It wouldn’t be surprising if she shows up as a fish in judo robe.

I let out a breath after ending the chat. As fun as it is to talk with Ryuushi-san, my brain tends to be mushy after hearing her kiddy speech. As a human being it’s naturally tiring. I rubbed the wrist that was locked in place and worked my shoulder.

“……”

The birthmark-like scar on my arm left by the meteor may become less obvious in the future, but it’s unlikely to disappear altogehter. It is a bizarre reminder of this summer.

The unforgettable image burnt into my retina occasionally appears in my sight.

And to be rid that scene, I stretched my arms even further out.

The night wind brushed my wound, as though gently and gradually melting the fragments of that meteor left in my skin.

“…Oh?”

In the yard below, Erio stood next to the telescope, her hands waving at me. Under the starry sky that hid even the moon, her hair emitted the particles that seem to affirm her existence.

“Cousin~ The stars~”

“Yeah~ Coming now~”

I gestured back; I thought about jumping down, but quietly turned back toward door. As an Earthling, I must use the stairs instead of relying on something unfeasible like teleporting.

Without using your own legs, you can’t even reach the five centimetres ahead of you.

“…Still, the end of summer begins~”

In more ways than one, this summer had been too stimulating.

So we have to rest well, like spreading out in a pool of water.

If only the trip is the true summer break, I hoped earnestly.

“Swimsuit! Beach! Summer!”

“Doesn’t that order sound off?”

“I’m just trying to read Mako-kun’s mind.”

Spot on– why do you even care! And please don’t shout in the streets, people are watching! I felt like a kid tugging at his parent’s sleeves in embarrassment. Her actual daughter though was ashamed for other reasons, hiding herself behind me. You sheep! Not that I could just force her to stop, though. Man, girls, am I right?

The last Saturday of August, we headed to the bus stop at the end of the shopping strip, where the tour members were gathering. Presumably to cut down on the cost, they did not rent a tour bus. Well, taking the public transport is slow-paced, and there are always plenty of space. I suppose it might even be considered good, if we can spend less, seeing as how Meme-san is footing for the entirety of the bill.

“In other words, it’s all just money to buy Mako-kun! You will be your aunt’s plaything until tomorrow!”

“Please don’t say such inappropriate things while reading someone’s thought.”

She needs a volume knob on her back, for the sake of her sanity and to keep those around her stress-free. Still, if she were to act her age, I’d freak out too, so I just let her be. The human adaptability is truly terrifying.

Still, the summer sun that blasted endlessly upon us is something I can never get used to. Pot and plants were placed alongside the grass, which promptly filled the stop with its aroma. The shopping strip seemed almost monotonous in this heat, having no trees for the cicadas to cry on.

The tabaco shack with a collapsed placard hanging off of it; the wagashi store Maekawa-san works at, and the bicycle shop with seemingly no customers. The air could not have been staler, blockaded by the brandless clothes stores. With Erio stuck onto my back, and Meme-san grabbing onto me whenever she gets the chance, I could feel my conscious drifting toward the beach. Guess I didn’t even need the bus. The tinnitus set in.

As part of the group, the Maekawa-san family stood next to the abandoned train track. While the parents were about the same height, the daughter stood out far more. The three of them chatted jubilantly in their little circle. The Maekawa family had already came over to greet us, but it’s evident that Maekawa dad was weary of me. The interaction didn’t last long.

As a side note, Maekawa-san was for some reason wearing a red tracksuit with a huge hiking backpack on her back. According to herself, ‘it’s what I consider as the training regiment for the PE division.’ It’s highly possible and not at all hard to imagine that it’s her cosplay outfits for the beach, so I made no mention of it.

I am, however, a bit curious about how her parents view her hobby.

“Whoa, hey! You’re hurting me!”

The collar strangled me; I finally turned to Erio. She was like a koala plastered onto a tree with how she held onto my shirt. I threw her off; landing on the floor, she looked back and forth, wary of the people eyes. Why?

There were, us included, about twenty or so people gathered here for the trip. ‘That’s more people than last year,’ the old director told me gleefully. It seems that young people like me and Erio are a rare sight in one of these trips, and his friendly attitude extended to even Erio.

With a glimpse, it’s apparent that most members were over the age of forty. As surprising as it is to say, Meme-san was indeed considered one of the younger ones here. I’m beginning to worry about the future of this planet!

“Oh, are you seeing how young Meme really is? Mako-kun is finally aware! Hooray, slave!”

“Did I not ask you to stop reading minds like you’re some sort of non-human? …Oh, so that’s it! Finally, I understand now.”

She’s classified as a new species, ‘Meme-san.’ How does a daring mother like her give birth to this critter-like misanthrope? Meme-san’s entire name is written as Touwa Meme. Meme. Every time I see this name in my phone (which was put in by none other than herself) I could feel my brows frown. Why is that?

Erio had wanted to carry her favourite futon (and nothing else) out on this trip, to which I forced her to leave at the house. Her change of clothes was packed inside of Meme-san’s bag. Hence, Erio left with nothing in hands. She had even wanted to leave the house with no shoes on: It took quite the effort to make her wear just beach sandals. Speaking of which, why must I take care of her every problem? The role of being her guardian comes naturally whenever I watch her odd and clumsy acts.

Being a guardian is, however, on the polar end of scoring Youth-points. It’s not something I stomach easily. Still, there’s one very simple reason why I let her grab onto my back.

“Cousin~”

That was it. The phrase that is far more effective than having her call me by my name.

“Cousin~”

Tug, tug~ She bashfully pulled on my cloth, replaying the exact same words I imagined in my mind.

“What?”

“Just wanted to say it.”

“…”

Did you not pick up anything good from your mom?! Your cousin is very worried… Not that’s my concern, so I kept quiet. Could you stop yanking my shirt?

As I was dealing with Erio, hair designer Ooi Toe approached us – smiling with her daughter sitting on her shoulder. Her family was on the trip as well. Their skin were unbelievably white — if you were to tell me they use ectoplasm as lotion every night, I’d believe you. I followed Ooi-san’s waist-length hair as it swayed left and right. Different from Erio’s, hers was dark and shiny. She wore on her head a distinctively red and worn-out hat.

“It’s the Touwa tribe, huh?”

Ooi-san greeted us in the strangest way. How could she consider me part of them? I’m not one of the expats who plan on living my entire life in the Touwa household.

…But, uhh, how do I put it? It’s not like I’m homesick to the death or anything, but I have to go back someday. Such is the mindset of a transfer student. Perhaps I may even miss it here.

“G-good morning…”

Erio silently peeked out from behind my arm and nodded at Ooi-san. She then gawked at the little girl straddled on her mom’s shoulders. ‘Stare?’ The girl ogled curiously at Erio’s cobalt hair; Erio seemed like a deer in the headlight. Are they on the same level?

“Good morning, Erio~ You and you eyes are as wonderful as ever~”

Uhm, her eyes just shone like a cat who just spotted her prey. Is this the so-called bully aura?

As though noticing just that, Erio scuttled behind me.

“How keen of you, Mrs. Barber, to compliment my little Eri-chan~”

Meme-san stepped in, perhaps subconsciously to protect Erio. “Bam~” She tapped on Ooi-san’s shoulder. Ooi-san grimaced: “It’s a salon.” Her every smile seemed to hide within its matureness the naivety of a frivolous child. While fitting, it is still an odd and conflicting smile.

“Right, yeah. Say, I just noticed you three have been growing your hair out. Perhaps a little trimming is due? If I may have the honour.”

She giddily advertised her service, making the shape of pairs of scissors with her hands. ‘Wooey~’ the child imitated her mother with a goat-like squeal.

How about me? I grabbed my hair and wondered. Seems okay.

“Ooi-san, you’re not so shabby yourself: Your hair got even longer.”

A meaningless question, but can designers cut their own hair?

“Heheh, how could I possibly lose?”

“What?”

“Oh, don’t mind me. Worry not, this has nothing to do with this chapter.”

“Say what~? Well, I’m not worried anymore, phew~”

Meme-san placed her hand on her chest for some reason. I swear, these people are often so obviously antagonistic.

“I can give a family discount if you all came before school starts. I’m waiting~”

Upon those unusual words, Ooi-san left. Her daughter waved lightly at us, evidently no longer shy of us. I returned the gesture while my thoughts just now escaped my lips.

“She and Erio are the same, huh. Her manner and cautiousness, I mean.”

“N-no! We’re not!”

Hmph! Erio stuck her chest out proudly. Uh, I don’t really care either way, but it might be more convincing if you let go of my shirt.

Ooi-san went up to Maekawa-san as well. She felt her hair, to which Maekawa-san did not resist. She seemed more abashed. Does she not seem like one of the grown-ups standing next to Ooi-san?

“Say~ Maekawa, where is Princess Kaguya?”

“She said something about having to clean her house first when she was in the shop yesterday.”

Princess Kaguya? Judging from the name, must be Ooi-san’s friend. Sounds like royalty.

“Mm~ alright, whatever floats her boat. If she were here, it’d be like our high school graduation trip.”

Ooi-san burst out laughing before leaving Maekawa-san’s side for her husband.

These were all the younger participants of our local tour. The rest were people around the age of fifty and sixty. They all seemed to know each other already, chatting away happily in their loosely formed circles.

Meme-san tried to invite Tamura obaa-san as well, but she was turned down. ‘Folks are gonna laugh at how old I am…’ were the words she seemed to have said.

“Yoohoo~ Niwa-kun~”

“…Oh! That manner of speaking, it’s Ryuushi-san.”

Rambling her way here from the other side was without a doubt Ryuushi-san. She had on a green cloche hat, and a black shoulder bag slung across the shoulder. From afar, she appeared like an elementary school girl on a fieldtrip. How adorable of her! She waved energetically. Here comes one more young member.

She jogged steadily, ‘Screech~’ and stopped in front of me and Erio with that mock-brake sound. Adjusting her hat, Ryuushi-san looked from me to Erio, then to Meme-san.

Her expression went from smile, awkward smile, to heavy ponder.

“Man~ Niwa-kun, I gotta thank ya for your invitation!”

“Oh no no no, it’s my pleasure to have you here on such a hot day…”

Got your swimsuit ready? I bit my tongue hard before the words accidentally leave my throat. I concealed my desire and checked the surrounding. Erio and Meme-san ordered me to stay home yesterday when they went shopping for swimsuits. They said something about a big surprise… Am I in for one?”

“And Touwa-san and, uh~ Oba-san! Uwahwahwah~!”

“Those in favour of changing soft-cheeked girl into loose-cheeked girl, say aye!”

Under Meme-san’s attacks, Ryuushi-san’s face was stretched like a squirrel’s; Meme-san pulled upward, as though really asking for others’ opinion. I guess from how she didn’t just tackle Ryuushi-san, Meme-san is adult enough today. Maybe she’s just excited about the trip.

“Mako-kun, you aren’t teaching your friends the proper etiquettes~”

“Uh, you don’t exactly educate a friend, do you?”

Your daughter is already such a handful, you know. With that jest, I stole a glance at Erio. As expressionless as ever, she pointed at Ryuushi-san’s squishy face.

“Something something Ryuushi, your face is amazing.”

Something something… This kid never plans on remembering her name!

“I tuld ya ish Ryuuko~”

I can only give my upmost respect to Ryuushi-san for being so committed in asserting her name in any situation.

“Ow ow ow… Smooth-skinned sensei truly has no mercy.”

Finally freed, Ryuushi-san rubbed at her face. Maekawa-san, who’s also wobbling from her own pack, had her eyes glued onto Ryuushi-san.

The old folks surrounding also gazed at Ryuushi-san, who entered so dynamically, yet was met with her cheeks pinched. Their conversation just now seemingly burrowed itself beneath the ground.

“Eh? Ryuushi is tagging along?”

Ryuushi-san stopped to the questions. With a stretch she answered Maekawa-san. Maekawa-san, too, adjusted her backpack to her posture. The picture was now the image of an adult talking to a child.

“Yes, yes, yesh! While I may be from the next town over, please don’t be strangersh! And my name is Ryuuko~”

“Hahah, got it, got it. Still, pretty easy to figure out who invited you.”

She smirked at me upon finishing her words. Well, of course it’s me. Yet, despite not having done anything bad, I squirmed knowing that I’ve been found.

Maekawa-san always see through me, and the feeling doesn’t sit well. She’s probably just sharp.

“Y’know, trips are often the most fun before you head out~”

Ryuushi-san, her cheeks finally recovered, beamed at me. After waiting a whole week for that smile, I begin to believe that the Earth has a beautiful tomorrow.

But that was a fleeting movement — Ryuushi-san had awoken. She crossed her arms and exhaled loudly.

“But I hafta say, there’s something wrong here. Being the guardian of Niwa-kun, I can’t just sit and watch now, can I~?”

“Wait, what guardian?” Hold on, misses big kid, you don’t get to play backup here.

“If Niwa-kun is gonna be like that all~ day~ with Touwa-san, ya are gonna get sweaty and get itches on your back! My goodness, how awful would that be!”

Her hands trembled, as though what she had just described was some sort of horror story.

Wasn’t that the exact same gesture when she was talking about the jellyfishes? How useful.

Hearing the words, Erio scratched my back as if she was reminded of something. She never holds back when it comes to this kind of stuff, so it actually hurt. Especially her middle finger, which always manages to delayer my skin.

“What’s wrong with you?”

I inquired her for an explanation. Seeing my face, the blank-faced Erio revealed a tinge of satisfaction.

“Itch-counter.”

“…Uh, a little too early.”

“Nah~ Lemmie show you the fastest way~”

Ryuushi-san skipped behind my back and pulled Erio’s hands away.

“Let go~”

“N-no!”

Oh, as weak as she was, she’s putting up a fight; she plastered herself onto my back. Look, Eri-chan, I’ve meaning to tell you: Before we get to the heat, let’s talk about how my heart won’t be able to handle more of this… Please let go.

“Mm~” Ryuushi-san pinched Erio’s cheeks.

“Ehh~” Erio began her counterattack, returning the favour.

Thus begin the face pinching tug of war.

'Thus begin the face pinching tug of war.'

“Mm~ eh~!”

The two of them cried simultaneously while pulling on each other’s faces. I wonder if it’s some sort of trend that’s popular with the girls, since Meme-san was doing the same thing too. They both stomped the ground; trying to escape one another’s grasps, both ended up staring at the sky.

While maintaining the same pose and struggling to break free, their cheeks swelled in red.

…It’s actually pretty interesting, so I let them be. I wonder if they’re really enemies.

Meme-san, too, smiled quietly at the girls going at one another… She must have also felt joy. As toilsome as the road was, she finally got to see her daughter Erio playing with her friend.

Maekawa-san too took a step back, watching over them helplessly with a smile.

Not long after the girls’ tug of cheek began, a red bus that seemed to almost be shaved in half by the buildings on its sides came from the opposite direction Ryuushi-san arrived from.

“Alright, that’s the bus we’re ridin’~ Everyone please line up.”

From the bus’s noise and the voice of the director, the old men broke from their circles. Sluggishly they lined up next to the bus stop sign. Seeing so, the Touwa, Maekawa, and Ooi families also began following.

Attached to my back was Erio, and to my sides Ryuushi-san and, uh, Meme-san.

“You want this to be our post-marriage honeymoon, or pre-marriage? Whatever you want, Mako-kun!”

“My apologies, but I am obliged to only answer questions that complies to non-outerspace laws. And please stop groping my arm, it’s going to make the heat rashes worse.”

“Our first couple’s task is to make rashes together!”

“Now that’s gonna make the Americans cry!”

“Woow~ Ya are linking arm with your aunt huh~ Diss Ryuushi-san respects you!”

“Here you go making words up. So, uh, do you wanna, like, l-link arms?”

“Eek! B-but we’re practically linked in the heart already, ya know!”

“Eh? Oh, I guess…”

“Cousin~”

“Don’t make me retort your ‘just wanna see your reaction’ for the third time, you little– “

“Looking forward. To the beach.”

She easily parried my move. With the brightest smile, Erio beamed at me.

And I inadvertently looked straight at the expression that would accidentally increase my Youth-points.

“……Right.”

Maekawa-san turned to me with a mocking face.

In any case, the arrival of the bus finally gave respite to my perpetually twisted face.

I chuckled to myself.

As if declaring, ‘so what if she’s a weirdo?’

I am the ambassador of love comedies on this trip, y’know.

Something along the line of, in the brink of a galactic war, what I held in hand was not a sword, but her hand.

With that out of the way, I hope all goes well.

Some people think that there is no such thing as coincidence, or that such thinking has never been correct. While I believe that trying to instill right or wrong to such concepts is in itself incorrect, I still wonder if the arrival of this bus served a certain purpose.

As expected, the bus that seemed to have parked at the hottest stop in this entire shopping street was empty. The AC’s breeze that welcomed us froze even our brains. With the director at front, everyone gradually entered the bus. The old men sat wherever they wanted, instead of filling the bus from the back. Such a strange arrangement led to Ryuushi-san and Erio sitting shoulder to shoulder. As long as one doesn’t have some strange doggedness, I don’t see what’s wrong with calling this ‘coincidence.’

They started arguing about where to sit on the way into the bus. Pinching each other’s faces, they ended up like this. With an awkward expression, they shot glances at one another, but never asking the others to switch seat with them.

And so the bus, now filled with people, began rumbling again. I sat next to the two of them, which happened to be on top of one of the rear wheels. And perhaps because of that, the shaking reached the deepest part of my stomach.

By the way, sitting next to me by the window was Maekawa-san. It just happened when Erio and Ryuushi-san were fighting among themselves. Hm, sitting shoulder to shoulder to somebody so tall is indeed intimidating. By the way, Maekawa dad’s glares from behind me were just as scary.

“Transfer student, you probably prefer sitting next to Ryuushi or Touwa, don’t you?”

Heheh~ Maekawa-san inquired with a sarcastic chuckle.

“Oh, not really,” I waved dismissively, “I didn’t really get a chance to speak to Maekawa-san earlier, so this is just fine.”

Upon hearing that, Maekawa-san grumbled and rolled her eyes. With an arm against the window, she rested her head on her hand. With restless eyes, she seemed to assess me.

“Uh, what’s wrong?”

“You’re not an airhead, are you, transfer student?”

“What, me? Aren’t I pretty normal?”

If anyone deserves that title, it’d be Ryuushi-san. How goes their battle? With the building moving backward as the backdrop, I saw Ryuushi-san attempting to converse with Erio like a certain scene from a movie when the boy handed some chocolate to an alien.

“G-gum…?”

The strange perspective of Ryuushi-san searching her backpack for the piece of gum she’s now handing to Erio. Was that a sign of peace? What’s Erio’s reaction?

“T-thank you… Nom.”

Erio swallowed the gum and Ryuushi-san’s fingers. To Erio’s overly obedient response, Ryuushi-san could hardly say a word. It’s more like pet and owner at this point.

“Oh, right~”

Erio began rummaging through her skirt pocket while chewing the gum. For someone who should have came empty handed, what could she possibly be looking for? I stared, only to see her produce a small pouch.

She loosened the pouch lace: Candies the size of large raindrops tumbled out; she unwrapped one of the milk candies and delivered it to Ryuushi-san’s nose.

“C-candy?”

“M-much thanks. Nom nom…”

As if imitating Erio, Ryuushi-san licked at the candy. Despite looking tickled, Erio did not retreat. She once again began chewing her gum… This must be what snakes trying to each other look like. Well, it’s certainly much better than just ignoring one another. I nodded my head and pretended I saw nothing. Feeling someone’s eyes boring into my face, I turned to see Maekawa-san’s scornful look.

“You wanna sit over there instead?”

She gestured cursorily toward Ryuushi-san and Erio. “Nah,” I dismissed her again and began pondering what I had done to upset Maekawa-san. Surely it’s not because she wanted someone to pay attention to her. It’s hard to imagine, seeing how Maekawa-san seemed so much more mature than the others.

So why then? Does she want to cosplay on the bus and I’m in the way?

“Hm, someone’s calling?” Maekawa-san went through the pocket in her tracksuit with the same belittling look. Her phone vibrated, emitting the sound of a normal home phone. Unlike Ryuushi-san’s phone, which is decked-out with many accessories, Maekawa-san’s was fresh. Just like the owner itself, I thought admiringly while watching her accept the call.

“Hello? …What? Details? No. Oh, I see.”

She removed the phone from her ear before turning toward me. We met eyes, to which I thought perhaps she’s about to complain about my staring. Yet, as I prepared my defence, something outside of my expectation appeared.

“Transfer student, do you prefer left or right?”

“Huh?”

“Well, someone’s asking. They said not to think too much about it, just your guts feeling. She’s always going on about something like a galactic war and whatnot, not that I really listen to her.”

Okay, so why did you ask the question for her? And who’s this person asking about space warfare? What kind of phone call does a person like that make, anyway? Maekawa-san’s summary of their conversation was so concise that it’s the only thing that occupied my mind. Well, the person seems to be waiting, so I’ll just go out on a limb here.

“Left, then.” Reason being I sat on the left side.

“Mkay. Hey, he said left.”

Maekawa-san nonchalantly told the other party. After a few more words, she hung up and put her phone back into her pocket. Once again she put her cheek against her hand and looked at the outside scenery.

“Who was that?”

“Oh, just a friend, I guess.”

A dissatisfying answer. Maekawa-san really likes ambiguous words.

Yet as this conversation ended, I felt the presence of another pair of eyes, this time a lot more displeasing. Could you please look at my left instead? There’s another pair that’s far more interesting than me! With that thought in mind, I looked up to find Meme-san poking her head out from her spot a row away from ours. She looked like a child who just couldn’t keep quiet; she must have been kneeling on her seats. At least blink, man.

“Please remain seated and fasten your seatbelt when the bus is moving.”

I reminded her like a tour guide. She finally blinked. Ugh, please try to keep your strange behaviours to a limit. (?)

“I figure I’d keep an eye on Mako-kun in case you’re feeling bored~”

“Speak for yourself!”

The grandma sitting next to Meme-san leaned against the window, her hat covering her sleeping face.

“You~ Got~ Me~!”

Wham! Meme-san exploded from her seats; she darted in the bus like a ping pong ball, pushing left and right before finally squeezing herself in the space in front of me. We were already short on space before, now that Meme-san’s here, the picture of hell had been painted clearly.

“Come on~ I wanna play poker~ It’s so boring~”

She childishly tugged on Maekawa-san and my hands.

“But we don’t even have cards.”

With that response, I cocked my head toward Maekawa-san in hope that she could help out this conundrum in the form; of a giant kid. To my wry smile, Maekawa-san’s expression seemed to have softened the usual aloof look returned to her.

“I got some cards here in my bag.”

“Oh, that’s Maekawa-san for ya.”

Despite the complement, the memory of my aunt stealing my first hug after a game of trump surfaced in my mind.

Ahhh.

“Hmhmhm~ You dare to challenge someone who has friends in the poker research club?”

“Wait, she’s the one who challenged you though.”

‘She’ being the person who’s taking up all our spot. Why must I move my legs to such an uncomfortable position for her compulsions? Life sure is full of senselessness.

Putting that aside, Maekawa-san seems to know an extraordinary amount of people.

“FYI, a research club is not a school approved club.”

“Why are you trying to make your source of power even weaker?”

The fist of Meme-san suddenly erupted from below, almost taking my head with it.

“Alrighty! With Meme-chan’s kiss on the line, the first round of Old Maid begins!”

“We are not playing your kind of degenerate games!”

…Whether it be the twist of fate or inevitability of destiny, what’s clear is something is plotting against me.

The one person on this bus who’s the most intimate with the ambassador of love comedy happened to be Meme-san.

…Wait. How’s that any different than the usual?

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