Absolute Duo edits
Hmm: 1. just avoid deleting words or just find a word with the exact same meaning as the previous one
2. Leave the "........." it tells the time used in their thoughts.
3. Don't switch the lines up and down.
Sentence structure are not for me to decide. It is from the novel itself and i can't change it whether i like it or not.
1. It is correct.
2. "I thought Yurie bought too much by looking at the pile of clothes she tried being processed for purchase;If I hadn't told Yurie it was time to go to other shops, who knows how many clothes she would have bought." That works too.
3. "I nodded with a wry smile since denying will bring no results" <--This works.
Personally the "................." might be too long now that i think about it, but you simplified it until it is barely visible thus losing the meaning of putting there. I didn't want to put it there, it's from the novel itself.
You killed out most of the words like for example to name a few:
1. "I gave up on correcting the misunderstanding. I nodded while giving a wry smile."
What happened to "anything I do will be useless" from the example you showed me.
2."Yurie moved her viewpoint, from the sea outside the window--------, to me and nodded."-----> Your edit: "Yurie shifted her eyes from the window to me and nodded."
What happened to the sea.she was not staring at the window but the sea opposite outside the window.
4."She brought her body closer, defenselessly as usual, and stuck on my lap making me feel, in my mind, slightly excited."--->"She brought her body closer, defenselessly as usual, and stuck on my lap making me feel slightly excited (mentally)."
Alternate: "She brought her body closer defenselessly as usual, and stuck on my lap making me, slightly excited in my mind."
brackets in novels usually have hidden meanings so, adding it will confuse it with the others.
So in conclusion i decided to revert back your edit. I am not saying everything was bad but most of it changed the meanings from the novel.
I am pretty thankful for the edits, and i know the grammar is bad, i can easily tell from looking at my DAL structures. If possible please use the forum: http://www.baka-tsuki.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=5901, You can discuss most matters there.(You need a new account though).
- The following stands for itself and has nothing to do with the prior stuff.
- The length of the dots, implying a certain pause length, surely is a problem for the eye of the diligent editor. Stuff like "......................は？" in the raw can hardly be replaced by just "...Ha?". I found my inner piece by using "[...]" to replace a certain pause just like when reciting. It's then gut feeling how many of those you need, for the above example I would say "[...] [...] ...Ha?" It's not right grammar-wise, but it is 'less wrong'. Maybe it helps a bit.
- It also helps to have a talk with the TL beforehand. How he thinks about dot reducing, liberal vs. literal, and so on.
- You can always choose a project where you feel that the TL and you are of one mind. Otherwise I fear you will have to adept to the rules the TL sets. In the end it comes to supervisor > TL > editor > Engrish (intentional) editors.