Difference between revisions of "Talk:Cross x Regalia:Volume 1 Prologue"
Multipartite (talk | contribs) (Some possible change suggestions.) |
|||
| Line 8: | Line 8: | ||
You mean you don't understand or the line seems awkward? It should be correct as far as I can remember and doesn't seem off to me. --[[User:Larethian|larethian]] ([[User talk:Larethian|talk]]) 20:45, 23 May 2013 (CDT) |
You mean you don't understand or the line seems awkward? It should be correct as far as I can remember and doesn't seem off to me. --[[User:Larethian|larethian]] ([[User talk:Larethian|talk]]) 20:45, 23 May 2013 (CDT) |
||
| + | |||
| + | Some possible change suggestions:<br> |
||
| + | <br>|<br> |
||
| + | 'You won't like to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger right?' -> 'You wouldn't want to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger, right?' |
||
| + | <br>|<br> |
||
| + | 'fella' or fellow are predominantly male terms, so it may be worth replacing it with a more neutral term, depending on the original word. |
||
| + | <br>|<br> |
||
| + | 'just nice': If 'choudo ii', to perhaps 'perfect timing' or 'great timing' or 'wonderful' or similar. |
||
| + | <br>|<br> |
||
| + | 'found your outstretched hand' noted above, to perhaps 'found your outstretched hand in front of me' or a more literal translation of the text. Assuming the text isn't '[...]nobashita te wo mitsuketa.', it may be worth checking the exact phrasing used in the original. |
||
| + | <br>|<br> |
||
| + | 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, grasped your warm hand, and told you my name?', to 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, did I grasp your warm hand, and tell you my name?'. Ah, and also 'to lift even a finger' to 'to even lift a finger', to be consistent with the earlier 'I found it troublesome to even blink, let alone move a single finger'. ('lifting' within 'things difficult', rather than 'things difficult' within 'lifting'.) |
||
| + | <br>|<br> |
||
| + | 'All my life up till now[...]was the most precious thing to me.' to probably 'Of all my life up till now[...]is the most precious thing to me.'. The tricky part here is not letting it sound as though it had constantly been the most precious thing to her throughout her life. |
||
| + | <br>-[[User:Multipartite|Multipartite]] ([[User talk:Multipartite|talk]]) 02:04, 4 June 2013 (CDT) |
||
Revision as of 09:04, 4 June 2013
Shouldnt this page be a part of a teaser project? --Darklor (talk) 04:44, 11 September 2012 (CDT)
Hm, yes, but I totally forgot about making the project page. Good job finding it lol. Now, someone less lazy than me can volunteer making the project page lol. --larethian (talk) 14:06, 11 September 2012 (CDT)
The next moment, I found your outstretched hand.
Something seems off about that line. --Bilagaana (talk) 15:11, 23 May 2013 (CDT)
You mean you don't understand or the line seems awkward? It should be correct as far as I can remember and doesn't seem off to me. --larethian (talk) 20:45, 23 May 2013 (CDT)
Some possible change suggestions:
|
'You won't like to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger right?' -> 'You wouldn't want to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger, right?'
|
'fella' or fellow are predominantly male terms, so it may be worth replacing it with a more neutral term, depending on the original word.
|
'just nice': If 'choudo ii', to perhaps 'perfect timing' or 'great timing' or 'wonderful' or similar.
|
'found your outstretched hand' noted above, to perhaps 'found your outstretched hand in front of me' or a more literal translation of the text. Assuming the text isn't '[...]nobashita te wo mitsuketa.', it may be worth checking the exact phrasing used in the original.
|
'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, grasped your warm hand, and told you my name?', to 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, did I grasp your warm hand, and tell you my name?'. Ah, and also 'to lift even a finger' to 'to even lift a finger', to be consistent with the earlier 'I found it troublesome to even blink, let alone move a single finger'. ('lifting' within 'things difficult', rather than 'things difficult' within 'lifting'.)
|
'All my life up till now[...]was the most precious thing to me.' to probably 'Of all my life up till now[...]is the most precious thing to me.'. The tricky part here is not letting it sound as though it had constantly been the most precious thing to her throughout her life.
-Multipartite (talk) 02:04, 4 June 2013 (CDT)
