Difference between revisions of "Talk:Madan no Ou to Vanadis:Volume 09 Chapter 2"
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Setsuna, I'm going to try and point this out again and if you're adamant about it then I'll overlook it in the future but "floated a smile" sounds weird, why not just "smiled" or "gave a smile". Also "drop-out" soldiers sounds like deserting soldiers to me. [[User:Kuratatsu|Kuratatsu]] ([[User talk:Kuratatsu|talk]]) 10:53, 11 June 2014 (CDT) |
Setsuna, I'm going to try and point this out again and if you're adamant about it then I'll overlook it in the future but "floated a smile" sounds weird, why not just "smiled" or "gave a smile". Also "drop-out" soldiers sounds like deserting soldiers to me. [[User:Kuratatsu|Kuratatsu]] ([[User talk:Kuratatsu|talk]]) 10:53, 11 June 2014 (CDT) |
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| + | Just "smile" will be good when there are no adjective (gentle smile or difficult smiel). How about "revealed a smile"? As for "Drop-pout", which word do you should replace it? [[User:Setsuna86|Setsuna86]] ([[User talk:Setsuna86|talk]]) 14:16, 11 June 2014 (CDT) |
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| + | 'gave a smile'. Also for 'drop-out', why not 'deserting'. Drop-out sounds too... related to studies. I have encountered that word when talking about education. --[[User:Chancs|Chancs]] ([[User talk:Chancs|talk]]) 14:37, 11 June 2014 (CDT) |
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| + | Original : Whenever it counted five hundred soldiers, the Bydgauche army stopped once. Not to take a rest. But only to adjust their lines and quietly take a deep breath. And then, they advanced again. |
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| + | Suggested Change 1: Whenever it counted five hundred soldiers, the Bydgauche army stopped once. Not to take a rest''', b'''ut only to adjust their lines and quietly take a deep breath. And then, they advanced again. |
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| + | Suggested Change 2: Whenever it counted five hundred soldiers, the Bydgauche army stopped once. Not to take a rest''', b'''ut only to adjust their lines and quietly take a deep breath''', a'''nd then, they advanced again. |
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| + | I believe that there a missing comma that needs to be exchanged for a period. |
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Latest revision as of 08:35, 13 June 2014
Setsuna, I'm going to try and point this out again and if you're adamant about it then I'll overlook it in the future but "floated a smile" sounds weird, why not just "smiled" or "gave a smile". Also "drop-out" soldiers sounds like deserting soldiers to me. Kuratatsu (talk) 10:53, 11 June 2014 (CDT)
Just "smile" will be good when there are no adjective (gentle smile or difficult smiel). How about "revealed a smile"? As for "Drop-pout", which word do you should replace it? Setsuna86 (talk) 14:16, 11 June 2014 (CDT)
'gave a smile'. Also for 'drop-out', why not 'deserting'. Drop-out sounds too... related to studies. I have encountered that word when talking about education. --Chancs (talk) 14:37, 11 June 2014 (CDT)
Original : Whenever it counted five hundred soldiers, the Bydgauche army stopped once. Not to take a rest. But only to adjust their lines and quietly take a deep breath. And then, they advanced again.
Suggested Change 1: Whenever it counted five hundred soldiers, the Bydgauche army stopped once. Not to take a rest, but only to adjust their lines and quietly take a deep breath. And then, they advanced again.
Suggested Change 2: Whenever it counted five hundred soldiers, the Bydgauche army stopped once. Not to take a rest, but only to adjust their lines and quietly take a deep breath, and then, they advanced again.
I believe that there a missing comma that needs to be exchanged for a period.
