Talk:Cross x Regalia:Volume 1 Prologue: Difference between revisions
Multipartite (talk | contribs) Some possible change suggestions. |
Multipartite (talk | contribs) m (Minor alternations to own written text.) |
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You mean you don't understand or the line seems awkward? It should be correct as far as I can remember and doesn't seem off to me. --[[User:Larethian|larethian]] ([[User talk:Larethian|talk]]) 20:45, 23 May 2013 (CDT) | You mean you don't understand or the line seems awkward? It should be correct as far as I can remember and doesn't seem off to me. --[[User:Larethian|larethian]] ([[User talk:Larethian|talk]]) 20:45, 23 May 2013 (CDT) | ||
Some possible change suggestions: | Some possible change suggestions: | ||
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'You won't like to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger right?' -> 'You wouldn't want to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger, right?' | 'You won't like to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger right?' -> 'You wouldn't want to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger, right?' | ||
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'just nice': If 'choudo ii', to perhaps 'perfect timing' or 'great timing' or 'wonderful' or similar. | 'just nice': If 'choudo ii', to perhaps 'perfect timing' or 'great timing' or 'wonderful' or similar. | ||
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'found your outstretched hand' noted above, to perhaps 'found your outstretched hand in front of me' or a more literal translation of the text. Assuming the text isn't '[...]nobashita te wo mitsuketa.', it may be worth checking the exact phrasing used in the original. | 'I found your outstretched hand' noted above, to perhaps 'I found your outstretched hand in front of me' or a more literal translation of the text. Ah, or maybe 'there was your outstretched hand'. Assuming the text isn't '[...]nobashita te wo mitsuketa.', it may be worth checking the exact phrasing used in the original. | ||
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'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, grasped your warm hand, and told you my name?', to 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, did I grasp your warm hand, and tell you my name?'. Ah, and also 'to lift even a finger' to 'to even lift a finger', to be consistent with the earlier 'I found it troublesome to even blink, let alone move a single finger'. ('lifting' within 'things difficult', rather than 'things difficult' within 'lifting'.) | 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, grasped your warm hand, and told you my name?', to 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, did I grasp your warm hand, and tell you my name?'. Ah, and also 'to lift even a finger' to 'to even lift a finger', to be consistent with the earlier 'I found it troublesome to even blink, let alone move a single finger'. ('lifting' within 'things difficult', rather than 'things difficult' within 'lifting'.) | ||
Latest revision as of 07:07, 4 June 2013
Shouldnt this page be a part of a teaser project? --Darklor (talk) 04:44, 11 September 2012 (CDT)
Hm, yes, but I totally forgot about making the project page. Good job finding it lol. Now, someone less lazy than me can volunteer making the project page lol. --larethian (talk) 14:06, 11 September 2012 (CDT)
The next moment, I found your outstretched hand.
Something seems off about that line. --Bilagaana (talk) 15:11, 23 May 2013 (CDT)
You mean you don't understand or the line seems awkward? It should be correct as far as I can remember and doesn't seem off to me. --larethian (talk) 20:45, 23 May 2013 (CDT)
Some possible change suggestions:
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'You won't like to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger right?' -> 'You wouldn't want to get hurt[...]got involved with a stranger, right?'
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'fella' or fellow are predominantly male terms, so it may be worth replacing it with a more neutral term, depending on the original word.
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'just nice': If 'choudo ii', to perhaps 'perfect timing' or 'great timing' or 'wonderful' or similar.
|
'I found your outstretched hand' noted above, to perhaps 'I found your outstretched hand in front of me' or a more literal translation of the text. Ah, or maybe 'there was your outstretched hand'. Assuming the text isn't '[...]nobashita te wo mitsuketa.', it may be worth checking the exact phrasing used in the original.
|
'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, grasped your warm hand, and told you my name?', to 'Why, when I found it supposedly troublesome to lift even a finger, did I grasp your warm hand, and tell you my name?'. Ah, and also 'to lift even a finger' to 'to even lift a finger', to be consistent with the earlier 'I found it troublesome to even blink, let alone move a single finger'. ('lifting' within 'things difficult', rather than 'things difficult' within 'lifting'.)
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'All my life up till now[...]was the most precious thing to me.' to probably 'Of all my life up till now[...]is the most precious thing to me.'. The tricky part here is not letting it sound as though it had constantly been the most precious thing to her throughout her life.
-Multipartite (talk) 02:04, 4 June 2013 (CDT)