Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Chapter2
So what's up with this "dissonance" word in the second sentence? Is it something along the lines of regret or self-conflict? Needs further translation. Rizo536 - Possibly Editing (talk)
- The word used is 葛藤, which means 'conflict' or 'complications'. Basically what it means here is that he doesn't have any difficulties with stealing. Or as you stated yourself, self-conflict. But you're right about it sounding a bit strange, so I'll change it. Thanks for the comment. --Dohma (talk) 03:38, 16 April 2013 (CDT)
Everything – although, with a life barely managing to live another day, despite only having such a minimal lifeline, contrarily, if all their members were being suppressed, they could as well be left for dead.
- -The wording here was a little confusing. I'm not sure if there are one or two concepts this is intended to express. The one concept I'm not sure about is that even though "everything" was taken from them, losing "everything" wasn't actually losing that much since they were living day to day ("with a minimal lifeline").
- -The second concept I'm pretty sure is there is that if there members were injured or "suppressed" they wouldn't be able to support themselves in their day to day living, and might as well be left for dead. If there are two concepts in that sentence, then I think this second concept might be clearer as it's own sentence.
Although he certainly was the kind of person to use physical strength, for there were also about a hundred verbal disputes, and mostly settle things quickly with his fists, at the same time, rather than spending the nights with his friends, drinking alcohol, making a racket, getting in high spirits, and chattering, he was also the type to keep to his own, propping up his knees in a dim corner of the room, and be lost in thought.
- -I think this sentence would be clearer if it was broken up into two sentences, and possibly some clauses rearranged. Also, the one thing that was confusing to me is that "for there were also about a hundred verbal disputes" is sandwiched between two statements about physical violence. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to mean those disputes were ultimately settled with fists, or that in addition to settling things with fists, there were also 'about a hundred' disputes that were settled verbally.
“Bastard!” an armed swordsman said, about to beat Orba up, when, with only the word “Stop”, the man took, grinning with his lips buried in his beard.
- -"the man took" seems out of place. Should it be 'the man stopped'?
What was called the Mephius Empire, ... The Domick Flats that cut diagonally through the mountains was currently all of its territory.
- -"all of its territory" makes it sound like the Domick Flats are Mephius's only territory; I think they're just part of Mephius's territory. If so, I suggest deleting the 'of' to make it "were all currently its territory"
It reminded him of oozing wet fuse.
- -It probably needs "an" in there. The reason I didn't fix something so trivial myself was that "oozing wet fuse" just sounded strange to me. If 'oozing' is meant to mean very wet ('dripping' or nothing would have been my first choice), then that's just a matter of personal preference and it doesn't matter that much, but I wasn't sure if I was missing something.
‘Until the neck of the Garberran is presented before me
- -It's not necessarily wrong as is, but I was wondering if it should be "Garberan king". Also, I'll take this chance to ask whether you prefer 'Garberran' or 'Garberan'? The first is what you've used most recently in chapter 3, but the second has more total usages between all the chapters.
Once again, a few sentences I noticed when reading. Thanks as always. --Cthaeh (talk) 22:30, 27 April 2013 (CDT)
