Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Chapter5

Part 1

I'll start out by opening two things for discussion. --Dohma (talk) 07:32, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

Orba, not losing out in being irritated... (オルバも負けず苛立っていたのは)
I can’t find a good English equivalent. What it means is that Orba didn’t lose from Fedom in being irritated. Is there a better way to put this?

“Theresia, how old did you become?” (テレジアは、いくつになったのだったか？)
I first thought it was to be supposed Theresia's birthday or something, but it's a more polite way of saying 'how old are you?'. Basically 'how old have you become (over the years)'. If someone has a better way of saying it like this, please tell me.

For the first, I would suggest "Orba, no less irritated"; also, as an incidental note, that would be 'didn't lose to Fedom in being irritated' rather than 'didn't lose from Fedom in being irritated'. For the second, I suspect "How old are you now?" is slightly better than 'How old are you?', as it preserves the 'acknowledgement of the other having been a different age at a previous meeting', whereas 'How old are you?' is more appropriate when meeting someone for the first time. -Multipartite (talk) 08:04, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

Those are great suggestions Multipartite.Tasear (talk))

• I agree, thanks. I edited the text by your suggestions. --Dohma (talk) 09:18, 29 July 2013 (CDT)

I guess I should post the responses to your inlines here from now on. And what better way to take a break from translating than to edit! Well, Chapter 2 is......slowly coming along. --Detalz (talk) 20:43, 30 July 2013 (CDT)
Thinking it was surely important for people to look at oneself, something seemed to trouble her heart. Raw: 振り返ればあれは確かに本人たちにとっては大事だったのだと思える悩みに胸を焦がす、美しい少女の姿。

• 振り返る is a conjugated verb meaning 'to turn around, to turn one's head'. Here's a rough translation from my part, "It was apparent to anyone who so much as turned around that she was worriedly longed for something precious to her; it was the form of a beautiful girl." (Note: You might have moved 'beautiful girl' part to the previous sentence.)

• Yeah, I split the sentence in two and moved the 'beautiful girl' part up front because that was what the beginning of the sentence refers to. I combined the sentences again and used your suggestion. Thanks. --Dohma

“Well… when you reach the latter half of your forties, you eventually stop counting. Then it’s natural to look forward to continue on at that age forever.”

• There's nothing wrong here, but consider using 'normal' in place of 'natural' for certain instances of 当然. It might be me, but the author overuses it more than necessary.

• No you're right, the author uses other terms a lot too (I actually just think it's the difference between Japanese and English) that will sound strained if you keep translating them 'correctly'. --Dohma

“As for tomorrow, you’ll do anything I say even if it’s a depressing play. Don’t let me receive a scolding because of you before the first battle – after that you can get carried away and do whatever you want. So, I’m going! You’ll be occupied, don’t you think?”

• Pretty sure it's Orba, and not Fedom speaking. That's why you're so confused. I recommend "Scoot scoot. You're a busy man, right?" for the last two sentences.

• I was actually unsure whether it was Orba or Fedom saying this sentence. The second sentence puzzled me, so I opted for Fedom. However, Orba being the one speaking makes more sense and I somehow made it work. --Dohma

Sorry to bother everyone. "But when his eyes made contact with flagship’s captain" This is what the original reads. I believe that it should read "But when his eyes made contact with the flagship’s captain" because the word "flagship" isn't the name of the ship it needs the definite article "the". Please correct me if I'm wrong. - shirofune

• Don't worry about bothering us. Discussions of revisions are welcome, and you're free to post them here is you're unsure. You were right, and it was probably just a typo on Dohma's part. Thanks for fixing it. --Detalz (talk) 19:33, 31 July 2013 (CDT)

Part 2

There's some expressions in this chapter which I could use a little help on suggestions. --Dohma (talk) 15:25, 2 August 2013 (CDT)

• 「おお、あいわかり申した」 'Ahh, I understand'

It's actually much more polite, like 'duly understood'. But the latter feels a bit strange in this context, because Fedom is higher in rank than the one he speaks to. Leaving it like this could also just be fine. It's just that Fedom speaks rather politely when talking with certain people, and rather impolitely when talking to others - especially Orba.

• 「頼む」 'Leave it to me'

It's a rather free translation. It could mean 'leave it to me', 'count on me', 'rely on me' or anything in this regard. I'm assuming it's Oubary saying this, but it could also be Orba I suppose (then it would be 'I'll rely on you'). However, in that case I suspect it would have been よろしく instead, and it wouldn't have been on a separate line.

• 勝ち残り 'taking the leftover fights'

Also see the reference note. It’s a term for someone who wins by laying low and then take the finishing blow when necessary, like a kill-stealer. Suggestions for a nice English idiom or expression are welcome.

• へそを曲げられても、のちのち厄介だ 'It’ll be troublesome in the future, if I get him angry.'

Literally 'to bend someone’s bellybutton', which means ‘to make someone angry/irritated’. Does anyone have a nice English idiom for this? Because just leaving it like this doesn't really give much credit to the original in my opinion. I considered 'ruffle one's feathers' but that seems a little too mild in this case.

---

About the "Ahh, I understand" bit, I believe it is natural that Fedom is polite because Oubary is also in the same room within earshot. It would arouse suspicion if Fedom were impolite because at that time Orba was still pretending to be the prince. Please correct me if I'm wrong because I don't know a word of Japanese. ~shirofune