Baka to Tesuto to Syokanju:Volume4 The Second Question
The Second Question
Please answer the question below:
"Please write the full name of the person who discovered the American continent in AD1492."
Himeji Mizuki's answer:
"Kurisutofaa Koronbusu (Christopher Columbus)."
Teacher's comment:
"Correct. He is a famous noble person in the story of the Egg of Columbus. Even though Columbus is a famous name, surprisingly, his first name was not known to many. This was supposed to be a trick question, but it seems like this does not concern Himeji-san at all. Well done."
Shimizu Miharu's answer:
"Koron Busu (Colum Bus)."
Teacher's comment:
"Don't understand the meaning of 'full name'? 'Columbus' alone is his family name, and 'Colum Bus' does not make it a full name. Please remember that."
Shimada Minami's answer:
"Busu (Ugly Woman)"
Teacher's comment:
"What a thing to do to a historical noble person."
What is this. This strange atmosphere.
The classroom was filled with an unprecedented silence. It seemed so unreal for the usually noisy F class.
My classmates who had not uttered even a single line of idle talk. The writing sound of Sensei’s chalk on the blackboard reverberated.
“......hn?”
Abruptly, I felt someone’s eyes on me and turned around.
As I did that, there was a person who seemed to have caught my glance and she frantically lowered her face.
--- Minami.
What, what’s that. Could she be looking in my direction all this while? Doesn’t that seem like...... the behavior of a person towards someone she likes......
As I considered that, a ‘don’, ‘don’, throbbing began escalating to a rapid rate.
Uw, uwah...... Somehow, even I felt embarrassed......I could feel my cheeks burning. That kiss, could it be that Minami, towards me......? But, up till now, I’ve only been beaten severely by her; it didn’t seem like an element of lov......
“Now, Sugawa-kun. What chemical is needed to yield 3 mole of ammonia?”
“Pour hydrochloric acid into Yoshii’s eyes.”
“Wrong. Well then, Asakura-kun.”
“Pour hydrochloric acid into Yoshii’s nose.”
“It’s meaningless if you pour it into the wrong place. Well then, Udou-kun.”
“Pour hydrochloric acid into both Yoshii’s eyes and nose.”
""That’s it!""
“That’s not it. And when you’re answering, don’t look in the direction of Yoshii-kun, but look in the direction of Sensei here.”
With that kind of atmosphere that was different from usual, the chime rang to signal the end of the first period.
“Eh.........., that’s all for today.”
Sensei let out a large sigh and left the classroom.
“That damn Yoshii had made eye contact with Shimada......!”
“That damn bastard had the eyes that were aiming for Shimada......!”
“Bastard......! Following Himeji and Kinoshita, if he were to have Shimada as well, then doesn’t that mean that the only hope of this class is no one else but Aki-chan......!”
As the killing gazes shoot me in turns, I could see someone making her way to my seat.
Swing, swing, like the tail of a horse, approaching me,
"Mi, Minami?"
"Aki. Good, good morning......"
Greeted Minami with her eyes downcast.
"Uhn, good morning."
For some reason, I couldn't look at her as well. There were many times I couldn't look at her straight in the eye when she was seething with anger, but this occasion was a first.
"Erm, you know, Aki. I have two requests, will you hear them......?"
"Request? What is it, I wonder?"
Without looking at each other, our conversation continued.
"Erm, regarding the first one, I would like to use the same chabudai as you......"
"Huh? Chabudai?"
"Yeah. Last week, because of various things that happened with Miharu, my chabudai has become a little difficult to use."
On hearing that, I took a look at Minami's chabudai, and it appeared pretty roughed up. The tabletop was full of scratches and one of the legs were broken. I didn't think anything could be more difficult to use than that.
"Aki. Is it ok?"
"Erm, yeah. I don't mind."
"I see. Thanks."
She broke into a smile like a flower bursting into bloom,
"Then, I'm sitting down now......"
Minami took a seat beside me.
Right. While I didn't really mind......
"............"
"Wh-what's wrong Aki. Why are you keeping quiet?"
"No. Erm, nothing......"
Was I imagining it...... Isn't she a little too close......?
"And, you know, Aki. About my second request...... if you don't mind, shall we...... have lunch together today?"
The second request was an invitation to lunch. Up till now, everything seemed normal and routine, but, today, there was something different.
"Erm, y-yeah, sure. Then, let's go to the place where I drink water......"
Even though I was merely replying, I was abnormally nervous somehow.
"No. Not that, since I've made Aki's portion as well......"
Just as Minami was about to take out something from the bag she was holding,
"Onee-sama! What are you doing!? Why are you sticking so close to that pig-head!?"
A strained voice, which sounded close to a shriek, rang out in the classroom suddenly.
"Mi-Miharu!? Did you come to interfere with me!?"
"Of course! How can I keep quiet after seeing that pig-head stick so close to you!"
The girl who was glowering at me with bitter tears flowing was Shimizu Miharu-san from D-class. As the name implied, she is a girl, though for some strange reason, she likes girls more than guys and was carrying a torch for Minami.
"I-It can't be helped for us to stick close together right!? Since there's no substitute chabudai, and it's a little small, it won't do if we don't stay close together......"
It would be spacious if she had sat opposite me, but, in order to pay attention to the lessons, she would have to sit beside me. To say that it couldn't be helped to sit close together, was something that couldn't be helped.
"Onee-sama. If that's the case, you could have sat beside Himeji-san right! Why would you have to sit beside that pig-head!"
"Th-That's...... Because it's not good for me to become a bother to Mizuki's studies right? And by the same point, at any rate, even if I don't become a bother to Aki's studies, his results will still be bad......"
"Minami. I kind of felt that you were talking bad about me in a subtle way though."
But yet, it felt kind of soothing for some reason. How used was I to such verbal abuse, I wonder.
"Erm, Minami-chan. I don't think of you as a bother, so please come over here. Besides...... there are a few things I'd like to talk to you about......"
Himeji-san, who had heard the exchange, called out to Minami in a timid manner. It seemed like her earlier distraught mode was finally over.
"I'm really happy about that though...... But, Mizuki, since you're kind, you'll probably bear with it even if I prove to be a bother right?"
"N-No. Really, you won't be a bother."
"That's right Onee-sama! Change your seat, and let's eat your handmade bento together! After I caught sight of you yesterday buying ingredients for a handmade bento, I didn't eat anything and came with a totally empty stomach!"
"But, I made this for Aki."
"The fried food seasoned with handmade Tare-sauce that Onee-sama had taken the trouble to wake up at four in the morning to prepare, the hamburger made from extravagant minced meat, and the potato salad made from specially selected local potato produce; just by thinking about that makes me, makes me......!"
"Wait a second Miharu! How did you know all that!?"
"And a heart-shaped pattern on the rice!?"
"Miharu ---!?"
Minami yelled with a totally flushed face. She was probably greatly embarrassed.
"Erm, say, Miharu. Listen to me carefully. Although I've been patient with you till now, I'm requesting you to not go on any further. Because ---."
With a red face, Minami announced it clearly to Shimizu-san.
"--- because I'm going out with Aki."
"Tatami reversal!"
Shukkakakaka.
Numerous razors came flying towards me, who had erected a tatami shield in an instant. That was dangerous. If this classroom uses a wooden floor, I would have lost my life.
"""--- tch."""
Flicking tongues could be heard throughout the classroom. Making a count of the razors on the tatami, it seemed like there were more than two per head. Strange. Normally, bringing just one razor to school should be more than enough.
"O-Onee-sama......? You must be joking about that right......?"
Shimizu-san staggered, as if grief-stricken. Minami quietly turned her head to the side and replied.
"I'm not joking. It's true."
"Th-Then, Onee-sama. Was this morning's kiss that Miharu thought was a hallucination real......?"
Minami, appearing to have recalled something, stopped moving for an instant, and then,
"...... yeah."
She nodded slightly.
I see. That was indeed neither a dream nor a hallucination.
"So, Miharu. From now on."
"...... things such as men."
"As much as possible, continue to be friends with me."
"...... it's because of things like men, that Onee-sama......"
Shimizu-san was trembling.
"Miharu, are you listening?"
"It's because of things like men, that Onee-sama has been led astray!"
Immediately after that, she started pouncing forward. And the target of her aim was --- me!?
"I shall exterminate this pig-head! And I shall become the Yoshii Akihisa number two and tie the knot with Onee-sama!"
"Wa-wait a minute, Shimizu-san!? Aren't you getting confused!? I think it's a little difficult to eliminate me and take my place though!?"
Before that, am I going out with Minami!?
"After eliminating you with utmost care in order not to inflict a wound onto your body, I shall carve your skin out and wear them to become Yoshii Akihisa!"
"That's damn gross! And you're actually seriously considering that!"
"It'll be fine! The raccoon dogs from the old stories of Japan did that too!"
"Besides, the original story is surprisingly cute!"
The movements of the attacking Shimizu-san was abnormally fast. Even though I frantically tried to escape, it was a matter of time before I get caught.
There was only one person who could deal with these movements.
"Save me, Muttsulini! Stop Shimizu-san!"
The ninja of the modern society, Tsuchiya Kouta, a.k.a Muttsulini, would be able to keep up with such movements. I shall leave this to you, Muttsulini......!
"............ right now, I'm busy using eraser residue to make a kneaded eraser."
(Kneaded Eraser) > (Life of a Friend)
My life seems to be a rather cheap thing.
"Damn, I really hate the Muttsulini who's pretending to make a kneaded eraser while taking this chance to peek under the skirt of the bustling Shimizu-san."
"............!! (dang dang)"
While adopting a pose of denial, his eyes didn't flinch away. Isn't his nickname Mr Stylish?
"Men can just disappear from this world! What Onee-sama needs is me!"
"Wait Shimizu-san! Don't you also have a father? Don't say sad things like 'men can disappear from this world'!"
"That man should disappear before any others!"
The thought of a berserker fleeted across my mind.
What should I do now. I can't find a counter argument.
"Er, erm...... did something happen?"
"...... I don't want to remember."
Shimizu-san's body shook as if she just recalled something repulsive. What's that, I wonder. Was she forced into the bath with him, I wonder.
"Anyway, I must erase the pig-head! And I shall marry Onee-sama, and our daughter shall take a character from Onee-sama's 'Minami' and be named 'Mirai'[1]!"
"Wait a minute Shimizu-san! What if you give birth to a boy!"
"If it's a boy, then 'Namihei'[2] is more than enough!"
"That's too much!"
"The two of you! Before that, realize that there's no way Miharu and I can have a child duh!"
But even so, the fact that she could still take a character from Minami's name was praiseworthy. As expected of a D-class member, there's no opening at all.
"Now, I'll give you five seconds. Say your prayers to God."
"Ku......!"
Shimizu-san approached slowly. Is this the end......?
Slide.
"Alright, class is starting. Today, Endou-sensei is out because of some other matter, so I'll ---? Well well...... Shimizu-san again...... Class is starting so get back to your own classroom."
The door opened at the right timing, and Ironman appeared. He looked at Shimizu-san and sighed.
Again, for Ironman to have said that, something must have happened during our suspension last week.
"To-today is different from last week. It's a matter of utmost importance! Nishimura-sensei, please overlook this for once!"
"A matter of utmost importance? What would that be? Don't tell me it's something like last week's I want to attend lessons with Onee-sama in the classroom where the obstructions are not around huh?"
What a simple-minded fella she is.
"Noo! The matter of utmost importance is about eliminating all the men in this classroom ---"
"From now onward, you're banned from this classroom."
Bam.
Ironman drove Shimizu-san out of the classroom and slammed the door shut.
"O-Onee-sama! I still have something to say to you! At the very least, sit away from that pig-head and protect your chasti ---"
Bang Bang Bang, Shimizu-san knocked on the door loudly.
"Shimizu. Recently, your actions have been too much. ...... do you really want a life counseling session so much?"
Abruptly, the knocking sounds stopped.
Ironman's life counseling. Even me and Yuuji who have been a regular at that hellish session have yet to become used to it. Not to mention to a person who lacks the necessary resistance, there's no place that can be more scary than that.
"Onee-sama......! If you are using the chabudai as a reason for getting close to the pig-head, I won't be just keeping quiet about it...... !"
After peering through the window and glaring at me, Shimizu-san spouted something inappropriate and without further aggression, she put our classroom behind her.
"Now, everyone take your seats. Turn to page 86 of your textbook. Today's lessons ---."
Without any other eventful thing happening, the lesson started. It seemed like Endou-sensei had to go invigilate the exam of another class. Because of that, the fact that Ironman became our relief was the worst possible thing that could have happened.
" --- 'I wish I were a bird.' This is a special use of past tense to express subjunctive mood ---"
That being said, it was a fact that I was saved thanks to Ironman's arrival. After what he said, I doubt that Shimizu-san will be coming to this classroom anytime soon.
" --- In other words, if we translate it directly to Japanese, it becomes 'I wish I were a bird' --- "
However, I can't imagine that she will just give up on Minami so easily. No, before that, she has misunderstood that Minami and I are going out ---
Brush.
"Hya!"
A breath was squeezed out of my lungs as I felt something brush across the back of my neck amid my thoughts.
(Ah, sorry Aki.)
Minami apologized softly as she held down her hair with her hand. So that was Minami's hair huh......
(Er, well, don't worry about it......)
My hand went to the back of my neck which was still feeling ticklish. So this is what it meant when the girls often talk about how undesirably ticklish the neck can get with hair which has been grown to a half-ass length. Indeed, this might be quite unbearable ---
Brush.
"Hya!"
It came again. As I turned to look, Minami was looking at me playfully with her hair in one hand.
(Aki, I say, your 'Hya!' sounds weird.)
That was on purpose huh. Ku......! Don't make fun of me!
If she did it on purpose, then there's no way I will take it down lying. I will teach her that she's not the only person sitting at a range where she could carry out her attacks.
Even though I said that, my hair is short so I couldn't do the same to Minami. While it'd be good if I have something that resembles a brush, I wonder what can I use?
I only pondered for a few seconds. Quite readily, I remembered the thing I had placed inside my pencil box previously. I didn't recall clearing it out before, so it should probably be still there......
I rummaged through my pencil box to search for the thing I wanted.
(...... Aki, what are you doing?)
(I'm of course preparing something to take revenge on you. With this, I'd be able to do the same to you ---)
Brush.
"Hya!"
This was the third time.
(N-not fair, Minami! It should be my turn to attack this time! Don't interfere!)
(It's only obvious that I'd interfere if you're preparing something like that right!? Isn't it full of ink!)
My hand got pressed down by Minami, and I ended up dropping the calligraphy pen in my hand. My means of attack......!
(Damn! If that's the case, I'd have to use your hair!)
(Wa-wait a minute!?)
I stretched my hand towards the head of Minami, who was holding onto me as well as her hair. The tight space between us meant that she wouldn't be able to resist.
Before long, Minami's tied-up hair was gathered in my hand. Alright. With this, I can strike back with full force, with full force ---
(............)
(...... A-Aki? What's wrong?)
As a result of the sudden stop in my movements, Minami peered at me doubtfully.
(No, erm......)
I said in a faltering tone involuntarily.
Something's strange. This isn't the hair that I know of. The hair I know of, that is my own hair, doesn't feel so nice to touch; it doesn't have such a nice smell; and needless to say, it doesn't make my heart race. In other words, this is something foreign to me I guess. From its appearance, it looks just like normal hair similar to those on top of my head, but, this hair-like thing is not hair. Which means, this is ---
(I see. It's a wig......)
(What the heck are you talking about!?)
In order not cause an unexpected incident as a result of over-pulling it, I let go of my hand. Even Minami has her own problems huh......
(Heyyy! Don't let go of your hand and leave such an incredible misunderstanding alone! Touch it properly and ascertain it yourself!)
Minami reached to the back of her head and whish, she pulled out something. Following that, her bundled up soft hair spread out in the air. As the flowing hair received the rays of the sun, like elegant silk, they were dazzling like silverware and jewelry.
(This is the well groomed hair that I'm proud of, you know! Don't mess with me by calling it a wig! Touch it and ascertain it yourself!)
Minami handed me a bunch of her hair that had been released from her hair rubberband.
But, I didn't touch it to ascertain it.
(Sorry, Minami. I misunderstood.)
(? That's suspicious. Do you really get it?)
Minami threw me a doubtful gaze. But I really got it. Because,
(Of course. Even if it's me, I won't make a mistake about this............ thing.)
(This, what?)
(Th-that is......, this, beautiful......)
(...... huh......?)
That's right. Even if it's me, I'm not so stupid as to mistake such a beautiful thing for an imitation thing. This is a genuinely made article ---
"""We can't take this anymore --- !!"""
At that moment, all of a sudden, an angry roar was heard in the classroom.
As I looked up frantically, I saw my classmates facing me with their razors raised. What in the world!?
"We've been watching you for a while, you dare flirt openly to show off!"
"We'll kill you. Seriously. Most definitely. We'll kill even your soul."
"...... to touch Onee-sama's hair...... even if you are torn to eight pieces, I can't forgive you......!"
"Reinforce the exit! Let's kill him here!
Everyone started going into throwing motion together. That! If my tatami reversal is breached ---
"All hands, after throwing your razors, with lightning speed, strike him with your chabudai! Make sure you guys don't hit Onee-sama in the process!"
"""Roger."""
Damn......! What precise instructions! Stopping my movements with the razor blades and then delivering the finishing blow with an overwhelming number of chabudai. Faced with attacks from every direction, there's nowhere I can run. Bastard, as expected of Shimizu. Just by being in D-class, she has good thinking---
A stinging, uncomfortable feeling.
"Onee-sama! Quickly retreat to here! It's dangerous to stay with that pig-head!"
"Shimizu-san, when did you get there!? And why is everyone listening to Shimizu-san and preparing your chabudai!? You should treasure your classmate!"
"Miharu, you still haven't given up on me? If you keep this on, it will just make things difficult for the both of us though......"
"Onee-sama, you are just deceived by that pig-head! The only person who truly cares about you is me---"
"You all! We're in the middle of a lesson you know!!"
At last, Ironman bellowed at us while we were engaged in our heated arguments.
The classroom fell silent all of a sudden. The bellow of Ironman was extraordinary.
"Shimizu. What happened to your lesson?"
"Th-this is not the time for that......! Onee-sama."
"Shimizu."
Ironman called out her name softly, and with just that alone, Shimizu-san kept quiet.
"This is the second warning. Behave yourself and get back to your own classroom. I'll say this again, but you are banned from coming to this class. Understand?"
"...... understood."
Reluctantly, Shimizu-san left the classroom. During then, as she was leaving, she once again glared at me as if I were an enemy of her parents.
"You guys, don't play around during lesson time. Do that during your breaks."
On hearing that, my classmates put away their razors and put back their chabudai.
With that, thanks to Ironman this time, things had come to a close --- it seemed.
~54%
