Baka to Tesuto to Syokanju:Volume9.5 Me and Tsuchiya's House and an Unshakeable Heart

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Me and Tsuchiya's House and an Unshakeable Heart[edit]

Me and Tsuchiya's House and an Unshakeable Heart

“Really…we suffered because of that damned old granny’s summoned beasts experiment.”

“Yeah. That was troublesome.”

Yesterday, there was a commotion over the kid-sized summoned beasts, and it’s now the next day after school.”

After taking revenge on the principal (we locked the drawer in the principal’s room, wrote a note ‘there’s a real key inside. Do your best♪’ and put several hundred fake keys together with the real one.) Yuuji and I are in the corridor. I guess the principal will be happy that she can do something that will exercise her brain and fingers.

“Speaking of which, that damned old granny’s method was more directed towards a group than individuals. How underhanded.”

We continue to walk back to F class to get our bags as we talk.

If this were the test-of-courage summoned beast tournament, it would be fine, but summoned beasts that can say our true thoughts or become our kids is really questionable. Even I who can normally stay calm couldn’t help but break down, so it should be tough for the rest as well.

As I thought, right beside me—

“Yeah, leaving aside me, someone like you who panic easily will be in deep trouble.”

Yuuji said something weird. Huh? What is this idiot saying?

“That’s my line! I’ve been dealing with them calmly. You’re the one who was panicking, Yuuji.”

“What? You’re the one who had been spouting nonsense. No matter what, I’m the one who definitely remained calm.”

“No no no, I was the cool one, unshakeable like the mountain.”

As we continued talking, we opened the door leading to the classroom of class F.


“The ribbon from the maid outfit Kinoshita is wearing now, starting from 10K!”

“15K!”

“20K!”

“Why are you guys selling other people’s clothing!? And this is a costume from the drama club. Didn’t I say that I won’t sell it to you guys? Anyway, let go!”


Inside the classroom, an auction started by our classmates is wildly taking place.

“See? It’s because I’m a collection of calmness that I’m unmoved by this even when I enter the classroom to see such a commotion, you know?”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t even twitch an eyebrow.”


“DON’T JUST TALK OVER THERE LIKE IT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS! HURRY UP AND HELP ME OUT HERE!”


Hideyoshi’s call came from the circle formed by the crowd.

Then, I’ll coolly take part in the auction—correction, help Hideyoshi out.



“Your calmness…huh?”

“Un, I feel that I’m definitely calmer than Yuuji.”

“You don’t say. I’m definitely calmer than you here.”

“…That’s why you two nearly left me alone…”

We saved Hideyoshi, who’s still in the cute maid outfit. I see, so those guys in our class obviously wanted to start an auction after seeing Hideyoshi in such clothing. I think Hideyoshi should think of his own charm before he does anything.

Then, leaving aside Hideyoshi’s charm.

“Yuuji’s always shaken after being messed around by Kirishima-san, so I’m definitely the calmer one.”

“You can say such things in your dreams. How are you calmer than me?”

“Everything. The fact is that I’m calmer than you now.”

“Liar. You were pretty shaken up by Hideyoshi’s get-up.”

“What are you saying, Yuuji? I was silently observing calmly without panicking at all.”

“Let’s see how relaxed you can take (flip).”

“That’s despicable (patapatapata)!”

“Yuuji, why must you flip my skirt…well, we’re all guys here…”

“Sorry, Hideyoshi, I intended to flip the skirt up without seeing the underwear.”

“Why must you apologize for this? I’d definitely say that we’re all guys, so it’s fine!”

“Anyway, this can prove that Akihisa’s more likely to be shaken.”

“Kirishima-san! Yuuji just flipped Hideyoshi’s skirt!”

“What! You bastard! Isn’t it too despicable to call her!”

“See, aren’t you shaken too, Yuuji? I’m definitely the calmer one here!”

“Tha, that was just a coincidence! I’m definitely calmer here!”

“What nonsense!”

“Wanna fight?”

Gnngh…! This bastard still won’t admit defeat.

““Then, Hideyoshi, who do you think is the calmer one?””

“I’d feel that both of you are around the same…”

Hideyoshi said reluctantly. Muu…that’s unexpected. He actually views me as the same as Yuuji.

“Speaking of which, we can’t tell the difference under different conditions, right?”

Hideyoshi theorized to us.

It’s true that if Kirishima-san appears, I won’t be shocked, yet Yuuji will, and Yuuji won’t be shocked when Hideyoshi’s skirt is flipped, but I will. We can’t have a fair contest when both conditions aren’t the same. It’s like trying to compare which is better, go or shogi.

“In that case, we have to have an even playing field.”

“That’s true. If the conditions are like this, I can’t possibly lose to Yuuji with his standard.”

“What, you two still want to fight?”

““Of course!””

I don’t want to end this argument when others feel that I’ll lose to Yuuji!

“But I’d tell you, it’s not easy for similar conditions to be met—”

As he spoke, Hideyoshi was suddenly stunned as he looked at the window for some reason.

I follow where Hideyoshi is looking at. Right in front of me—

“…What are you doing?”

““THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD BE SAYING HERE—!!””

Muttsurini is clinging onto the window from the outside with his camera aimed at Hideyoshi. This is the third level! What is that idiot doing without even tying a safety rope!?

“…You two are really noisy.”

He opens the window from the outside and skillfully sneaks in. No no no, I feel that our reactions are to be expected.

Muttsurini doesn’t care about our concerns (?) at all as he pretends to check the camera while trying to take a photo of Hideyoshi in maid outfit. Is, isn’t this guy way too carefree!?

At this moment, Hideyoshi says to us as we tremble,

“Akihisa, Yuuji, isn’t this perfect?”

““Nn? What’s perfect?””

“Thanks to Muttsurini, it’s proven now that you two are on the same level, right?”

““WHA…T!?””

When he said ‘it’s proven now’, was he referring to how we were shocked by Muttsurini’s actions? My voice was a little loud just now, but,

“It’s not like this, Hideyoshi! I was just exclaiming a remark here!”

“Yeah, Hideyoshi! It was just a remark in the form of a cry!”

“Isn’t that being agitated?”

Unnn…well, we can say that from this aspect…but in fact, I wasn’t shaken up at all. Can’t be helped then, I’ll calmly accept this fact then.

“W-, well, I understand, Hideyoshi. In that case, I’ll try and control myself the next time I remark on this. I wasn’t agitated just now, but I don’t want to be mistaken here.”

“Can’t be helped. If remarking can be viewed as being agitated, I’ll control myself a little.”

“You still don’t want to admit it when it’s so obvious? You guys really don’t like to lose…”

““I JUST DON’T WANT OTHERS TO SEE ME AS BEING ON THE SAME LEVEL AS THAT BASTARD THERE!””

We yelled as we pointed at each other. I’ll only lose to that guy in grades and height, I’m definitely better than him in other aspects.

“But even if we continue, there’s no other thing that can be used as a benchmark. Muttsurini’s appearance just now is just some coincidence.”

“Uu…that’s true…”

“If there’s some way for us to compete under the same conditions…”

U~n. We started to think.

“…What are you talking about?”

At this moment, Muttsurini joins in the conversation.

“Ahh, Muttsurini. Actually—”


~Explaining the situation to Muttsurini~


“Because of this, I'd like to prove that I have an iron-like calmness.”

“…I see.”

Muttsurini nodded once he heard my explanation.

And then—

“…If that’s the case, I can help you guys.”

He said.

“Eh? Help us?”

“…I’ll prepare traps to agitate you two. The winner can be decided through this.”

I think it’ll be really tiring to set up those traps.

“You sure?”

“(Nods)…I always wanted to try doing that.”

Muttsurini nodded casually.

If Muttsurini’s setting the traps for us, there won’t be any unfair circumstances. This might be the perfect chance to decide the winner between Yuuji and me.

“Alright, I won’t hold back then—time for a showdown, Yuuji!”

“Keh, just what I want!”

“You two, really…”

And so, our weird contest began like this.



That weekend.

Yuuji and I are in front of a certain person’s house that has the words ‘Tsuchiya’ written on the door.

“Are you ready, Yuuji?”

“That’s my line, Akihisa.”

Yuuji and I said to each other as we faced the house.

This house has a nice garden and a large entrance gate. There will be an activity happening in this model-like house.

“…Let’s confirm the rules first.”

Muttsurini tells us the rules of the match in front of the gate.

The rules in this test of calmness game are rather simple.


No matter what happens, we have to remain calm.

If we can’t remain calm, we will have to accept punishment.


These are the only two rules. In other words, we just need to keep calm. It’s that simple.

“…Hideyoshi will be in another room to decide whether you’re out.”

““Right.””

Since Hideyoshi’s the judge here, there’s nothing to complain about. We’ll decide whether Yuuji or my mental capacity is more mature through this match then.

“…On a side note.”

““Nn?””

“…The punishment game is Himeji’s cooking.”

Yuuji and my heart suddenly raced.

“—Cookies made by me, copied from her recipe.”

““DON’T SCARE US LIKE THAT!!””

Muttsurini’s bad joke caused Yuuji and me to yell back. At this moment—

“Akihisa, Yuuji, out.”

Hideyoshi’s voice can be heard from somewhere.

“…Once the match starts, you will have to take the punishment game once you hear that line.”

““I see.””

So the joke just now was to reaffirm the rules, which means it doesn’t count. Well, I just made a retort because I knew this.”

“…Then, let’s begin.”

““Right!””

Muttsurini walks off. Then, we’re going for real now. Got to stay calm here!

“...I’ll bring you to the garden.”

“Eh? Not the house?”

“…(Nods).”

After nodding, Muttsurini walks from the gate to the garden. Yuuji and I follow him.

Muttsurini’s garden is rather large. It has a flower bed and a little vegetable farm.

“Heh~ there are tomatos here.”

“Those are cucumbers, right? There seems to be potatoes here too.”

“…That’s my dad’s hobby.”

We chatted away as we moved around the outside of the house. There seem to be asparagus or green peppers or something like that at the inner garden too. A family vegetable farm? I might want to start one in my house. Looks like it might be useful when I’m in a pinch.

“…Right opposite is a storeroom or garage-like place.”

“Fm fm.”

“Still rather normal up till here.”

“…This is a normal house after all.”

The term normal cause me to want to object, but I manage to hold back. I’ll forbid myself from saying such things as I might be deemed out if I even do something like this.

“…”

Yuuji probably thinks of this as he swallows the urge to speak while he walks beside me. Well, I feel that it’s fine to express my views normally, but I better be careful.

“…Time to enter the house then.”

“Un.”

We’re about to enter the house now. So there are no traps in the garden.

“I thought that there would be some traps outside…”

“Me too. That’s why I’ve been on my guard.”

Muttsurini said after hearing our replies.

“Don’t tell me you already prepared a trap once we open the entrance door even though you say so, right? Like putting a rice scoop at the door to replace a shoehorn or using pot holders to replace slippers or something like that.”

“…I won’t do such a thing.”

Muttsurini said with a surprised tone as he opened the entrance door.


Slippers.

Slippers.

Pot holder.

Rice scoop.


“…What’s going on?”

This…liar!

Yuuji and I desperately try to bite out lips to hold back on the comments.

“…I’ll bring you to check my house out.”

Muttsurini ignores our response, calmly removes his shoes and uses the scoop ladle to put on the slippers. I won’t say anything…I won’t say anything here!

“Let’s go, Akihisa.”

“Okay.”

Yuuji and I remove our shoes, put on the pot holders and slippers before following Muttsurini from behind. There’s even a spoon beside the rice scoop with the words ‘for leather shoes use’, but of course, I ignore it.

“…Over here.”

Muttsurini walks up the stairs. Looks like he intends to introduce the second level.

“What’s on the second level?”

“…Me and my older brothers’ room.”

Speaking of which, I think Muttsurini has siblings. I remember two are older than him, and one is younger.

“It’s great to have older brothers. I’m so envious.”

“What are you saying? Don’t you have a sister too?”

“That’s…a little different…”

She’s completely different from those sisters with common sense.

“…This is my oldest brother’s room.”

“Fm fm.”

The doorplate on the door has the words ‘Souta’s room’.”

“…Then, the second brother’s room.”

“Fm fm.”

There’s a similar doorplate on it as before, and the words written on it are ‘Youta’s room’.”

“…And this is my room.”

This time, the door has the doorplate ‘Muttsurini’s room’ written on it.

……………………………‘Muttsurini’?

““UGH!””

I barely managed to hold back the urge to react.

A nick…name…in his house, using a nickname in school…will his mother even say to him ‘Muttsurini, it’s time to eat’…!?

We hold our breaths to hang on. Muttsurini sees us in such a state, and then continues,

“…And finally, my little sister’s room.”

And then, Muttsurini points to the innermost room.

The doorplate on the door reads—‘Tsuchiya’s room’.

““THE FAMILY NAME!?””

WHY A FAMILY NAME NOW!? WHY CALL HER BY THE FAMILY NAME WHEN THEY’RE ALL OF THE SAME FAMILY? WILL HIS MOTHER SAY ‘TSUCHIYA, IT’S TIME TO EAT’ TO HER!?

“Akihisa, Yuuji. Out.”

Hideyoshi’s voice reached our ears. Damn it! The 4-part attack’s too despicable! Nobody can even endure it!

“Then, you two have to take the punishment game.”

Hideyoshi suddenly appeared and threw some crumbles into our mouths.

The warm fragrance of death spread in our mouths.

The pain and bitterness danced as if the death god raised a party deep inside our throats.

““GUAAAHHHH!!!””

“Mu, muu…it’s already this powerful even though it wasn’t her who made this, huh…”

The taste isn’t as intense, but it’s still spicy! As expected of Himeji-san’s recipe!

“Then, continue to do your best, you two.”

Hideyoshi left these words and went off. He’s probably watching us through a screen in a certain room.

“…Are you alright?”

“No, I’m definitely not alright at all…”

“One hit nearly took my consciousness away…”

I thought my tolerance improved recently, but something that’s hard to swallow is still hard to swallow, and the proof is the abnormal pain in my mouth.

“…How about we go downstairs to have a drink?”

A drink? That’s one very good idea to us right now.”

“Thanks Muttsurini.”

“Whew, we’re saved.”

“…Over here.”

We follow Muttsurini down the stairs. We pass by the living room and step into the kitchen. There’s already a guy there.

“Nn? Ah, hello there.”

On seeing us, the guy showed a welcoming smile.

He has short straight hair, a tall lanky body, and looks like a university student. He’s probably one of Muttsurini’s two brothers.

““Hello. Please excuse us””

Yuuji and I greeted with a normal bow. Most likely, not even the brothers will be involved in this.

“Mom and dad aren’t at home, so you can enjoy yourself here and treat this as your own house—but since we’re all men, such words are unnecessary, right?”

“Eh? Your parents aren’t at home?”

Too bad. I wanted to see what Muttsurini’s parents are like.

“They went out to attend a legal meeting. I shouldn’t be staying here as well, but this kid said that he’s bringing friends here to do something interesting, so I’m a little interested here.”

The brother said as he ruffles Muttsurini’s head.

“…Sou-nii, it hurts.”

“Ahh, sorry there.”

Muttsurini grumbled, and his brother apologized while taking his arm back. Heh~ looks like Muttsurini’s brother really adores him.

“…I’ve brought the tea.”

Muttsurini said as he placed a plastic bottle of tea and three glasses.

“Come to think of it, I also bought a cake. Once the tea is ready, I’ll call you guys.”

““Thank you very much.””

Yuuji and I thanked him, and we walk up to the second level again. He’s really a good brother. I think this might be the one thing I should be reacting to most today, about how Muttsurini actually has such a brother.

“…My room’s very messy.”

Muttsurini said as he opened the door to his room. However, the room’s rather neat, unlike what he said just now.

“Heh~ so your room’s like this, Muttsurini.”

“There sure are a lot of cameras.”

“…(nods).”

There are lots of gadgets like digital cameras and voices recorders on the shelves. These are all equipment for interests and practicality.

“The bookshelf—I see.”

“That's a lot of unnatural dictionaries and encyclopedias.”

“…Nothing unnatural there.”

There are likely all sorts of completely different books under the pompous looking covers.

“Hey Muttsurini, can I check out the books on that shelf—”

“…Ignore that. Let’s spend the time watching DVD.”

Muttsurini interrupted me as he switched on the television power to start the DVD.

“There’s no need to hide it from us now.”

“Well, Muttsurini has always been like this.”

“…I don’t understand what are you talking about.”

“Yeah yeah. Eh, Muttsurini, can we have tea now?”

“…(Nods).”

Yuuji poured tea into everyone’s cups, and Muttsurini started the DVD playback.

At this moment, I look around the room, and see a round symbol on the wall calendar with a note over there,

“14th September, A-chan’s photo album trade.”

“…”

Whose photo album? I’m a little curious.

As I’m thinking about this, a voice came from the TV.


“(BEEP)—And now, the first volume of practical knowledge that can be used the next day.”


The voice of the narrator onee-san’s spoke the title code. Heh~ practical knowledge that can be used? What will it teach us?


“Sugawa Ryo’s lecture on how to skillfully reject girls.”

The moment we heard this, Yuuji and I desperately pressed onto the stop button on the remote.

“Ha, hahaha…Muttsurini. It’s rare for us to come here, so let’s not watch DVD, okay?”

“Ye, yeah, let’s do something different.”

“…Understood.”

Muttsurini nodded in agreement, so we again returned back to our seats. That was close…

“Oh yeah, it doesn’t look like you have any manga around, Muttsurini.”

“That’s true. I didn’t see them.”

“…I’ll occasionally borrow them from my brothers.”

“Oh yeah. Brothers can borrow things from each other.”

“That’s the benefit of having brothers.”

“…(Nods)”

“Fuun, I see~”

“So that’s why~”

“…(Nods).”

“…”

“…”

“…”


GACHK


“(BEEP) Well, no matter how close we are, the fact is that the other party will still be hurt if she can’t go out with me, so—”

““MUTTSURINI!!!””

“Akihisa, Yuuji, out.”

THAT’S TOO DESPICABLE! WHO CAN EVEN WATCH A FILM ABOUT SUGAWA-KUN TALKING ABOUT THE ‘DIFFICULTIES OF BEING A POPULAR GUY’ WITH SUCH A SERIOUS FACE CALMLY!!!?

We desperately endure the hell that appeared in our mouths again, and we turn to Muttsurini.

“Muttsurini, let’s not watch this DVD. No, can you please don’t play it.”

“Please, Muttsurini. I’ll just laugh when I see Sugawa look that serious.”

“…Understood.”

Muttsurini nodded and moved his hand away from the remote. That’s great…I’ll probably cross the Sanzu river[1] if this film continues to play.

“…In that case, how about we watch some other DVDs?”

“Ah, no, well…”

“I, I’m fine with it. If we need to ehar—h, hey, how about we play CDs?”

Yuuji suggested and reached for the CD rack. Nice going, Yuuji!

“…If it’s CD, I only have classical music.”

I suppose I can react to Muttsurini’s words here, right? Anyway, better to ignore it for now.

“No no no. Classical music’s good, right, Yuuji?”

“Ye, yeah. Classical music’s the best.”

“…Since you say so, I’ll play it.”

Muttsurini gets up to press the play button on the CD player.

The moment he did that, the speaker let out solemn music.


“Class 2-B’s Nemoto Kyouji will now begin with the poem reciting again.”


And there’s some unnecessary voice that came with the melody of the music.

“Muttsurini, let’s not listen to the CD then. I don’t actually understand classical music.”

“Yeah. To be honest, I don’t really like classical music.”

“…Understood.”

Muttsurini stops the CD from playing. Why is Nemoto-kun helping out? Did he help to take revenge on us because his hatred of us is stronger?

“Oh yeah, Muttsurini. Can I borrow your toilet?”

“Ah, me too.”

I really feel like going to the toilet since it seems I drank too much tea to wash away the taste in my mouth.

“…Once you walk out of the room, the toilet’s on the right.”

Muttsurini said, and Yuuji and I leave the room to head to the toilet.

“…Don’t tell me there might be a trap here…?”

As we arrived in front of the toilet, Yuuji raised this question to me. It, it’s very likely!

“…You first, Yuuji.”

“No, Akihisa, you first.’

We continue to show our graciousness as we humbly let each other. Can’t be helped. In that case,

““…(Sa)””

I chose rock, Yuuji chose paper.

“Then, you first, Akihisa.”

“…I understand.”

I lost in janken, so I can only enter the toilet with a realization of death. What kind of trap is in here…

“…Arre? Looks normal…”

I cautiously look around the small personal space, but there’s nothing really eyecatching. I can see that it’s a normal, ordinary toilet.

“Am I thinking too much?”

It’s a flush type toilet, there’s a deodorant and a towel beside it, and there’s a bidet. Even the bidet installed on the wall is normal. There are three switches on the remote. ‘Stop’, ‘butt’ and ‘wash forward’. There’s nothing weird at all.

“Nn!”

I thought everything was normal, but it seems like there’s something weird. What the heck?

I again inspect what I saw. That’s a remote for the bidet, and there are three switches on them. On looking closely, I found that they are ‘Stop’, ‘butt’ and ‘video’[2]

“U—!”

I immediately hold my breath to control the urge to react.

A video…it means we can watch a video when we use the toilet? Normally speaking, it should be ‘bidet’, right?

I strongly hold back the urge to react to remain calm. Calm down, calm down, hang in there…do I want to taste that hell again…!?

I spend several seconds trying to convince myself. Hideyoshi didn’t call me out, and I finally managed to hang on. This is great, really great!

“…Fuu…”

I adjust my breathing and open the bathroom door. Unknowingly, the urge to go to the toilet vanished.

“Oh, Akihisa, how’s the situation?”

“Un, no traps at all.”

I gave a natural expression as I lied. It’s a rare chance, so I should let Yuuji taste my suffering.

“Really? That’s good.”

Yuuji enters the bathroom in a relaxed manner, perhaps because I just came out safely. Idiot! It’s because I’m mentally strong that I’m safe.

I’m a little concerned about the outcome, so I remain there for several seconds.

“Yuuji, out.”

“DAMN IT!”

Yuuji’s roar entered my ears as he was declared out.


~Executing punishment game~


“Damn…my tongue’s all numb now…”

“Fufu. That’s too sad, Yuuji. That sort of thing can actually shake you up. Isn’t that kind of gimmick common?”

“Un? You mean you were able to remain calm even after noticing what’s crucial?”

Looks like Yuuji thought that I didn’t notice the gimmick about the bide(o) and was able to remain calm. Really, I’ll be troubled if he looks down on me like that.

“Of course I can remain calm. Everyone definitely thought about the gimmick regarding bide(o), right?”

“I see, so you didn’t notice it as expected.”

“Eh?”

“Come over.”

Yuuji leads me back into the bathroom. What’s wrong?

“Read the English translation under the switch.”

I follow what Yuuji told me and carefully read the ‘video’ part. What’s underneath is…

“—The spelling’s wrong.”

“—gh!!”

Gu…uu…uu…! Are you kidding…! Bideo…that’s something even I can’t spell wrong here!!!

“Akihisa, out.”

“DAMN IT!!!!! YUUJI, WHY DID YOU DO SUCH UNNECESSARY THINGS!?”

“Serves you right.”

Because of this, the feeling in my mouth starts to vanish.



“…Welcome back.”

“You guys are really slow.”

When we returned to Muttsurini’s room, Minami’s sitting there calmly for some reason.

““We’re back.””

Of course, both Yuuji and I didn’t comment on why Minami’s here. Looking at the current situation, I’ll say it’s best not to take unnecessary risks.

“…What happened?”

“No, nothing special.”

“Just that we wasted some time.”

I said as I sat down beside Minami, while Yuuji sat down beside Muttsurini.

“Then, since Shimada’s here, the four of us might as well—ugh!”

As he spoke halfway, Yuuji suddenly lowered his head as his shoulders trembled. What? What kind of attack is it now?

“What’s with Sakamoto, Aki?”

“Un. Who knows—ugh!!”

Minami turned around to look at me, and I’m speechless as well. Ugh…too, too despicable!

“What’s wrong,. Aki?”

“No, nothing…nothing at all. If possible, can you please look away to the other side, Minami…?”

Minami, who looked over here, has her breasts increased greatly in size.

Impossible…Minami, the size is too impossible here…

BTS vol 09.5 169.jpg

We continue to endure the urge to react loudly to it, and in response to us being like this, Minami launches another attack.

“Ah, then…”

“Un? Wha, what?”

“You guys are looking at my breasts again, right?”

““—!!””

Yuuji and I lower our lifted heads.

Guu…I can’t imagine…Minami actually used her own breasts as a joke…this planning is way too serious…

“Speaking of which, my shoulders ache for some reason~”

Minami shook the breasts (something that looked like them) as she put her hands on her shoulders.

Someone…save…me…! I don’t feel that I can hang on for much longer…

As we hold our breaths to endure—

“Well, ahaha, I’m just joking here.”

Minami laughed, seemingly trying to shake off this tense atmosphere.

And then, she smiles and continues,

“Oh yeah, do you guys know?”

““Un?””

“…I’m…actually rather hurt here…”

““THEN DON’T DO SUCH THINGS!!!””

“Akihisa, Yuuji, out.”

What’s with this plan? Why is everyone so serious? They’re going to harm us even if it means sacrificing themselves?

“Well then, Aki, Sakamoto, do your best~”

Minami waved her hand as she left the room—and Hideyoshi seems to come in as a substitution with the cookies from hell.



“What became of this plan…”

“Why did even Minami join in so enthusiastically…”

After the tough battle against the invader of tastes, the room now has Muttsurini, Yuuji and me.

“…Don’t mind the details.”

Details…to put it, it’s pointless to think about such things, so I don’t really mind.

“But we’re lucky that Hideyoshi’s the assistant in the punishment, so we’re saved there.”

Yuuji poured another glass of tea as he said. That’s true,

“If Hideyoshi’s to do an impersonation, I can’t possibly remain calm.”

“Yeah. It’s a foul if that guy gets in on the action.

Hahaha. Yuuji and I look at each other as we laugh.


KACHAK


“Then, let’s have both of you enjoy my impersonations.”

““…””

I really regret it now. It would be fine if we hadn’t said such unnecessary things.

“First, we’ll start with understanding.”

Hideyoshi puts his hand in front of his chest and gets ready to impersonate.

“Fumitzuki Gakuen’s teacher—‘The Ironman who learns the otaku culture to understand what young men think, but learns the wrong thing for his learning was incomplete—Nishimura-sensei.’”

This…how is it possible to understand it!?

““…””

“…”

Silence in the room.

“‘…Therefore, I’m…a tsundere’.”

““FUGHH!!!””


We didn’t manage to endure it.


“Then…”

We started giggling, but Hideyoshi doesn’t seem to mind our reaction as he continues to perform.

“Then, the next will also be a teacher from Fumitzuki Gakuen ‘What the talented woman who’s the level head—Takahashi-sensei will definitely not say’.”

If it’s something she definitely won’t say, it won’t be considered in impersonation, right?

“‘Who decided that one person can only buy one pack!’”

““FUHAHA!””


We again couldn’t endure it.


“Then, for the last person.”

We exploded into laughter twice, and Hideyoshi still intends to continue. Is this a skit? This impersonation is part of drama to Hideyoshi, so that’s why he’s so serious, right?

“Quoting Fumitzuki Gakuen’s student ‘What Class 2-F male student—Kinoshita Hideyoshi definitely won’t say’.”

After saying that, Hideyoshi paused.

“‘Actually, I hate drama the most.’”

““…””


We managed to endure it.


“Un? Muu…you, you two, why aren’t you laughing?”

““…””

“Tha, that’s because, I’d said that I was to make an impersonation, but I impersonated myself! Isn’t that weird normally? It’s weird, right, Yuuji, Akihisa?”

““…””

“Wh, why are you showing such expressions? It’s funny, right? You’re already about to lose it, right?”

““…””

“U…uu…”

““…””

“You, YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST!”

Hideyoshi’s so embarrassed that he ran out of the room at full speed.

“OUT! OUT! YUUJI AND AKIHISA LAUGHED TWICE! THEY HAVE TO TAKE DOUBLE PUNISHMENT!!”

But it seems that he does remember about the punishment game well.



It doesn’t seem like Hideyoshi wants to appear in front of us as Minami became the one in charge of carrying out the punishment. After a while, we finally regain consciousness, and on first glance, we’re chatting away with each other rather heartily.

“Eh? Muttsurini, you never played that game before?”

“…(Nods)”

“Too bad. That game’s really interesting.”

“I got addicted to that game. It’s really interesting.”

“…Speaking of which, I don’t even have a console.”

“Come over to my house next time. You’ll definitely get addicted.”

“I was fooled by Akihisa the last time as well, so I ended up buying the console as well.”

“Even though you say so, you want to drag Muttsurini down as well, right, Yuuji?”

“…Yuuji.”

“Well, it was rather fun anyway.”

The three of us continue to chat away like this calmly. Un un, a peaceful atmosphere is finally—

“…(Stsk).”

““!!(Swoosh)””

“…What?”

The moment Muttsurini reached out for the tea, Yuuji and I got into battle position. Wha, what…isn’t he going to start some form of trap? That’s really misleading.

Yuuji and I immediately relax and regain our usual composure.

“No, it’s nothing, Muttsurini. I just saw a little strange earthbound spirit.”

“Yeah, don’t mind, Muttsurini.”

“…I’ll be worried if that’s the case.”

““Hahaha””

“…This isn’t funny.”

We laughed and joked around. No no, sometimes, things like this are—

“…(Kachak).”

““…!!!””


“(BEEP) An important message from the popular king—Sugawa Ryo.”


Too despicable…attacking when we’re slightly careles…

“Mu, Muttsurini, hand the remote over to me now.”

“I can’t stand it if my stomach gets attacked again.”

This DVD is way too dangerous. I don’t know what will happen if we don’t hurry up and get the remote back.


“Actually, I’m not really that popular…”


“HAND IT OVER, MUTTSURINI!!”

“THA, THAT’S RIGHT! IF YOU DON’T HURRY, WE’LL LATER—”

“Akihisa, Yuuji, out.”

““DAMN IT!!!””


~Executing punishment game.


“Since you’re not willing to hand the remote over, I just have to confiscate the disc.”

“My body won’t be able to take it if I continue to watch such things…”

I drag my body that’s trembling from the poison and take the disc out from the DVD player. We won’t be watching Sugawa-kun’s video again.

“Speaking of which, you really worked hard for this plan.”

“Leaving aside us, even Sugawa, Hideyoshi and Shimada are all really serious.”

“Un un.”

Really, everyone, there’s a limit to having fun here, right? Minami for example used something she depreciates herself over without worry. Does she really want us to suffer punishment?

I wondered as I subconsciously look over to where Minami sat. At this moment—

“…Un?”

I found something dropped there. What is it?

I take that thing up to confirm. Eh, this is…

Breast pad (right)

“—Ugh!”

Why…did she drop such a thing…if she say that she’s hurt…she shouldn’t drop such a thing here…

“Akihisa, why are you suddenly so quiet and trembling?”

“N, no, it’s nothing at all.”

“Really? Then—oi, Muttsurini, what disc are you going to play now?”

“…This DVD (pulls out)”

Muttsurini throws the DVD case over to Yuuji.

“(Pats) Un? What’s this? ‘Discuss what you like about the person you love, volume 1’? Oi, this,”

“…Start (Kachak)”


“(BEEP)…Class 2-A Kirishima Shouko, please talk about the person you like.”


“…”

Yuuji immediately showed an expressionless look. Most likely, he closed his heart to defend himself.


“…I like his eyes. Those gentle eyes that look stern but will protect others.

…I like his voice. The powerful and boisterous voice that can be heard anywhere.

…I like his personality, how he acts for the sake of others even as he suffers.”


“KILL ME!! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!!!”

Yuuji couldn’t endure it as he roared out. Even couples who are formally going out will find it hard to endure this once they hear each other talk serious about what they like about each other. Yuuji here is also dishonest, and he’s not going out with Kirishima-san, so it’s impossible for him to hang on.

Hideyoshi brought the cookies over, and Yuuji chewed on the cookies with determination.

“Damn it…this video’s completely aimed at me! This goes against the premise of me having the same conditions as Akihisa…”

Yuuji swayed as he supported his body.

During this time, Muttsurini changes the DVD and picks up the remote. The label on the disc case is ‘Discuss what you like about the person you love, volume 2’.

“Oi, wait! Ho—”

“…Start. (Kachak)”

Before Yuuji could even stop him, Muttsurini pressed the button.


“(BEEP)…Class 2-A Kubo Toshimitsu, please talk about the person you like.”


This unexpected choice of person caused me to doubt my eyes for a moment.


“The person I like is very outgoing and friendly. That person’s dull-wittedness is very cute, and there’s a healing feeling when I’m with that person. Also, that person who show amazing mobility when in a pinch.”


On the screen, Kubo-kun looked serious as he talked about the person he likes. Un, I was really shocked when Kubo-kun appeared, but I don’t think that’s enough to shock me, right?


“—He, is such a charming person.”


“AHAHAHAHA!! THA, THAT’S TOO SNEAKY, KUBO-KUN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ‘HIM’? THAT KUBO-KUN ACTUALLY PRETENDED TO SAY THAT HE LIKES A GUY!”

“…”

This joke is really that funny, but Yuuji isn’t laughing for some reason.

“…I can’t laugh at that…”

“……I’m reflecting over it a little.”

I’m rolling on the floor in laughter, but Yuuji and Muttsurini muttered with bitter expressions.



After the attacks of the DVD, we finally managed to have a peaceful time.

“I’m back. I’m so tired~”

“I’m back. Ah, I’m so hungry.”

At this moment, the voice of a lively girl and a lazy guy rang. So Muttsurini’s other brother and sister came back too? In other words, the 4 siblings, including the two brothers and one sister are all back.

“You really have a lot of siblings, Muttsurini.”

“It’s really amazing to have 4 siblings.”

“…My parents wanted a daughter.”

“Ah, the first three are all sons.”

“So their wish was granted when the fourth one was born, right?”

“…My parents said that if they gave birth to a boy the fourth time, they would give up.”

“In that case, your parents must be happy when your sister was born.”

“They normally favor her, right?”

“…No, not at all.”

“Really? I thought your sister would be a calm princess.”

Maybe it’s because we’re with the quiet Muttsurini for so long that I had an impression of his sister beforehand.

“…Maybe it’s because of the many brothers that she’s very outgoing.”

“Does she take part in club activities?”

“…My oldest brother plays basketball, my second brother plays soccer, and my little sister plays tennis.”

“Amazing, seems like you have a sporty family.”

The voice I heard just now was rather energetic, so she should be a rather energetic little sister.

“How did you end up like this in such an environment…”

“No, in a certain way, ero is an extension of sports, so Muttsurini’s existence in his family is still logical.”

“…I have no idea what you guys are talking about at all.”

“I say, it’s useless to pretend otherwise in front of us now.”

“I don’t think it’s just us; everyone in the school knows about this.”

“…Really?”

““Aren’t you even aware of it at all…””

Did Muttsurini think that he could hide it from everyone?

With these feelings, we continue to chat


“Speaking of which, there are no other traps now, right?”

“…Basically used them all.”

“Really? I can finally relax now.”

“Ever since the middle of the contest between Akihisa and me, we had no idea who was the winner.”

“Instead of a contest, it’s more like a struggle to live.”

“Yeah, thanks to that punishment game.”

Yuuji and I look at each other and grin.

“Now I’m hungry after hearing that there are no traps.”

“…Let’s go downstairs.”

“Oh yeah, Muttsurini’s brother said that he was going to prepare snacks for us.”

“…(Nods).”

Nice timing. I just wanted to meet the other brother and sister.

We get up and head to the living room.

“Well, there are a lot of traps, but there’s nothing that really agitated us.”

“Un un. I think there’s ample proof of how strong we are mentally.”

“…But you had to do many punishment games.”

““That’s just an imagination.””

We said as we open the door to the living room.

And then, what appears in front of us is—


“…(Limp)”

“…(Limp)”

“…(Limp)”


The pale limp bodies of Muttsurini’s siblings and a cookie that was eaten. D, don’t tell me that cookie is…

Muttsurini ran over to the three of them to check on them.

“…They’re not breathing.”


““SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULANCE!!””


In the end, this is the day we were most shaken up.

BTS5-Minami.jpg


Notes[edit]

  1. To put it, it's like the Japanese Buddhist equivalent of the River Styx. If you often see how people in comedies 'die' and have to cross the river to the afterlife, this is it.
  2. Video -- ビデオ Bidet -- ビデ