Baka to Tesuto to Syokanju:Volume9.5 Me and Kids and Summoned Beasts

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Me and Kids and Summoned Beasts[edit]

Me and Kids and Summoned Beasts

“Actually, there’s something I want to ask of you.”

“““Allow me to refuse.”””

“—You’re really cruel.”

Right now, it’s after school. We’re in the classroom, chatting away when the principal came to us.

“That’s because we got into lots of trouble once because of you, old granny. We still haven’t forgotten about the time you let the summoned beasts say their true thoughts.”

“Yeah. I don’t want to experience that a second time.”

“…I had enough.”

“That’s right.”

“Even I feel that it’s a little…”

“Ahaha…”

Yuuji, Muttsurini, Hideyoshi agreed with an annoyed tone, and Minami and Himeji‐san could only give wry smiles.

“Well well, don’t say that. We won’t get into trouble because of the summoned beasts in this experiment…whether it’s for you or for me.”

The principal said with a bitter expression. Ahh, speaking of which, the principal took the counterattack of our summoned beasts at the last moment. However, I feel that that was self‐inflicted.

“Principal‐sensei, isn’t this about the summoned beasts?”

We won’t get into trouble because of the summoned beasts—Himeji‐san asked the moment she heard this. Himeji‐san’s so serious and kind, so if it’s just normal cleaning‐up, I guess she would help out.

“No, it has something to do with the summoned beasts.”

“Uu…it has something to do with summoned beasts…?”

The principal’s answer caused Himeji‐san to be scared. I understand her feelings very well.

“Damn old granny. I’ll just ask this then. What do you want us to help out in?”

In other words, it should be something related to the modification of summoned beasts. To us, who’re trying to win the summoning wars, we have to see what kinds of changes were made even if we have to get punked in such cruel means. If possible, I hope to let Yuuji be the lab rat and see what’s going on.

“Oh my. Even though you’re grumbling, you still want to check it out, huh? How insincere of you.”

“We’ll have to see what you want us to do. However, we won’t mind taking up this job, so ‘Yuuji will be in charge’ ‘Akihisa will be in charge.’”

““……………(GAK GAK GAK GAK)””

We kick each other on the calves wordlessly. This damn bastard’s trying to betray me to achieve his aims? Does he have any ethics as a person!?

“Perfect. The setting this time is for two people. I’ll have you two try it out then.”

“Eh? Setting for two?”

“That’s right. I want to use it as one of the candidate events for the summoned beast tournament next year.”

The summoned beasts tournament she’s talking about will be that—the tournament where I paired up with Yuuji to take on the Toko‐Natsu pair. One of the aims was to promote the summoning system, so it seemed that the principal’s planning something different again.

“This time, I want to try having a summoned beast that’s summoned by two people together, so I made some modifications to the system settings. It’ll be of great help to me if the champion of the previous tournament can try it out.

“Two people summoning a summoned beast together…”

“If that’s the case, it seems that what happened the last time around won’t happen.”

“It’ll be interesting to try this out.”

If this system’s really meant to be integrated into the summoning war, those familiar with this system will gain a huge advantage when battling. Our scores are worse than the other classes, so we have to gain this kind of advantage.

“I can assure you that the summoned beasts won’t go out of control. Also, if something happens to the summoned beast, I can immediately remove the summoning field. How about that?”

The principal stared at our eyes as she said that,

“U~n…remove the summoning field immediately…”

If that’s the case, there probably won’t be anything dangerous going on. To me, the skill of controlling the summoned beast is as important as a safety cable…maybe I should try it out?

“What should we do, Yuuji?”

“Well…to be honest, the damn old granny’s words aren’t worth a single cent, but if she lets the other classes handle this, we’ll be in trouble. This is really troublesome.”

I’m fine with that if sacrificing Yuuji will be enough to solve this, but it’s a different case altogether if even I’ll be involved. What should I do…

Just when I’m feeling bothered—

“Don’t think too much. It’s decided then. Yoshii, Sakamoto, come over.”

The principal made her own decision as she moves forward to us in such a way that it feels that we were pushed from behind…never mind, if we ask for it, the principal can immediately remove the summoning field, and I think she just wants to summon new summoned beasts.

“Either Yoshii or Sakamoto can do this. One of you will touch the other person and summon your summoned beasts. I’ve modified the settings such that a new summoned beast will appear.”

“Heh? We just need to do this?”

“It’s great if it’s that easy.”

I reach my hand out at Yuuji’s face. At the same time, Yuuji reaches his hand out at my face.

And then, we grab each other on the face viciously.

““GUAAAAHHHHH!!!””

Mir miri, I think I heard my skullcap let out such an irritating sound.

“What are you two doing…”

“Such idiots.”

“…Still the same as ever.”

“Ahaha…”

Eh, erm, what do we do next?

“Then, either Yoshii or Sakamoto will do. Just summon the summoned beast normally.”

““Guu…! Summon!!””

Yuuji and I summoned at the same time. Immediately, the same old geometrical pattern appears beside us.

“Cough cough. The, then…what next?”

“Cough. Let’s just hope it’s not too weird.”

We release our iron‐claw grip at the same time and watch silently. After a slightly longer lag time than usual, the summoned beast finally appeared gradually.

“Ahh…!! So cute!’

“Heh~ really.”

What appeared wasn’t the 3‐headsize summoned beast we were all used to, but a normal boy that’s around 2 years old with ears and tail.

“It really resembles the average of Yuuji and Akihisa.”

“…And shrunk down.”

Now that everyone said so, I do feel that the boy’s expression is as sharp as Yuuji’s, but I’m not sure whether it resembles me.

“Then, how do we control this?”

What’s important is to know how to control this, not appearance—it seemed that Yuuji was emphasizing on this as he asked the principal. It’s true that appearance is secondary to us.

“It’s a summon that’s made with two people, so I removed any hand controls to prevent both of you from interfering each other. The summoned beast will act on its own based on your personalities.”

“Humph, so it will act on its own this time, huh?”

“Eh? Is that it?”

I’m a little nervous the moment I heard that the summoned beast will move on its own. However, I don’t see this summoned beast doing anything weird at all.


“Uyu…? Uu—…(pat pat).”


The summoned beast took small steps as it plays with the short‐legged table.


“Wa— kyakya♪”


The summoned beast hides under the short‐legged table happily, perhaps because it likes it.

“Just like a kid.”

“Yeah.”

Yuuji and I could only mutter as we see the summoned beast like this. Looking at how it is now, I think it’s more of a kid than a summoned beast playing over there.

The moment she heard us, the principal said,

“Oh my, you’re really sharp. You two are supposed to be idiots.”

““Un?””

What does she mean by sharp?

“It’s just like what you said. It’s a kid.”

“No, anyone can see just by looking, right?”

I don’t think anyone would think that it’s an adult when they see it.

“That’s not what I’m saying. It’s a kid—your kid, you two.”

The principal said, and then points at Yuuji and me.

Our kid, that means—

““HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!?””

WHAT IS THIS PERSON SAYING!? ISN’T THIS RIDICULOUS!?

“Mu…speaking of which, I’m starting to feel the same way too.”

“…Just like the two of them.”

Hideyoshi and Muttsurini said as they observed the summoned beast. HOLD ON A SEC, GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

“NONONO!!! ISN’T IT WEIRD FOR YUUJI AND ME TO HAVE KIDS!?”

“THAT’S RIGHT! THAT’S DISGUSTING!!”

“I’M THE ONE WHO’S DISGUSTED HERE!!”

Yuuji and I glare at each other.

At this moment, the summoned beast walks over,

“You mustn’t fight! (GAK)”

““UGAHH!””

Yuuji and I got kicked on the calves.

It, it really hurts! It has the appearance of a kid, but the power is abnormal. It’s indeed a summoned beast!

Or rather, even though it is telling us not to fight, it’s using violence, right!? Such an ironic course of action won’t happen if it didn’t inherit Yuuji’s trait completely!

“AKIHISA! HOW ARE YOU EDUCATING THE KID! WHAT’S WITH USING VIOLENCE TO STOP OTHERS FROM FIGHTING!?”

“THAT’S YOUR FAULT, RIGHT YUUJI!? DON’T PUSH THE BLAME ON ME!!”

“NO, THIS IDIOTIC TRAIT TO FIGHT EVERY SINGLE TIME IS DEFINITELY INHERITED FROM YOU!”

“IT’S DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT, YUUJI!!”

“Calm down, stupid brats. It’s the couple’s responsibility to educate the kids.”

““WHO’S THE COUPLE HERE!!!””

GRAK!!

“You’re fighting again!”

““Gu…!!””

I, I got kicked again…what sort of personality does this kid have?

“Damn old granny! Hurry up and recall the summoned beast! It’s been bullying and hurting us here!!”

“Man, it can’t be helped.”

The principal shrugged, and then removed the summoning field. The moment she did this, the summoned beast disappeared as well. Fuu…we’re saved.

“Anyway, we helped you out already. That should be enough, I suppose?’

“Yeah. Now we know what sort of weird thing would come out.”

The damage we suffered was just two kicks on the calves. This alone is still within our acceptable tolerance.

Just when we heaved a sigh of relief, the principal gave a meaningful smirk.

“Well, this should be enough for me. However…”

““Nn?””

“As a principal, I can’t refuse when my cute students say that they want to help me, you know?”

““Haa?””

The principal stared behind us. I turn around, and in front of me, I see Himeji‐san with her eyes glittering and Minami, who’s giving a nonchalant look with her arms folded in front of her, giving off dazzling light from her eyes.

“Am I right, you two?”

“Yes, please allow me to see the kid’s face—no, please let me help, principal‐sensei!”

“I, I’ll help too. As a student, I have to help teachers as much as I can.”

These two are ridiculously enthusiastic for some reason. Aren’t they too curious here…or is it that their maternal instincts have awakened the moment kids were mentioned?

“I’m really happy that you two are willing to help me gather data.”

““Leave it to us!!””

“Alright, I’ll leave it to you then.”

The principal opens the summoning field. The moment she did this, Himeji‐san and Minami reach their hands out to call out the summoned beast.

—But why at me?

“…(sasaa).”

I backed away to avoid their hands.

“Wh, why must you move away, Akihisa‐kun?”

“Yeah. Aki, can you please stand still?”

“No, even if you say that…if both of you are working together, shouldn’t you two just summon the summoned beast together, Himeji‐san, Minami?”

Both of them total up to two people, and it seems that this experiment can work between two people.

Most importantly, I want to see how their kid looks like, so there’s no need for me to get involved, right?

But Himeji‐san and Minami strongly opposed my view.

“No, regarding this, well…”

“Erm…just think! If I pair up with Mizuki, our scores will be too great! It’ll be dangerous. It’s better to pair up with you, Aki!”

“Tha, that’s right! Minami‐chan’s absolutely right!”

Both of them insisted with an abnormal amount of determination. What they said make sense, but…

“Don’t worry. The principal said that she will remove the summoned beast the moment there’s danger.”

I said as I continued to pull my distance from those two without showing any signs.

“But didn’t you two get kicked just now, Akihisa‐kun?”

“That’s right, it’s for safety!”

They continued talking as they estimated their distance from me and moved closer to me. What now! What’s with this faceoff!?


“—Oi, Shouko, where did you come out from here!?”

“…I heard the principal say that we can see our kid here.”

“Let me say this first. You haven’t answered my question at all.”


Yuuji and Kirishima‐san weren’t too far away, and they’re in a faceoff just like my situation here. I say, Kirishima‐san, you have far exceeded the level of eavesdropping.

“An opening, Aki!”

“Ehh!”

“—TOH!”

I quickly moved sideways to dodge Himeji‐san and Minami’s outstretched arms. I wasn’t careless or giving any openings at all! Also, right now, I still have one last move.

“Bye!”

“Ah!”

“Hey! Wait up, Aki!”

36th stratagem, if all else fails or something.[1]


“WHO’S GOING TO PLAY AROUND WITH YOU!?”

“…Yuuji, I won’t allow you to get away.”


And Yuuji’s running away just like me.

Humph! We’re already used to running away. Don’t think you can catch up to us!



“Then, are you ready now, Aki?”

“Akihisa‐kun! You can’t run away anymore!”

“Tha, that’s too despicable! Minami, Himeji‐san! You even got the sports clubs to help out!”

In less than 5 minutes, I was cornered in the gym by the two of them. They even got the girls volleyball members who are having their activities to help! Can they be satisfied with having to cheat to win!?

“Didn’t you say ‘Despicable and dirty are things that only losers will complain about’?”[2]

“I’VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A TWISTED LINE!”

“Why is your head only thinking of things beneficial to you…”

Minami shook her head reluctantly. Alright, now!

“Chance (Da)!”

“I won’t let you get away (grabs)”

“Wahh!”

“Nice going, Mizuki!”

Himeji‐san hugged my waist at the last moment. She’s a lot more enthusiastic then usual today, isn’t she!?


“Hey Minami, what’s going on?”

“Isn’t that Yoshii‐sempai? What did he do again?”

“Eh? No, ahaha…the principal wanted us to help out, but this idiot escaped…thanks for helping us catch him, everyone.”


I heard the girls’ volleyball members talking to Minami. What Minami said wasn’t a complete lie, but the way she explained it makes me look like some escaping boss here![3]

But it doesn’t matter now. Anyway, I have to get away from here!

“Let go of me, Himeji‐san!”

“No…we still have to get back to the principal…”

Ngee…I can’t break loose at all!

“Can, can’t you pair up with Minami…I don’t need to get invol…”

“Tha, that’s too much! Akihisa‐kun—”

Himeji‐san grabbed me tightly in front of everyone and said this line—


“—Why, Akihisa‐kun, why won’t you make kids with me!”


“EVERYONE FREEZE!”


“““!!”””

I let out this warning to everyone in the gym immediately after Himeji‐san said such things. The volleyball girls stopped once they heard my voice.

“Okay okay okay, everyone, don’t do any unnecessary things. Put the mobile phones in your hands onto the floor, and put your hands behind your back.”

“““Ku…”””

Really, I can’t even show any carelessness. If I didn’t stop them first, what happened just now would have immediately spread throughout the school through mail immediately.

Right now, I just need to clarify what Himeji‐san just said.

I was about to speak up, but Minami said,

“Yeah, Aki. Why do you hate to have kids with me!?”

Gacha gacha gacha.

“WHO TOLD YOU TO MOVE!”

Damn it! I have to explain it to everyone clearly! I can’t continue to restrain everyone’s actions like this!

“Eh, everyone, please listen to me—”

I was already beginning my explanation, but Himeji‐san and Minami continued as if it was a pursuit,

“It’s unfair, Akihisa‐kun! I can’t accept this!”

“Yea, Aki! It’s very weird!”


““YOU HAVE ALREADY MADE KIDS WITH SAKAMOTO(KUN)!!!””


GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA GACHA!!!

“DAMN IT!!! THEY REACHED THE LIMIT!!!”

It’s over…now I definitely can’t get any girlfriends in this school…

“Didn’t I tell you not to run away? Hey, come here!”

“Give up, Akihisa‐kun. Let’s go back to the classroom!”

“WAIT! AT LEAST ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN! LET ME EXPLAIN!~!”

I was dragged out just like this, and the sounds of messages being entered echoed throughout the gym.



“Erm, Kubo‐kun…sorry to ask you to meet me behind the gym.”

“No, I’m fine with that…what about you, Nakabayashi‐san? Are you alright? I think you still have Club activities given how you’re dressed up?”

“Un, it’s alright. Compared to this, it was really too painful to be rejected like that…”

“…Is that so?”

“…Even if I’m rejected, I hope that it would be more formal. So I’m going to say this again—”


“—Why, Akihisa‐kun, why won’t you make kids with me!”


“…”

“E, excuse me…Kubo‐kun?”

“No, sorry. It’s nothing”

“Is, is that so…?”


“Yeah, Aki. Why do you hate to have kids with me!?”


“……”

“Are you really alright…?”

“Un. No problems at orb.”

“Did you bite your tongue? You just bit on it hard, right?”

“You’re thinking too much.”

““YOU HAVE ALREADY MADE KIDS WITH SAKAMOTO (KUN)!!!””


“………(Shudders)”

“Kubo‐kun? Why are you trembling like a fawn that’s just born?”

“Sorry, Nakabayashi‐san. Something urgent just cropped up. Let’s talk about this next time.”

“Eh? Ah, un…”

“I’m really sorry. Bye (Shudders).”

“O, okay. Bye…”

………

……

“—I CAN’T STAND THIS SCHOOL!”



“Principal‐sensei, let’s start from me first.”

“Akihisa‐kun, you can’t run away, you know?”

After those unnecessary rumors were raised in the gym, Himeji‐san and Minami grabbed me and dragged me back to the classroom. Beside me, Yuuji was tied up by Kirishima‐san like usual…so that guy didn’t manage to escape as well?

“The preparations for summoning are complete. You can summon the summoned beasts whenever you want.”

“Thank you. Then…”

Minami faced me and reached her hand out, and I silently watch this.

Sasaa Peta.

“Summon—wa, hey!?”

“Eh? Mi, Minami‐chan!?”

The moment Minami called out the summoned beast, I quickly dodged her hand and let her touch Himeji‐san, who was standing behind me.

“Now Himeji‐san and Minami’s kid will appear.”

“Yeah. What kind of kid will appear?”

We ignored the panicking Himeji‐san and Minami as we just watched the summoned beast appear in a carefree manner.

At this moment—

“Onee‐sama? Are you still here? Then be with Miharu and—”

Garak. The door opened, and Shimizu‐san walked into the classroom.

And Himeji‐san and Minami’s summoned beast appeared at pretty much the same time. Eh, looking at the hair length, it’s most likely a girl—


“……(shupa).”

“Unyaa—”


“““………………Eh?”””

Shimizu‐san kidnapped the summoned beast that appeared in a lightspeed manner.

“……”

“……”

“……”

Shimizu‐san’s movements were really too fast, and we were all stunned. Erm…what just happened…?


“What? Whe, where did Miharu’s cute little angel go to? Come out! Miharu will take care of you carefully, very carefully~”


A desperate voice could be heard from afar. It seemed that Shimizu‐san moved out of the summoning field at that moment. I have to say that her leg power’s really amazing.

“Then, who’s going to summon next?”

The principal said after calming herself down. Shimizu‐san’s weird actions were pretty normal. If she gets serious, we can only admit defeat.

So, the next challenger is,

“…Yuuji and me.”

“GUAAAAHHHHH!!! LET GO OF MEE!!!!!”

It’s the Yuuji and Kirishima‐san pair everyone knows of.

“…Summon.”

Yuuji tried to run away, but Kirishima‐san used her hand to pinch his face as she began the summoning.

“Ahh…such a cute girl.”

“Yeah. And it looks like it’s smart and sporty. Looks like it excels in sports and studies.”

A girl appeared. That’s surprising; I thought it would be a boy….

“Well, it’s Yuuji and Kirishima‐san’s kid, so it should be good in studying and sports, right?”

“…Looks like it will grow very tall.”

“Keh, who knows?”

Its appearance resembles Kirishima‐san more, but the cute eyes are different from hers. Don’t tell me…

“…The eyes are the same as Yuuji when he was young.”

“EEHHHHH!? Yuuji was that cute when he was young?”

“…Un. Here.”

Kirishima‐san took out a photo from her pocket. On the photo was—

“…Yuuji when he was young.”

“““EEHHH!!!”””

Everyone poked their heads out to look at the photo, and we were all shocked. The eyes of the kid in the photo were really pretty, unlike the corrupted expression Yuuji has now.

“Shouko‐chan, you really have a lot to look forward to in the future.”

“…Un.”

“Sounds good~ how about you name it?”

“…Shouyu.”[4]

“““…What?”””

“…I combined my name with Yuuji’s.”

“No, Kirishima, I think you should think through the name…”

“…People will think of seasonings here.”

“Then, Koshou.”[5]

“““THAT’S ANOTHER SEASONING HERE!”””

Kirishima‐san’s sensitivity is really unique.


“Damn it…now everyone’s making a fuss because of such a thing…”

“Papa, papa. Let’s play—”

“Humph.”

“Let’s play~ Hey—hey~”

“Nope.”

“Uu~…Papa…”

“…”

“Papa, let’s play…”

“…Tch!”

“Papa…you won’t…?”

“…Just a little.”

“Un!”

“Orah! How about this?”

“Kyaa. So high♪”

“…Really? Then, this time.”

“Kya kya♪. Amazing! Papa’s amazing!”

“…Still okay. Then, how about this?”

“Waa♪ My head’s dizzy—♪”

“Hahaha, really? Then, this time,”


We were still discussing the name with Kirishima‐san. Before we knew it, we found that Yuuji was playing the high‐high game.[6]

“““…(Stare)”””

“What!?”

Yuuji detected our stares, and maintained his position.

“Yuuji, you look like you’re rather happy (smiles).”

“I feel the same too (smiles).”

“…How insincere (smiles).”

“NO, THAT’S NOT IT! THIS IS…”

“What’s wrong, papa? I still want to play—“

“…Yuuji will become a good father.”

“Yeah~ he’s the kind that feels like a stern one when he talks, but can’t help but play with kids.”

“Sakamoto‐kun’s really cute♪.”

“UGAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! DON’T STARE AT ME WITH SUCH AN EXPRESSION!!”

I already knew of this a long time ago, but it looks like Yuuji really likes kids. He will very likely become a father who loves his kids a lot.

“I’ll take back the kid then.”

The principal removed the summoning field and activated it again. Shouyu‐chan disappeared, leaving behind a blushing Yuuji who’s all red now.

“I actually did…such a humiliating thing…”

No no, I feel that that was a heartwarming scene, right? Even I can’t help but smile when I saw that scene.

“Then, it’s my tur—”

“YOSHII!”

Suddenly, DOGAN! The door opened, sounding it like might break.

“I, Ironma—Nishimura‐sensei!?”

Ironman, also known as Nishimura‐sensei, entered the classroom. He has a rather fierce attitude, and I have no idea what’s going on.

“I have something to ask you regarding the rumors scattered all over the school.”

“Heh? Rumors?”

What rumors?

“STOP PLAYING DUMB! IT’S ABOUT THE ILLICIT RELATIONSHIP YOU’VE BEEN SHOUTING IN THE GYM!”

“Illicit relationship as in—GEK!!”

Were the rumors about what happened just now? They already reached the staff room? Anyway, I have to explain it first and say that it’s a misunderstanding!

“It’s not like this, Ironman‐sensei! Listen to me—”

“Nishimura‐sensei, can you please not disturb us? I must definitely see Aki and my kid!”

“That’s right, Nishimura‐sensei. I want to see my kid with Akihisa‐kun next!”

“…What are you trying to say, Yoshii?”

“No…I think it’s really hard to salvage when the current situation’s like this…”

I’m already someone who isn’t good at explaining things, and my chances of convincing Ironman are almost zero when I don’t have any credibility.

“Ara? Principal, Nishimura‐sensei, why are you in F class?”

Just when I was troubled, level head Takahasi‐sensei and,

“Eh? Yoshii‐kun, what interesting things are you guys doing again? I want to join in too~”

Kudou‐san came along with Takahashi‐sensei for some reason. Both of them walked over. Uum…

“Speaking of which, I heard that you did something weird again, Yoshii‐kun~? Mostly with Sakamoto-kun.”

Nihihi, Kudou‐san seemed like she was very interested as she giggled. Then…what should I do?

“Alright. Don’t take my word for it. Takahashi‐sensei, can I bother you with something?”

“What is it?”

“I want to move the stores at the back, but the scores of my summoned beast are a little weak. Sorry, can I ask you to help out?”

“Understood. Then, sum—”

“Hoi (touch).”

“—mon.”

I seized the opportunity when Takahashi‐sensei summoned to let her hand touch Ironman’s hand. And then, several seconds later—

“Th, this is Ironman and Miss Takahashi …”

“I feel that it’s more like a fighter youth.”

“…Looks strong.”

A kid appeared in the magic array.

It has a rather delicate body, but it looks like it has a lot of strength, and the face looks like Ironman’s compressed version. It gives a vibe that’s more like a ‘martial artist’ than a kid. How is it possible to create such a kid…?

As we trembled, Ironman asked with an icy cold stare,

“…Yoshii, what’s going on?”

“Please explain, damn old granny principal.”

“This is a simulated summoned beast created from the possible kid between you two..”

“…Principal, you’re doing such things again…”

Ironman didn’t look too surprised as he merely placed his hand on the forehead wordlessly.

“Doesn’t look like Takahashi‐sensei at all.”

“Yeah. It looks completely like Nishimura‐sensei.”

“No, Himeji, Shimada, look closely. It also inherited Miss Takahashi trait.”

“Eh? Where?”

“The glasses in its hand.”

“JUST THAT!?”

As expected of Ironman, even the DNA’s so powerful.

“Really…principal, we’ll be bothered by your jokes. Please be more aware of yourself as the head of an Educational organization.”

“I’m not creating this for the sake of jokes. Don’t see it that way. That’s an amazing research too.”

“I really don’t feel that way…”

It seemed that the principal made Ironman suffer quite a lot before.

“It’s the same with the summoned beasts that would say their true thoughts. Really principal—”

“Really. It’s because you’re so obstinate that I’m troubled, Nishimura‐sensei.”

Everyone continued to watch the two teachers argue with each other, and at this moment,

“Hello, I’m mama~”

A questionable line entered my ears, causing me to doubt my hearing.

“““!!!!????”””

Everyone present turned over there.

“What’s the matter?”

However, at the corner where the voice came from was Takahashi‐sensei, who was standing normally with the documents tucked under her armpit.

“Takahashi‐sensei, you…”

“? What is it?”

Takahashi‐sensei doesn’t look weird at all, and she had a rather normal attitude. Was that voice just my hallucination?

“…Well, never mind. Anyway, Ironman, you should understand now, right? The kid refers to the summoned beast here. I’m not having any illicit relationships.”

“Is that so…no, sorry Yoshii. Looks like the rumor was just my misunderstanding. Also, call me Nishimura‐sensei.”

“It’s great that you can understand this, Full Metal Nishimura‐sensei.”[7]

“Don’t add anything unnecessary.”

“Leaving that aside, Aki! You should more or less—”

“That’s right, Akihisa‐kun! Why were you—”

“Come over~ let me hug you~”

“!!!???”

PA!

“What?”

“Takahashi‐sensei, I think I just heard something strange…”

“No, I never heard anything, Nishimura‐sensei.”

“Is, is that so…”

The moment Takahashi‐sensei said so, Ironman gave a look of utter disbelief, but didn’t question any further.

And then, just when everyone’s looking away from Takahashi‐sensei—

“What’s wrong? Papa’s really weird~”

“““THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A HALLUCINATION—!!!”””

We definitely heard it this time. So everything we heard was from Takahashi‐sensei!!? Is Takahashi-sensei someone who will speak in such a tone?

“How unexpected…so Takahashi‐sensei’s bothered about not having kids?”

“I’m shocked too. I had the impression that Takahashi‐sensei’s more like a busy careerwoman.”

“? Did I do something weird?”

“So she didn’t notice it herself…”

I already had this feeling, but Takahashi‐sensei does feel like my foolish sister.

“Principal‐sensei, you can remove the summoned beast already, right?”

“What are you saying, Nishimura‐sensei? This is part of research as well. Don’t say such stubborn things.”

“Gu…”

“Yeah, Nishimura‐sensei, you don’t have to be so annoyed.”

“Himeji…do you find this interesting?”

“Sensei, this is part of an important activity in school. We have to help out.”

“Shimada, you’re smirking there.”

“Haha. You aren’t cute even when you’re shy, Ironman.”

“Close your eyes and grit your teeth.”

“WHY MUST I BE THE ONLY ONE TO GET HIT!!”

ISN’T THERE TOO GREAT A DIFFERENCE!?

“Seriously…I can’t be bothered with you guys.”

“Ah, papa—no, Nishimura‐sensei, please hold on.”

“Takahashi‐sensei,..that greet will bring about misunderstandings. Please don’t call me that in the future.”

“Pardon me, papa‐sensei.”

“No, I’m not talking about adding honorifics.”

Ironman and Takahashi‐sensei continued talking as they left the classroom. Compared to the look of the kid, those two’s conversation shocked me more…

“Well, never mind. Now the stupid rumors between Akihisa and me are finally dispelled.”

“Yeah. That’s great.”

Now I can finally relax—

“Nfufu~ so everyone actually playing such an interesting thing and hiding it from me.”

—No, of course it can’t possibly end like this.



“Kudou‐san, we’ll like to negotiate with you, so please agree with us.”

“You can deal with this guy however you want, but please let us go.”

“……!? …Traitors…!! (Struggles hard)”

“Nn~ what should I do~”

We held down Muttsurini, who attempted to run away, and brought him over to Kudou‐san.

Basically, Kudou‐san’s in charge of Muttsurini. As the saying goes, an eye for an eye, a pervert for a pervert. That’s a very logical decision.

“Kudou, if this isn’t enough, we’ll add in Hideyoshi too.”

“Why must I be sacrificed too!?”

“Since you said so, it can’t be helped then—summon!”

“…! (Struggles).”

Kudou‐san called out loudly, and a summoned beast that’s the simulated kid of those two appeared.

This boy’s hairstyle and looks are basically inherited from Kudou‐san, and the eyes are like Muttsurini.

Fm fm. If it’s these two, what kind of kid will appear?

“Well, it looks rather normal.”

“Yeah, but the problem is—”

“The personality, right?”

What kind of personality will Kudou‐san and Muttsurini’s kid have? Thinking about it alone terrifies and horrifies me.

“Based on my prediction, the computer won’t be able to handle these two’s ero‐tism, so after a long round, it will become a serious kid.”

“Ahaha, how can such a thing be possible?”

“Um, no matter what happens, that’s impossible.”

“Yeah. I’m just saying.”

Just when we’re chuckling and chatting away, the summoned beast spoke.

“…The master said. Without recognizing the ordinances of Heaven, it is impossible to be a superior man.”

“““…Yes?”””

It sounded so determined, unlike a kid at all. What the heck?

“…Without an acquaintance with the rules of Propriety, it is impossible for the character to be established.”

“Oi…this is.”

“…Most likely, the Analects.”[8]

“Analects? I remember that’s…”

“One of the four books of Confucianism, a Chinese philosophical book that became Chinese teaching materials, but…”

“““IT REALLY BECAME SERIOUS AFTER ONE WHOLE ROUND!!!”””

IT’S BASICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR SUCH A SMALL KID TO MEMORIZE CHINESE WORDS!!!

“…HOW EROTIC CAN YOU GET!!!”

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ahaha! I’m shy now.”

I thought that it was a joke, but such a serious kid actually appeared. This fact really surprised me, so much that I’m completely speechless.

And just when we’re talking away, the summoned beast muttered something again.

“…Without knowing the force of words, it’s impossible to know men.”

“Oh yeah, what do these mean?”

“Eh, it’s a passage detailing how important life and etiquette is.”

“…‘People have to do what they have to do, search their hearts and finish their lives’.”

Himeji‐san and Kirishima‐san explained.

I see. In other words, this means that we have to find whatever we have to do before we die and finish it?

That’s quite a good saying, but I didn’t expect such a small kid to be taught such a thing…

“In other words, my destiny is to carry out the ultimate sexual acts (Batabatabata)”

“““EVEN AFTER GOING ONE HUGE ROUND, IT STILL INDULGES IN EROTISM!!!”””

“…It’s not like me at all.”

It’s been like this all the time, but Muttsurini’s denials really surprise me all the more.



“Then, whose kids are we seeing next?”

Once the settings were reset, Kudou‐san looked around at us and said. She still wants to continue…

“Of course it’ll be me and—”

“I heard about everything already!”

“Eh? Wai, what? Why is it Miharu!?”

“(Hugs tight) Summon!”

“NOOOOOO—!!!”


PON!


“I love mama the most!”

What appeared was a girl with a spiral‐shaped ponytail.

“Eh? Erm, thanks…I suppose?”

As the summoned beast suddenly hugged her, Minami showed a slightly bothered look.

“I really really really love mama the most!”

“A, ahaha…I feel somewhat embarrassed when you say it like that.”

“I really like mama the most…as a woman.”

“NOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS GIRL’S TOO SCARY~!”

“No matter how cute you are as a daughter, I won’t hand onee‐sama over to you!”

“Fufun! You’re already an old maid, okaa‐san!”

“I’M NOT OLD! YOU’RE TOO YOUNG!”

“OKAA‐SAN’S DEFINITELY A LOLICON!”

“NO, ONEE‐SAMA DEFINITELY LOVE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS THE MOST!”

They haven’t realized that there’s still a tall wall of gender before they can even talk about love.

“I CAN’T STAND SUCH A FAMILY ANYMORE!”

“Ah! Wait, onee‐sama~”

“Wait, mama—!”



“Really, you guys are always so noisy…”

“That won’t do, Kinoshita‐kun. How can you look like you’re not involved in this at all?”

“Nm? But Kudou, I really have nothing to do with this ruckus at all.”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. I already prepared things such that you’ll enjoy yourself, Kinoshita‐kun, okay?”

“Nonono, I’ll pass. There’s nothing about me that would cause a ruckus—”

“(GARAK) What’s the matter, Aiko? Is there something you want from me—eh, what’s with you, Hideyoshi? Why are you shaking your head in a teary fashion the moment you saw me?”


“Kudou…I beg of you. Not ane‐ue. Absolutely not ane‐ue…”

“Nfufu~ hey, Yuuko. The principal hopes that you’ll call out your summoned beast (touch).”

“? I don’t know why you must let Hideyoshi’s hand touch me, but I’m fine if it’s just this. Summon!”


“Okaa‐san huggie~”


A summoned beast that completely resembled them hugs Hideyoshi’s leg tightly.

“…Hideyoshi, what’s going on?”

“Eh, ane‐ue. This is…well…”

“This is a summoned beast that’s a simulation of your kid. Nicely done, isn’t it?”

“…Heh…My, and Hideyoshi’s kid…”

The summoned beast plays around with Hideyoshi for a while, and this time, it rushes over to Kinoshita-san.

And then, it calls out in an awkward manner—

“Erm…otou—oka‐…san…?”

Why is it asking a question when it called Kinoshita‐san okaa‐san?

“Hideyoshi, I’ll have to discuss with you about educating kids.”

“THA, THAT’S WAY TOO UNFAIR! I DEFINITELY DIDN’T DO ANYTHING AT ALL!”



“Well~ there are really all sorts of kids.”

“That’s right, Akihisa‐kun.”

“Time sure flew by fast. It’s about time to go home.”

“Yes, let’s go home—now! Summo—“

“Himeji‐san, you’re too naïve.”

“—n…?”


PON


“…Mizuki, you want to see our kid?”

“WAAAHH…this is a misunderstanding!”

“Hello everyone. The weather’s fine today!”

A cute girl summoned beast appeared in front of us, beaming a smile and greeting us enthusiastically.

“Very ordinary…”

“Really ordinary…”

“…Very normal.”

This girl looks rather normal, probably because we just saw too many kinds of summoned beast. Well, to put it, it’s kind of refreshing…

“Onii‐sans, I’ll be happy if you’re willing to play with me!”

It showed a beaming smile that would make anyone happy. Seeing such an expression in front of us, I really feel like granting every request it makes.

“Un. Okay, let’s play.”

“Really? That’s great!”

“What should we play?”

“I like to play a kids’ game where I tie the other person up and force‐feed him!”

“Sorry, onii‐chans here are bad at playing childish games.”

Himeji‐san and Kirishima‐san are both girls, so it’s great that they’ll definitely not give birth to kids together.



“Akhisa‐kun, you’ve been too much ever since just now. Why won’t you listen to me?”

“Even if you ask me the reason…anyway, I have all sorts of situations here…”

“What do you mean by that? You already saw your kid with Sakamoto‐kun!”

“No, it’s not that I was willing either.”

“Are you saying that if it’s not me, Tsuchiya‐kun or Kinoshita‐kun will be alright?”

“Muttsurini or Hideyoshi? Un…”

The moment she said this, I started pondering. About this…

“Leaving aside Muttsurini, if it’s with Hideyoshi, it’s a little…”

“…Hohou?”

“Ah, Hideyoshi, you came back.”

At this moment, Hideyoshi, who was taken away by his sister, returns back,

“…”

“??? Hideyoshi, what’s wrong?”

“No no, nothing happened (quickly moving through).”

“Really? But you don’t look too—”

“(Grabs) Summon!”

BTS vol 09.5 053.jpg

“WHY!?”

As I panicked, the summoned beast appeared. What kind of summoned beast will appear this time?

“A very normal and cute one.”

“…As much as what I expected.”

Yuuji and Muttsurini watch the summoned beast appear as they concluded.

Just like what they said, it looks just like Hideyoshi, extremely cute at that, and there’s nothing else more unique. Maybe this might be the most normal of all the kids without any traits amongst all the summoned beasts that were created—

“Uu…I always wanted to wear some male clothing once in a while…”

“THE FIRST LINE JUST SHOWED ITS TRAIT!”

It has a somewhat carefree looking face to go with its light hair, and looks kinda stupid. I think it came from Hideyoshi’s own aloofness.

“This stupid face is completely inherited from Akihisa.”

“…Exactly the same.”

I don’t agree.

“A—ki—“

At this moment, the voice of the emissary from hell rang in my ears.[9]

“Mi, Minami? Didn’t you leave with Shimizu—san?”

“I went over to her house, left everything to the ojii‐san there and ran off.”

Chii! If that berserker’s the opponent, even Shimizu‐san will be at a disadvantage…[10]

“Akihisa‐kun, you can’t run away!”

“Kuu! Someone help me—”


“…Yuuji, got you.”

“Guag! Sho, Shouko!? What do you want? We just summoned it before. That should be enough!”

“…Summon…summon…summon.”

“THAT’S TOO MANY TIMES ALREADY!! EVEN IF YOU SUMMON SO MANY TIMES, ONLY ONE WILL APPEAR!”

“…I still want another 38.”

“YOU REALLY WANTED 39 KIDS!?”

“…I’m always serious.”

“Dangerous…this person’s too dangerous!”


“Oh yeah, Muttsurini‐kun. Since we’re going to have kids, we must go through a step before that, right? In other words, the computer also predicted that between me and you, Muttsurini.”

“…So what (BATABATABATA)”


“You really look like Akihisa. You’re really suited for female clothing.”

“A lot of people say that I look like okaa‐san you know?”

“Wait, Akihisa’s the mother, right? I’m the father.”

“Don’t talk about that, okaa‐san. I don’t want to wear skirts anymore.”

“THAT’S NOT TRUE! IT’S A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR ME!”


Not good. Everyone around me is preoccupied. I don’t see anyone helping me here.

“Give up, Akihisa‐kun.”

“Nobody will help you, Aki.”

“Stop it—!!”

My time’s finally up…the moment I thought about that—

“Well, that should be enough.”

After saying that, the principal removed the summoning field. Am, am i…saved?

“Prin, principal? Please! Just a little longer!”

“Me too!”

“I’m really grateful that you two want to help me out, but I have already collected enough data.”

““But!””

“But what? Is there any personal reasons why you want to call out the summoned beasts?”

““Ah. No, well…””

“If no, this will be the end of the experiment, and it’s very late now.”

““Yes…””

The principal actually saved me. Absolutely unbelievable. Thank you very much, principal! I won’t call you damned old granny from now on!

Perhaps everyone calmed down as the summoned beasts were removed. As we were talking, everyone gathered over. That’s great…now the commotion has finally settled…

I sighed long and hard. At this moment, Hideyoshi suddenly asked,

“Speaking of which, Yuuji, Akihisa, why are you two so against summoning the kid summons?”

Hideyoshi asked, and Minami and Himeji‐san ask us,

“That’s right, Aki…you don’t have to hate it so much, right?”

“I feel really hurt too…”

“…Yuuji’s too much. I feel a little hurt.”

““…””

Yuuji and I can only respond to these questions with silence.

At this moment, the principal, who had been listening to us, interrupts for some reason,

“Damned brats, let me tell you something good.”

“““Something good?”””

“Un, kids aren’t just a collection of genes. They will also grow depending on the environment and education, so—”

As she spoke till here, the principal gives a meaningful smirk,

“—This experiment can’t give you answers about the future, so you don’t have feel depressed over not knowing the results. Just relax.”

““What…?””

SHE ACTUALLY SAID…SUCH A THING!

THI THI THI THIS DAMNED OLD GRANNY!! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE SAYING!?

“What are you two panicking about? I’m just describing the theory behind the shaping of a normal child’s character.”

Kihihi. The principal let out a disgusting snicker. Panicking? Who, who’s panicking!?

“DAMN OLD GRANNY! ARE YOU TAKING REVENGE ON US!? IS THIS WHAT AN ADULT SHOULD DO!?”

“YOUR METHODS ARE REALLY UNDERHANDED!! YOU’RE THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE SCHOOL HERE!!!”

“Well, I have no idiot what you two are saying at all.”

““DAMNED OLD GRANNY—!!””

“Since I got all the data, I should take my leave. Don’t play around until it’s so late. Hurry up and go home.”

After saying that, the principal left the scene. Damn it! That granny’s especially fast only when slipping away!

“E, erm, Akihisa‐kun…well, erm…”

“Re, really, Aki, what sorts of weird things are you thinking? This kind of thing’s like divination. There’s no need to be so bothered about this…”

“…You’re too shy, Yuuji.”

““THIS IS A MISUNDERSTANDIINNNNGGGG!!!””

DAMN THAT OLD GRANNY! WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH SUCH A WEIRD ATMOSPHERE!?

“Wait a sec, Akihisa.”

“Wha, what is it, Hideyoshi?”

“Did you actually feel that it’s possible to have kids with me?”

“No, that’s because, well!”

“Why are you stuttering!? It’s impossible to have any!”

Anyway, based on what the principal said, it might be better to go back soon.



“Eh? Aki? Are you going back through here?”

“Un. Eggs are sold at a special price today at the supermarket today.”

“I see.”

“Oh yeah. Are you going to buy things too, Minami?”

“Nope, I just bought them yesterday.”

“I see.”

Minami and I chattered away as I walk down a different route home today.

“But I really suffered a lot today…”

“I found it interesting.”

“I feel that it’s not a good thing to know what the kid will look like beforehand…”

“Really? I’m…a little bothered.”

“Is this something you will be bothered over?”

“Of course.”

“Really…”

“Un.”

Is this the difference in the thinking between boys and girls, or is it that my thoughts are a little weird?

“Hey, Aki.”

“Nn? What?”

“If…I say, just if?”

“Un.”

“If our summoned beast appeared, what kind of kid do you think will appear?”

“Eh? Minami and my summoned beast? Well…”

I think it should be a very energetic boy, right? Or maybe, an unexpectedly quiet girl?

Just when my imagination continues to run wild,

“Onee‐chan, baka onii‐chan! What a coincidence (thud)!”

“GFUU!!”

The voice suddenly entered my ears, and a strong impact ran through my flank. Th, this feeling is—

“Long time no see, Hazuki‐chan…”

“Long time no see, baka onii‐chan!”

Hazuki‐chan’s smiled innocently as she greeted me. The impact that leapt at me immediately disappeared the moment I saw this face, and it’s really troubling.

Just when I’m thinking about this, another thought appeared in my mind. Ahh, is that so? It’ll definitely be…

“Most likely, it’ll be like Hazuki‐chan.”

“Eh? What?”

“I’m talking about Minami and my summoned beast.”

“Ah…”

“Fue? What are you two talking about?”

“No, nothing. It has nothing to do with you, Hazuki‐chan.”

“Ehh~ it’s sneaky to say secrets like that!”

“Rather than that, I’ll say it’s hard to explain.”

“Even so, I want to know!”

“Unn…I feel that it’s not fun at all…right, Minami?”

“Eh? Ah, un…”

“I wanna hear! I wanna hear!”

“Ahaha, since you say so, I’ll explain it then. At school today—”

“…We, well, Aki”

“Un?”

“If there’s a chance next time, how about the three of us, including Hazuki go out together? That…it’ll be fun from time to time, right?”

Us going out with Hazuki‐chan? We never had that before. It might really be interesting.

“Un. I’m fine with that.”

“Really? Hazuki‐chan’s really happy!”

“Where do you want to go, Hazuki?”

“Anywhere will do, no matter where we go, Hazuki will be happy as long as onee‐chan and baka oniichan are together.”

“Ahaha. That’s quite the sweet mouth you have.”

“Fufuu, I’m looking forward to it too. It won’t be boring with Aki around.”

“Now that you two say so, I’m feeling a strange pressure for some reason…”

“Baka onii‐chan, fight on!”

“Yeah, Aki, do your best!”

“Uu…I, I get it.”

“I’m really looking forward to it—papa.”

“Eh? Minami, what did you just say?”

“No, it’s nothing.”


Notes[edit]

  1. If all else fails, retreat. Most famous of the Sun Tzu's 36 stragems.
  2. Line came in Volume 7 Fifth Question. Target of the line is 3-A, Toko-Natsu's class.
  3. If you don't understand this, maybe I can describe it as Raikou, Entei, Suicune, Latios, Latias. If you still don't understand, these bosses run away from battle a lot (like all the time).
  4. Again, Shouyuu, Shouko + Yuuji = Shouyu (Soy Sauce, 醤油). Used countless times in the story.
  5. Shouko >> Koshou (Pepper, 胡椒). Used in Volume 3 1st Question
  6. Not sure how to translate this part, but basically, the parent carries the kid high up.
  7. Literal translation would be Metal Nishimura-sensei, so I added the ‘full’ for the heck of it.
  8. The Analects are collections of quotes and ideas, mostly attributed with Confucianism. This quote is a famous quote by Yao, an emperor who lived from BC 2377-2259 BC, recorded in Chapter 20 of the Analects, 3rd line. [Of course, I copied the translations from here http://ctext.org/analects/yao-yue]
  9. I thought of Gorz, Emissary of Darkness when I translated this part, so it was deliberate.
  10. If you don't understand, pleaes read Volume 3.5 'Me and Part-time Work and a Dangerous Weekend'